第18章

TothisinquiryMr。Knightatoncerepliedthatthemoneysmightbepaidtohimasthefatherofthelegatee，andwasfuriouswhenallsortsofobjectionswereraisedtothatcourse，unlesseverykindofguaranteeweregiventhattheywouldbeusedsolelyandstrictlyforthebenefitofhisson。Finally，anaccounthadtobeopenedonwhichchequescouldbedrawnsignedbyoneofthetrusteesandMr。Knight。

Thisprovisomadethelatterevenmoreindignantthanbefore，especiallyasitwasaccompaniedbyanintimationthatthetrusteeswouldrequirehisson’sconsent，eitherbyletterorinapersonalinterview，toanyarrangementsastohiscareer，etc。，whichinvolvedexpenditureofthetrustmoneys。Whenasomewhatrudeandlengthylettertothemtothateffectwasmetwithacurtacknowledgmentofitsreceiptandareferencetotheirpreviousdecision，Mr。Knight’sannoyancehardenedintoapermanentgrievanceagainsthisson，whomheseemedtoholdresponsibleforwhathecalledan“affront“tohimself。

Hewasamanwithlargeideasofpaternalrights，ofwhichanexamplemaybegiventhatwasnotwithoutitseffectuponthevitalinterestsofothers。

WhenIsobelreturnedfromLondon，afterthefancy-dressball，atwhichshethoughtshehadseenaghostwhilstsittinginthesquarewithheryoungadmirerwhowasdressedasaknight，shewaitedforalongwhileexpectingtoreceivealetterfromGodfrey。Asnonecame，althoughsheknewfromMrs。Parsonsthathehadwrittenhomeseveraltimes，shebegantowonderastothecauseofhissilence。Thenanideaoccurredtoher。

Supposingthatwhatshehadseenwasnofancyofhermind，butGodfreyhimself，whoinsomemysteriousfashionhadfoundhiswayintothatsquare，perhapsinthehopeofseeingherattheballinordertosaygoodbye？Thiswaspossible，sinceshehadascertainedfromsomecasualremarkbyhisfatherthathedidnotleaveLondonuntilthefollowingmorning。

Ifthishadhappened，ifhehadseenher“playingthefool，“assheexpressedittoherselfwiththatgood-lookingmaninthesquare，whatwouldhehavethoughtofher？Sheneverpausedtorememberthathehadnorighttothinkanything。Somehowfromchildhoodsheacknowledgedinherheartthathehadeveryright，thoughwhenshesaidthistoherself，shedidnotintheleastunderstandallthattheadmissionconveyed。Althoughshebulliedandmaltreatedhimattimes，yettoherselfshealwaysconfessedhimtobeherlordandmaster。Hewastheonemalecreatureforwhomshecaredinthewholeworld，indeed，puttinghermotheroutofthequestion，shecaredfornoothermanorwoman，andwouldneverlearntodoso。

Forherswasasingularandveryrareinstanceofalmostundividedaffectioncentredonasingleobject。SofarashissexwasconcernedGodfreywasherall，apositionofwhichanymanmightwellbeproudinthecaseofanywoman，andespeciallyofonewhohadmanyopportunitiesofdevotingherselftoothers。Inherexample，however，shewasnottobethanked，forthereasonthatsheonlyfollowedhernature，orperhapsthedictatesofthatfatewhichinspiresandrulesverygreatlove，whetheritbebetweenmanandwoman，betweenparentandchild，betweenbrotherandbrother，orbetweenfriendandfriend。

Suchfeelingsdonotarise，orgrow。Theysimply/are/；theblossomsofaplantthathasitssecretrootsfarawayinthesoilofCircumstancebeyondourken，andthat，mayhap，haspusheditsbranchesthroughexistenceswithoutnumber，andintheclimatesofmanyworlds。

SoatleastitwaswithIsobel，andsoithadalwaysbeensinceshekissedthesleepingchildintheoldrefectoryoftheAbbey。Shewashis，andinaway，howevermuchshemightdoubtormistrust，herinnersenseandinstincttoldherthathewasalwayshers，thatsohehadalwaysbeenandsoalwayswouldremain。Withtheadventofwomanhoodthesetruthscamehometoherwithanincreasedforcebecausesheknew——againbyinstinct——thatthisfactofwomanhoodmultipliedthechancesofattainmenttotheunitywhichshedesired，howeverpartialthatmightstillprovetobe。

Yetsheknewalsothatthisgreatmutualattractiondidnotdependonsex，thoughbytheinfluenceofsexitmightbequickenedandaccentuated。Itwassomethingmuchmoredeepandwide，somethingwhichshedidnotandperhapsneverwouldunderstand。Thesexelementwasaccidental，somuchsothatthepassageofafewearthlyyearswouldrobitofitspowertoattractandmakeitasthoughithadneverbeen，buttheperfectfriendshipbetweentheirsoulswaspermanentandwithoutshadowofchange。Sheknew，oh!，sheknew，althoughnowordofithadeverbeenspokenbetweenthem，thattheirswastheLoveEternal。Thequickperceptionofherwoman’smindtoldherthesethings，ofwhichGodfrey’sinitsslowergrowthwasnotyetaware。

AnimatedbythisnewideathatshehadreallyseenGodfrey，andwhatwasmuchworse，thatGodfreyhadreallyseenheruponanoccasionwhenshewouldhavemuchpreferredtoremaininvisibletohim，shewasfilledwithremorse，anddeterminedtowritehimaletter。Likethatoftheyoungmanhimselftohisfather，itscompositiontookheragooddealoftime。

Hereitisascopiedfromherthirdandfinaldraft：——

“MydearoldGodfrey，——IhaveanideathatyouwereintheSquareonthenightofthefancyballwhenIcameout，andworethathorridPlantagenetdresswhich，afterall，didnotfit。(Isentittoajumble-salewherenoonewouldbuyit，soIgaveittoMrs。

Smilie，whohasninechildren，tocutintofrocksforherlittlegirls。)Ifyou/were/there，insteadofrestingbeforeyourlongjourneyasyououghttohavedone，andsawmewithamaninarmourandarose——andtherest，ofcourseyouwillhaveunderstoodthatthiswasallpartofthegame。Yousee，wehadtopretendthatwewereknightsandladieswho，whentheywerenotcuttingthroatsorbeingcarriedoffwiththeirhairdown，seemtohavewastedtheirtimeingivingeachotherfavours，andallthatsortofbosh。(Wedidnotknowwhatafavourwas，soweusedarose。)Thetruthisthattheyoungmanandhisarmour，especiallyhisspurswhichtoremydress，andeverythingabouthimboredme，themoresobecauseallthewhileIwasthinkingof——well，otherthings——howyouwouldgetthroughyourjourney，andlikethoseFrenchpeopleandtherest。Sonow，ifyou/were/there，youwon’tbecross，andifyouwere/not/，anddon’tunderstandwhatIamsaying，itisn’tworthbotheringabout。Inanycase，youhadnorightto——Imean，becross。ItisIwhoshouldbecrosswithyouforpokingaboutinaLondonsquaresolateandnotcomingforwardtosayhowdoyoudoandbeintroducedtotheknight。ThatisallIhavetosayaboutthebusiness，sodon’twriteandaskmeanyquestions。

“Thereisnonewshere——thereneveris——exceptthatIhaven’tbeenintothatchurchsinceyouleft，anddon’tmeanto，whichmakesyourfatherlookatmeassourlyasthoughhehadeatenawholehatfulofcrab-apples。Hehatesme，youknow，andIratherlikehimforshowingit，asitsavesmethetroubleoftryingtokeepupappearances。Dotellme，whenyouwrite，howtoexplainhiseverhavingbeen/your/father。IfhestillwantsyoutogointotheChurchIadviseyoutostudytheThirty-nineArticles。Ireadthemallthroughyesterday，andhowanybodycansweartotheminthisyearofgraceI’msureIdon’tknow。Theymustshuttheireyesandopentheirmouths，likeweusedtodowhenwetookpowders。Bytheway，didyoueverreadanythingaboutBuddhism？

I’vegotabookonitwhichIthinkratherfine。Atanyrate，itisagreatidea，thoughIthinkIshouldfinditdifficulttofollow’theWay。’

“IamsorrytosaythatMotherisnotwellatall。ShecoughsagreatdealnowthatEssexisgettingsodamp，andgrowsthinnerandthinner。ThedoctorsayssheoughttogotoEgypt，onlyFatherwon’thearofit。ButIwon’twriteaboutthatorweshouldhaveanotherargumentonthefourthCommandment。Good-bye，dearoldboy——YouraffectionateIsobel。

“P。S——Whenyouwritedon’ttellmeallaboutSwitzerlandandsnow-

coveredmountainsandblue，bottomlesslakes，etc。，whichIcanreadinbooks。Tellmeaboutyourselfandwhatyouaredoingandthinking——especiallywhatyouarethinking。

“P。P。S——Thatmaninarmourisn’treallygood-looking；hehasasquint。Alsoheputsscentuponhishairandcan’tspell。Iknowbecausehetriedtowriteabitofpoetryonmyprogrammeandgotitallwrong。“

WhenshehadfinishedthissomewhatlabouredepistleIsobelrememberedthatshehadforgottentoaskGodfreytowritedownhisaddress。

BethinkingherthatitwouldbeknowntoMrs。Parsons，shetookitroundtotheAbbeyHouse，proposingtoadditthere。AsithappenedMrs。Parsonswasout，sosheleftitwiththehousemaid，whopromisedfaithfullytogiveittoherwhenshereturned，withIsobel’smessageastowritingtheaddressonthesealedenvelope。Inorderthatshemightnotforget，themaidplaceditonatablebythebackdoor。Byillluck，however，presentlythroughthatdoor，came，notMrs。

Parsons，buttheRev。Mr。Knight。HesawtheletteraddressedtoGodfreyKnight，Esq。，and，thoughhehalfpretendedtohimselfthathedidnot，atoncerecognizedIsobel’slarge，uprighthand。Takingitfromthetablehecarrieditwithhimintohisstudyandtherecontemplateditforawhile。

“ThatperniciousgirliscommunicatingwithGodfrey，“hesaidtohimself，“whichIparticularlywishtoprevent。“

Adesirecameuponhimtoknowwhatwasintheletter，andhebegantoarguewithhimselfastohis“duty“——thatwasthewordheused。

FinallyheconcludedthatasGodfreywasstillsoyoungandsoopentobadinfluencesfromthatquarter，thisdutyclearlyindicatedthatheshouldreadtheletterbeforeitwasforwarded。Inobediencetothishighimpulseheopenedandreadit，withtheresultthatbythetimeitwasfinishedtherewasperhapsnomoreangryclergymanintheBritishEmpire。Thedescriptionofhimselflookingasthoughhehadeatenahatfulofcrab-apples；theimpiousremarksabouttheThirty-

nineArticles；thesuggestionthatGodfrey，insteadofgoingtobedashehadorderedhimtodothatevening，waswanderingaboutLondonatmidnight；theboldlyannouncedintentionofthewriterofnotgoingtochurch——indeed，everywordofitirritatedhimbeyondbearing。

“Well，“hesaidaloud，“IdonotthinkthatIamcalledupontospendtwopence-halfpenny“(forIsobelhadforgottenthestamp)“inforwardingsuchpoisonoustrashtoasonwhomIshouldguardfromevil。Hatefulgirl!Atanyratesheshallhavenoanswertothiseffusion。“

Thenheputtheletterintoadrawerwhichhelocked。

Asaconsequence，naturally，Isobeldidreceive“noanswer，“afactfromwhichshedrewherownconclusions。Indeed，itwouldnotbetoomuchtosaythatthesesearedhersoul。ShehadwrittentoGodfrey，shehadhumbledherselfbeforeGodfrey，andhesenther——noanswer。Itneveroccurredtohertomakeinquiriesastothefateofthatletter，exceptoncewhensheaskedthehousemaidwhomshechancedtomeet，whethershehadgivenittoMrs。Parsons。Thegirl，whosebrain，orwhateverrepresentedthatorgan，wasentirelyfixeduponayoungmaninthevillageofwhomshewasjealous，answered，yes。Perhapsshehadentirelyforgottentheincident，orperhapssheconsideredthethrowingoftheletteruponatableasequivalenttodelivery。