下载辰思小说免费APP
Itwasstillfulllightwhentheyrosefromthetable，anditwasscarcelytwilightwhenJeffheardCynthialettingherselfoutatthebackdoor。Hefanciedhergoingdowntoherfather’shouse，andhewentouttothecornerofthehoteltomeether。Shefalteredamomentatsightofhim，andthenkeptonwithavertedface。
Hejoinedher，andwalkedbesideher。"Well，Cynthy，whatareyougoingtosaytome？I’moffforCambridgeagainto—morrowmorning，andI
supposewe’vegottounderstandeachother。Icameupheretoputmyselfinyourhands，tokeeportothrowaway，justasyouplease。Well？Haveyouthoughtaboutit？"
"Everyminute，"saidthegirl，quietly。
"Well？"
"Ifyouhadcaredforme，itcouldn’thavehappened。"
"Ohyes，itcould。Nowthat’sjustwhereyou’remistaken。That’swhereawomannevercanunderstandaman。Imightcarryonwithhalfadozengirls，andyetneverforgetyou，orthinklessofyou，althoughIcouldseeallthetimehowprettyandbrighteveryoneof’emwas。That’sthewayaman’smindisbuilt。It’scurious，butit’strue。"
"Idon’tbelieveIcareforanyshareinyourmind，then，"saidthegirl。
"Oh，come，now！Youdon’tmeanthat。YouknowIwasjustjoking；youknowIdon’tjustifywhatI’vedone，andIdon’texcuseit。ButIthinkI’veactedprettysquarewithyouaboutit——abouttellingyou，Imean。
Idon’twanttolayanyclaim，butyourememberwhenyoumademepromisethatiftherewasanythingshadyIwantedtohidefromyou——Well，Iactedonthat。Youdoremember？"
"Yes，"saidCynthia，andshepulledthecloudoverthesideofherfacenexttohim，andwalkedalittlefaster。
Hehastenedhisstepstokeepupwithher。"Cynthy，ifyouputyourarmsroundme，asyoudidthen——"
"Ican’tJeff！"
"Youdon’twantto。"
"Yes，Ido！Butyoudon’twantmeto，asyoudidthen。Doyou？"Shestoppedabruptlyandfacedhimfull。"Tellme，honestly！"
Jeffdroppedhisboldeyes，andthesmilelefthishandsomemouth。
"Youdon’t，"saidthegirl，"foryouknowthatifyoudid，Iwoulddoit。"Shebegantowalkonagain。"Itwouldn’tbehardformetoforgiveyouanythingyou’vedoneagainstme——oragainstyourself；Ishouldcareforyouthesame——ifyouwerethesameperson；butyou’renotthesame，andyouknowit。Itoldyouthen——thattimethatIdidn’twanttomakeyoudowhatyouknewwasright，andInevershalltrytodoitagain。
I’msorryIdiditthen。Iwaswrong。AndIshouldbeafraidofyouifIdidnow。Sometimeyouwouldmakemesufferforit，justasyou’vemademesufferformakingyoudothenwhatwasright。"
ItstruckJeffasaverycuriousfactthatCynthiamustalwayshaveknownhimbetterthanheknewhimselfinsomeways，forhenowperceivedthetruthandaccuracyofherwords。Hegavehermindcreditforthepenetrationdueherheart；hedidnotunderstandthatitisthroughtheirlovewomendivinethesoulsofmen。Whatotherwitnessesofhischaracterhadslowlyandcarefullyreasonedoutfromtheirexperienceofhimshehadknownfromthebeginning，becausehewasdeartoher。
Hewassilent，andthen，withraregravity，hesaid，"Cynthia，Ibelieveyou’reright，"andheneverknewhowherheartleapedtowardhimathiswords。"I’maprettybadchap，Iguess。ButIwantyoutogivemeanotherchanceandI’lltrynottomakeyoupayforit，either，"headded，withaflickerofhissaucyhumor。
"I’llgiveyouachance，then，"shesaid，andsheshrankfromthehandheputouttowardher。"Gobackandtellthatgirlyou’refreenow，andifshewantsyoushecanhaveyou。"
"Isthatwhatyoucallachance？"demandedJeff，betweenangerandinjury。Foraninstantheimaginedherderidinghimandrevengingherself。
"It’stheonlyoneIcangiveyou。She’snevertriedtomakeyoudowhatwasright，andyou’llneverbetemptedtohurther。"
"You’reprettyroughonme，Cynthy，"Jeffprotested，almostplaintively。
Heasked，moreincharacter："Ain’tyouafraidofmakingmedoright，now？"
"I’mnotmakingyou。Idon’tpromiseyouanything，evenifshewon’thaveyou。"
"Oh！"
"DidyousupposeIdidn’tmeanthatyouwerefree？ThatIwouldputalieinyourmouthforyoutobetruewith？"
"Iguessyou’retoodeepforme，"saidJeff，afterasulkysilence。
"Thenit’salloffbetweenus？Whatdoyousay？"
"Whatdoyousay？"
"Isayit’sjustasitwasbefore，ifyoucareforme。"
"Icareforyou，butitcanneverbethesameasitwasbefore。Whatyou’vedone，you’vedone。IwishIcouldhelpit，butIcan’t。Ican’tmakemyselfoverintowhatIwastwenty—fourhoursago。Iseemanotherperson，inanotherworld；it’sasifIdied，andcametolifesomewhereelse。I’msorryenough，ifthatcouldhelp，butitcan’t。Goandtellthatgirlthetruth：thatyoucameupheretome，andIsentyoubacktoher。"
AgleamofamusementvisitedJeffinthegloomwhereheseemedtobedarkling。HefancieddoingthatverythingwithBessieLynde，andthewildjoyshewouldsnatchfromanexperiencesounique，soimpossible。
Thenthegleamfaded。"AndwhatifIdidn’twanther？"hedemanded。
"Tellherthattoo，"saidCynthia。
"Isuppose，"saidJeff，sulkily，"you’llletmegoawayanddoasI
please，ifI’mfree。"
"Ohyes。Idon’twantyoutodoanythingbecauseItoldyou。Iwon’tmakethatmistakeagain。Goanddowhatyouareabletodoofyourownfreewill。YouknowwhatyououghttodoaswellasIdo；andyouknowagreatdealbetterwhatyoucando。"
TheyhadreachedCynthia’shouse，andtheyweretalkingatthesidedoor，astheyhadthenightbefore，whentherehadbeenhopeforherinthenewnessofhercalamity，beforeshehadyetfullyimaginedit。
Jeffmadenoanswertoherlastwords。Heasked，"AmIgoingtoseeyouagain？"
"Iguessnot。Idon’tbelieveIshallbeupbeforeyoustart。"
"Allright。Good—bye，then。"Heheldouthishand，andsheputhersinitforthemomenthechosetoholdit。Thenheturnedandslowlyclimbedthehill。
Cynthiawasstilllyingwithherfaceinherpillowwhenherfathercameintothedarklittlehouse，andpeeredintoherroomwiththenewlylightedlampinhishand。Sheturnedherfacequicklyoverandlookedathimwithdryandshiningeyes。
"Well，it’salloverwithJeffandme，father。"
"Well，I’msatisfied，"saidWhitwell。"Ifyoucouldha’madeitup，soyoucouldha’feltrightaboutit，Ishouldn’tha’hadanythingtosayagainstit，butI’mgladit’sturnedoutthewayithas。He’sacomicaldevil，andhealwayswas，andI’mgladyoua’n’ttakin’onabouthimanymore。Youusedtohavesomuchspiritwhenyouwaslittle。"
"Oh，——spirit！Youdon’tknowhowmuchspiritI’vehad，now。"
"Well，Ipresumenot，"Whitwellassented。
"I’vebeenthinking，"saidthegirl，afteralittlepause，"thatweshallhavetogoawayfromhere。"
"Well，Iguessnot，"herfatherbegan。"NotfornoJeffDur——"
"Yes，yes。Wemust！Don’tmakeonetalkaboutit。We’llstayheretillJacksongetsbackinJune，andthen——wemustgosomewhereelse。We’llgodowntoBoston，andI’lltrytogetaplacetoteach，orsomething，andFrankcangetaplace。"
"Ipresume，"Whitwellmused，"thatMr。Westovercould——"
"Father！"criedthegirl，withanenergythatstartledhim，assheliftedherselfonherelbow。"Don’teverthinkoftroublingMr。Westover！Oh，"
shelamented，"Iwasthinkingoftroublinghimmyself！Butwemustn’t，wemustn’t！Ishouldbesoashamed！"
"Well，"saidWhitwell，"timeenoughtothinkaboutallthat。WegottwogoodmonthsyettoplanitoutbeforeJacksongetsback，andIguesswecanthinkofsomethingbeforethat。Ipresume，"headded，thoughtfully，"thatwhenMrs。Durginhearsthatyou’vegiveJeffthesack，she’llmakeconsid’ableofakick。Shedoneitwhenyougotengaged。"
XLVII。
AfterhewentbacktoCambridge，Jeffcontinuedmechanicallyinthedirectiongivenhimbymotiveswhichhadceasedforhim。InthemidstofhisdivergencewithBessieLyndehehadstillkeptaninnerfealtytoCynthia，andtriedtofulfilthepurposesandambitionshehadforhim。
Theoperationofthishabitualallegiancenowkepthimuptohiswork，butthetimemustcomewhenitcouldnolongeroperate，whenhiswholeconsciousnessshouldacceptthefactknowntohisintelligence，andheshouldrecognizethecloseofthatincident
