第14章

CHAPTERXI

ThedayswhenMiltounwasfirstallowedoutofbedwereatimeofmingledjoyandsorrowtoherwhohadnursedhim。Toseehimsittingup,amazedathisownweakness,washappiness,yettothinkthathewouldbenomorewhollydependent,nomorethatsacredthing,ahelplesscreature,broughtherthesadnessofamotherwhosechildnolongerneedsher。Witheveryhourhewouldnowgetfartherfromher,backintothefastnessesofhisownspirit。Witheveryhourshewouldbelesshisnurseandcomforter,morethewomanheloved。Andthoughthatthoughtshoneoutintheobscurefuturelikeaglamorousflower,itbroughttoomuchwistfuluncertaintytothepresent。Shewasverytired,too,nowthatallexcitementwasover——sotiredthatshehardlyknewwhatshedidorwhereshemoved。Butasmilehadbecomesofaithfultohereyesthatitclungthereabovetheshadowsoffatigue,andkepttakingherlipsprisoner。

Betweenthetwobronzebustsshehadplacedabowlofliliesofthevalley;andeveryfreenicheinthatroomofbookshadalittlevaseofrosestowelcomeMiltoun\'sreturn。

Hewaslyingbackinhisbigleatherchair,wrappedinaTurkishgownofLordValleys\'——onwhichBarbarahadlaidhands,havingfailedtofindanythingresemblingadressing—gownamongstherbrother\'saustereclothing。Theperfumeoflilieshadovercomethescentofbooks,andabee,dusky,adventurer,filledtheroomwithhispleasanthumming。

Theydidnotspeak,butsmiledfaintly,lookingatoneanother。Inthisstillmoment,beforepassionhadreturnedtoclaimitsown,theirspiritspassedthroughthesleepyair,andbecameentwined,sothatneithercouldwithdrawthatsoft,slow,encounteringglance。Inmutualcontentment,eachtoeach,closeasmusictothestringsofaviolin,theirspiritsclung——solost,theoneintheother,thatneitherforthatbrieftimeseemedtoknowwhichwasself。

Infulfilmentofherresolution,LadyValleys,whohadreturnedtoTownbyamorningtrain,startedwithBarbarafortheTempleaboutthreeintheafternoon,andstoppedatthedoctor\'sontheway。ThewholethingwouldbemuchsimplerifEustacewerefittobemovedatoncetoValleysHouse;andwithmuchreliefshefoundthatthedoctorsawnodangerinthiscourse。Therecoveryhadbeenremarkable——

touchandgoforbadbrainfeverjustavoided！LordMiltoun\'sconstitutionwasextremelysound。Yes,hewouldcertainlyfavouraremoval。Hisroomsweretooconfinedinthisweather。Wellnursed——

decidedly）Oh;yes！Quite！Andthedoctor\'seyesbecameperhapsatriflemoreintense。Notaprofessional,heunderstood。Itmightbeaswelltohaveanothernurse,iftheyweremakingthechange。Theywouldhavethisladyknockingup。Justso！Yes,hewouldseetothat。Anambulancecarriagehethoughtadvisable。Thatcouldallbearrangedforthisafternoon——atonce——hehimselfwouldlooktoit。

TheymighttakeLordMiltounoffjustashewas;themenwouldknowwhattodo。AndwhentheyhadhimatValleysHouse,themomentheshowedinterestinhisfood,downtothesea—downtothesea！Atthistimeofyearnothinglikeit！Thenwithregardtonourishment,hewouldbeinclinedalreadytoshoveinaleetlestimulant,athimblefulperhapsfourtimesadaywithfood——notwithout——mixedwithanegg,witharrowroot,withcustard。Aweekwouldseehimonhislegs,afortnightattheseamakehimasgoodamanasever。

Overwork——burningthecandle——aleetlemorewouldhaveseenaverydifferentstateofthings！Quiteso！quiteso！Wouldcomeroundhimselfbeforedinner,andmakesure。Hispatientmightfeelitjustatfirst！HebowedLadyValleysout;andwhenshehadgone,satdownathistelephonewithasmileflickeringonhisclean—cutlips,Greatlyfortifiedbythisinterview,LadyValleysrejoinedherdaughterintheear;butwhileitslidonamongstthemultitudinoustraffic,signsofunwontednervousnessbegantostartoutthroughtheplacidityofherface。

"Iwish,mydear,"shesaidsuddenly,"thatsomeoneelsehadtodothis。SupposeEustacerefuses！"

"Hewon\'t,"Barbaraanswered;"shelookssotired,poordear。

Besides————"

LadyValleysgazedwithcuriosityatthatyoungface,whichhadflushedpink。Yes,thisdaughterofherswasawomanalready,withallawoman\'sintuitions。Shesaidgravely:

"Itwasarashstrokeofyours,Babs;let\'shopeitwon\'tleadtodisaster。"

Barbarabitherlips。

"Ifyou\'dseenhimasIsawhim！And,whatdisaster？Mayn\'ttheyloveeachother,iftheywant？"

LadyValleysswallowedagrimace。Itwassoexactlyherownpointofview。Andyet————！

"That\'sonlythebeginning,"shesaid;"youforgetthesortofboyEustaceis。"

"Whycan\'tthepoorthingbeletoutofhercage？"criedBarbara。

"Whatgooddoesitdotoanyone？Mother,ifever,whenIammarried,Iwanttogetfree,Iwill！"

Thetoneofhervoicewassoquivering,andunlikethehappyvoiceofBarbara,thatLadyValleysinvoluntarilycaughtholdofherhandandsqueezedithard。

"Mydearsweet,"shesaid,"don\'tlet\'stalkofsuchgloomythings。"

"Imeanit。Nothingshallstopme。"

ButLadyValleys\'facehadsuddenlybecomerathergrim。

"Sowethink,child;it\'snotsosimple。"

"Itcan\'tbeworse,anyway,"mutteredBarbara,"thanbeingburiedaliveasthatwretchedwomanis。"

ForanswerLadyValleysonlymurmured:

"Thedoctorpromisedthatambulancecarriageatfouro\'clock。WhatamIgoingtosay？"

"She\'llunderstandwhenyoulookather。She\'sthatsort。"

ThedoorwasopenedtothembyMrs。Noelherself。

ItwasthefirsttimeLadyValleyshadseenherinahouse,andtherewasrealcuriositymixedwiththeassurancewhichmaskedhernervousness。Aprettycreature,evenlovely！Butthequitegenuinesympathyinherwords:"Iamtrulygrateful。Youmustbequitewornout,"didnotpreventheraddinghastily:"Thedoctorsayshemustbegothomeoutofthesehotrooms。We\'llwaitherewhileyoutellhim。"

Andthenshesawthatitwastrue;thiswomanwasthesortwhounderstood。

Leftinthedarkpassage,shepeeredroundatBarbara。

Thegirlwasstandingagainstthewallwithherheadthrownback。

LadyValleyscouldnotseeherface;butshefeltallofasuddenexceedinglyuncomfortable,andwhispered:

"Twomurdersandatheft,Babs;wasn\'tit\'OurMutualFriend\'？"

"Mother！"

"What？"

"Herface！Whenyou\'regoingtothrowawayaflower,itlooksatyou！"

"Mydear！"murmuredLadyValleys,thoroughlydistressed,"whatthingsyou\'resayingto—day！"

Thislurkinginadarkpassage,thiswhisperinggirl——itwasallqueer,unlikeanexperienceinproperlife。

AndthenthroughthereopeneddoorshesawMiltoun,stretchedoutinachair,verypale,butstillwiththatlookabouthiseyesandlips,whichofallthingsintheworldhadachasteningeffectonLadyValleys,makingherfeelsomehowincurablymundane。

Shesaidrathertimidly:

"I\'msogladyou\'rebetter,dear。Whatatimeyoumusthavehad！

It\'stoobadthatIknewnothingtillyesterday！"

ButMiltoun\'sanswerwas,asusual,thoroughlydisconcerting。

"Thanks,yes！Ihavehadaperfecttime——andhavenowtopayforit,Isuppose。"

Heldbackbyhissmilefrombendingtokisshim,poorLadyValleysfidgetedfromheadtofoot。Asuddenimpulseofsheerwomanlinesscausedateartofallonhishand。

WhenMiltounperceivedthatmoisture,hesaid:

"It\'sallright,mother。I\'mquitewillingtocome。"

Stillwoundedbyhisvoice,LadyValleyshardenedinstantly。Andwhilepreparingfordepartureshewatchedthetwofurtively。Theyhardlylookedatoneanother,andwhentheydid,theireyesbaffledher。Theexpressionwasoutsideherexperience,belongingasitweretoadifferentworld,withitsfaintlysmiling,almostshining,gravity。

VastlyrelievedwhenMiltoun,coveredwithafur,hadbeentakendowntothecarriage,shelingeredtospeaktoMrs。Noel。

"Weoweyouagreatdebt。Itmighthavebeensomuchworse。Youmustn\'tbedisconsolate。Gotobedandhaveagoodlongrest。"Andfromthedoor,shemurmuredagain:"Hewillcomeandthankyou,whenhe\'swell。"

Descendingthestonestairs,shethought:"\'Anonyma\'——\'Anonyma\'——yes,itwasquitethename。"AndsuddenlyshesawBarbaracomerunningupagain。

"Whatisit,Babs？"

Barbaraanswered:

"Eustacewouldlikesomeofthoselilies。"And,passingLadyValleys,shewentonuptoMiltoun\'schambers。

Mrs。Noelwasnotinthesitting—room,andgoingtothebedroomdoor,thegirllookedin。

Shewasstandingbythebed,drawingherhandoverandoverthewhitesurfaceofthepillow。Stealingnoiselesslyback,Barbaracaughtupthebunchoflilies,andfled。

CHAPTERXII

Miltoun,whoseconstitution,hadthesteel—likequalityofLadyCasterley\'s,hadaveryrapidconvalescence。And,havingbeguntotakeaninterestinhisfood,hewasallowedtotravelontheseventhdaytoSeaHouseinchargeofBarbara。

Thetwospenttheirtimeinalittlesummer—houseclosetothesea;

lyingoutonthebeachunderthegroynes;and,asMiltoungrewstronger,motoringandwalkingontheDowns。

ToBarbara,keepingaclosewatch,heseemedtranquillyenoughdrinkinginfromNaturewhatwasnecessarytorestorebalanceafterthestruggle,andbreakdownofthepastweeks。Yetshecouldnevergetridofaqueerfeelingthathewasnotreallythereatall;tolookathimwaslikewatchinganuninhabitedhousethatwaswaitingforsomeonetoenter。

DuringawholefortnighthedidnotmakeasingleallusiontoMrs。

Noel,till,ontheverylastmorning,astheywerewatchingthesea,,hesaidwithhisqueersmile:

"Italmostmakesonebelievehertheory,thattheoldgodsarenotdead。Doyoueverseethem,Babs;orareyou,likeme,obtuse？"

Certainlyaboutthoselitheinvasionsofthesea—nymphwaves,withashy,streaminghair,flingingthemselvesintothearmsoftheland,therewastheoldpaganrapture,aninexhaustibledelight,apassionatesoftacceptanceofeternalfate,awonderfulacquiescenceintheuntiringmysteryoflife。

ButBarbara,everdisconcertedbythattoneinhisvoice,andbythisquickdiveintothewatersofunaccustomedthought,failedtofindananswer。

Miltounwenton:

"Shesays,too,wecanhearApollosinging。Shallwetry。"

Butallthatcamewasthesighofthesea,andofthewindinthetamarisk。

"No,"mutteredMiltounatlast,"shealonecanhearit。"

AndBarbarasaw,oncemoreonhisfacethatlook,neithersadnorimpatient,butasofoneuninhabitedandwaiting。

SheleftSeaHousenextdaytorejoinhermother,who,havingbeentoCowes,andtotheDuchessofGloucester\'s,wasbackinTownwaitingforParliamenttorise,beforegoingofftoScotland。AndthatsameafternoonthegirlmadeherwaytoMrs。Noel\'sflat。Inpayingthisvisitshewasmovednotsomuchbycompassion,asbyuneasiness,andastrangecuriosity。NowthatMiltounwaswellagain,shewasseriouslydisturbedinmind。HadshemadeamistakeinsummoningMrs。Noeltonursehim？

Whenshewentintothelittledrawing—roomAudreywassittinginthedeep—cushionedwindow—seatwithabookonherknee;andbythefactthatitwasopenattheindex,Barbarajudgedthatshehadnotbeenreadingtooattentively。Sheshowednosignsofagitationatthesightofhervisitor,noranyeagernesstohearnewsofMiltoun。Butthegirlhadnotbeenfiveminutesintheroombeforethethoughtcametoher:"Why！ShehasthesamelookasEustace！"She,too,waslikeanemptytenement;withoutimpatience,discontent,orgrief—

—waiting！Barbarahadscarcelyrealizedthiswithacurioussenseofdiscomposure,whenCourtierwasannounced。WhethertherewasinthisanabsolutecoincidenceorjustthatamountofcalculationwhichmightfollowonhispartfromreceiptofanotewrittenfromSeaHouse——sayingthatMiltounwaswellagain,thatshewascomingupandmeanttogoandthankMrs。Noel——wasnotclear,norwereherownsensations;andshedrewoverherfacethatarmouredlookwhichsheperhapsknewCourtiercouldnotbeartosee。Hisface,atallevents,wasveryredwhenheshookhands。Hehadcome,hetoldMrs。

Noel,tosaygood—bye。Hewasdefinitelyoffnextweek。Fightinghadbrokenout;therevolutionariesweregreatlyoutnumbered。Indeedheoughttohavebeentherelongbefore！

Barbarahadgoneovertothewindow;sheturnedsuddenly,andsaid:

"Youwerepreachingpeacetwomonthsago！"

Courtierbowed。

"Wearenotallperfectlyconsistent,LadyBarbara。Thesepoordevilshaveaholycause。"

BarbaraheldoutherhandtoMrs。Noel。

"Youonlythinktheircauseholybecausetheyhappentobeweak。

Good—bye,Mrs。Noel;theworldismeantforthestrong,isn\'tit！"

Sheintendedthattohurthim;andfromthetoneofhisvoice,sheknewithad。

"Don\'t,LadyBarbara;fromyourmother,yes;notfromyou！"

"It\'swhatIbelieve。Good—bye！"Andshewentout。

Shehadtoldhimthatshedidnotwanthimtogo——notyet;andhewasgoing！

Butnosoonerhadshegotoutside,afterthatstrangeoutburst,thanshebitherlipstokeepbackanangry,miserablefeeling。Hehadbeenrudetoher,shehadbeenrudetohim;thatwasthewaytheyhadsaidgood—bye！Then,assheemergedintothesunlight,shethought:

"Oh！well;hedoesn\'tcare,andI\'msureIdon\'t！"

Sheheardavoicebehindher。

"MayIgetyouacab？"andatoncethesorefeelingbegantodieaway;butshedidnotlookround,onlysmiled,andshookherhead,andmadealittleroomforhimonthepavement。

Butthoughtheywalked,theydidnotatfirsttalk。TherewasrisingwithinBarbaraatantalizingdevilofdesiretoknowthefeelingsthatreallylaybehindthatdeferentialgravity,tomakehimshowherhowmuchhereallycared。Shekepthereyesdemurelylowered,butshelettheglimmerofasmileflickeraboutherlips;sheknewtoothathercheekswereglowing,andforthatshewasnotsorry。Wasshenottohaveany——any——washecalmlytogoaway——without————Andshethought:"Heshallsaysomething！Heshallshowme,withoutthathorribleironyofhis！"

Shesaidsuddenly:

"Thosetwoarejustwaiting——somethingwillhappen！"

"Itisprobable,"washisgraveanswer。

Shelookedathimthen——itpleasedhertoseehimquiverasifthatglancehadgonerightintohim;andshesaidsoftly:

"AndIthinktheywillbequiteright。"

Sheknewthosewererecklesswords,norcaredverymuchwhattheymeant;butsheknewtherevoltinthemwouldmovehim。Shesawfromhisfacethatithad;andafteralittlepause,said:

"Happinessisthegreatthing,"andwithsoft,wickedslowness:

"Isn\'tit,Mr。Courtier？"

Butallthecheerinesshadgoneoutofhisface,whichhadgrownalmostpale。Heliftedhishand,andletitdrop。Thenshefeltsorry。Itwasjustasifhehadaskedhertosparehim。

"Astothat,"hesaid:"Therough,unfortunately,hastobetakenwiththesmooth。Butlife\'sfrightfullyjollysometimes。"

"Asnow？"

Helookedatherwithfirmgravity,andanswered"Asnow。"

AsenseofuttermortificationseizedonBarbara。Hewastoostrongforher——hewasquixotic——hewashateful！And,determinednottoshowasign,tobeatleastasstrongashe,shesaidcalmly:

"NowIthinkI\'llhavethatcab！"

Whenshewasinthecab,andhewasstandingwithhishatlifted,shelookedathiminthewaythatwomencan,sothathedidnotrealizethatshehadlooked。

CHAPTERXIII

WhenMiltouncametothankher,AudreyNoelwaswaitinginthemiddleoftheroom,dressedinwhite,herlipssmiling,herdarkeyessmiling,stillasafloweronawindlessday。

Inthatfirstlookpassingbetweenthem,theyforgoteverythingbuthappiness。Swallows,onthefirstdayofsummer,intheirdiscoveryoftheblandair,canneitherrememberthatcoldwindsblow,norimaginethedeathofsunlightontheirfeathers,and,flittinghourafterhouroverthegoldenfields,seemnolongerbirds,butjustthebreathingofanewseason——swallowswerenomoreforgetfulofmisfortunethanwerethosetwo。Hisgazewasasstillasherveryself;herlookathimhadinatthequietudeofallemotion。

Whenthey\'satdowntotalkitwasasiftheyhadgonebacktothosedaysatMonkland,whenhehadcometohersooftentodiscusseverythinginheavenandearth。Andyet,overthattranquileagerdrinking——inofeachother\'spresence,hoveredasortofawe。Itwasthemoodofmorningbeforethesunhassoared。Thedew—greycobwebsenwrappedtheflowersoftheirhearts——yeteveryprisonedflowercouldbeseen。Andheandsheseemedlookingthroughthatwebatthecolourandthedeep—downformsenshroudedsojealously;eachfearedtoomuchtounveiltheother\'sheart。Theywerelikeloverswho,ramblinginashywood,neverdarestaytheirbabblingtalkofthetreesandbirdsandlostbluebells,lestinthedeepwatersofakisstheirstarofallthatistocomeshouldfallandbedrowned。Toeachhouritsfamiliar——andthespiritofthathourwasthespiritofthewhiteflowersinthebowlonthewindow—sillaboveherhead。

TheyspokeofMonk—land,andMiltoun\'sillness;ofhisfirstspeech,hisimpressionsoftheHouseofCommons;ofmusic,Barbara,Courtier,theriver。Hetoldherofhishealth,anddescribedhisdaysdownbythesea。She,asever,spokelittleofherself,persuadedthatitcouldnotinterestevenhim;butshedescribedavisittotheopera;

andhowshehadfoundapictureintheNationalGallerywhichremindedherofhim。Toallthesetrivialthingsandcountlessothers,thetoneoftheirvoices——soft,almostmurmuring,withasortofdelightedgentleness——gaveahigh,sweetimportance,ahalothatneitherfortheworldwouldhavedislodgedfromwhereithovered。

Itwaspastsixwhenhegotuptogo,andtherehadnotbeenamomenttobreakthecalmofthatsacredfeelinginboththeirhearts。Theypartedwithanothertranquillook,whichseemedtosay:\'Itiswellwithus——wehavedrunkofhappiness。\'

AndinthissameamazingcalmMiltounremainedafterhehadgoneaway,tillabouthalf—pastnineintheevening,hestartedforth,towalkdowntotheHouse。Itwasnowthatsortofwarm,clearnight,whichinthecountryhasfireflymagic,andevenovertheTownspreadsadarkglamour。AndforMiltoun,inthedelightofhisnewhealthandwell—being,witheverysensealiveandclean,towalkthroughthewarmthandbeautyofthisnightwassheerpleasure。HepassedbywayofSt。James\'sPark,treadingdownthepurpleshadowsofplane—treeleavesintothepoolsoflamplight,almostwithremorse——sobeautiful,andasifalive,werethey。Thereweremothsabroad,andgnats,bornonthewater,andscentofnew—mowngrassdriftedupfromthelawns。Hisheartfeltlightasaswallowhehadseenthatmorning;swoopingatagreyfeather,carryingitalong,lettingitflutteraway,thendivingtoseizeitagain。Suchwashiselation,thisbeautifulnight！NearingtheHouseofCommons,hethoughthewouldwalkalittlelonger,andturnedwestwardtotheriver:Onthatwarmeveningthewater,withoutmovementatturnoftide,wasliketheblack,snake—smoothhairofNaturestreamingoutonhercouchofEarth,waitingforthecaressofadivinehand。Farawayonthefurther;bankthrobbedsomehugemachine,notstilledasyet。Afewstarswereoutinthedarksky,butnomoontoinvestwithpallorthegleamofthelamps。Scarcelyanyonepassed。Miltounstrolledalongtheriverwall,thencrossed,andcamebackinfrontoftheMansionswhereshelived。Bytherailinghestoodstill。Inthesitting—roomofherlittleflattherewasnolight,butthecasementwindowwaswideopen,andthecrownofwhiteflowersinthebowlonthewindow—sillstillgleamedoutinthedarknesslikeacrescentmoonlyingonitsface。Suddenly,hesawtwopalehandsrise——oneoneithersideofthatbowl,liftit,anddrawitin。Andhequivered,asthoughtheyhadtouchedhim。Againthosetwohandscamefloatingup;theywerepartednowbydarkness;themoonofflowerswasgone,initsplacehadbeensethandfulsofpurpleorcrimsonblossoms。Andapuffofwarmairrisingquicklyoutofthenightdriftedtheirscentofclovesintohisface,sothatheheldhisbreathforfearofcallingouthername。

Againthehandshadvanished——throughtheopenwindowtherewasnothingtobeseenbutdarkness;andsucharushoflongingseizedonMiltounasstolefromhimallpowerofmovement。Hecouldhearherplaying,now。Themurmurouscurrentofthatmelodywaslikethenightitself,sighing,throbbing,languorouslysoft。Itseemedthatinthismusicshewascallinghim,tellinghimthatshe,too,waslonging;herheart,too,empty。Itdiedaway;andatthewindowherwhitefigureappeared。Fromthatvisionhecouldnot,nordidhetrytoshrink,butmovedoutintothe,lamplight。Andhesawhersuddenlystretchoutherhandstohim,andwithdrawthemtoherbreast。ThenallsavethemadnessofhislongingdesertedMiltoun。

Herandownthelittlegarden,acrossthehall,upthestairs。

Thedoorwasopen。Hepassedthrough。There,inthesitting—room,wheretheredflowersinthewindowscentedalltheair,itwasdark,andhecouldnotatfirstseeher,tillagainstthepianohecaughttheglimmerofherwhitedress。Shewassittingwithhandsrestingonthepalenotes。Andfallingonhisknees,heburiedhisfaceagainsther。Then,withoutlookingup,heraisedhishands。Hertearsfellonthemcoveringherheart,thatthrobbedasifthepassionatenightitselfwerebreathinginthere,andallbutthenightandherlovehadstolenforth。

CHAPTERXIV

OnaspuroftheSussexDowns,inlandfromNettle—Cold,therestandsabeech—grove。Thetravellerwhoentersitoutoftheheatandbrightness,takesofftheshoesofhisspiritbeforeits,sanctity;

and,reachingthecentre,acrossthecleanbeech—mat,hesitsrefreshinghisbrowwithair,andsilence。Fortheflowersofsunlightonthegroundunderthosebranchesarepaleandrare,noinsectshum,thebirdsarealmostmute。Andclosetothebordertreesarethequiet,milk—whitesheep,incongregation,escapingfromnoonheat。Here,abovefieldsanddwellings,abovetheceaselessnetworkofmen\'sdoings,andthevapouroftheirtalk,thetravellerfeelssolemnity。Allseemsconveyingdivinity——thegreatwhitecloudsmovingtheirwingsabovehim,thefaintlongingmurmuroftheboughs,andinfardistance,thesea……AndforaspacehisrestlessnessandfearknowthepeaceofGod。

SoitwaswithMiltounwhenhereachedthistemple,threedaysafterthatpassionatenight,havingwalkedforhours,aloneandfullofconflict。Duringthosethreedayshehadbeenborneforwardonthefloodtide;andnow,tearinghimselfoutofLondon,wheretothinkwasimpossible,hehadcometothesolitudeoftheDownstowalk,andfacehisnewposition。

Forthatpositionhesawtobeveryserious。Intheflushoffullrealization,therewasforhimnoquestionofrenunciation。Shewashis,hehers;thatwasdetermined。Butwhat,then,washetodo？

Therewasnochanceofhergettingfree。Inherhusband\'sview,itseemed,undernocircumstanceswasmarriagedissoluble。Nor,indeed,toMiltounwoulddivorcehavemadethingseasier,believingashedidthatheandshewereguilty,andthatfortheguiltytherecouldbenomarriage。She,itwastrue,askednothingbutjusttobehisinsecret;andthatwasthecourseheknewmostmenwouldtake,withoutfurtherthought。Therewasnomaterialreasonintheworldwhyheshouldnotsoact,andmaintainunchangedeveryothercurrentofhislife。Itwouldbeeasy,usual。And,withherfacultyforself—

effacement,heknewshewouldnotbeunhappy。Butconscience,inMiltoun,wasaterribleandfiercething。InthedeliriumofhisillnessithadbecomethatGreatFacewhichhadmarchedoverhim。

And,thoughduringtheweeksofhisrecuperation,struggleofallkindhadceased,nowthathehadyieldedtohispassion,conscience,inanewanddismalshape,hadcreptupagaintositabovehisheart:

Hemustandwouldletthisman,herhusband,know;butevenifthatcausednoopenscandal,couldhegoondeceivingthosewho,iftheyknewofanillicitlove,wouldnolongerallowhimtobetheirrepresentative？Ifitwereknownthatshewashismistress,hecouldnolongermaintainhispositioninpubliclife——washenotthereforeinhonourbound;ofhisownaccord,toresignit？Nightanddayhewashauntedbythethought:HowcanI,livingindefianceofauthority,pretendtoauthorityovermyfellows？HowcanIremaininpubliclife？Butifhedidnotremaininpubliclife,whatwashetodo？Thatwayoflifewasinhisblood;hehadbeenbredandbornintoit;hadthoughtofnothingelsesincehewasaboy。Therewasnootheroccupationorinterestthatcouldholdhimforamoment——hesawveryplainlythathewouldbecastawayonthewatersofexistence。

Sothebattleragedinhisproudandtwistedspirit,whichtookeverythingsohard——hisnatureimperativelycommandinghimtokeephisworkandhispowerforusefulness;hisconsciencetellinghimasurgentlythatifhesoughttowieldauthority,hemustobeyit。

Heenteredthebeech—groveattheheightofthismisery,flamingwithrebellionagainstthedilemmawhichFatehadplacedbeforehim;