第15章

Withinit，featuredevenindeathdine，Islyingadeadinfant，slainbythee。

NotsolelythattheFutureshedestroys，AndthefairlifewhichinthedistanceliesForallmen，beckoningoutfromdimrichskies：

Northatthepassinghour’ssupportingjoysHavelostthekeen-edgedflavour，whichbegatDistinctioninoldtimes，andstillshouldbreedSweetMemory，andHope，——earth’smodestseed，Andheaven’shigh-prompting：notthattheworldisflatSincethatsoft-luringcreatureIembracedAmongthechildrenofIllusionwent：

MethinkswithallthislossIwerecontent，IfthemadPast，onwhichmyfootisbased，Werefirm，ormightbeblotted：butthewholeOflifeismed：themockingPastwillstay：

AndifIdrinkoblionofaday，SoshortenIthestatureofmysoul。

’IplayforSeasons；notEternities!’

SaysNature，laughingonherway。’SomustAllthosewhosestakeisnothingmorethandust!’

Andlo，shewins，andofherharmoniesSheisfullsure!UponherdyingroseShedropsalookoffondness，andgoesby，Scarceanyretrospectioninhereye；

Forshethelawsofgrowthmostdeeplyknows，Whosehandsbear，here，aseed-bag——there，anurn。

Pledgedsheherselftoaught，’twouldmarkherend!

ThislessonofouronlysiblefriendCanwenotteachourfoolishheartstolearn？

Yes!yes!——but，oh，ourhumanroseisfairSurpassingly!LosecalmlyLove’sgreatbliss，WhentherenewedforeverofakissWhirlslifewithintheshowerofloosenedhair!

WhatsoulwouldbargainforacurethatbringsContemptthenobleragonytokill？

Ratherletmebearonthebitterill，Andstrikethisrustybosomwithnewstings!

Itseemsthereisanotherveeringfit，Sinceonagold-hairedlady’seyeballspureIlookedwithlittleprospectofacure，Thewhilehermouth’sredbowloosedshaftsofwit。

Justheaven!canitbetruethatjealousyHasdeckedthewomanthus？anddoesherheadSwimsomewhatforpossessionsforfeited？

Madam，youteachmemanythingsthatbe。

Iopenanoldbook，andthereIfindThat’Womenstillmaylovewhomtheydecee。’

SuchloveIprizenot，madam：byyourleave，Thegameyouplayatisnottomymind。

Ithinkshesleeps：itmustbesleep，whenlowHangsthatabandonedarmtowardthefloor；

Thefaceturnedwithit。Nowmakefastthedoor。

Sleepon：itisyourhusband，notyourfoe。

ThePoet’sblackstage-lionofwrongedloveFrightsnotourmoderndames：-wellifhedid!

NowwillIpournewlightuponthatlid，Full-slopinglikethebreastsbeneath。’Sweetdove，Yoursleepispure。Nay，pardon：Idisturb。

Idonot？good!’Herwakinginfant-stareGrowswomantotheburdenmyhandsbear：

HerownhandwritingtomewhennocurbWasleftonPassion’stongue。Shetremblesthrough；

Awoman’stremble——thewholeinstrument：-

Ishowanotherletterlatelysent。

Thewordsareverylike：thenameisnew。I

ouroldshipwreckeddaystherewasanhour，Wheninthefirelightsteadilyaglow，Joinedslackly，webeheldtheredchasmgrowAmongtheclickingcoals。Ourlibrary-bowerThatevewaslefttous：andhushedwesatAsloverstowhomTimeiswhispering。

Fromsudden-openeddoorsweheardthemsing：

Thenoddingeldersmedgoodwinewithchat。

WellknewwethatLife’sgreatesttreasurelayWithus，andofitwasourtalk。’Ah，yes!

Lovedies!’Isaid：Ineverthoughtitless。

Sheyearnedtomethatsentencetounsay。

Thenwhenthefiredomedblackening，IfoundHercheekwassaltagainstmykiss，andswiftUpthesharpscaleofsobsherbreastdidlift：-

NowamIhauntedbythattaste!thatsound!

Atdinner，sheishostess，Iamhost。

Wentthefeastevercheerfuller？ShekeepsTheTopicoverintellectualdeepsInbuoyancyafloat。Theyseenoghost。

Withsparklingsurface-eyesweplytheball：

Itisintruthamostcontagiousgame：

HIDINGTHESKELETON，shallbeitsname。

Suchplayasthisthedelsmightappal!

Buthere’sthegreaterwonder；inthatwe，Enamouredofanactingnoughtcantire，Eachother，liketruehypocrites，admire；

Warm-lightedlooks，Love’sephemerioe，Shootgailyo’erthedishesandthewine。

Wewakenenvyofourhappylot。

Fast，sweet，andgolden，showsthemarriage-knot。

Dearguests，younowhaveseenLove’scorpse-lightshine。

HereJackandTomarepairedwithMollandMeg。

Curvedopentotherer-reachisseenAcountrymerry-makingonthegreen。

Fairspaceforsignalshakingsoftheleg。

Thatlittlescrewyfiddlerfromhisbooth，Whenceflowsonenut-brownstream，commandsthejointsOfallwhocaperhereatvariouspoints。

Ihaveknownrusticrevelsinmyyouth：

TheMay-flypleasuresofamindatease。

Anearlygoddesswasacountrylass：

AcharmedAmphion-oakshetrippedthegrass。

WhatlifewasthatIled？Thelifeofthese？

Heavenkeepthemhappy!Naturetheyseemnear。

Theymust，Ithink，bewiserthanIam；

Theyhavethesecretofthebullandlamb。

’Tistruethatwhenwetraceitssource，’tisbeer。

Nostateisenable。TotheluckaloneOfsomefewfavouredmenIwouldputclaim。

Ibleed，butherwhowoundsIwillnotblame。

HaveInotfeltherheartas’tweremyownBeatthro’me？couldIhurther？heavenandhell!

ButIcouldhurthercruelly!CanIletMyLove’soldtime-piecetoanotherset，Swearitcan’tstop，andmustforeverswell？

Sure，that’sonewayLovedriftsintothemartWheregoat-leggedbuyersthrong。Iseenotplain：-

Mymeaningis，itmustnotbeagain。

GreatGod!themaddestgamblerthrowshisheart。

Ifanystatebeenableonearth，’Tisyonbornidiot’s，who，asdaysgoby，Stillrubshishandsbeforehim，likeafly，Inaqueersortofmeditatemirth。

IamnotofthosemiserablemalesWhosniffatceand，daringnottosnap，Dothereforehopeforheaven。ItakethehapOfallmydeeds。ThewindthatfillsmysailsPropels；butIamhelmsman。AmIwrecked，IknowthedelhassufficientweightTobear：Ilayitnotonhim，orfate。

Besides，he’sdamned。ThatmanIdosuspectAcoward，whowouldburdenthepoordeuceWithwhatensuesfromhisownslipperiness。

Ihavejustfoundawanton-scentedtressInanolddesk，dustyforlackofuse。

Ofdaysandnightsitisdemonstrate，That，likesomeagedstar，gleamluridly。

IfforthosetimesImustaskcharity，HaveInotanycharitytoge？

Wethreeareonthecedar-shadowedlawn；

Myfriendbeingthird。HewhoatloveoncelaughedIsintheweakribbyafatalshaftStruckthrough，andtellshispassion’sbashfuldawnAndradiantculmination，gloriouscrown，When’this’shesaid：went’thus’：mostwondrousshe。

Oureyesgrowwhite，encountering：thatwearethree，Forgetful；thentogetherwelookdown。

Buthedemandsourblessing；isconncedThatwordsofweddedloversmustbringgood。

Wequestion；ifwedare!orifweshould!

Andpathim，withlightlaugh。Wehavenotwinced。

Next，shehasfallen。FaintingpointsthesignTohappythingsinwedlock。Whenshewakes，Shelooksthestarthatthro’thecedarshakes：

Herlostmoisthandclingsmortallytomine。

Whatmaythewomanlabourtoconfess？

Thereisabouthermouthanervoustwitch。

’Tissomethingtobetold，orhidden：-which？

Igetaglimpseofhellinthismildguess。

Shehasdesiresoftouch，asiftofeelThatallthehouseholdthingsarethingssheknew。

Shestopsbeforetheglass。Whatsightinew？

Afacethatseemsthelatesttoreveal!

Forsheturnsfromithastily，andtossedIrresolutestealsshadow-liketowhereIstand；andwaveringpalebeforemethere，Hertearsfallstillasoak-leavesafterfrost。

Shewillnotspeak。Iwillnotask。WeareLeague-sunderedbythesilentgulfbetween。

Youburlyloversonthellagegreen，Yoursisalower，andahappierstar!

’TisChristmasweather，andacountryhouseReceesus：roomsarefull：wecanbutgetAnattic-crib。SuchloverswillnotfretAtthat，itishalf-said。ThegreatcarouseKnocksharduponthemidnight’shollowdoor，ButwhenIknockathers，Iseethepit。

WhydidIcomehereinthatdullardfit？

Ienter，andliecoucheduponthefloor。

Passing，Icaughtthecoverlet’squickbeat：-

Come，Shame，burntomysoul!andPride，andPain-

Fouldemonsthathavetorturedme，enchain!

Outinthefreezingdarknessthelambsbleat。

Thesmallbirdstiffensinthelowstarlight。

Iknownothow，butshudderingasIslept，Idreamedabanishedangeltomecrept：

Myfeetwerenourishedonherbreastsallnight。

Themiseryisgreater，asIle!

Toknowherfleshsopure，sokeenhersense，Thatshedoespenancenowfornooffence，SaveagainstLove。ThelesscanIforge!

ThelesscanIforge，thoughIadoreThatcruellovelypallorwhichsurroundsHerfootsteps；andthelowbratingsoundsThatcomeonme，asfromamagicshore。

Lowarethey，butmostsubtletofindoutTheshrinkingsoul。Madam，’tisunderstoodWhenwomenplayupontheirwomanhood，Itmeans，aSeasongone。AndyetIdoubtButIamduped。Thatnun-likelookwaylaysMyfancy。Oh!Idobutwaitasign!

Pluckouttheeyesofpride!thymouthtomine!

Never!thoughIdiethirsting。Gothyways!

YoulikenotthatFrenchnovel？Tellmewhy。

Youthinkitquiteunnatural。Letussee。

Theactorsare，itseems，theusualthree：

Husband，andwife，andlover。She——butfie!

InEnglandwe’llnothearofit。Edmond，Thelover，herdevoutchagrindothshare；

Blanc-mangeandabsinthearehispenitentfare，Tillhispaleaspectmakesherover-fond：

So，toprecludefreshsin，hetriesrosbif。

Meantimethehusbandisnomoreabused：

Augusteforgeshererethetearisused。

ThenhangethallononetremendousIF：-

IFshewillchoosebetweenthem。Shedoeschoose；

Andtakesherhusband，likeaproperwife。

Unnatural？Mydear，thesethingsarelife：

Andlife，somethink，isworthyoftheMuse。

Loveerehebleeds，aneagleinhighskies，Hasearthbeneathhiswings：fromreddenedeveHeewstherosydawn。InvaintheyweaveThefatalwebbelowwhilefarheflies。