下载辰思小说免费APP
visitedbygustsofresentmentagainstapassion,whichforcedhimtopaytheprice,eitherofhiscareer,orofhisself—respect;gusts,followedbyremorsethathecouldsoforonemomentregrethisloveforthattendercreature。ThefaceofLuciferwasnotmoredark,moretortured,thanMiltoun\'sfaceinthetwilightofthegrove,abovethosekingdomsoftheworld,forwhichhisambitionandhisconsciencefought。Hethrewhimselfdownamongthetrees;andstretchingouthisarms,bychancetouchedabeetletryingtocrawloverthegrasslesssoil。Somebirdhadmaimedit。Hetookthelittlecreatureup。Thebeetletrulycouldnolongerwork,butitwassparedthefatelyingbeforehimself。Thebeetlewasnot,ashewouldbe,whenhispowerofmovementwasdestroyed,consciousofhisownwastedlife。Theworldwouldnotrollawaydownthere。Hewouldstillseehimselfcumberingtheground,whenhispowersweretaken,fromhim。Thisthoughtwastorture。Whyhadhebeensufferedtomeether,toloveher,andtobelovedbyher？Whathadmadehimsocertainfromthefirstmoment,ifshewerenotmeantforhim？Ifhelivedtobeahundred,hewouldnevermeetanother。Why,becauseofhislove,mustheburythewillandforceofaman？IftherewerenomorecoherenceinGod\'sschemethanthis,lethimtoobeincoherent！
Lethimholdauthority,andliveoutsideauthority！Whystiflehispowersforthesakeofacoherencewhichdidnotexist！Thatwouldindeedbemadnessgreaterthanthatofamadworld！
Therewasnoanswertohisthoughtsinthestillnessofthegrove,unlessitwerethecooingofadove,orthefaintthuddingofthesheepissuingagainintosunlight。ButslowlythatstillnessstoleintoMiltoun\'sspirit。"Isitlikethisinthegrave？"hethought。
"Aretheboughsofthosetreesthedarkearthoverme？Andthesoundinthemthesoundthedeadhearwhenflowersaregrowing,andthewindpassingthroughthem？Andisthefeelofthisearthhowitfeelstolielookingupforeveratnothing？Islifeanythingbutanightmare,adream;andisnotthisthereality？Andwhymyfury,myinsignificantflame,blowinghereandthere,whenthereisreallynowind,onlyashroudofstillair,andtheseflowersofsunlightthathavebeendroppedonme！Whynotletmyspiritsleep,insteadofeatingitselfawaywithrage;whynotresignmyselfatoncetowaitforthesubstance,ofwhichthisisbuttheshadow！"
Andhelayscarcelybreathing,lookingupattheunmovingbranchessettingwiththeirdarknessthepearlsofthesky。
"Isnotpeaceenough？"hethought。"Isnotloveenough？CanInotbereconciled,likeawoman？Isnotthatsalvation,andhappiness？
Whatisalltherest,but\'soundandfury,signifyingnothing？"
Andasthoughafraidtolosehisholdofthatthought,hegotupandhurriedfromthegrove。
Thewholewidelandscapeoffieldandwood,cutbythepaleroads,wasglimmeringundertheafternoonsun,Herewasnowild,wind—sweptland,gleamingredandpurple,andguardedbythegreyrocks;nohomeofthewinds,andthewildgods。Itwasallsereneandsilver—
golden。Inplaceoftheshrillwailingpipeofthehuntingbuzzard—
hawkshalflostupinthewind,invisiblelarkswerelettingfallhymnstotranquillity;andeventhesea——noadventuringspiritsweepingtheshorewithitswing——seemedtolierestingbythesideoftheland。
CHAPTERXV
WhenontheafternoonofthatsamedayMiltoundidnotcome,allthechillydoubtswhichhispresencealonekeptaway,crowdedthickandfastintothemindofoneonlytoopronetodistrustherownhappiness。Itcouldnotlast——howcouldit？
Hisnatureandherownweresofarapart！Eveninthatgivingofherselfwhichhadbeensuchhappiness,shehadyetdoubted;fortherewassomuchinhimthatwastohermysterious。Allthathelovedinpoetryandnature,hadinitsomethingcraggyandculminating。Thesoftandfiery,thesubtleandharmonious,seemedtoleavehimcold。
Hehadnoparticularloveforallthosesimplenaturalthings,birds,bees,animals,trees,andflowers,thatseemedtoherpreciousanddivine。
Thoughitwasnotyetfouro\'clockshewasalreadybeginningtodrooplikeaflowerthatwantswater。Butshesatdowntoherpiano,resolutely,tillteacame;playingonandonwithaspiritonlyhalfpresent,theotherhalfofherwanderingintheTown,seekingforMiltoun。Afterteashetriedfirsttoread,thentosew,andoncemorecamebacktoherpiano。Theclockstrucksix;andasifitslaststrokehadbrokenthearmourofhermind,shefeltsuddenlysickwithanxiety。Whywashesolong？Butshekeptonplaying,turningthepageswithouttakinginthenotes,hauntedbytheideathathemightagainhavefallenill。Shouldshetelegraph？Whatgood,whenshecouldnottellintheleastwherehemightbe？Andalltheunreasoningterrorofnotknowingwherethelovedoneis,besethersothatherhands,insheernumbness,droppedfromthekeys。Unabletokeepstill,now,shewanderedfromwindowtodoor,outintothelittlehall,andbackhastilytothewindow。Overheranxietybroodedadarkness,compoundedofvaguegrowingfears。Whatifitweretheend？Whatifhehadchosenthisasthemostmercifulwayofleavingher？Butsurelyhewouldneverbesocruel！Closeontheheelsofthistoopainfulthoughtcamereaction;andshetoldherselfthatshewasafool。HewasattheHouse;somethingquiteordinarywaskeepinghim。Itwasabsurdtobeanxious！Shewouldhavetogetusedtothisnow。Tobeadragonhimwouldbedreadful。Soonerthanthatshewouldrather——yes——ratherhenevercameback！Andshetookupherbook,determinedtoreadquietlytillhecame。Butthemomentshesatdownherfearsreturnedwithredoubledforce—thecoldsicklyhorriblefeelingofuncertainty,oftheknowledgethatshecoulddonothingbutwaittillshewasrelievedbysomethingoverwhichshehadnocontrol。Andinthesuperstitionthattostaythereinthewindowwhereshecouldseehimcome,waskeepinghimfromher,shewentintoherbedroom。Fromthereshecouldwatchthesunsetcloudswine—darkovertheriver。Alittletalkingwindshiveredalongthehouses;theduskbegancreepingin。Shewouldnotturnonthelight,unwillingtoadmitthatitwasreallygettinglate,butbegantochangeherdress,lingeringdesperatelyovereverylittledetailofhertoilette,derivingtherefromafaint,mysteriouscomfort,tryingtomakeherselffeelbeautiful。Fromsheerdreadofgoingbackbeforehecame,sheletherhairfall,thoughitwasquitesmoothandtidy,andbeganbrushingit。Suddenlyshethoughtwithhorrorofhereffortsatadornment——byspeciallypreparingforhim,shemustseempresumptuoustoFate。Atanylittlesoundshestoppedandstoodlistening——saveforherhairandeyes,aswhitefromheadtofootasadoublenarcissusflowerinthedusk,bendingtowardssomefainttuneplayedtoitsomewhereoftinthefields。Butallthoselittlesoundsceased,oneafteranother——theyhadmeantnothing;andeachtime,herspiritreturning——withinthepalewallsoftheroom,beganoncemoretoinhabitherlingeringfingers。
Duringthathourinherbedroomshelivedthroughyears。Itwasdarkwhensheleftit。
CHAPTERXVI
WhenMiltounatlastcameitwaspastnineo\'clock。
Silent,butquiveringallover;sheclungtohiminthehall;andthispassionofemotion,withoutsoundtogiveitsubstance,affectedhimprofoundly。Howterriblysensitiveandtendershewas！Sheseemedtohavenoarmour。Butthoughsostirredbyheremotion,hewasnonethelessexasperated。Sheincarnatedatthatmomentthelifetowhichhemustnowresignhimself——alifeofunendingtenderness,consideration,andpassivity。
Foralongtimehecouldnotbringhimselftospeakofhisdecision。
Everylookofhereyes,everymovementofherbody,seemedpleadingwithhimtokeepsilence。ButinMiltoun\'scharactertherewasanelementofrigidity,whichneversufferedhimtodivergefromanobjectiveoncedetermined。
Whenhehadfinishedtellingher,sheonlysaid:
"Whycan\'twegooninsecret？"
Andhefeltwithasortofhorrorthathemustbeginhisstruggleoveragain。Hegotup,andthrewopenthewindow。Theskywasdarkabovetheriver;thewindhadrisen。Thatrestlessmurmuration,andthewidthofthenightwithitsscatteredstars,seemedtocomerushingathisface。Hewithdrewfromit,andleaningonthesilllookeddownather。Whatflower—likedelicacyshehad！Thereflashedacrosshimthememoryofadroopingblossom,which,intheSpring,hehadseenherthrowintotheflames;withthewords:"I
can\'tbearflowerstofade,Ialwayswanttoburnthem。"Hecouldseeagainthosewaxenpetalsyieldtothefierceclutchofthelittleredcreepingsparks,andtheslenderstalkquivering,andglowing,andwrithingtoblacknesslikealivething。And,distraught,hebegan:
"Ican\'tlivealie。WhatrighthaveItolead,ifIcan\'tfollow？
I\'mnotlikeourfriendCourtierwhobelievesinLiberty。Ineverhave,Inevershall。Liberty？WhatisLiberty？Butonlythosewhoconformtoauthorityhavetherighttowieldauthority。Amanisachurlwhoenforceslaws,whenhehimselfhasnotthestrengthtoobservethem。Iwillnotbeoneofwhomitcanbesaid:\'Hecanruleothers,himself————！"
"Noonewillknow。"
Miltounturnedaway。
"Ishallknow,"hesaid;buthesawclearlythatshedidnotunderstandhim。Herfacehadastrange,brooding,shut—awaylook,asthoughhehadfrightenedher。Andthethoughtthatshecouldnotunderstand,angeredhim。
Hesaid,stubbornly:"No,Ican\'tremaininpubliclife。"
"Butwhathasittodowithpolitics？It\'ssuchalittlething。"
"Ifithadbeenalittlethingtome,shouldIhaveleftyouatMonkland,andspentthosefiveweeksinpurgatorybeforemyillness？
Alittlething！"
Sheexclaimedwithsuddenfire:
"Circumstancesayethelittlething;it\'slovethat\'sthegreatthing。"
Miltounstaredather,forthefirsttimeunderstandingthatshehadaphilosophyasdeepandstubbornashisown。Butheansweredcruelly:
"Well！thegreatthinghasconqueredme！"
Andthenhesawherlookingathim,asif,seeingintotherecessesofhissoul,shehadmadesomeghastlydiscovery。Thelookwassomournful,souncannilyintentthatheturnedawayfromit。
"Perhapsitisalittlething,"hemuttered;"Idon\'tknow。Ican\'tseemyway。I\'velostmybearings;ImustfindthemagainbeforeI
candoanything。"
Butasifshehadnotheard,ornottakeninthesenseofhiswords,shesaidagain:
"Oh！don\'tletusalteranything;Iwon\'teverwantwhatyoucan\'tgive。"
Andthisstubbornness,whenhewasdoingtheverythingthatwouldgivehimtoherutterly,seemedtohimunreasonable。
"I\'vehaditoutwithmyself,"hesaid。"Don\'tlet\'stalkaboutitanymore。"
Again,withasortofdryanguish,shemurmured:
"No,no！Letusgoonasweare！"
Feelingthathehadborneallhecould,Miltounputhishandsonhershoulders,andsaid:"That\'senough！"
Then,insuddenremorse,heliftedher,andclaspedhertohim。
Butshestoodinertinhisarms,hereyesclosed,notreturninghiskisses。
CHAPTERXVII
OnthelastdaybeforeParliamentrose,LordValleys,withalightheart,mountedhishorseforagallopintheRow。Thoughshewasabloodmareherodeherwithaplainsnaffle,havingthehorsemanshipofonewhohashuntedfromtheageofseven,andbeenfortwentyyearsaColonelofYeomanry。Greetingaffablyeveryoneheknew,hemaintainedafrankdemeanouronallsubjects,especiallyofGovernmentpolicy,secretlyenjoyingthesurmisesandprognostications,sopleasantlywideofthemark,andthewayquestionsandhintsperishedbeforehissphinx—likecandour。HespokecheerilytooofMiltoun,whowas\'allrightagain,\'and\'burningforthefray\'whentheHousemetagainintheautumn。AndhechaffedLordMalvezinabouthiswife。Ifanything——hesaid——couldmakeBertietakeaninterestinpolitics,itwouldbeshe。Hehadtwocapitalgallops,beingwellknowntothepolice:Thedaywasbright,andhewassorrytoturnhome。FallinginwithHarbinger,heaskedhimtocomebacktolunch。Therehadseemedsomethingdifferentlately,analmostmoroselook,aboutyoungHarbinger;andhiswife\'sdisquietingwordsaboutBarbaracamebacktoLordValleyswithashock。Hehadseenlittleofthechildlately,andinthegeneralclearingupofthistimeofyearhadforgottenallaboutthematter。
Agatha,whowasstillstayingatValleysHousewithlittleAnn,waitingtotraveluptoScotlandwithhermother,wasout,andtherewasnooneatlunchexceptLadyValleysandBarbaraherself。
Conversationflagged;fortheyoungpeoplewereextremelysilent,LadyValleyswasconsideringthedraftofareportwhichhadtobesettledbeforesheleft,andLordValleyshimselfwasrathercarefullywatchinghisdaughter。ThenewsthatLordMiltounwasinthestudycameasasurprise,andsomewhatofarelieftoall。Toanexhortationtoluringhimintolunch;theservantrepliedthatLordMiltounhadlunched,andwouldwait。
"Doesheknowthere\'snoonehere？"
"Yes,mylady。"
LadyValleyspushedbackherplate,androse:
"Oh,well！"shesaid,"I\'vefinished。"
LordValleysalsogotup,andtheywentouttogether,leavingBarbara,whohadrisen,lookingdoubtfullyatthedoor。
LordValleyshadrecentlybeentoldofthenursingepisode,andhadreceivedthenewswiththedubiousairofonehearingsomethingaboutaneccentricperson,which,heardaboutanyoneelse,couldhavehadbutonesignificance。IfEustacehadbeenanormalyoungmanhisfatherwouldhaveshruggedhisshoulder\'s,andthought:"Oh,well！
Thereitis！"Asitwas,hehadliterallynotknownwhattothink。
Andnow,crossingthesaloonwhichintervenedbetweenthedining—roomandthestudy,hesaidtohiswifeuneasily:
"Isitthiswomanagain,Gertrude——orwhat？"
LadyValleysansweredwithashrug:
"Goodnessknows,mydear。"
Miltounwasstandingintheembrasureofawindowabovetheterrace。
Helookedwell,andhisgreetingwasthesameasusual。
"Well,mydearfellow,"saidLordValleys,"you\'reallrightagainevidently——what\'sthenews？"
"OnlythatI\'vedecidedtoresignmyseat。"
LordValleysstared。
"Whatonearthfor？"
ButLadyValleys,withthegreaterquicknessofwomen,diviningalreadysomethingofthereason,hadflushedadeeppink。
"Nonsense,mydear,"shesaid;"itcan\'tpossiblybenecessary,evenif————"Recoveringherself,sheaddeddryly:
"Giveussomereason。"
"ThereasonissimplythatI\'vejoinedmylifetoMrs。Noel\'s,andI
can\'tgoonasIam,livingalie。IfitwereknownIshouldobviouslyhavetoresignatonce。"
"GoodGod！"exclaimedLordValleys。
LadyValleysmadearapidmovement。Inthefaceofwhatshefelttobeareallyseriouscrisisbetweenthesetwoutterlydifferentcreaturesoftheothersex,herhusbandandherson,shehaddroppedhermaskandbecomeagenuinewoman。Unconsciouslybothmenfeltthischange,andinspeaking,turnedtowardsher。
"Ican\'targueit,"saidMiltoun;"Iconsidermyselfboundinhonour。"
"Andthen？"sheasked。
LordValleys,withanoteofrealfeeling,interjected:
"ByHeaven！Ididthinkyouputyourcountryaboveyourprivateaffairs。"
"Geoff！"saidLadyValleys。
ButLordValleyswenton:
"No,Eustace,I\'moutoftouchwithyourviewofthingsaltogether。
Idon\'tevenbegintounderstandit。"
"Thatistrue,"saidMiltoun。
"Listentome,bothofyou！"saidLadyValleys:"Youtwoarealtogetherdifferent;andyoumustnotquarrel。Iwon\'thavethat。
Now,Eustace,youareourson,andyouhavegottobekindandconsiderate。Sitdown,andlet\'stalkitover。"
Andmotioningherhusbandtoachair,shesatdownintheembrasureofawindow。Miltounremainedstanding。Visitedbyasuddendread,LadyValleyssaid:
"Isit——you\'venot——thereisn\'tgoingtobeascandal？"
Miltounsmiledgrimly。
"Ishalltellthisman,ofcourse,butyoumaymakeyourmindseasy,Iimagine;Iunderstandthathisviewofmarriagedoesnotpermitofdivorceinanycasewhatever。"
LadyValleyssighedwithanutterandundisguisedrelief。
"Well,then,mydearboy,"shebegan,"evenifyoudofeelyoumusttellhim,thereissurelynoreasonwhyitshouldnototherwisebekeptsecret。"
LordValleysinterruptedher:
"Ishouldbegladifyouwouldpointouttheconnectionbetweenyourhonourandtheresignationofyourseat,"hesaidstiffly。
Miltounshookhishead。
"Ifyoudon\'tseealready,itwouldbeuseless。"
"Idonotsee。Thewholematteris——isunfortunate,buttogiveupyourwork,solongasthereisnoabsolutenecessity,seemstomefar—fetchedandabsurd。Howmanymenare,thereintowhoselivestherehasnotenteredsomesuchrelationatonetimeoranother？
Thisideawoulddisqualifyhalfthenation。"Hiseyesseemedinthatcrisisbothtoconsultandtoavoidhiswife\'s,asthoughhewereatonceaskingherendorsementofhispointofview,andobservingtheproprieties。Andforamomentinthemidstofheranxiety,hersenseofhumourgotthebetterofLadyValleys。ItwassofunnythatGeoffshouldhavetogivehimselfaway;shecouldnotforthelifeofherhelpfixinghimwithhereyes。
"Mydear,"shemurmured,"youunderestimatethree—quarters,attheveryleast！"
ButLordValleys,confrontedwithdanger,wasgrowingsteadier。
"Itpassesmycomprehension;"hesaid,"whyyoushouldwanttomixupsexandpoliticsatall。"
Miltoun\'sanswercameveryslowly,asiftheconfessionwerehurtinghislips:
"Thereis——forgivemeforusingtheword——suchathingasone\'sreligion。Idon\'thappentoregardlifeasdividedintopublicandprivatedepartments。Myvisionisgone——broken——Icanseenoobjectbeforemenowinpubliclife——nogoal——nocertainty。"
LadyValleyscaughthishand:
"Oh！mydear,"shesaid,"that\'stoodreadfullypuritanical！"ButatMiltoun\'squeersmile,sheaddedhastily:"Logical——Imean。"
"Consultyourcommonsense,Eustace,forgoodness\'sake,"brokeinLordValleys。"Isn\'tityoursimpledutytoputyourscruplesinyourpocket,anddothebestyoucanforyourcountrywiththepowersthathavebeengivenyou？"
"Ihavenocommonsense。"
"Inthatcase,ofcourse,itmaybejustaswellthatyoushouldleavepubliclife。"
Miltounbowed。
"Nonsense！"criedLadyValleys。"Youdon\'tunderstand,Geoffrey。
Iaskyouagain,Eustace,whatwillyoudoafterwards？"
"Idon\'tknow。"
"Youwilleatyourheartout。"
"Quitepossibly。"
"Ifyoucan\'tcometoareasonablearrangementwithyourconscience,"
againbrokeinLordValleys,"forHeaven\'ssakegiveherup,likeaman,andcutalltheseknots。"
"Ibegyourpardon,sir！"saidMiltounicily。
LadyValleyslaidherhandonhisarm。"Youmustallowusalittlelogictoo,mydear。Youdon\'tseriouslyimaginethatshewouldwishyoutothrowawayyourlifeforher？I\'mnotsuchabadjudgeofcharacterasthat。"
ShestoppedbeforetheexpressiononMiltoun\'sface。
"Yougotoofast,"hesaid;"Imaybecomeafreespirityet。"
Tothissaying,whichseemedtohercrypticandsinister,LadyValleysdidnotknowwhattoanswer。
"Ifyoufeel,asyousay,"LordValleysbeganoncemore,"thatthebottomhasbeenknockedoutofthingsforyoubythis——thisaffair,don\'t,forgoodness\'sake,doanythinginahurry。Wait！Goabroad！
Getyourbalanceback！You\'llfindthethingsettleitselfinafewmonths。Don\'tprecipitatematters;youcanmakeyourhealthanexcusetomisstheAutumnsession。"
LadyValleyschimedineagerly"Youreallyareseeingthethingoutofallproportion。Whatisalove—affair。Mydearboy,doyousupposeforamomentanyonewouldthinktheworseofyou,eveniftheyknew？Andreallynotasoulneedknow。"
"Ithasnotoccurredtometoconsiderwhattheywouldthink。"
"Then,"criedLadyValleys,nettled,"it\'ssimplyyourownpride。"
"Youhavesaid。"
LordValleys,whohadturnedaway,spokeinanalmosttragicvoice"IdidnotthinkthatonapointofhonourIshoulddifferfrommyson。"
Catchingatthewordhonour,LadyValleyscriedsuddenly:
"Eustace,promiseme,beforeyoudoanything,toconsultyourUncleDennis。"
Miltounsmiled。
"Thisbecomescomic,"hesaid。
Atthatword,whichindeedseemedtothemquitewanton,LordandLadyValleysturnedontheirson,andthethreestoodstaring,perfectlysilent。Alittlenoisefromthedoorwayinterruptedthem。
CHAPTERXVIII
LeftbyherfatherandmothertothefurtherentertainmentofHarbinger,Barbarahadsaid:
"Let\'shavecoffeeinhere,"andpassedintothewithdrawingroom。
Exceptforthatoneevening,whentogetherbytheseawalltheystoodcontemplatingthepopulace,shehadnotbeenalonewithhimsincehekissedherundertheshelteroftheboxhedge。Andnow,afterthefirstmoment,shelookedathimcalmly,thoughinherbreasttherewasafluttering,asifanimprisonedbirdwerestrugglingeversofeeblyagainstthatsoftandsolidcage。HerlastjangledtalkwithCourtierhadleftanacheinherheart。Besides,didshenotknowallthatHarbingercouldgiveher？
Likeanymphpursuedbyafaunwhohelddominionoverthegroves,she,fugitive,keptlookingback。Therewasnothinginthatfairwoodofhiswithwhichshewasnotfamiliar,nothicketshehadnottravelled,nostreamshehadnotcrossed,nokissshecouldnotreturn。Hiswasadiscoveredland,inwhich,asofright,shewouldreign。Shehadnothingtohopefromhimbutpower,andsolidpleasure。Hereyessaid:HowamItoknowwhetherIshallnotwantmorethanyou;feelsuffocatedinyourarms;besurfeitedbyallthatyouwillbringme？HaveInotalreadygotallthat？
Sheknew,fromhisdowncastgloomyface,howcruelsheseemed,andwassorry。Shewantedtobegoodtohim,andsaidalmostshyly:
"Areyouangrywithme,Claud？"
Harbingerlookedup。
"Whatmakesyousocruel？"
"Iamnotcruel。"
"Youare。Whereisyourheart？"
"Here！"saidBarbara,touchingherbreast。
"Ah！"mutteredHarbinger;"I\'mnotjoking。"
Shesaidgently:\'
"Isitasbadasthat,mydear？"
Butthesoftnessofhervoiceseemedtofanthesmoulderingfiresinhim。
"There\'ssomethingbehindallthis,"hestammered,"you\'venorighttomakeafoolofme！"
"Andwhatisthesomething,please？"
"That\'sforyoutosay。ButI\'mnotblind。WhataboutthisfellowCourtier？"
AtthatmomenttherewasrevealedtoBarbaraanewacquaintance——themaleproper。No,tolivewithhimwouldnotbequitelackinginadventure！
Hisfacehaddarkened;hiseyesweredilated,hiswholefigureseemedtohavegrown。Shesuddenlynoticedthehairwhichcoveredhisclenchedfists。Allhissuavityhadlefthim。Hecameveryclose。
Howlongthatlookbetweenthemlasted,andofalltherewasinit,shehadnoclearknowledge;thoughtafterthought,waveafterwaveoffeeling,rushedthroughher。Revoltandattraction,contemptandadmiration,queersensationsofdisgustandpleasure,allmingled——asonaMaydayonemayseethehailfall,andthesunsuddenlyburnthroughandsteamfromthegrass。
Thenhesaidhoarsely:
"Oh！Babs,youmaddenmeso！"
Smoothingherlips,asiftoregaincontrolofthem,sheanswered:
"Yes,IthinkIhavehadenough,"andwentoutintoherfather\'sstudy。
ThesightofLordandLadyValleyssointentlystaringatMiltounrestoredhexself—possession。
Itstruckherasslightlycomic,notknowingthatthelittlescenewastheoutcomeofthatword。Intruth,thecontrastbetweenMiltounandhisparentsatthismomentwasalmostludicrous。
LadyValleyswasthefirsttospeak。
"Bettercomicthanromantic。IsupposeBarbaramayknow,consideringhercontributiontothismatter。Yourbrotherisresigninghisseat,mydear;hisconsciencewillnotpermithimtoretainit,undercertaincircumstancesthathavearisen。"
"Oh！"criedBarbara:"butsurely————"
"Thematterhasbeenargued,Babs,"LordValleyssaidshortly;
"unlessyouhavesomebetterreasontoadvancethanthoseofordinarycommonsense,publicspirit,andconsiderationforone\'sfamily,itwillhardlybeworthyourwhiletoreopenthediscussion。"
BarbaralookedupatMiltoun,,whoseface,allbuttheeyes,waslikeamask。
"Oh,Eusty！"shesaid,"you\'renotgoingtospoilyourlifelikethis！JustthinkhowIshallfeel。"
Miltounansweredstonily:
"Youdidwhatyouthoughtright;asIamdoing。"
"Doesshewantyouto？"
"No。"
"Thereis,Ishouldimagine,"putinLordValleys,"notasolitarycreatureinthewholeworldexceptyourbrotherhimselfwhowouldwishforthisconsummation。Butwithhimsuchaconsiderationdoesnotweigh！"
"Oh！"sighedBarbara;"thinkofGranny！"
"Iprefernottothinkofher,"murmuredLadyValleys。
"She\'ssowrappedupinyou,Eusty。Shealwayshasbelievedinyouintensely。"
Miltounsighed。And,encouragedbythatsound,Barbarawentcloser。
Itwasplainenoughthat,behindhisimpassivity,adesperatestrugglewasgoingoninMiltoun。Hespokeatlast:
"IfIhavenotalreadyyieldedtoonewhoisnaturallymoretomethananything,whenshebeggedandentreated,itisbecauseIfeelthisinawayyoudon\'trealize。Iapologizeforusingthewordcomicjustnow,Ishouldhavesaidtragic。I\'llenlightenUncleDennis,ifthatwillcomfortyou;butthisisnotexactlyamatterforanyone,exceptmyself。"And,withoutanotherlookorword,hewentout。
Asthedoorclosed,Barbararantowardsit;and,withamotionstrangelylikethewringingofhands,said"Oh,dear！Oh！dear！"Then,turningawaytoabookcase,shebegantocry。
Thisebullitionoffeeling,surpassingeventheirown,cameasarealshocktoLadyandLordValleys,ignorantofhowstrung—upshehadbeenbeforesheenteredtheroom。TheyhadnotseenBarbaracrysinceshewasatinygirl。AndinfaceofheremotionanyanimustheymighthaveshownherforhavingthrownMiltounintoMrs。Noel\'sarms,nowmeltedaway。LordValleys,especiallymoved,wentuptohisdaughter,andstoodwithherinthatdarkcorner,sayingnothing,butgentlystrokingherhand。LadyValleys,whoherselffeltverymuchinclinedtocry,wentoutofsightintotheembrasureofthewindow。
Barbara\'ssobbingwassoonsubdued。
"It\'shisface,"shesaid:"Andwhy？Why？It\'ssounnecessary！"
LordValleys,continuallytwistinghismoustache,muttered:
"Exactly！Hemakesthingsforhimself！"
"Yes,"murmuredLadyValleysfromthewindow,"hewasalwaysuncomfortable,likethat。Irememberhimasababy。Bertieneverwas。"
AndthenthesilencewasonlybrokenbythelittleangrysoundsofBarbarablowinghernose。
"Ishallgoandseemother,"saidLadyValleys,suddenly:"Theboy\'swholelifemayberuinedifwecan\'tstopthis。Areyoucoming,child？"
ButBarbararefused。
Shewenttoherroom,instead。ThiscrisisinMiltoun\'slifehadstrangelyshakenher。ItwasasifFatehadsuddenlyrevealedallthatanystepoutofthebeatenpathmightleadto,hadbroughthersharplyupagainstherself。Towingoutintotheblue！Seewhatitmeant！IfMiltounkepttohisresolve,andgaveuppubliclife,hewaslost！Andsheherself！ThefascinationofCourtier\'schivalrousmanner,ofasortofinnategallantry,suggestingthequestofeverlastingdanger——wasitnotratherabsurd？And——wasshefascinated？Wasitnotsimplythatshelikedthefeelingoffascinatinghim？Throughthemazeofthesethoughts,dartedthememoryofHarbinger\'sfaceclosetoherown,hisclenchedhands,theswiftrevelationofhisdangerousmasculinity。Itwasallanightmareofscaringqueersensations,ofthingsthatcouldneverbesettled。Shewasstirredforonceoutofallhernormalconqueringphilosophy。HerthoughtsflewbacktoMiltoun。Thatwhichshehadseenintheirfaces,then,hadcometopass！AndpicturingAgatha\'shorror,whenshecametohearofit,Barbaracouldnothelpasmile。
