第42章

Thesebuildingsweresodecrepitthat，intheRuedelaChanvrerieandtheRuedelaPetite—Truanderie，thefrontswereshoredupwithbeamsrunningfromonehousetoanother。Thestreetwasnarrowandthegutterbroad，thepedestriantherewalkedonapavementthatwasalwayswet，skirtinglittlestallsresemblingcellars，bigpostsencircledwithironhoops，excessiveheapsofrefuse，andgatesarmedwithenormous，century—oldgratings。TheRueRambuteauhasdevastatedallthat。

ThenameofMondetourpaintsmarvellouslywellthesinuositiesofthatwholesetofstreets。Alittlefurtheron，theyarefoundstillbetterexpressedbytheRuePirouette，whichranintotheRueMondetour。

Thepasser—bywhogotentangledfromtheRueSaint—DenisintheRuedelaChanvreriebehelditgraduallycloseinbeforehimasthoughhehadenteredanelongatedfunnel。Attheendofthisstreet，whichwasveryshort，hefoundfurtherpassagebarredinthedirectionoftheHallesbyatallrowofhouses，andhewouldhavethoughthimselfinablindalley，hadhenotperceivedontherightandlefttwodarkcutsthroughwhichhecouldmakehisescape。ThiswastheRueMondetour，whichononesideranintotheRuedePrecheurs，andontheotherintotheRueduCygneandthePetite—Truanderie。Atthebottomofthissortofcul—de—sac，attheangleofthecuttingontheright，therewastobeseenahousewhichwasnotsotallastherest，andwhichformedasortofcapeinthestreet。

Itisinthishouse，oftwostoriesonly，thatanillustriouswine—shophadbeenmerrilyinstalledthreehundredyearsbefore。

ThistaverncreatedajoyousnoiseintheveryspotwhicholdTheophilusdescribedinthefollowingcouplet:——

LabranlelesquelettehorribleD’unpauvreamantquisependit。[47]

[47]Thereswingsthehorribleskeletonofapoorloverwhohunghimself。

Thesituationwasgood，andtavern—keeperssucceededeachotherthere，fromfathertoson。

InthetimeofMathurinRegnier，thiscabaretwascalledthePot—aux—Roses，andastherebuswastheninfashion，ithadforitssign—board，apost（poteau）paintedrose—color。Inthelastcentury，theworthyNatoire，oneofthefantasticmastersnowadaysdespisedbythestiffschool，havinggotdrunkmanytimesinthiswine—shopattheverytablewhereRegnierhaddrunkhisfill，hadpainted，bywayofgratitude，abunchofCorinthgrapesonthepinkpost。

Thekeeperofthecabaret，inhisjoy，hadchangedhisdeviceandhadcausedtobeplacedingiltlettersbeneaththebunchthesewords:

"AttheBunchofCorinthGrapes"（"AuRaisindeCorinthe"）。HencethenameofCorinthe。Nothingismorenaturaltodrunkenmenthanellipses。

Theellipsisisthezig—zagofthephrase。CorinthegraduallydethronedthePot—aux—Roses。Thelastproprietorofthedynasty，FatherHucheloup，nolongeracquaintedevenwiththetradition，hadthepostpaintedblue。

Aroomonthegroundfloor，wherethebarwassituated，oneonthefirstfloorcontainingabilliard—table，awoodenspiralstaircasepiercingtheceiling，wineonthetables，smokeonthewalls，candlesinbroaddaylight，——thiswasthestyleofthiscabaret。

Astaircasewithatrap—doorinthelowerroomledtothecellar。

OnthesecondfloorwerethelodgingsoftheHucheloupfamily。

Theywerereachedbyastaircasewhichwasaladderratherthanastaircase，andhadfortheirentranceonlyaprivatedoorinthelargeroomonthefirstfloor。Undertheroof，intwomansardattics，werethenestsfortheservants。Thekitchensharedtheground—floorwiththetap—room。

FatherHuchelouphad，possibly，beenbornachemist，butthefactisthathewasacook；peopledidnotconfinethemselvestodrinkingaloneinhiswine—shop，theyalsoatethere。Huchelouphadinventedacapitalthingwhichcouldbeeatennowherebutinhishouse，stuffedcarps，whichhecalledcarpesaugras。ThesewereeatenbythelightofatallowcandleorofalampofthetimeofLouisXVI。，ontablestowhichwerenailedwaxedclothsinlieuoftable—cloths。

Peoplecamethitherfromadistance。Hucheloup，onefinemorning，hadseenfittonotifypassers—byofthis"specialty"；hehaddippedabrushinapotofblackpaint，andashewasanorthographeronhisownaccount，aswellasacookafterhisownfashion，hehadimprovisedonhiswallthisremarkableinscription:——

CARPESHOGRAS。

Onewinter，therain—stormsandtheshowershadtakenafancytoobliteratetheSwhichterminatedthefirstword，andtheG

whichbeganthethird；thisiswhatremained:——

CARPEHORAS。

Timeandrainassisting，ahumblegastronomicalannouncementhadbecomeaprofoundpieceofadvice。

Inthiswayitcameabout，thatthoughheknewnoFrench，FatherHucheloupunderstoodLatin，thathehadevokedphilosophyfromhiskitchen，andthat，desiroussimplyofeffacingLent，hehadequalledHorace。

Andthestrikingthingaboutitwas，thatthatalsomeant:

"Entermywine—shop。"

Nothingofallthisisinexistencenow。TheMondetourlabyrinthwasdisembowelledandwidelyopenedin1847，andprobablynolongerexistsatthepresentmoment。TheRuedelaChanvrerieandCorinthehavedisappearedbeneaththepavementoftheRueRambuteau。

Aswehavealreadysaid，Corinthewasthemeeting—placeifnottherallying—point，ofCourfeyracandhisfriends。ItwasGrantairewhohaddiscoveredCorinthe。HehadentereditonaccountoftheCarpehoras，andhadreturnedthitheronaccountoftheCarpesaugras。Theretheydrank，theretheyate，theretheyshouted；

theydidnotpaymuch，theypaidbadly，theydidnotpayatall，buttheywerealwayswelcome。FatherHucheloupwasajovialhost。

Hucheloup，thatamiableman，aswasjustsaid，wasawine—shop—keeperwithamustache；anamusingvariety。Healwayshadanill—temperedair，seemedtowishtointimidatehiscustomers，grumbledatthepeoplewhoenteredhisestablishment，andhadratherthemienofseekingaquarrelwiththemthanofservingthemwithsoup。Andyet，weinsistupontheword，peoplewerealwayswelcomethere。Thisoddityhadattractedcustomerstohisshop，andbroughthimyoungmen，whosaidtoeachother:"ComehearFatherHucheloupgrowl。"Hehadbeenafencing—master。Allofasudden，hewouldburstoutlaughing。

Abigvoice，agoodfellow。Hehadacomicfoundationunderatragicexterior，heaskednothingbetterthantofrightenyou，verymuchlikethosesnuff—boxeswhichareintheshapeofapistol。

Thedetonationmakesonesneeze。

MotherHucheloup，hiswife，wasabeardedandaveryhomelycreature。

About1830，FatherHucheloupdied。Withhimdisappearedthesecretofstuffedcarps。Hisinconsolablewidowcontinuedtokeepthewine—shop。Butthecookingdeteriorated，andbecameexecrable；

thewine，whichhadalwaysbeenbad，becamefearfullybad。

Nevertheless，CourfeyracandhisfriendscontinuedtogotoCorinthe，——

outofpity，asBossuetsaid。

TheWidowHucheloupwasbreathlessandmisshapenandgiventorusticrecollections。Shedeprivedthemoftheirflatnessbyherpronunciation。Shehadawayofherownofsayingthings，whichspicedherreminiscencesofthevillageandofherspringtime。

Ithadformerlybeenherdelight，sosheaffirmed，toheartheloups—de—gorge（rouges—gorges）chanterdanslesogrepines（aubepines）——toheartheredbreastssinginthehawthorn—trees。

Thehallonthefirstfloor，where"therestaurant"wassituated，wasalargeandlongapartmentencumberedwithstools，chairs，benches，andtables，andwithacrippled，lame，oldbilliard—table。Itwasreachedbyaspiralstaircasewhichterminatedinthecorneroftheroomatasquareholelikethehatchwayofaship。

Thisroom，lightedbyasinglenarrowwindow，andbyalampthatwasalwaysburning，hadtheairofagarret。Allthefour—footedfurniturecomporteditselfasthoughithadbutthreelegs——

thewhitewashedwallshadfortheironlyornamentthefollowingquatraininhonorofMameHucheloup:——

Elleetonneadixpas，elleepouventeadeux，Uneverruehabiteensonnezhasardeux；

Ontrembleachaqueinstantqu’ellenevouslamoucheEtqu’unbeaujoursonneznetombedanssabouche。[48]

[48]Sheastoundsattenpaces，shefrightensattwo，awartinhabitsherhazardousnose；youtrembleeveryinstantlestsheshouldblowitatyou，andlest，somefineday，hernoseshouldtumbleintohermouth。

Thiswasscrawledincharcoalonthewall。

MameHucheloup，agoodlikeness，wentandcamefrommorningtillnightbeforethisquatrainwiththemostperfecttranquillity。

Twoserving—maids，namedMateloteandGibelotte，[49]andwhohadneverbeenknownbyanyothernames，helpedMameHuchelouptosetonthetablesthejugsofpoorwine，andthevariousbrothswhichwereservedtothehungrypatronsinearthenwarebowls。

Matelote，large，plump，redhaired，andnoisy，thefavoriteex—sultanaofthedefunctHucheloup，washomelierthananymythologicalmonster，beitwhatitmay；still，asitbecomestheservanttoalwayskeepintherearofthemistress，shewaslesshomelythanMameHucheloup。Gibelotte，tall，delicate，whitewithalymphaticpallor，withcirclesroundhereyes，anddroopinglids，alwayslanguidandweary，afflictedwithwhatmaybecalledchroniclassitude，thefirstupinthehouseandthelastinbed，waitedoneveryone，eventheothermaid，silentlyandgently，smilingthroughherfatiguewithavagueandsleepysmile。

[49]Matelote:aculinarypreparationofvariousfishes。

Gibelotte:stewedrabbits。

Beforeenteringtherestaurantroom，thevisitorreadonthedoorthefollowinglinewrittenthereinchalkbyCourfeyrac:——

Regalesitupeuxetmangesitul’oses。[50]

[50]Treatifyoucan，andeatifyoudare。

CHAPTERII

PRELIMINARYGAYETIES

LaigledeMeaux，asthereaderknows，livedmorewithJolythanelsewhere。Hehadalodging，asabirdhasoneonabranch。

Thetwofriendslivedtogether，atetogether，slepttogether。

Theyhadeverythingincommon，evenMusichetta，tosomeextent。

Theywere，whatthesubordinatemonkswhoaccompanymonksarecalled，bini。Onthemorningofthe5thofJune，theywenttoCorinthetobreakfast。Joly，whowasallstuffedup，hadacatarrhwhichLaiglewasbeginningtoshare。Laigle’scoatwasthreadbare，butJolywaswelldressed。

Itwasaboutnineo’clockinthemorning，whentheyopenedthedoorofCorinthe。

Theyascendedtothefirstfloor。

MateloteandGibelottereceivedthem。

"Oysters，cheese，andham，"saidLaigle。

Andtheyseatedthemselvesatatable。

Thewine—shopwasempty；therewasnoonetherebutthemselves。

Gibelotte，knowingJolyandLaigle，setabottleofwineonthetable。

Whiletheywerebusywiththeirfirstoysters，aheadappearedatthehatchwayofthestaircase，andavoicesaid:——

"Iampassingby。IsmellfromthestreetadeliciousodorofBriecheese。Ienter。"ItwasGrantaire。

Grantairetookastoolanddrewuptothetable。

AtthesightofGrantaire，Gibelotteplacedtwobottlesofwineonthetable。

Thatmadethree。

"Areyougoingtodrinkthosetwobottles？"LaigleinquiredofGrantaire。

Grantairereplied:——

"Allareingenious，thoualoneartingenuous。Twobottlesneveryetastonishedaman。"

Theothershadbegunbyeating，Grantairebeganbydrinking。

Halfabottlewasrapidlygulpeddown。

"Soyouhaveaholeinyourstomach？"beganLaigleagain。

"Youhaveoneinyourelbow，"saidGrantaire。

Andafterhavingemptiedhisglass，headded:——

"Ah，bytheway，Laigleofthefuneraloration，yourcoatisold。"

"Ishouldhopeso，"retortedLaigle。"That’swhywegetonwelltogether，mycoatandI。Ithasacquiredallmyfolds，itdoesnotbindmeanywhere，itismouldedonmydeformities，itfallsinwithallmymovements，Iamonlyconsciousofitbecauseitkeepsmewarm。Oldcoatsarejustlikeoldfriends。"

"That’strue，"ejaculatedJoly，strikingintothedialogue，"anoldgoatisanoldabi"（ami，friend）。

"Especiallyinthemouthofamanwhoseheadisstuffedup，"

saidGrantaire。

"Grantaire，"demandedLaigle，"haveyoujustcomefromtheboulevard？"

"No。"

"Wehavejustseentheheadoftheprocessionpass，JolyandI。"

"It’samarvelloussight，"saidJoly。

"Howquietthisstreetis！"exclaimedLaigle。"WhowouldsuspectthatPariswasturnedupsidedown？Howplainlyitistobeseenthatinformerdaystherewerenothingbutconventshere！

Inthisneighborhood！DuBreulandSauvalgivealistofthem，andsodoestheAbbeLebeuf。Theywereallroundhere，theyfairlyswarmed，bootedandbarefooted，shaven，bearded，gray，black，white，Franciscans，Minims，Capuchins，Carmelites，LittleAugustines，GreatAugustines，oldAugustines——therewasnoendofthem。"

"Don’tlet’stalkofmonks，"interruptedGrantaire，"itmakesonewanttoscratchone’sself。"

Thenheexclaimed:——

"Bouh！I’vejustswallowedabadoyster。Nowhypochondriaistakingpossessionofmeagain。Theoystersarespoiled，theservantsareugly。

Ihatethehumanrace。IjustpassedthroughtheRueRichelieu，infrontofthebigpubliclibrary。Thatpileofoyster—shellswhichiscalledalibraryisdisgustingeventothinkof。Whatpaper！

Whatink！Whatscrawling！Andallthathasbeenwritten！Whatrascalwasitwhosaidthatmanwasafeatherlessbiped？[51]Andthen，Imetaprettygirlofmyacquaintance，whoisasbeautifulasthespring，worthytobecalledFloreal，andwhoisdelighted，enraptured，ashappyastheangels，becauseawretchyesterday，afrightfulbankerallspottedwithsmall—pox，deignedtotakeafancytoher！

Alas！womankeepsonthewatchforaprotectorasmuchasforalover；

catschasemiceaswellasbirds。Twomonthsagothatyoungwomanwasvirtuousinanattic，sheadjustedlittlebrassringsintheeyelet—holesofcorsets，whatdoyoucallit？Shesewed，shehadacampbed，shedweltbesideapotofflowers，shewascontented。

Nowheresheisabankeress。Thistransformationtookplacelastnight。

Imetthevictimthismorninginhighspirits。Thehideouspointaboutitis，thatthejadeisasprettyto—dayasshewasyesterday。

Herfinancierdidnotshowinherface。Roseshavethisadvantageordisadvantageoverwomen，thatthetracesleftuponthembycaterpillarsarevisible。Ah！thereisnomoralityonearth。

Icalltowitnessthemyrtle，thesymboloflove，thelaurel，thesymbolofair，theolive，thatninny，thesymbolofpeace，theapple—treewhichcamenearestranglingAdamwithitspips，andthefig—tree，thegrandfatherofpetticoats。Asforright，doyouknowwhatrightis？TheGaulscovetClusium，RomeprotectsClusium，anddemandswhatwrongClusiumhasdonetothem。Brennusanswers:

`ThewrongthatAlbadidtoyou，thewrongthatFidenaedidtoyou，thewrongthattheEques，theVolsci，andtheSabineshavedonetoyou。Theywereyourneighbors。TheClusiansareours。

Weunderstandneighborlinessjustasyoudo。YouhavestolenAlba，weshalltakeClusium。’Romesaid:`YoushallnottakeClusium。’

BrennustookRome。Thenhecried:`Vaevictis！’Thatiswhatrightis。

Ah！whatbeastsofpreythereareinthisworld！Whateagles！

Itmakesmyfleshcreep。"

[51]Bipedesansplume:bipedwithoutfeathers——pen。

HeheldouthisglasstoJoly，whofilledit，thenhedrankandwenton，havinghardlybeeninterruptedbythisglassofwine，ofwhichnoone，notevenhimself，hadtakenanynotice:——

"Brennus，whotakesRome，isaneagle；thebankerwhotakesthegrisetteisaneagle。Thereisnomoremodestyintheonecasethanintheother。Sowebelieveinnothing。Thereisbutonereality:drink。Whateveryouropinionmaybeinfavoroftheleancock，liketheCantonofUri，orinfavorofthefatcock，liketheCantonofGlaris，itmatterslittle，drink。Youtalktomeoftheboulevard，ofthatprocession，etcaetera，etcaetera。

Comenow，istheregoingtobeanotherrevolution？ThispovertyofmeansonthepartofthegoodGodastoundsme。Hehastokeepgreasingthegrooveofeventseverymoment。Thereisahitch，itwon’twork。Quick，arevolution！ThegoodGodhashishandsperpetuallyblackwiththatcart—grease。IfIwereinhisplace，I’dbeperfectlysimpleaboutit，Iwouldnotwindupmymechanismeveryminute，I’dleadthehumanraceinastraightforwardway，I’dweavemattersmeshbymesh，withoutbreakingthethread，Iwouldhavenoprovisionalarrangements，Iwouldhavenoextraordinaryrepertory。Whattherestofyoucallprogressadvancesbymeansoftwomotors，menandevents。But，sadtosay，fromtimetotime，theexceptionalbecomesnecessary。Theordinarytroupesufficesneitherforeventnorformen:amongmengeniusesarerequired，amongeventsrevolutions。Greataccidentsarethelaw；theorderofthingscannotdowithoutthem；and，judgingfromtheapparitionofcomets，onewouldbetemptedtothinkthatHeavenitselffindsactorsneededforitsperformance。Atthemomentwhenoneexpectsittheleast，Godplacardsameteoronthewallofthefirmament。

Somequeerstarturnsup，underlinedbyanenormoustail。

AndthatcausesthedeathofCaesar。Brutusdealshimablowwithaknife，andGodablowwithacomet。Crac，andbeholdanauroraborealis，beholdarevolution，beholdagreatman；

’93inbigletters，Napoleononguard，thecometof1811attheheadoftheposter。Ah！whatabeautifulbluetheatreallstuddedwithunexpectedflashes！Boum！Boum！extraordinaryshow！

Raiseyoureyes，boobies。Everythingisindisorder，thestaraswellasthedrama。GoodGod，itistoomuchandnotenough。

Theseresources，gatheredfromexception，seemmagnificenceandpoverty。

Myfriends，Providencehascomedowntoexpedients。Whatdoesarevolutionprove？ThatGodisinaquandry。Heeffectsacoupd’etatbecausehe，God，hasnotbeenabletomakebothendsmeet。

Infact，thisconfirmsmeinmyconjecturesastoJehovah’sfortune；

andwhenIseesomuchdistressinheavenandonearth，fromthebirdwhohasnotagrainofmillettomyselfwithoutahundredthousandlivresofincome，whenIseehumandestiny，whichisverybadlyworn，andevenroyaldestiny，whichisthreadbare，witnessthePrincedeCondehung，whenIseewinter，whichisnothingbutarentinthezeniththroughwhichthewindblows，whenIseesomanyragsevenintheperfectlynewpurpleofthemorningonthecrestsofhills，whenIseethedropsofdew，thosemockpearls，whenIseethefrost，thatpaste，whenIseehumanityrippedapartandeventspatchedup，andsomanyspotsonthesunandsomanyholesinthemoon，whenI

seesomuchmiseryeverywhere，IsuspectthatGodisnotrich。

Theappearanceexists，itistrue，butIfeelthatheishardup。

Hegivesarevolutionasatradesmanwhosemoney—boxisemptygivesaball。Godmustnotbejudgedfromappearances。

BeneaththegildingofheavenIperceiveapoverty—strickenuniverse。

Creationisbankrupt。ThatiswhyIamdiscontented。Hereitisthe4thofJune，itisalmostnight；eversincethismorningIhavebeenwaitingfordaylighttocome；ithasnotcome，andI

betthatitwon’tcomeallday。Thisistheinexactnessofanill—paidclerk。Yes，everythingisbadlyarranged，nothingfitsanythingelse，thisoldworldisallwarped，Itakemystandontheopposition，everythinggoesawry；theuniverseisatease。

It’slikechildren，thosewhowantthemhavenone，andthosewhodon’twantthemhavethem。Total:I’mvexed。Besides，LaigledeMeaux，thatbald—head，offendsmysight。IthumiliatesmetothinkthatI

amofthesameageasthatbaldy。However，Icriticise，butI

donotinsult。Theuniverseiswhatitis。Ispeakherewithoutevilintentandtoeasemyconscience。Receive，EternalFather，theassuranceofmydistinguishedconsideration。Ah！byallthesaintsofOlympusandbyallthegodsofparadise，IwasnotintendedtobeaParisian，thatistosay，toreboundforever，likeashuttlecockbetweentwobattledores，from

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