第18章

"Hesaidso。"

"That’sveryniceofhim。Ifhecoulddevotehimselftoher；but——Andwouldsheliketogo？"

"Topleasehim，shewould。"Westoverwassilent，andthegirlsurprisedhimbytheappealshesuddenlymadetohim。"Mr。Westover，doyoubelieveitwouldbeverywellforeitherofustogo？Ithinkitwouldbebetterforustoleaveallthatpartofhislifealone。It’snouseinpretendingthatwe’relikethekindofpeopleheknows，orthatweknowtheirways，andIdon’tbelieve——"

Westoverfelthisheartriseinindignantsympathy。"Thereisn’tanyoneheknowstocomparewithyou！"hesaid，andinthishewasthinkingmainlyofBessieLynde。"You’reworthathousand——IfIwere——ifhe’shalfamanhewouldbeproud——Ibegyourpardon！Idon’tmean——butyouunderstand——"

Cynthiaputherheadfaroutofthewindowandlookedalongthesteeproofbeforethem。"Thereisablindoffoneofthewindows。Ihearditclappinginthewindtheothernight。Imustgoandseethenumberoftheroom。"Shedrewherheadinquicklyandranawaywithoutlettinghimseeherface。

Hefollowedher。"Letmehelpyouputitonagain！"

"No，no！"shecalledback。"Frankwilldothat，orJombateeste，whentheycometoshutupthehouse。"

XLI。

Westover，didnotmeetDurginforseveraldaysafterhisreturnfromLion’sHead。HebroughtmessagesforhimfromhismotherandfromWhitwell，andhewaitedforhimtocomeandgetthemsolongthathehadtoblamehimselffornotsendingthemtohim。WhenJeffappeared，attheendofaweek，Westoverhadacertainembarrassmentinmeetinghim，andtheefforttoovercomethiscarriedhimbeyondhissincerity。Hewasawareoffeigningthecordialityheshowed，andofhavinglessreallikingforhimthaneverbefore。Hesuggestedthathemustbebusiereveryday，now，withhiscollegework，andheresentedtheairofsocialprosperitywhichJeffputoninsaying，Yes，therewasthat，andthenhehadsomeengagementswhichkepthimfromcominginsooner。

Hedidnotsaywhattheengagementswere，andtheydidnotrecurtothethingstheyhadlastspokenof。WestovercouldnotdosowithoutJeff’sleading，andhewasrathergladthathegavenone。Hestayedonlyalittletime，whichwasspentmostlyinashowofinterestonbothsides，andthehollowhilaritieswhichpeopleusetomasktheirindifferencetooneanother’sbeinganddoing。JeffdeclaredthathehadneverseenWestoverlookingsowell，andsaidhemustgouptoLion’sHeadagain；ithaddonehimgood。Asforhispicture，itwasacorker；itmadehimfeelasifhewerethere！Heaskedaboutallthefolks，andreceivedWestover’sreplieswithvaguelaughter，andanabsenceinhisboldeye，whichmadethepainterwonderwhathismindwason，withoutthewishtofindout。Hewasgladtohavehimgo，thoughhepressedhimtodropinsoonagain，andsaidtheywouldtakeinaplaytogether。

Jeffsaidhewouldliketodothat，andheaskedatthedoorwhetherWestoverwasgoingtotheteaatMrs。Bellingham’s。Hesaidhehadtolookinthere，beforehewentouttoCambridge；andleftWestoverinmuteamazeatthelengthhehadapparentlygoneinaroadthathadonceseemednothoroughfareforhim。Jeff’ssocialacceptance，evenaftertheEnderbyball，whichwasnowsomesixorsevenweekspast，hadbeenslow；

butoflate，fornoreasonthatheoranyoneelsecouldhavegiven，ithadgainedasuddenprecipitance；andpeoplewhowonderedwhytheymethimatotherhousesbegantoaskhimtotheirown。

Hedidnotcaretogototheirhouses，andhewentatfirstinthehopeofseeingBessieLyndeagain。Butthisdidnothappenforsometime，anditwasamid—Lententeathatbroughtthemtogether。Assoonashecaughtsightofherhewentuptoherandbegantotalkasiftheyhadbeeninthehabitofmeetingconstantly。Shecouldnotcontrolalittlestartathisapproach，andhefranklyrecognizedit。

"What’sthematter？"

"Oh——thewindow！"

"Itisn’topen，"hesaid，tryingit。"Doyouwanttotryityourself？"

"IthinkIcantrustyou，"sheanswered，butshesankalittleintotheshelterofthecurtains，nottobeseentalkingwithhim，perhaps，ornottobeinterrupted——shedidnotanalyzehermotiveclosely。

Heremainedtalkingtoheruntilshewentaway，andthenhecontrivedtogowithher。Shedidnottrytoescapehimafterthat；eachtimetheymetshehadthepleasureofrealizingthattherehadneverbeenanydangerofwhatneverhappened。Butbeyondthisshecouldperhapshavegivennobetterreasonforherwillingnesstomeethimagainandagainthanthebewilderedwitnessesofthefact。Inhersetpeoplenotonlynevermarriedoutsideofit，buttheyneverflirtedoutsideofit。Foroneofthemselves，evenforagirllikeBessie，whomtheyhadnotquiteknownfromchildhood，tobeapparentlyamusingherselfwithamanlikethat，sowhollyalieninorigin，intradition，wassomethingunheardof；

anditbegantolookasifBessieLyndewasmorethanamused。ItseemedtoMaryEnderbythatwherevershewentshesawthatmantalkingtoBessie。ShecouldhavebelievedthatitwasbysomeevilartthathealwayscontrivedtoreachBessie’sside，ifanythingcouldhavebeenlesslikeanykindofartthantheboldpushhemadeforherassoonashesawherinaroom。ButsometimesMissEnderbyfearedthatitwasBessiewhousedsuchfinesseastherewas，andalwaysputherselfwherehecouldseeher。Shewaitedwithtremblingforhertogivetheaffairsanctionbymakingherauntaskhimtosomethingatherhouse。Ontheotherhand，shecouldnothelpfeelingthatBessie’sflirtationwasallthemoredeplorableforthewantofsomesuchlegitimation。

ShedidnotevenknowcertainlywhetherJeffevercalleduponBessieatheraunt’shouse，tillonedaythemanlethimoutatthesametimeheletherin。

"Oh，comeup，Molly！"Bessiesangoutfromthefloorabove，andmetherhalf—waydownthestairs，whereshekissedherandledherembracedintothelibrary。

"Youdon’tlikemyjay，doyou，dear？"sheasked，promptly。

MaryEnderbyturnedherface，themirrorofconscience，uponher，andasked："Isheyourjay？"

"Well，no；notjustinthatsense，Molly。Butsupposehewas？"

"ThenIshouldhavenothingtosay。"

"Andsupposehewasn’t？"

StillMaryEnderbyfoundherselfwithnothingofallshehadathousandtimesthoughtsheshouldsaytoBessieifshehadevertheslightestchance。Italwaysseemedsoeasy，tillnow，totakeBessieinherarms，andappealtohergoodsense，herself—respect，herregardforherfamilyandfriends；andnowitseemedsoimpossible。

Sheheardherselfanswering，verystiffly："PerhapsI’dbetterapologizeforwhatI’vesaidalready。YoumustthinkIwasveryunjustthelasttimewementionedhim。"

"Notatall！"criedBessie，withalaughthatsoundedverymockingandveryunworthytoherfriend。"He’sallthatyousaid，andworse。Buthe’smorethanyousaid，andbetter。"

"Idon’tunderstand，"saidMary，coldly。

"He’sveryinteresting；he’soriginal；he’sdifferent！"

"Oh，everyonesaysthat。"

Andhedoesn’tflatterme，orpretendtothinkmuchofme。Ifhedid，I

couldn’tbearhim。YouknowhowIam，Molly。Hekeepsmeinterested，don’tyouunderstand，andprowlingaboutinthegreatunknownwherebehashisweirdbeing。"

Bessieputherhandtohermouth，andlaughedatMaryEnderbywithherslantedeyes；asortofParisianversionofaChinesemotiveineyes。

"Isuppose，"herfriendsaid，sadly，"youwon’ttellmemorethanyouwish。"

"Iwon’ttellyoumorethanIknow——thoughI’dliketo，"saidBessie。

ShegaveMaryasuddenhug。"Youdear！Thereisn’tanythingofit，ifthat’swhatyoumean。"

"Butisn’ttheredangerthattherewillbe，Bessie？"herfriendentreated。

"Danger？Ishouldn’tcallitdanger，exactly！"

"Butifyoudon’trespecthim，Bessie——"

"Why，howcanI？Hedoesn’trespectme！"

"Iknowyou’reteasing，now，"saidMaryEnderby，gettingup，"andyou’requiteright。Ihavenobusinessto——"

Bessiepulledherdownupontheseatagain。"Yes，youhave！Don’tI

tellyou，overandover？Hedoesn’trespectme，becauseIdon’tknowhowtomakehim，andhewouldn’tlikeitifIdid。ButnowI’lltrytomakeyouunderstand。Idon’tbelieveIcareforhimtheleast；butmind，I’mnotcertain，forI’venevercaredforanyone，andIdon’tknowwhatit’slike。YouknowI’mnotsentimental；Ithinksentiment’sfunny；andI’mnotdignified——"

"You’redivine，"murmuredMaryEnderby，withreproachfuladoration。

"Yes，butyouseehowmydivinitycouldbeimproved，"saidBessie，withawildlaugh。"I’mnotsentimental，butI’memotional，andhegivesmeemotions。He’sariddle，andI’mallthetimeguessingathim。Yougettheanswertothekindofmenweknoweasily；andit’sverynice，butitdoesn’tamuseyousomuchastrying。Now，Mr。Durgin——whataname！

Icanseeitmakesyoucreep——isnomorelikeoneofusthana——bearis——andhisattitudetowardusisthatofabearwho’sgonesomuchwithhumanbeingsthathethinkshe’sahumanbeing。He’sdelightful，thatway。And，doyouknow，he’sintellectual！Heactuallybringsmebooks，andwantstoreadpassagestomeoutofthem！Hehasbroughtmetheplansofthenewhotelhe’sgoingtobuild。It’stobeveryaesthetic，andit’sgoingtobecalledTheLion’sHeadInn。There’stobealittletheatre，foramateurdramatics，whichIcouldconduct，andforallsortsofprofessionalamusements。Ifyoushouldevercome，Molly，I’msureweshalldoourbesttomakeyoucomfortable。"

MaryEnderbywouldnotletBessielaughuponhershoulderaftershesaidthis。"BessieLynde，"shesaid，severely，"ifyouhavenoregardforyourself，yououghttohavesomeregardforhim。Youmaysayyouarenotencouraginghim，andyoumaybelieveit——"

"Oh，Ishouldn’tsayitifIdidn’tbelieveit，"Bessiebrokein，withamockairofseriousness。

"Imustbegoing，"saidMary，stiffly，andthistimeshesucceededingettingtoherfeet。

Bessielaidholdofheragain。"Youthinkyou’vebeentrifledwith，don’tyou，dear？"

"No——"

"Yes，youdo！Don’tyoutrytobeslippery，Molly。Theplainpikestaffisyourstyle，morallyspeaking——ifanyoneknowswhatapikestaffis。

Well，now，listen！You’reanxiousaboutme。"

"YouknowhowIfeel，Bessie，"saidMaryEnderby，lookingherintheeyes。

"Yes，Ido，"saidBessie。"Thetroubleis，Idon’tknowhowIfeel。

ButifIeverdo，Molly，I’lltellyou！Isthatfair？"

"Yes"

"I’llgiveyouamplewarning。Attheleastlittleconsciousnessintheregionofthepericardium，offwillgoanotebyadistrictmessenger，andwhenyoucomeI’lldowhateveryousay。There！"

"Oh，Bessie！"criedherfriend，andshethrewherarmsroundher，"youalwayswerethemostfascinatingcreatureintheworld！"

"Yes，"saidBessie，"that’swhatItrytohavehimthink。"

XLII。

TowardtheendofAprilmostpeoplewhohadplacesattheShoreweremostlyinthem，buttheycameuptotownonfrequenterrands，andhadoneeffectofevanescencewithpeoplewhostillremainedintheirBostonhousesprovisionally，andseemedmorethanhalfabsent。TheEnderbyshadbeenattheShoreforafortnight，andtheLyndesweregoingtobeafortnightlongerinBoston，yet，asBessiemadeherfriendobserve，whenMary，raninforlunch，orstoppedforamomentonherwaytothetrain，everyfewdays，theywerebothofthesametransitoryquality。

"ItmightaswellbeIasyou，"Bessiesaidoneday，"ifweonlythinkso。It’sallveryweird，dear，andI’mnotsurebutitisyouwhositdayafterdayatmylonelycasementandwatchthesparrowsexaminingthefuzzybudsoftheJapivytoseejusthowsoontheycanhopetobuildinthevines。Doyouobjecttotheivybudslookingsoverymuchlikesnippedwoollenrags？Ifyoudo，I’msureit’syou，hereinmyplace，forwhenIcomeuptotowninyourpersonalityitsetsmyteethonedge。

Infact，that’stheworstthingaboutBostonnow——thefuzzyivybuds；

there’ssomuchivy！Whenyoucanforgetthebuds，thereareagreatmanythingstomakeyouhappy。IfeelquiteasifwewerespendingthesummerintownandIfeelveryadventurousandveryvirtuous，likesomesortofself—righteousbohemian。Youdon’tknowhowIlookdownonpeoplewhohavegoneoutoftown。Iconsiderthemveryselfishandheartless；

Idon’tknowwhy，exactly。Butwhenwehaveagoodmarrow—freezingnortheasterlystorm，andthenewspaperscomeoutwiththeirironicalcongratulationstothetax—dodgersattheShore，IfeelthatProvidenceisonmyside，andI’mgettingmyreward，eveninthisworld。"Bessiesuddenlylaughed。"Iseebyyourexpressionoffixedinattention，Molly，thatyou’rethinkingofMr。Durgin！"

Marygaveastartofprotest，butshewastoohonesttodenythefactoutright，andBessieranon：

"No，wedon’tsitonabenchintheCommon，orevenintheGarden，oronthewalkinCommonwealthAvenue。Ifwecometoitlater，astheseasonadvances，Ishallmakehimstayquiteattheotherendofthebench，andnotputhishandalongthetop。Youneedn’tbeafraid，Molly；alltheproprietiesshallbereligiouslyobserved。PerhapsIshallaskAuntLouisatoletussitoutonherfrontsteps，whentheeveningsgetwarmer；butIassureyouit’smuchmorecomfortablein—doorsyet，evenintown，thoughyou’llhardly，believeitattheShore。ShallyoucomeuptoClassDay？"

"Oh，Idon’tknow，"Marybegan，withasighofthebaffledhopeandtheinextinguishableexpectationwhichthementionofClassDaystirsintheheartofeveryBostongirlpasttwenty。

"Yes！"saidBessie，withasighburlesquedfromMary’s。"Thatiswhatweallsay，anditiscertainlythemostmaddeningofhumanfestivals。

Isuppose，ifwewerequitelefttoourselves，weshouldn’tgo；butweseemnevertobe，quite。AftereveryClassDayIsaytomyselfthatnothingonearthcouldinducemetogotoanother；butwhenitcomesroundagain，Ifindmyselfgraspingatanystrawofapretext。I’mpretendingnowthatI’veatenderobligationtogobecauseit’shisClassDay。"

"Bessie！"criedMaryEnderby。"Youdon’tmeanit！"

"NotifIsayit，Marydear。WhatdidIpromiseyouaboutthepericardiacsymptoms？ButIfeel——IfeelthatifheasksmeImustgo。

Shouldn’tyouliketogoandseeajayClassDay——bepartofit？ThinkofgoingoncetothePiUtespread——orwhateveritis！Anddancingintheirtent！AndbeingleftoutoftheGym，andBeck！Yes，Ioughttogo，sothatitcanbebroughthometome，andIcanhavearealizingsenseofwhatIamdoing，andbestayedinmymadcareer。"

"Perhaps，"MaryEnderbysuggested，colorlessly，"hewillbedevotedtohisownpeople。"ShehadacoldfascinationinthepictureBessie’swordshadconjuredup，andshewassayingthislesstoBessiethantoherself。

"AndIshouldmeetthem——hismothersandsisters！"Bessiedramatizedanexcessofanguish。"Oh，Mary，thatistheverythornIhavebeentryingnottopressmyheartagainst；anddoesyourhandcommendittomyembrace？Hisfolks！Yes，theywouldbefolks；andwhatfolks！IthinkIamgettingarealizingsense。Wait！Don’tspeakdon’tmove，Molly！"

Bessiedroppedherchinintoherhand，andstaredstraightforward，grippingMaryEnderby’shand。

Marywithdrewit。"Ishallhavetogo，Bessie，"shesaid。"Howisyouraunt？"

"Mustyou？ThenIshallalwayssaythatitwasyourfaultthatI

couldn’tgetarealizingsense——thatyoupreventedme，justwhenIwasabouttoseemyselfasothersseeme——asyouseeme。She’sverywell！"

Bessiesighedinearnest，andherfriendgaveherhandalittlepressureoftruesympathy。"Butofcourseit’sratherdullhere，now。"

"Ihatetohaveyoustayingon。Couldn’tyoucomedowntousforaweek？"

"No。Weboththinkit’sbesttobeherewhenAlangetsback。Wewanthimtogodownwithus。"BessiehadseldomspokenopenlywithMaryEnderbyaboutherbrother；butthatwasratherfromMary’sshrinkingthanherown；sheknewthateverybodyunderstoodhiscase。Shewentsofarnowastosay："He’seversomuchbetterthanhehasbeen。Wehavesuchhopesofhim，ifhecankeepwell，whenhegetsbackthistime。"

"Oh，Iknowhewill，"saidMary，fervently。"I’msureofit。Couldn’twedosomethingforyou，Bessie？"

"No，thereisn’tanything。But——thankyou。Iknowyoualwaysthinkofme，andthat’sworlds。Whenareyoucomingupagain？"

"Idon’tknow。Nextweek，sometime。"

"Comeinandseeme——andAlan，ifheshouldbeathome。Helikesyou，andhewillbesoglad。"

MarykissedBessieforconsent。"YouknowhowmuchIadmireAlan。Hecouldbeanything。"

"Yes，hecould。Ifhecould！"

Bessieseldomputsomuchearnestinanything，andMaryloved（asshewouldhavesaid）thesadsincerity，thehonesthopelessnessofhertone。

"Wemusthelphim。Iknowwecan。"

"Wemusttry。Butpeoplewhocould——iftheycould——"Bessiestopped。

Herfrienddivinedthatshewasnolongerspeakingwhollyofherbrother，butshesaid："Thereisn’tanyifaboutit；andtherearenoifsaboutanythingifweonlythinkso。It’sasinnottothinkso。"

ThemixtureofseverityandofoptimisminthenatureofherfriendhadoftenamusedBessie，anditdidnotescapehertacitnoticeinevensoseriousamomentasthis。Hertheorywasthatshewasshockedtorecognizeitnow，becauseofitsrelationtoherbrother，buthertheoriesdidnotalwaysagreewiththefacts。

Thatevening，however，shewastrulysurprisedwhen，afteraratherbelatedringatthedoor，thecardofMr。ThomasJeffersonDurgincameuptoherfromthereception—room。Heraunthadgonetobed，andshehadaluxuriousmomentinwhichshereapedalltherewardofself—denialbysupposingherselftohaveforegonethepleasureofseeinghim，andsendingdownwordthatshewasnotathome。Shedidnotwish，indeed，toseehim，butshewishedtoknowhowhefeltwarrantedincallingintheevening，anditwasthisunworthy，curiositywhichshestifledforthatluxuriousmoment。Thenext，withundiminisheddignity，shesaid，"Askhimtocomeup，Andrew，"andshewaitedinthelibraryforhimtoofferajustificationofthelibertyhehadtaken。

Heofferednonewhatever，butbehavedatonceasifhehadalwayshadthehabitofcallingintheevening，orasifitwasageneralcustomwhichheneednotaccountforinhisowncase。Hebroughtherabookwhichtheyhadtalkedofattheirlastmeeting，buthemadenoexcuseorpretextofit。

Hesaiditwasabeautifulnight，andthathehadfounditratherwarmwalkinginfromCambridge。Theexercisehadmoistenedhiswholerich，redcolor，andfinedropsofperspirationstoodonhisclean—shavenupperlipandinthehollowbetweenhisunderlipandhisboldchin；hepushedbackthecoarse，dark—yellowhairfromhisforeheadwithhishandkerchief，andlethiseyesmockherfromunderhisthick，straw—

coloredeyebrows。Sheknewthathewasenjoyinghisownimpudence，andhewassohandsomethatshecouldnotrefusetoenjoyitwithhim。Sheaskedhimifhewouldnothaveafan，andheallowedhertogetitforhimfromthemantel。"Willyouhavesometea？"

"No；butaglassofwater，ifyouplease，"hesaid，andBessierangandsentforsomeapollinaris，whichJeffdrankagreatgobletofwhenitcame。Thenhelaybackinthedeepchairhehadtaken，withtheairofbeingreadyforanylittleamusingthingshehadtosay。

"Areyoustillapessimist，Mr。Durgin？"sheasked，tentatively，withtheeffectofinnocencethatheknewmeantmischief。

"No，"hesaid。"I’mareformedoptimist。"

"Whatisthat？"

"It’samanwhocan’tbelieveallthegoodhewouldlike，butlikestobelieveallthegoodhecan。"

Bessiesaiditover，withburlesquethoughtfulness。"Therewasagirlhereto—day，"shesaid，solemnly，"whomusthavebeenareformedpessimist，then，forshesaidthesamething。"

"Oh！MissEnderby，"saidJeff。

Bessiestarted。"You’repreternatural！Butwhatapityyoushouldbemistaken。Howcameyoutothinkofher？"

"Shedoesn’tlikeme，andyoualwaysputmeontrialaftershe’sbeenhere。"

"AmIputtingyouontrialnow？It’syourguiltyconscience！Whyshouldn’tMaryEnderbylikeyou？"

"BecauseI’mnotgoodenough。"

"Oh！Andwhathasthattodowithpeople’slikingyou？Ifthatwasareason，howmanyfriendsdoyouthinkyouwouldhave？"

"I’mnotsurethatIshouldhaveany。"

"Anddoesn’tthatmakeyoufeelbadly？"

"Very。"Jeff’sconfessionwasasmilingone。

"Youdon’tshowit！"

"Idon’twanttogrieveyou。"

"Oh，I’mnotsurethatwouldgrieveme。"

"Well，IthoughtIwouldn’triskit。"

"Howconsiderateofyou！"

Theyhadcometoalittlebarrier，upthatway，andcouldgonofurther。

Jeffsaid："I’vejustbeeninterviewinganotherreformedpessimist。"

"Mr。Westover？"

"You’repreternatural，too。Andyou’renotmistaken，either。Doyouevergotohisstudio？"

"No；Ihaven’tbeentheresincehetoldmeitwouldbeofnousetocomeasastudent。Hecanbeterriblyfrank。"

"NobodyknowsthatbetterthanIdo，"saidJeff，withasmileforthenotionofWestover’sfranknessashehadrepeatedlyexperiencedit。"Buthemeanswell。"

"Oh，that’swhattheyalwayssay。Butallthefranknesscan’tbewellmeant。Whyshoulduncandorbetheonlyformofmalevolence？"

"That’sagoodidea。IbelieveI’llputthatuponWestoverthenexttimehe’sfrank。"

"Andwillyoutellmewhathesays？"

"Oh，Idon’tknowaboutthat。"Jefflaybackinhischairatlargeeaseandchuckled。"Ishouldliketotellyouwhathe’sjustbeensayingtome，butIdon’tbelieveIcan。"

"Do！"