第11章

WemmickexplainedtomewhiletheAgedgothisspectaclesout，thatthiswasaccordingtocustom，andthatitgavetheoldgentlemaninfinitesatisfactiontoreadthenewsaloud。`Iwon\'tofferanapology，\'saidWemmick，`forheisn\'tcapableofmanypleasures-areyou，AgedP。？\'

`Allright，John，allright，\'returnedtheoldman，seeinghimselfspokento。

`Onlytiphimanodeverynowandthenwhenhelooksoffhispaper，\'

saidWemmick，`andhe\'llbeashappyasaking。Weareallattention，AgedOne。\'

`Allright，John，allright！\'returnedthecheerfuloldman:sobusyandsopleased，thatitreallywasquitecharming。

TheAged\'sreadingremindedmeoftheclassesatMrWopsle\'sgreat-aunt\'s，withthepleasanterpeculiaritythatitseemedtocomethroughakeyhole。

Ashewantedthecandlesclosetohim，andashewasalwaysonthevergeofputtingeitherhisheadorthenewspaperintothem，herequiredasmuchwatchingasapowder-mill。ButWemmickwasequallyuntiringandgentleinhisvigilance，andtheAgedreadon，quiteunconsciousofhismanyrescues。

Wheneverhelookedatus，weallexpressedthegreatestinterestandamazement，andnoddeduntilheresumedagain。

AsWemmickandMissSkiffinssatsidebyside，andasIsatinashadowycorner，IobservedaslowandgradualelongationofMrWemmick\'smouth，powerfullysuggestiveofhisslowlyandgraduallystealinghisarmroundMissSkiffins\'swaist。IncourseoftimeIsawhishandappearontheothersideofMissSkiffins；butatthatmomentMissSkiffinsneatlystoppedhimwiththegreenglove，unwoundhisarmagainasifitwereanarticleofdress，andwiththegreatestdeliberationlaiditonthetablebeforeher。MissSkiffins\'scomposurewhileshedidthiswasoneofthemostremarkablesightsIhaveeverseen，andifIcouldhavethoughttheactconsistentwithabstractionofmind，IshouldhavedeemedthatMissSkiffinsperformeditmechanically。

By-and-by，InoticedWemmick\'sarmbeginningtodisappearagain，andgraduallyfadingoutofview。Shortlyafterwards，hismouthbegantowidenagain。Afteranintervalofsuspenseonmypartthatwasquiteenthrallingandalmostpainful，IsawhishandappearontheothersideofMissSkiffins。

Instantly，MissSkiffinsstoppeditwiththeneatnessofaplacidboxer，tookoffthatgirdleorcestusasbefore，andlaiditonthetable。Takingthetabletorepresentthepathofvirtue，IamjustifiedinstatingthatduringthewholetimeoftheAged\'sreading，Wemmick\'sarmwasstrayingfromthepathofvirtueandbeingrecalledtoitbyMissSkiffins。

Atlast，theAgedreadhimselfintoalightslumber。ThiswasthetimeforWemmicktoproducealittlekettle，atrayofglasses，andablackbottlewithaporcelain-toppedcork，representingsomeclericaldignitaryofarubicundandsocialaspect。Withtheaidoftheseappliancesweallhadsomethingwarmtodrink:includingtheAged，whowassoonawakeagain。

MissSkiffinsmixed，andIobservedthatsheandWemmickdrankoutofoneglass。OfcourseIknewbetterthantooffertoseeMissSkiffinshome，andunderthecircumstancesIthoughtIhadbestgofirst:whichIdid，takingacordialleaveoftheAged，andhavingpassedapleasantevening。

Beforeaweekwasout，IreceivedanotefromWemmick，datedWalworth，statingthathehopedhehadmadesomeadvanceinthatmatterappertainingtoourprivateandpersonalcapacities，andthathewouldbegladifI

couldcomeandseehimagainuponit。So，IwentouttoWalworthagain，andyetagain，andyetagain，andIsawhimbyappointmentintheCityseveraltimes，butneverheldanycommunicationwithhimonthesubjectinornearLittleBritain。Theupshotwas，thatwefoundaworthyyoungmerchantorshipping-broker，notlongestablishedinbusiness，whowantedintelligenthelp，andwhowantedcapital，andwhoinduecourseoftimeandreceiptwouldwantapartner。Betweenhimandme，secretarticlesweresignedofwhichHerbertwasthesubject，andIpaidhimhalfofmyfivehundredpoundsdown，andengagedforsundryotherpayments:some，tofalldueatcertaindatesoutofmyincome:some，contingentonmycomingintomyproperty。MissSkiffins\'sbrotherconductedthenegotiation。Wemmickpervadeditthroughout，butneverappearedinit。

Thewholebusinesswassocleverlymanaged，thatHerberthadnottheleastsuspicionofmyhandbeinginit。Inevershallforgettheradiantfacewithwhichhecamehomeoneafternoon，andtoldme，asamightypieceofnews，ofhishavingfalleninwithoneClarriker(theyoungmerchant\'sname)，andofClarriker\'shavingshownanextraordinaryinclinationtowardshim，andofhisbeliefthattheopeninghadcomeatlast。Daybydayashishopesgrewstrongerandhisfacebrighter，hemusthavethoughtmeamoreandmoreaffectionatefriend，forIhadthegreatestdifficultyinrestrainingmytearsoftriumphwhenIsawhimsohappy。Atlength，thethingbeingdone，andhehavingthatdayenteredClarriker\'sHouse，andhehavingtalkedtomeforawholeeveninginaflushofpleasureandsuccess，IdidreallycryingoodearnestwhenIwenttobed，tothinkthatmyexpectationshaddonesomegoodtosomebody。

Agreateventinmylife，theturningpointofmylife，nowopensonmyview。But，beforeIproceedtonarrateit，andbeforeIpassontoallthechangesitinvolved，ImustgiveonechaptertoEstella。Itisnotmuchtogivetothethemethatsolongfilledmyheart。

Chapter38

IFthatstaidoldhouseneartheGreenatRichmondshouldevercometobehauntedwhenIamdead，itwillbehaunted，surely，bymyghost。

Othemany，manynightsanddaysthroughwhichtheunquietspiritwithinmehauntedthathousewhenEstellalivedthere！Letmybodybewhereitwould，myspiritwasalwayswandering，wandering，wandering，aboutthathouse。

TheladywithwhomEstellawasplaced，MrsBrandleybyname，wasawidow，withonedaughterseveralyearsolderthanEstella。Themotherlookedyoung，andthedaughterlookedold；themother\'scomplexionwaspink，andthedaughter\'swasyellow；themothersetupforfrivolity，andthedaughterfortheology。Theywereinwhatiscalledagoodposition，andvisited，andwerevisitedby，numbersofpeople。Little，ifany，communityoffeelingsubsistedbetweenthemandEstella，buttheunderstandingwasestablishedthattheywerenecessarytoher，andthatshewasnecessarytothem。MrsBrandleyhadbeenafriendofMissHavisham\'sbeforethetimeofherseclusion。

InMrsBrandley\'shouseandoutofMrsBrandley\'shouse，IsufferedeverykindanddegreeoftorturethatEstellacouldcauseme。Thenatureofmyrelationswithher，whichplacedmeontermsoffamiliaritywithoutplacingmeontermsoffavour，conducedtomydistraction。Shemadeuseofmetoteaseotheradmirers，andsheturnedtheveryfamiliaritybetweenherselfandme，totheaccountofputtingaconstantslightonmydevotiontoher。IfIhadbeenhersecretary，steward，half-brother，poorrelation-ifIhadbeenayoungerbrotherofherappointedhusband-Icouldnothaveseemedtomyself，furtherfrommyhopeswhenIwasnearesttoher。

Theprivilegeofcallingherbyhernameandhearinghercallmebymine，becameunderthecircumstancesanaggravationofmytrials；andwhileI

thinkitlikelythatitalmostmaddenedherotherlovers，Iknowtoocertainlythatitalmostmaddenedme。

Shehadadmirerswithoutend。Nodoubtmyjealousymadeanadmirerofeveryonewhowentnearher；butthereweremorethanenoughofthemwithoutthat。

IsawheroftenatRichmond，Iheardofheroftenintown，andIusedoftentotakeherandtheBrandleysonthewater；therewerepic-nics，fê；tedays，plays，operas，concerts，parties，allsortsofpleasures，throughwhichIpursuedher-andtheywereallmiseriestome。Ineverhadonehour\'shappinessinhersociety，andyetmymindallroundthefour-and-twentyhourswasharpingonthehappinessofhavingherwithmeuntodeath。

Throughoutthispartofourintercourse-anditlasted，aswillpresentlybeseen，forwhatIthenthoughtalongtime-shehabituallyrevertedtothattonewhichexpressedthatourassociationwasforceduponus。Therewereothertimeswhenshewouldcometoasuddencheckinthistoneandinallhermanytones，andwouldseemtopityme。

`Pip，Pip，\'shesaidoneevening，comingtosuchacheck，whenwesatapartatadarkeningwindowofthehouseinRichmond；`willyounevertakewarning？\'

`Ofwhat？\'

`Ofme。\'

`Warningnottobeattractedbyyou，doyoumean，Estella？\'

`DoImean！Ifyoudon\'tknowwhatImean，youareblind。\'

IshouldhaverepliedthatLovewascommonlyreputedblind，butforthereasonthatIalwayswasrestrained-andthiswasnottheleastofmymiseries-byafeelingthatitwasungeneroustopressmyselfuponher，whensheknewthatshecouldnotchoosebutobeyMissHavisham。Mydreadalwayswas，thatthisknowledgeonherpartlaidmeunderaheavydisadvantagewithherpride，andmademethesubjectofarebelliousstruggleinherbosom。

`Atanyrate，\'saidI，`Ihavenowarninggivenmejustnow，foryouwrotetometocometoyou，thistime。\'

`That\'strue，\'saidEstella，withacoldcarelesssmilethatalwayschilledme。

Afterlookingatthetwilightwithout，foralittlewhile，shewentontosay:

`ThetimehascomeroundwhenMissHavishamwishestohavemeforadayatSatis。Youaretotakemethere，andbringmeback，ifyouwill。

ShewouldratherIdidnottravelalone，andobjectstoreceivingmymaid，forshehasasensitivehorrorofbeingtalkedofbysuchpeople。Canyoutakeme？\'

`CanItakeyou，Estella！\'

`Youcanthen？Thedayafterto-morrow，ifyouplease。Youaretopayallchargesoutofmypurse，Youheartheconditionofyourgoing？\'

`Andmustobey，\'saidI。

ThiswasallthepreparationIreceivedforthatvisit，orforotherslikeit:MissHavishamneverwrotetome，norhadIeversomuchasseenherhandwriting。Wewentdownonthenextdaybutone，andwefoundherintheroomwhereIhadfirstbeheldher，anditisneedlesstoaddthattherewasnochangeinSatisHouse。

ShewasevenmoredreadfullyfondofEstellathanshehadbeenwhenIlastsawthemtogether；Irepeatthewordadvisedly，fortherewassomethingpositivelydreadfulintheenergyofherlooksandembraces。ShehunguponEstella\'sbeauty，hunguponherwords，hunguponhergestures，andsatmumblingherowntremblingfingerswhileshelookedather，asthoughsheweredevouringthebeautifulcreatureshehadreared。

FromEstellashelookedatme，withasearchingglancethatseemedtopryintomyheartandprobeitswounds。`Howdoessheuseyou，Pip；howdoessheuseyou？\'sheaskedmeagain，withherwitch-likeeagerness，eveninEstella\'shearing。But，whenwesatbyherflickeringfireatnight，shewasmostweird；forthen，keepingEstella\'shanddrawnthroughherarmandclutchedinherownhand，sheextortedfromher，bydintofreferringbacktowhatEstellahadtoldherinherregularletters，thenamesandconditionsofthemenwhomshehadfascinated；andasMissHavishamdweltuponhisroll，withtheintensityofamindmortallyhurtanddiseased，shesatwithherotherhandonhercrutchstick，andherchinonthat，andherwanbrighteyesglaringatme，averyspectre。

Isawinthis，wretchedthoughitmademe，andbitterthesenseofdependenceandevenofdegradationthatitawakened-Isawinthis，thatEstellawassettowreakMissHavisham\'srevengeonmen，andthatshewasnottobegiventomeuntilshehadgratifieditforaterm。Isawinthis，areasonforherbeingbeforehandassignedtome。Sendingherouttoattractandtormentanddomischief，MissHavishamsentherwiththemaliciousassurancethatshewasbeyondthereachofalladmirers，andthatallwhostakeduponthatcastweresecuredtolose。Isawinthis，thatI，too，wastormentedbyaperversionofingenuity，evenwhiletheprizewasreservedforme。Isawinthis，thereasonformybeingstavedoffsolong，andthereasonformylateguardian\'sdecliningtocommithimselftotheformalknowledgeofsuchascheme。Inaword，Isawinthis，MissHavishamasIhadherthenandtherebeforemyeyes，andalwayshadhadherbeforemyeyes；andIsawinthis，thedistinctshadowofthedarkenedandunhealthyhouseinwhichherlifewashiddenfromthesun。

Thecandlesthatlightedthatroomofherswereplacedinsconcesonthewall。Theywerehighfromtheground，andtheyburntwiththesteadydulnessofartificiallightinairthatisseldomrenewed。AsIlookedroundatthem，andatthepalegloomtheymade，andatthestoppedclock，andatthewitheredarticlesofbridaldressuponthetableandtheground，andatherownawfulfigurewithitsghostlyreflectionthrownlargebythefireupontheceilingandthewall，Isawineverythingtheconstructionthatmymindhadcometo，repeatedandthrownbacktome。Mythoughtspassedintothegreatroomacrossthelandingwherethetablewasspread，andIsawitwritten，asitwere，inthefallsofthecobwebsfromthecentre-piece，inthecrawlingsofthespidersonthecloth，inthetracksofthemiceastheybetooktheirlittlequickenedheartsbehindthepanels，andinthegropingsandpausingsofthebeetlesonthefloor。

IthappenedontheoccasionofthisvisitthatsomesharpwordsarosebetweenEstellaandMissHavisham。ItwasthefirsttimeIhadeverseenthemopposed。

Wewereseatedbythefire，asjustnowdescribed，andMissHavishamstillhadEstella\'sarmdrawnthroughherown，andstillclutchedEstella\'shandinhers，whenEstellagraduallybegantodetachherself。Shehadshownaproudimpatiencemorethanoncebefore，andhadratherenduredthatfierceaffectionthanacceptedorreturnedit。

`What！\'saidMissHavisham，flashinghereyesuponher，`areyoutiredofme？\'

`Onlyalittletiredofmyself，\'repliedEstella，disengagingherarm，andmovingtothegreatchimney-piece，whereshestoodlookingdownatthefire。

`Speakthetruth，youingrate！\'criedMissHavisham，passionatelystrikingherstickuponthefloor；`youaretiredofme。\'

Estellalookedatherwithperfectcomposure，andagainlookeddownatthefire。Hergracefulfigureandherbeautifulfaceexpressedaself-possessedindifferencetothewildheatoftheother，thatwasalmostcruel。

`Youstockandstone！\'exclaimedMissHavisham。`Youcold，coldheart！\'

`What？\'saidEstella，preservingherattitudeofindifferenceassheleanedagainstthegreatchimney-pieceandonlymovinghereyes；`doyoureproachmeforbeingcold？You？\'

`Areyounot？\'wasthefierceretort。

`Youshouldknow，\'saidEstella。`Iamwhatyouhavemademe。Takeallthepraise，takealltheblame；takeallthesuccess，takeallthefailure；

inshort，takeme。\'

`O，lookather，lookather！\'criedMissHavisham，bitterly；`Lookather，sohardandthankless，onthehearthwhereshewasreared！WhereItookherintothiswretchedbreastwhenitwasfirstbleedingfromitsstabs，andwhereIhavelavishedyearsoftendernessuponher！\'

`AtleastIwasnopartytothecompact，\'saidEstella，`forifIcouldwalkandspeak，whenitwasmade，itwasasmuchasIcoulddo。Butwhatwouldyouhave？Youhavebeenverygoodtome，andIoweeverythingtoyou。Whatwouldyouhave？\'

`Love，\'repliedtheother。

`Youhaveit。\'

`Ihavenot，\'saidMissHavisham。

`Motherbyadoption，\'retortedEstella，neverdepartingfromtheeasygraceofherattitude，neverraisinghervoiceastheotherdid，neveryieldingeithertoangerortenderness，`Motherbyadoption，IhavesaidthatIoweeverythingtoyou。AllIpossessisfreelyyours。Allthatyouhavegivenme，isatyourcommandtohaveagain。Beyondthat，Ihavenothing。

Andifyouaskmetogiveyouwhatyounevergaveme，mygratitudeanddutycannotdoimpossibilities。\'

`DidInevergiveherlove！\'criedMissHavisham，turningwildlytome。`DidInevergiveheraburninglove，inseparablefromjealousyatalltimes，andfromsharppain，whileshespeaksthustome！Lethercallmemad，lethercallmemad！\'

`WhyshouldIcallyoumad，\'returnedEstella，`I，ofallpeople？Doesanyonelive，whoknowswhatsetpurposesyouhave，halfaswellasIdo？

Doesanyonelive，whoknowswhatasteadymemoryyouhave，halfaswellasIdo？Iwhohavesatonthissamehearthonthelittlestoolthatisevennowbesideyouthere，learningyourlessonsandlookingupintoyourface，whenyourfacewasstrangeandfrightenedme！\'

`Soonforgotten！\'moanedMissHavisham。`Timessoonforgotten！\'

`No，notforgotten，\'retortedEstella。`Notforgotten，buttreasuredupinmymemory。Whenhaveyoufoundmefalsetoyourteaching？Whenhaveyoufoundmeunmindfulofyourlessons？Whenhaveyoufoundmegivingadmissionhere，\'shetouchedherbosomwithherhand，`toanythingthatyouexcluded？

Bejusttome。\'

`Soproud，soproud！\'moanedMissHavisham，pushingawayhergreyhairwithbothherhands。

`Whotaughtmetobeproud？\'returnedEstella。`WhopraisedmewhenIlearntmylesson？\'

`Sohard，sohard！\'moanedMissHavisham，withherformeraction。

`Whotaughtmetobehard？\'returnedEstella。`WhopraisedmewhenI

learntmylesson？\'

`Buttobeproudandhardtome！\'MissHavishamquiteshrieked，asshestretchedoutherarms。`Estella，Estella，Estella，tobeproudandhardtome！\'

Estellalookedatherforamomentwithakindofcalmwonder，butwasnototherwisedisturbed；whenthemomentwaspast，shelookeddownatthefireagain。

`Icannotthink，\'saidEstella，raisinghereyesafterasilence`whyyoushouldbesounreasonablewhenIcometoseeyouafteraseparation。

Ihaveneverforgottenyourwrongsandtheircauses。Ihaveneverbeenunfaithfultoyouoryourschooling。IhavenevershownanyweaknessthatIcanchargemyselfwith。\'

`Woulditbeweaknesstoreturnmylove？\'exclaimedMissHavisham。`Butyes，yes，shewouldcallitso！\'

`Ibegintothink，\'saidEstella，inamusingway，afteranothermomentofcalmwonder，`thatIalmostunderstandhowthiscomesabout。Ifyouhadbroughtupyouradopteddaughterwhollyinthedarkconfinementoftheserooms，andhadneverletherknowthattherewassuchathingasthedaylightbywhichshehasneveronceseenyourface-ifyouhaddonethat，andthen，forapurposehadwantedhertounderstandthedaylightandknowallaboutit，youwouldhavebeendisappointedandangry？\'

MissHavisham，withherheadinherhands，satmakingalowmoaning，andswayingherselfonherchair，butgavenoanswer。

`Or，\'saidEstella，`-whichisanearercase-ifyouhadtaughther，fromthedawnofherintelligence，withyourutmostenergyandmight，thattherewassuchathingasdaylight，butthatitwasmadetobeherenemyanddestroyer，andshemustalwaysturnagainstit，forithadblightedyouandwouldelseblighther；-ifyouhaddonethis，andthen，forapurpose，hadwantedhertotakenaturallytothedaylightandshecouldnotdoit，youwouldhavebeendisappointedandangry？\'

MissHavishamsatlistening(oritseemedso，forIcouldnotseeherface)，butstillmadenoanswer。

`So，\'saidEstella，`ImustbetakenasIhavebeenmade。Thesuccessisnotmine，thefailureisnotmine，butthetwotogethermakeme。\'

MissHavishamhadsettleddown，Ihardlyknewhow，uponthefloor，amongthefadedbridalrelicswithwhichitwasstrewn。Itookadvantageofthemoment-Ihadsoughtonefromthefirst-toleavetheroom，afterbeseechingEstella\'sattentiontoher，withamovementofmyhand。WhenIleft，Estellawasyetstandingbythegreatchimney-piece，justasshehadstoodthroughout。

MissHavisham\'sgreyhairwasalladriftupontheground，amongtheotherbridalwrecks，andwasamiserablesighttosee。

ItwaswithadepressedheartthatIwalkedinthestarlightforanhourandmore，aboutthecourt-yard，andaboutthebrewery，andabouttheruinedgarden。WhenIatlasttookcouragetoreturntotheroom，IfoundEstellasittingatMissHavisham\'sknee，takingupsomestitchesinoneofthoseoldarticlesofdressthatweredroppingtopieces，andofwhichIhaveoftenbeenremindedsincebythefadedtattersofoldbannersthatIhaveseenhangingupincathedrals。Afterwards，EstellaandIplayedatcards，asofyore-onlywewereskilfulnow，andplayedFrenchgames-andsotheeveningworeaway，andIwenttobed。

Ilayinthatseparatebuildingacrossthecourt-yard。ItwasthefirsttimeIhadeverlaindowntorestinSatisHouse，andsleeprefusedtocomenearme。AthousandMissHavishamshauntedme。Shewasonthissideofmypillow，onthat，attheheadofthebed，atthefoot，behindthehalf-openeddoorofthedressing-room，inthedressing-room，intheroomoverhead，intheroombeneath-everywhere。Atlast，whenthenightwasslowtocreepontowardstwoo\'clock，IfeltthatIabsolutelycouldnolongerbeartheplaceasaplacetoliedownin，andthatImustgetup。

Ithereforegotupandputonmyclothes，andwentoutacrosstheyardintothelongstonepassage，designingtogaintheoutercourt-yardandwalkthereforthereliefofmymind。But，IwasnosoonerinthepassagethanIextinguishedmycandle；for，IsawMissHavishamgoingalongitinaghostlymanner，makingalowcry。Ifollowedheratadistance，andsawhergoupthestaircase。Shecarriedabarecandleinherhand，whichshehadprobablytakenfromoneofthesconcesinherownroom，andwasamostunearthlyobjectbyitslight。Standingatthebottomofthestaircase，Ifeltthemildewedairofthefeast-chamber，withoutseeingheropenthedoor，andIheardherwalkingthere，andsoacrossintoherownroom，andsoacrossagainintothat，neverceasingthelowcry。Afteratime，Itriedinthedarkbothtogetout，andtogoback，butIcoulddoneitheruntilsomestreaksofdaystrayedinandshowedmewheretolaymyhands。Duringthewholeinterval，wheneverIwenttothebottomofthestaircase，Iheardherfootstep，sawherlightpassabove，andheardherceaselesslowcry。

Beforeweleftnextday，therewasnorevivalofthedifferencebetweenherandEstella，norwasiteverrevivedonanysimilaroccasion；andtherewerefoursimilaroccasions，tothebestofmyremembrance。Nor，didMissHavisham\'smannertowardsEstellainanywisechange，exceptthatIbelievedittohavesomethinglikefearinfusedamongitsformercharacteristics。

Itisimpossibletoturnthisleafofmylife，withoutputtingBentleyDrummle\'snameuponit；orIwould，verygladly。

OnacertainoccasionwhentheFincheswereassembledinforce，andwhengoodfeelingwasbeingpromotedintheusualmannerbynobody\'sagreeingwithanybodyelse，thepresidingFinchcalledtheGrovetoorder，forasmuchasMrDrummlehadnotyettoastedalady；which，accordingtothesolemnconstitutionofthesociety，itwasthebrute\'sturntodothatday。I

thoughtIsawhimleerinanuglywayatmewhilethedecantersweregoinground，butastherewasnolovelostbetweenus，thatmighteasilybe。

Whatwasmyindignantsurprisewhenhecalleduponthecompanytopledgehimto`Estella！\'

`Estellawho？\'saidI。

`Neveryoumind，\'retortedDrummle。

`Estellaofwhere？\'saidI。`Youareboundtosayofwhere。\'Whichhewas，asaFinch。

`OfRichmond，gentlemen，\'saidDrummle，puttingmeoutofthequestion，`andapeerlessbeauty。\'

Muchheknewaboutpeerlessbeauties，ameanmiserableidiot！IwhisperedHerbert。

`Iknowthatlady，\'saidHerbert，acrossthetable，whenthetoasthadbeenhonoured。

`Doyou？\'saidDrummle。

`AndsodoI，\'Iadded，withascarletface。

`Doyou？\'saidDrummle。`Oh，Lord！\'

Thiswastheonlyretort-exceptglassorcrockery-thattheheavycreaturewascapableofmaking；but，Ibecameashighlyincensedbyitasifithadbeenbarbedwithwit，andIimmediatelyroseinmyplaceandsaidthatIcouldnotbutregarditasbeinglikethehonourableFinch\'simpudencetocomedowntothatGrove-wealwaystalkedaboutcomingdowntothatGrove，asaneatParliamentaryturnofexpression-downtothatGrove，proposingaladyofwhomheknewnothing。MrDrummleuponthis，startingup，demandedwhatImeantbythat？Whereupon，ImadehimtheextremereplythatIbelievedheknewwhereIwastobefound。

WhetheritwaspossibleinaChristiancountrytogetonwithoutblood，afterthis，wasaquestiononwhichtheFinchesweredivided。Thedebateuponitgrewsolively，indeed，thatatleastsixmorehonourablememberstoldsixmore，duringthediscussion，thattheybelievedtheyknewwheretheyweretobefound。However，itwasdecidedatlast(theGrovebeingaCourtofHonour)thatifMrDrummlewouldbringneversoslightacertificatefromthelady，importingthathehadthehonourofheracquaintance，MrPipmustexpresshisregret，asagentlemanandaFinch，for`havingbeenbetrayedintoawarmthwhich。\'Nextdaywasappointedfortheproduction(lestourhonourshouldtakecoldfromdelay)，andnextdayDrummleappearedwithapolitelittleavowalinEstella\'shand，thatshehadhadthehonourofdancingwithhimseveraltimes。ThisleftmenocoursebuttoregretthatIhadbeen`betrayedintoawarmthwhich，\'

andonthewholetorepudiate，asuntenable，theideathatIwastobefoundanywhere。DrummleandIthensatsnortingatoneanotherforanhour，whiletheGroveengagedinindiscriminatecontradiction，andfinallythepromotionofgoodfeelingwasdeclaredtohavegoneaheadatanamazingrate。

Itellthislightly，butitwasnolightthingtome。For，IcannotadequatelyexpresswhatpainitgavemetothinkthatEstellashouldshowanyfavourtoacontemptible，clumsy，sulkybooby，soveryfarbelowtheaverage。Tothepresentmoment，Ibelieveittohavebeenreferabletosomepurefireofgenerosityanddisinterestednessinmyloveforher，thatIcouldnotendurethethoughtofherstoopingtothathound。NodoubtIshouldhavebeenmiserablewhomsoevershehadfavoured；butaworthierobjectwouldhavecausedmeadifferentkindanddegreesofdistress。

Itwaseasyformetofindout，andIdidsoonfindout，thatDrummlehadbeguntofollowherclosely，andthatsheallowedhimtodoit。Alittlewhile，andhewasalwaysinpursuitofher，andheandIcrossedoneanothereveryday。Heheldon，inadullpersistentway，andEstellaheldhimon；

nowwithencouragement，nowwithdiscouragement，nowalmostflatteringhim，nowopenlydespisinghim，nowknowinghimverywell，nowscarcelyrememberingwhohewas。

TheSpider，asMrJaggershadcalledhim，wasusedtolyinginwait，however，andhadthepatienceofhistribe。Addedtothat，hehadablockheadconfidenceinhismoneyandinhisfamilygreatness，whichsometimesdidhimgoodservice-almosttakingtheplaceofconcentrationanddeterminedpurpose。So，theSpider，doggedlywatchingEstella，outwatchedmanybrighterinsects，andwouldoftenuncoilhimselfanddropattherightnickoftime。

AtacertainAssemblyBallatRichmond(thereusedtobeAssemblyBallsatmostplacesthen)，whereEstellahadoutshoneallotherbeauties，thisblunderingDrummlesohungabouther，andwithsomuchtolerationonherpart，thatIresolvedtospeaktoherconcerninghim。Itookthenextopportunity:

whichwaswhenshewaswaitingforMrsBrandleytotakeherhome，andwassittingapartamongsomeflowers，readytogo。Iwaswithher，forIalmostalwaysaccompaniedthemtoandfromsuchplaces。

`Areyoutired，Estella？\'

`Rather，Pip。\'

`Youshouldbe。\'

`Sayrather，Ishouldnotbe；forIhavemylettertoSatisHousetowrite，beforeIgotosleep。\'

`Recountingto-night\'striumph？\'saidI。`Surelyaverypoorone，Estella。\'

`Whatdoyoumean？Ididn\'tknowtherehadbeenany。\'

`Estella，\'saidI，`dolookatthatfellowinthecorneryonder，whoislookingoverhereatus。\'

`WhyshouldIlookathim？\'returnedEstella，withhereyesonmeinstead。

`Whatisthereinthatfellowinthecorneryonder-touseyourwords-thatIneedlookat？\'

`Indeed，thatistheveryquestionIwanttoaskyou，\'saidI。`Forhehasbeenhoveringaboutyouallnight。\'

`Moths，andallsortsofuglycreatures，\'repliedEstella，withaglancetowardshim，`hoveraboutalightedcandle。Canthecandlehelpit？\'

`No，\'Ireturned；`butcannottheEstellahelpit？\'

`Well！\'saidshe，laughing，afteramoment，`perhaps。Yes。Anythingyoulike。\'

`But，Estella，dohearmespeak。ItmakesmewretchedthatyoushouldencourageamansogenerallydespisedasDrummle。Youknowheisdespised。\'

`Well？\'saidshe。

`Youknowheisasungainlywithin，aswithout。Adeficient，illtempered，lowering，stupidfellow。\'

`Well？\'saidshe。

`Youknowhehasnothingtorecommendhimbutmoney，andaridiculousrollofaddle-headedpredecessors；now，don\'tyou？\'

`Well？\'saidsheagain；andeachtimeshesaidit，sheopenedherlovelyeyesthewider。

Toovercomethedifficultyofgettingpastthatmonosyllable，Itookitfromher，andsaid，repeatingitwithemphasis，`Well！Then，thatiswhyitmakesmewretched。\'

Now，ifIcouldhavebelievedthatshefavouredDrummlewithanyideaofmakingme-me-wretched，Ishouldhavebeeninbetterheartaboutit；butinthathabitualwayofhers，sheputmesoentirelyoutofthequestion，thatIcouldbelievenothingofthekind。

`Pip，\'saidEstella，castingherglanceovertheroom，`don\'tbefoolishaboutitseffectonyou。Itmayhaveitseffectonothers，andmaybemeanttohave。It\'snotworthdiscussing。\'

`Yesitis，\'saidI，`becauseIcannotbearthatpeopleshouldsay，"shethrowsawayhergracesandattractionsonamereboor，thelowestinthecrowd。"\'

`Icanbearit，\'saidEstella。

`Oh！don\'tbesoproud，Estella，andsoinflexible。\'

`Callsmeproudandinflexibleinthisbreath！\'saidEstella，openingherhands。`Andinhislastbreathreproachedmeforstoopingtoaboor！\'

`Thereisnodoubtyoudo，\'saidI，somethinghurriedly，`forIhaveseenyougivehimlooksandsmilesthisverynight，suchasyounevergiveto-me。\'

`Doyouwantmethen，\'saidEstella，turningsuddenlywithafixedandserious，ifnotangry，look，`todeceiveandentrapyou？\'

`Doyoudeceiveandentraphim，Estella？\'

`Yes，andmanyothers-allofthembutyou。HereisMrsBrandley。I\'llsaynomore。\'

AndnowthatIhavegiventheonechaptertothethemethatsofilledmyheart，andsooftenmadeitacheandacheagain，Ipasson，unhindered，totheeventthathadimpendedovermelongeryet；theeventthathadbeguntobepreparedfor，beforeIknewthattheworldheldEstella，andinthedayswhenherbabyintelligencewasreceivingitsfirstdistortionsfromMissHavisham\'swastinghands。

IntheEasternstory，theheavyslabthatwastofallonthebedofstateintheflushofconquestwasslowlywroughtoutofthequarry，thetunnelfortheropetoholditinitsplacewasslowlycarriedthroughtheleaguesofrock，theslabwasslowlyraisedandfittedintheroof，theropewasrovetoitandslowlytakenthroughthemilesofhollowtothegreatironring。Allbeingmadereadywithmuchlabour，andthehourcome，thesultanwasarousedinthedeadofthenight，andthesharpenedaxethatwastosevertheropefromthegreatironringwasputintohishand，andhestruckwithit，andtheropepartedandrushedaway，andtheceilingfell。So，inmycase；allthework，nearandafar，thattendedtotheend，hadbeenaccomplished；andinaninstanttheblowwasstruck，andtheroofofmystrongholddroppeduponme。

Chapter39

IWASthree-and-twentyyearsofage。NotanotherwordhadIheardtoenlightenmeonthesubjectofmyexpectations，andmytwenty-thirdbirthdaywasaweekgone。WehadleftBarnard\'sInnmorethanayear，andlivedintheTemple。OurchamberswereinGarden-court，downbytheriver。

MrPocketandIhadforsometimepartedcompanyastoouroriginalrelations，thoughwecontinuedonthebesttermsNotwithstandingmyinabilitytosettletoanything-whichIhopearoseoutoftherestlessandincompletetenureonwhichIheldmymeans-Ihadatasteforreading，andreadregularlysomanyhoursaday。ThatmatterofHerbert\'swasstillprogressing，andeverythingwithmewasasIhavebroughtitdowntothecloseofthelastprecedingchapter。

BusinesshadtakenHerbertonajourneytoMarseilles。Iwasalone，andhadadullsenseofbeingalone。Dispiritedandanxious，longhopingthatto-morrowornextweekwouldclearmyway，andlongdisappointed，Isadlymissedthecheerfulfaceandreadyresponseofmyfriend。

Itwaswretchedweather；stormyandwet，stormyandwet；andmud，mud，mud，deepinallthestreets。Dayafterday，avastheavyveilhadbeendrivingoverLondonfromtheEast，anditdrovestill，asifintheEasttherewereanEternityofcloudandwind。Sofurioushadbeenthegusts，thathighbuildingsintownhadhadtheleadstrippedofftheirroofs；

andinthecountry，treeshadbeentornup，andsailsofwindmillscarriedaway；andgloomyaccountshadcomeinfromthecoast，ofshipwreckanddeath。Violentblastsofrainhadaccompaniedtheseragesofwind，andthedayjustclosedasIsatdowntoreadhadbeentheworstofall。

AlterationshavebeenmadeinthatpartoftheTemplesincethattime，andithasnotnowsolonelyacharacterasithadthen，norisitsoexposedtotheriver。Welivedatthetopofthelasthouse，andthewindrushinguptherivershookthehousethatnight，likedischargesofcannon，orbreakingsofasea。Whentheraincamewithitanddashedagainstthewindows，Ithought，raisingmyeyestothemastheyrocked，thatImighthavefanciedmyselfinastorm-beatenlight-house。Occasionally，thesmokecamerollingdownthechimneyasthoughitcouldnotbeartogooutintosuchanight；

andwhenIsetthedoorsopenandlookeddownthestaircase，thestaircaselampswereblownout；andwhenIshadedmyfacewithmyhandsandlookedthroughtheblackwindows(openingthemeversolittle，wasoutofthequestionintheteethofsuchwindandrain)Isawthatthelampsinthecourtwereblownout，andthatthelampsonthebridgesandtheshorewereshuddering，andthatthecoalfiresinbargesontheriverwerebeingcarriedawaybeforethewindlikered-hotsplashesintherain。

Ireadwithmywatchuponthetable，purposingtoclosemybookateleveno\'clock。AsIshutit，SaintPaul\'s，andallthemanychurch-clocksintheCity-someleading，someaccompanying，somefollowing-struckthathour。Thesoundwascuriouslyflawedbythewind；andIwaslistening，andthinkinghowthewindassailedandtoreit，whenIheardafootsteponthestair。

Whatnervousfollymademestart，andawfullyconnectitwiththefootstepofmydeadsister，mattersnot。Itwaspastinamoment，andIlistenedagain，andheardthefootstepstumbleincomingon。Rememberingthen，thatthestaircase-lightswereblownout，Itookupmyreading-lampandwentouttothestair-head。Whoeverwasbelowhadstoppedonseeingmylamp，forallwasquiet。

`Thereissomeonedownthere，istherenot？\'Icalledout，lookingdown。

`Yes，\'saidavoicefromthedarknessbeneath。

`Whatfloordoyouwant？\'

`Thetop。MrPip。\'

`Thatismyname-Thereisnothingthematter？\'

`Nothingthematter，\'returnedthevoice。Andthemancameon。

Istoodwithmylampheldoutoverthestair-rail，andhecameslowlywithinitslight。Itwasashadedlamp，toshineuponabook，anditscircleoflightwasverycontracted；sothathewasinitforamereinstant，andthenoutofit。Intheinstant，Ihadseenafacethatwasstrangetome，lookingupwithanincomprehensibleairofbeingtouchedandpleasedbythesightofme。

Movingthelampasthemanmoved，Imadeoutthathewassubstantiallydressed，butroughly；likeavoyagerbysea。Thathehadlongiron-greyhair。Thathisagewasaboutsixty。Thathewasamuscularman，strongonhislegs，andthathewasbrownedandhardenedbyexposuretoweather。

Asheascendedthelaststairortwo，andthelightofmylampincludedusboth，Isaw，withastupidkindofamazement，thathewasholdingoutbothhishandstome。

`Praywhatisyourbusiness？\'Iaskedhim。

`Mybusiness？\'herepeated，pausing。`Ah！Yes。Iwillexplainmybusiness，byyourleave。\'

`Doyouwishtocomein？\'

`Yes，\'hereplied；`Iwishtocomein，Master。\'

Ihadaskedhimthequestioninhospitablyenough，forIresentedthesortofbrightandgratifiedrecognitionthatstillshoneinhisface。

Iresentedit，becauseitseemedtoimplythatheexpectedmetorespondtoit。But，ItookhimintotheroomIhadjustleft，and，havingsetthelamponthetable，askedhimascivillyasIcould，toexplainhimself。

Helookedabouthimwiththestrangestair-anairofwonderingpleasure，asifhehadsomepartinthethingsheadmired-andhepulledoffaroughoutercoat，andhishat。Then，Isawthathisheadwasfurrowedandbald，andthatthelongiron-greyhairgrewonlyonitssides。But，Isawnothingthatintheleastexplainedhim。Onthecontrary，Isawhimnextmoment，oncemoreholdingoutbothhishandstome。

`Whatdoyoumean？\'saidI，halfsuspectinghimtobemad。

Hestoppedinhislookingatme，andslowlyrubbedhisrighthandoverhishead。`It\'sdisapintingtoaman，\'hesaid，inacoarsebrokenvoice，`arterhavinglookedfor\'ardsodistant，andcomesofur；butyou\'renottoblameforthat-neitheronusistoblameforthat。I\'llspeakinhalfaminute。Givemehalfaminute，please。\'

Hesatdownonachairthatstoodbeforethefire，andcoveredhisforeheadwithhislargebrownveinoushands。Ilookedathimattentivelythen，andrecoiledalittlefromhim；butIdidnotknowhim。

`There\'snoonenigh，\'saidhe，lookingoverhisshoulder；`isthere？\'

`Whydoyou，astrangercomingintomyroomsatthistimeofthenight，askthatquestion？\'saidI。

`You\'reagameone，\'hereturned，shakinghisheadatmewithadeliberateaffection，atoncemostunintelligibleandmostexasperating；`I\'mgladyou\'vegrow\'dup，agameone！Butdon\'tcatchholdofme。You\'dbesorryarterwardstohavedoneit。\'

Irelinquishedtheintentionhehaddetected，forIknewhim！Evenyet，Icouldnotrecallasinglefeature，butIknewhim！Ifthewindandtherainhaddrivenawaytheinterveningyears，hadscatteredalltheinterveningobjects，hadsweptustothechurchyardwherewefirststoodfacetofaceonsuchdifferentlevels，IcouldnothaveknownmyconvictmoredistinctlythanIknewhimnowashesatinthechairbeforethefire。Noneedtotakeafilefromhispocketandshowittome；noneedtotakethehandkerchieffromhisneckandtwistitroundhishead；noneedtohughimselfwithbothhisarms，andtakeashiveringturnacrosstheroom，lookingbackatmeforrecognition。Iknewhimbeforehegavemeoneofthoseaids，though，amomentbefore，Ihadnotbeenconsciousofremotelysuspectinghisidentity。

HecamebacktowhereIstood，andagainheldoutbothhishands。Notknowingwhattodo-for，inmyastonishmentIhadlostmyself-possession-Ireluctantlygavehimmyhands。Hegraspedthemheartily，raisedthemtohislips，kissedthem，andstillheldthem。

`Youactednoble，myboy，\'saidhe。`Noble，Pip！AndIhaveneverforgotit！\'

Atachangeinhismannerasifhewereevengoingtoembraceme，I

laidahanduponhisbreastandputhimaway。

`Stay！\'saidI。`Keepoff！IfyouaregratefultomeforwhatIdidwhenIwasalittlechild，Ihopeyouhaveshownyourgratitudebymendingyourwayoflife。Ifyouhavecomeheretothankme，itwasnotnecessary。

Still，howeveryouhavefoundmeout，theremustbesomethinggoodinthefeelingthathasbroughtyouhere，andIwillnotrepulseyou；butsurelyyoumustunderstandthat-I——\'

Myattentionwassoattractedbythesingularityofhisfixedlookatme，thatthewordsdiedawayonmytongue。

`Youwasasaying，\'heobserved，whenwehadconfrontedoneanotherinsilence，`thatsurelyImustunderstand。What，surelymustIunderstand？\'

`ThatIcannotwishtorenewthatchanceintercoursewithyouoflongago，underthesedifferentcircumstances。Iamgladtobelieveyouhaverepentedandrecoveredyourself。Iamgladtotellyouso。Iamgladthat，thinkingIdeservetobethanked，youhavecometothankme。Butourwaysaredifferentways，nonetheless。Youarewet，andyoulookweary。Willyoudrinksomethingbeforeyougo？\'

Hehadreplacedhisneckerchiefloosely，andhadstood，keenlyobservantofme，bitingalongendofit。`Ithink，\'heanswered，stillwiththeendathismouthandstillobservantofme，`thatIwilldrink(I

thankyou)aforeIgo。\'

Therewasatrayreadyonaside-table。Ibroughtittothetablenearthefire，andaskedhimwhathewouldhave？Hetouchedoneofthebottleswithoutlookingatitorspeaking，andImadehimsomehotrum-and-water。

ItriedtokeepmyhandsteadywhileIdidso，buthislookatmeasheleanedbackinhischairwiththelongdraggledendofhisneckerchiefbetweenhisteeth-evidentlyforgotten-mademyhandverydifficulttomaster。WhenatlastIputtheglasstohim，Isawwithamazementthathiseyeswerefulloftears。

UptothistimeIhadremainedstanding，nottodisguisethatIwishedhimgone。ButIwassoftenedbythesoftenedaspectoftheman，andfeltatouchofreproach。`Ihope，\'saidI，hurriedlyputtingsomethingintoaglassformyself，anddrawingachairtothetable，`thatyouwillnotthinkIspokeharshlytoyoujustnow。Ihadnointentionofdoingit，andIamsorryforitifIdid。Iwishyouwell，andhappy！\'

AsIputmyglasstomylips，heglancedwithsurpriseattheendofhisneckerchief，droppingfromhismouthwhenheopenedit，andstretchedouthishand。Igavehimmine，andthenhedrank，anddrewhissleeveacrosshiseyesandforehead。

`Howareyouliving？\'Iaskedhim。

`I\'vebeenasheep-farmer，stock-breeder，othertradesbesides，awayinthenewworld，\'saidhe:`manyathousandmileofstormywaterofffromthis。\'

`Ihopeyouhavedonewell？\'

`I\'vedonewonderfullywell。There\'sotherswentoutalongermeashasdonewelltoo，butnomanhasdonenighaswellasme。I\'mfamousforit。\'

`Iamgladtohearit。\'

`Ihopetohearyousayso，mydearboy。\'

Withoutstoppingtotrytounderstandthosewordsorthetoneinwhichtheywerespoken，Iturnedofftoapointthathadjustcomeintomymind。

`Haveyoueverseenamessengeryouoncesenttome，\'Iinquired，`sinceheundertookthattrust？\'

`Neverseteyesuponhim。Iwarn\'tlikelytoit。\'

`Hecamefaithfully，andhebroughtmethetwoone-poundnotes。Iwasapoorboythen，asyouknow，andtoapoorboytheywerealittlefortune。

But，likeyou，Ihavedonewellsince，andyoumustletmepaythemback。

Youcanputthemtosomeotherpoorboy\'suse。\'Itookoutmypurse。

HewatchedmeasIlaidmypurseuponthetableandopenedit，andhewatchedmeasIseparatedtwoone-poundnotesfromitscontents。Theywerecleanandnew，andIspreadthemoutandhandedthemovertohim。Stillwatchingme，helaidthemoneupontheother，foldedthemlong-wise，gavethematwist，setfiretothematthelamp，anddroppedtheashesintothetray。

`MayImakesobold，\'hesaidthen，withasmilethatwaslikeafrown，andwithafrownthatwaslikeasmile，`asaskyouhowyouhavedonewell，sinceyouandmewasoutonthemloneshiveringmarshes？\'

`How？\'

`Ah！\'

Heemptiedhisglass，gotup，andstoodatthesideofthefire，withhisheavybrownhandonthemantelshelf。Heputafootuptothebars，todryandwarmit，andthewetbootbegantosteam；but，heneitherlookedatit，noratthefire，butsteadilylookedatme。ItwasonlynowthatIbegantotremble。

Whenmylipshadparted，andhadshapedsomewordsthatwerewithoutsound，Iforcedmyselftotellhim(thoughIcouldnotdoitdistinctly)，thatIhadbeenchosentosucceedtosomeproperty。

`Mightamerewarmintaskwhatproperty？\'saidhe。

Ifaltered，`Idon\'tknow。\'

`Mightamerewarmintaskwhoseproperty？\'saidhe。

Ifalteredagain，`Idon\'tknow。\'

`CouldImakeaguess，Iwonder，\'saidtheConvict，`atyourincomesinceyoucomeofage！Astothefirstfigurenow。Five？\'

Withmyheartbeatinglikeaheavyhammerofdisorderedaction，Iroseoutofmychair，andstoodwithmyhanduponthebackofit，lookingwildlyathim。

`Concerningaguardian，\'hewenton。`Thereoughttohavebeensomeguardian，orsuch-like，whilesyouwasaminor。Somelawyer，maybe。Astothefirstletterofthatlawyer\'snamenow。WoulditbeJ？\'

Allthetruthofmypositioncameflashingonme；anditsdisappointments，dangers，disgraces，consequencesofallkinds，rushedininsuchamultitudethatIwasbornedownbythemandhadtostruggleforeverybreathIdrew。

`Putit，\'heresumed，`astheemployerofthatlawyerwhosenamebegunwithaJ，andmightbeJaggers-putitashehadcomeoverseatoPortsmouth，andhadlandedthere，andhadwantedtocomeontoyou。"However，youhavefoundmeout，"yousaysjustnow。Well！However，didIfindyouout？Why，IwrotefromPortsmouthtoapersoninLondon，forparticularsofyouraddress。Thatperson\'sname？Why，Wemmick。\'

Icouldnothavespokenoneword，thoughithadbeentosavemylife。

Istood，withahandonthechair-backandahandonmybreast，whereI

seemedtobesuffocating-Istoodso，lookingwildlyathim，untilIgraspedatthechair，whentheroombegantosurgeandturn。Hecaughtme，drewmetothesofa，putmeupagainstthecushions，andbentononekneebeforeme:bringingthefacethatInowwellremembered，andthatIshudderedat，veryneartomine。

`Yes，Pip，dearboy，I\'vemadeagentlemanonyou！It\'smewothasdoneit！Isworethattime，sureaseverIearnedaguinea，thatguineashouldgotoyou。Isworearterwards，sureaseverIspec\'latedandgotrich，youshouldgetrich。Ilivedrough，thatyoushouldlivesmooth；Iworkedhard，thatyoushouldbeabovework。Whatodds，dearboy？DoItellit，furyoutofeelaobligation？Notabit。Itellit，furyoutoknowasthattherehunteddunghilldogwotyoukeplifein，gothisheadsohighthathecouldmakeagentleman-and，Pip，you\'rehim！\'

TheabhorrenceinwhichIheldtheman，thedreadIhadofhim，therepugnancewithwhichIshrankfromhim，couldnothavebeenexceededifhehadbeensometerriblebeast。

`Look\'eehere，Pip。I\'myoursecondfather。You\'remyson-moretomenoranyson。I\'veputawaymoney，onlyforyoutospend。WhenIwasahired-outshepherdinasolitaryhut，notseeingnofacesbutfacesofsheeptillIhalfforgotwotmen\'sandwomen\'sfaceswoslike，Iseeyourn。

IdropsmyknifemanyatimeinthathutwhenIwasaeatingmydinnerormysupper，andIsays，"Here\'stheboyagain，alookingatmewhilesIeatsanddrinks！"Iseeyouthereamanytimes，asplainaseverIseeyouonthemmistymarshes。"Lordstrikemedead！"Isayseachtime-andIgoesoutintheairtosayitundertheopenheavens-"butwot，ifI

getslibertyandmoney，I\'llmakethatboyagentleman！"AndIdoneit。

Why，lookatyou，dearboy！Lookattheseherelodgingso\'yourn，fitforalord！Alord？Ah！Youshallshowmoneywithlordsforwagers，andbeat\'

em！\'

Inhisheatandtriumph，andinhisknowledgethatIhadbeennearlyfainting，hedidnotremarkonmyreceptionofallthis。ItwastheonegrainofreliefIhad。

`Look\'eehere！\'hewenton，takingmywatchoutofmypocket，andturningtowardshimaringonmyfinger，whileIrecoiledfromhistouchasifhehadbeenasnake，`agold\'unandabeauty:that\'sagentleman\'s，Ihope！Adiamondallsetroundwithrubies；that\'sagentleman\'s，Ihope！Lookatyourlinen；fineandbeautiful！Lookatyourclothes；betterain\'ttobegot！Andyourbookstoo，\'turninghiseyesroundtheroom，`mountingup，ontheirshelves，byhundreds！Andyouread\'em；don\'tyou？

Iseeyou\'dbeenareadingof\'emwhenIcomein。Ha，ha，ha！Youshallread\'emtome，dearboy！Andifthey\'reinforeignlanguageswotIdon\'tunderstand，IshallbejustasproudasifIdid。\'

Againhetookbothmyhandsandputthemtohislips，whilemybloodrancoldwithinme。

`Don\'tyoumindtalking，Pip，\'saidhe，afteragaindrawinghissleeveoverhiseyesandforehead，astheclickcameinhisthroatwhichIwellremembered-andhewasallthemorehorribletomethathewassomuchinearnest；`youcan\'tdobetternorkeepquiet，dearboy。Youain\'tlookedslowlyforwardtothisasIhave；youwosn\'tpreparedforthis，asIwos。

Butdidn\'tyouneverthinkitmightbeme？\'

`Ono，no，no，\'Ireturned，`Never，never！\'

`Well，youseeitwosme，andsingle-handed。NeverasoulinitbutmyownselfandMrJaggers。\'

`Wastherenooneelse？\'Iasked。

`No，\'saidhe，withaglanceofsurprise:`whoelseshouldtherebe？

And，dearboy，howgoodlookingyouhavegrowed！There\'sbrighteyessomewheres-eh？Isn\'ttherebrighteyessomewheres，wotyoulovethethoughtson？\'

OEstella，Estella！

`Theyshallbeyourn，dearboy，ifmoneycanbuy\'em。Notthatagentlemanlikeyou，sowellsetupasyou，can\'twin\'emoffofhisowngame；butmoneyshallbackyou！LetmefinishwotIwasatellingyou，dearboy。

Fromthattherehutandthattherehiringout，Igotmoneyleftmebymymaster(whichdied，andhadbeenthesameasme)，andgotmylibertyandwentformyself。IneverysinglethingIwentfor，Iwentforyou。"Lordstrikeablightuponit，"Isays，woteveritwasIwentfor，"ifitain\'tforhim！"Itallprosperedwonderful。AsIgiv\'youtounderstandjustnow，I\'mfamousforit。Itwasthemoneyleftme，andthegainsofthefirstfewyearwotIsenthometoMrJaggers-allforyou-whenhefirstcomearteryou，agreeabletomyletter。\'

O，thathehadnevercome！Thathehadleftmeattheforge-farfromcontented，yet，bycomparisonhappy！

`Andthen，dearboy，itwasarecompensetome，look\'eehere，toknowinsecretthatIwasmakingagentleman。ThebloodhorsesofthemcolonistsmightflingupthedustovermeasIwaswalking；whatdoIsay？Isaystomyself，"I\'mmakingabettergentlemannoreveryou\'llbe！"Whenoneof\'emsaystoanother，"Hewasaconvict，afewyearago，andisaignorantcommonfellownow，forallhe\'slucky，"whatdoIsay？Isaystomyself，"IfIain\'tagentleman，noryetain\'tgotnolearning，I\'mtheownerofsuch。Allonyouownsstockandland；whichonyouownsabrought-upLondongentleman？"ThiswasIkepmyselfagoing。AndthiswayIheldsteadyaforemymindthatIwouldforcertaincomeonedayandseemyboy，andmakemyselfknowntohim，onhisownground。\'

Helaidhishandonmyshoulder。IshudderedatthethoughtthatforanythingIknew，hishandmightbestainedwithblood。

`Itwarn\'teasy，Pip，formetoleavethemparts，noryetitwarn\'tsafe。ButIheldtoit，andtheharderitwas，thestrongerIheld，forIwasdetermined，andmymindfirmmadeup。AtlastIdoneit。Dearboy，Idoneit！\'

Itriedtocollectmythoughts，butIwasstunned。Throughout，Ihadseemedtomyselftoattendmoretothewindandtherainthantohim；evennow，Icouldnotseparatehisvoicefromthosevoices，thoughthosewereloudandhiswassilent。

`Wherewillyouputme？\'heasked，presently。`Imustbeputsomewheres，dearboy。\'

`Tosleep？\'saidI。

`Yes。Andtosleeplongandsound，\'heanswered；`forI\'vebeensea-tossedandsea-washed，monthsandmonths。\'

`Myfriendandcompanion，\'saidI，risingfromthesofa，`isabsent；

youmusthavehisroom。\'

`Hewon\'tcomebackto-morrow；willhe？\'

`No，\'saidI，answeringalmostmechanically，inspiteofmyutmostefforts；

`notto-morrow。\'

`Because，look\'eehere，dearboy，\'hesaid，droppinghisvoice，andlayingalongfingeronmybreastinanimpressivemanner，`cautionisnecessary。\'

`Howdoyoumean？Caution？\'

`ByG-，it\'sDeath！\'

`What\'sdeath？\'

`Iwassentforlife。It\'sdeathtocomeback。There\'sbeenovermuchcomingbackoflateyears，andIshouldofacertaintybehangediftook。\'

Nothingwasneededbutthis；thewretchedman，afterloadingwretchedmewithhisgoldandsilverchainsforyears，hadriskedhislifetocometome，andIhelditthereinmykeeping！IfIhadlovedhiminsteadofabhorringhim；ifIhadbeenattractedtohimbythestrongestadmirationandaffection，insteadofshrinkingfromhimwiththestrongestrepugnance；

itcouldhavebeennoworse。Onthecontrary，itwouldhavebeenbetter，forhispreservationwouldthenhavenaturallyandtenderlyaddressedmyheart。

Myfirstcarewastoclosetheshutters，sothatnolightmightbeseenfromwithout，andthentocloseandmakefastthedoors。WhileIdidso，hestoodatthetabledrinkingrumandeatingbiscuit；andwhenIsawhimthusengaged，Isawmyconvictonthemarshesathismealagain。Italmostseemedtomeasifhemuststoopdownpresently，tofileathisleg。

WhenIhadgoneintoHerbert\'sroom，andhadshutoffanyothercommunicationbetweenitandthestaircasethanthroughtheroominwhichourconversationhadbeenheld，Iaskedhimifhewouldgotobed？Hesaidyes，butaskedmeforsomeofmy`gentleman\'slinen\'toputoninthemorning。Ibroughtitout，andlaiditreadyforhim，andmybloodagainrancoldwhenheagaintookmebybothhandstogivemegoodnight。

Igotawayfromhim，withoutknowinghowIdidit，andmendedthefireintheroomwherewehadbeentogether，andsatdownbyit，afraidtogotobed。Foranhourormore，Iremainedtoostunnedtothink；anditwasnotuntilIbegantothink，thatIbeganfullytoknowhowwreckedIwas，andhowtheshipinwhichIhadsailedwasgonetopieces。

MissHavisham\'sintentionstowardsme，allameredream；Estellanotdesignedforme；IonlysufferedinSatisHouseasaconvenience，astingforthegreedyrelations，amodelwithamechanicalhearttopractiseonwhennootherpracticewasathand；thosewerethefirstsmartsIhad。

But，sharpestanddeepestpainofall-itwasfortheconvict，guiltyofIknewnotwhatcrimes，andliabletobetakenoutofthoseroomswhereIsatthinking，andhangedattheOldBaileydoor，thatIhaddesertedJoe。

IwouldnothavegonebacktoJoenow，IwouldnothavegonebacktoBiddynow，foranyconsideration:simply，Isuppose，becausemysenseofmyownworthlessconducttothemwasgreaterthaneveryconsideration。

NowisdomonearthcouldhavegivenmethecomfortthatIshouldhavederivedfromtheirsimplicityandfidelity；butIcouldnever，never，undowhatIhaddone。

Ineveryrageofwindandrushofrain，Iheardpursuers。Twice，Icouldhavesworntherewasaknockingandwhisperingattheouterdoor。Withthesefearsuponme，IbeganeithertoimagineorrecallthatIhadhadmysteriouswarningsofthisman\'sapproach。That，forweeksgoneby，I

hadpassedfacesinthestreetswhichIhadthoughtlikehis。That，theselikenesseshadgrownmorenumerous，ashe，comingoverthesea，haddrawnnearer。That，hiswickedspirithadsomehowsentthesemessengerstomine，andthatnowonthisstormynighthewasasgoodashisword，andwithme。

CrowdingupwiththesereflectionscamethereflectionthatIhadseenhimwithmychildisheyestobeadesperatelyviolentman；thatIhadheardthatotherconvictreiteratethathehadtriedtomurderhim；thatIhadseenhimdownintheditchtearingandfightinglikeawildbeast。OutofsuchremembrancesIbroughtintothelightoffire，ahalf-formedterrorthatitmightnotbesafetobeshutuptherewithhiminthedeadofthewildsolitarynight。Thisdilateduntilitfilledtheroom，andimpelledmetotakeacandleandgoinandlookatmydreadfulburden。

Hehadrolledahandkerchiefroundhishead，andhisfacewassetandloweringinhissleep。Buthewasasleep，andquietlytoo，thoughhehadapistollyingonthepillow。Assuredofthis，Isoftlyremovedthekeytotheoutsideofhisdoor，andturneditonhimbeforeIagainsatdownbythefire。GraduallyIslippedfromthechairandlayonthefloor。WhenIawoke，withouthavingpartedinmysleepwiththeperceptionofmywretchedness，theclocksoftheEastwardchurcheswerestrikingfive，thecandleswerewastedout，thefirewasdead，andthewindandrainintensifiedthethickblackdarkness。

THISISTHEENDOFTHESECONDSTAGEOFPIP\'SEXPECTATIONS。

Chapter40

ITwasfortunateformethatIhadtotakeprecautionstoensure(sofarasIcould)thesafetyofmydreadedvisitor；for，thisthoughtpressingonmewhenIawoke，heldotherthoughtsinaconfusedconcourseatadistance。

Theimpossibilityofkeepinghimconcealedinthechamberswasself-evident。

Itcouldnotbedone，andtheattempttodoitwouldinevitablyengendersuspicion。True，IhadnoAvengerinmyservicenow，butIwaslookedafterbyaninflammatoryoldfemale，assistedbyananimatedrag-bagwhomshecalledherniece，andtokeeparoomsecretfromthemwouldbetoinvitecuriosityandexaggeration。Theybothhadweakeyes，whichIhadlongattributedtotheirchronicallylookinginatkeyholes，andtheywerealwaysathandwhennotwanted；indeedthatwastheironlyreliablequalitybesideslarceny。

Nottogetupamysterywiththesepeople，Iresolvedtoannounceinthemorningthatmyunclehadunexpectedlycomefromthecountry。

ThiscourseIdecidedonwhileIwasyetgropingaboutinthedarknessforthemeansofgettingalight。Notstumblingonthemeansafterall，IwasfaintogoouttotheadjacentLodgeandgetthewatchmantheretocomewithhislantern。Now，ingropingmywaydowntheblackstaircaseIfelloversomething，andthatsomethingwasamancrouchinginacorner。

AsthemanmadenoanswerwhenIaskedhimwhathedidthere，buteludedmytouchinsilence，IrantotheLodgeandurgedthewatchmantocomequickly:tellinghimoftheincidentonthewayback。Thewindbeingasfierceasever，wedidnotcaretoendangerthelightinthelanternbyrekindlingtheextinguishedlampsonthestaircase，butweexaminedthestaircasefromthebottomtothetopandfoundnoonethere。Itthenoccurredtomeaspossiblethatthemanmighthaveslippedintomyrooms；so，lightingmycandleatthewatchman\'s，andleavinghimstandingatthedoor，Iexaminedthemcarefully，includingtheroominwhichmydreadedguestlayasleep。

Allwasquiet，andassuredlynoothermanwasinthosechambers。

Ittroubledmethatthereshouldhavebeenalurkeronthestairs，onthatnightofallnightsintheyear，andIaskedthewatchman，onthechanceofelicitingsomehopefulexplanationasIhandedhimadramatthedoor，whetherhehadadmittedathisgateanygentlemanwhohadperceptiblybeendiningout？Yes，hesaid；atdifferenttimesofthenight，three。

OnelivedinFountainCourt，andtheothertwolivedintheLane，andhehadseenthemallgohome。Again，theonlyothermanwhodweltinthehouseofwhichmychambersformedapart，hadbeeninthecountryforsomeweeks；

andhecertainlyhadnotreturnedinthenight，becausewehadseenhisdoorwithhissealonitaswecameup-stairs。

`Thenightbeingsobad，sir，\'saidthewatchman，ashegavemebackmyglass，`uncommonfewhavecomeinatmygate。BesidesthemthreegentlementhatIhavenamed，Idon\'tcalltomindanothersinceabouteleveno\'clock，whenastrangeraskedforyou。\'

`Myuncle，\'Imuttered。`Yes。\'

`Yousawhim，sir？\'

`Yes。Ohyes。\'

`Likewisethepersonwithhim？\'

`Personwithhim！\'Irepeated。

`Ijudgedthepersontobewithhim，\'returnedthewatchman。`Thepersonstopped，whenhestoppedtomakeinquiryofme，andthepersontookthiswaywhenhetookthisway。\'

`Whatsortofperson？\'

Thewatchmanhadnotparticularlynoticed；heshouldsayaworkingperson；

tothebestofhisbelief，hehadadust-colouredkindofclotheson，underadarkcoat。ThewatchmanmademorelightofthematterthanIdid，andnaturally；nothavingmyreasonforattachingweighttoit。