第7章

ButAmydidnotlaugh，forshewasinearnest，andtappingontheoutspreadhandwithherpencil，saidsoberly，"Aren’tyouashamedofahandlikethat？It’sassoftandwhiteasawoman’s，andlooksasifitneverdidanythingbutwearJouvin’sbestglovesandpickflowersforladies。Youarenotadandy，thankHeaven，soI’mgladtoseetherearenodiamondsorbigsealringsonit，onlythelittleoldoneJogaveyousolongago。Dearsoul，Iwishshewasheretohelpme！"

"SodoI！"

Thehandvanishedassuddenlyasitcame，andtherewasenergyenoughintheechoofherwishtosuitevenAmy。Sheglanceddownathimwithanewthoughtinhermind，buthewaslyingwithhishathalfoverhisface，asifforshade，andhismustachehidhismouth。Sheonlysawhischestriseandfall，withalongbreaththatmighthavebeenasigh，andthehandthatworetheringnestleddownintothegrass，asiftohidesomethingtoopreciousortootendertobespokenof。AllinaminutevarioushintsandtriflesassumedshapeandsignificanceinAmy’smind，andtoldherwhathersisterneverhadconfidedtoher。SherememberedthatLaurieneverspokevoluntarilyofJo，sherecalledtheshadowonhisfacejustnow，thechangeinhischaracter，andthewearingofthelittleoldringwhichwasnoornamenttoahandsomehand。Girlsarequicktoreadsuchsignsandfeeltheireloquence。Amyhadfanciedthatperhapsalovetroublewasatthebottomofthealteration，andnowshewassureofit。Herkeeneyesfilled，andwhenshespokeagain，itwasinavoicethatcouldbebeautifullysoftandkindwhenshechosetomakeitso。

"IknowIhavenorighttotalksotoyou，Laurie，andifyouweren’tthesweetest—temperedfellowintheworld，you’dbeveryangrywithme。Butweareallsofondandproudofyou，Icouldn’tbeartothinktheyshouldbedisappointedinyouathomeasIhavebeen，though，perhapstheywouldunderstandthechangebetterthanIdo。"

"Ithinktheywould，"camefromunderthehat，inagrimtone，quiteastouchingasabrokenone。

"Theyoughttohavetoldme，andnotletmegoblunderingandscolding，whenIshouldhavebeenmorekindandpatientthanever。IneverdidlikethatMissRandalandnowIhateher！"saidartfulAmy，wishingtobesureofherfactsthistime。

"HangMissRandal！"AndLaurieknockedthehatoffhisfacewithalookthatleftnodoubtofhissentimentstowardthatyounglady。

"Ibegpardon，Ithought……"Andthereshepauseddiplomatically。

"No，youdidn’t，youknewperfectlywellInevercaredforanyonebutJo，"Lauriesaidthatinhisold，impetuoustone，andturnedhisfaceawayashespoke。

"Ididthinkso，butastheyneversaidanythingaboutit，andyoucameaway，IsupposedIwasmistaken。AndJowouldn’tbekindtoyou？Why，Iwassureshelovedyoudearly。"

"Shewaskind，butnotintherightway，andit’sluckyforhershedidn’tloveme，ifI’mthegood—for—nothingfellowyouthinkme。It’sherfaultthough，andyoumaytellherso。"

Thehard，bitterlookcamebackagainashesaidthat，andittroubledAmy，forshedidnotknowwhatbalmtoapply。

"Iwaswrong，Ididn’tknow。I’mverysorryIwassocross，butIcan’thelpwishingyou’dbearitbetter，Teddy，dear。"

"Don’t，that’shernameforme！"AndLaurieputuphishandwithaquickgesturetostopthewordsspokeninJo’shalf—kind，half—reproachfultone。"Waittillyou’vetriedityourself，"headdedinalowvoice，ashepulledupthegrassbythehandful。

"I’dtakeitmanfully，andberespectedificouldn’tbeloved，"saidAmy，withthedecisionofonewhoknewnothingaboutit。

Now，Laurieflatteredhimselfthathehadborneitremarkablywell，makingnomoan，askingnosympathy，andtakinghistroubleawaytoliveitdownalone。Amy’slectureputtheMatterinanewlight，andforthefirsttimeitdidlookweakandselfishtoloseheartatthefirstfailure，andshuthimselfupinmoodyindifference。Hefeltasifsuddenlyshakenoutofapensivedreamandfounditimpossibletogotosleepagain。Presentlyhesatupandaskedslowly，"DoyouthinkJowoulddespisemeasyoudo？"

"Yes，ifshesawyounow。Shehateslazypeople。Whydon’tyoudosomethingsplendid，andmakeherloveyou？"

"Ididmybest，butitwasnouse。"

"Graduatingwell，youmean？Thatwasnomorethanyououghttohavedone，foryourgrandfather’ssake。Itwouldhavebeenshamefultofailafterspendingsomuchtimeandmoney，wheneveryoneknewthatyoucoulddowell。"

"Ididfail，saywhatyouwill，forJowouldn’tloveme，"

beganLaurie，leaninghisheadonhishandinadespondentattitude。

"No，youdidn’t，andyou’llsaysointheend，foritdidyougood，andprovedthatyoucoulddosomethingifyoutried。Ifyou’donlysetaboutanothertaskofsomesort，you’dsoonbeyourhearty，happyselfagain，andforgetyourtrouble。"

"That’simpossible。"

"Tryitandsee。Youneedn’tshrugyourshoulders，andthink，`Muchsheknowsaboutsuchthings’。Idon’tpretendtobewise，butIamobserving，andIseeagreatdealmorethanyou’dimagine。I’minterestedinotherpeople’sexperiencesandinconsistencies，andthoughIcan’texplain，Irememberandusethemformyownbenefit。LoveJoallyourdays，ifyouchoose，butdon’tletitspoilyou，forit’swickedtothrowawaysomanygoodgiftsbecauseyoucan’thavetheoneyouwant。There，Iwon’tlectureanymore，forIknowyou’llwakeupandbeamaninspiteofthathardheartedgirl。"

Neitherspokeforseveralminutes。Lauriesatturningthelittleringonhisfinger，andAmyputthelasttouchestothehastysketchshehadbeenworkingatwhileshetalked。Presentlysheputitonhisknee，merelysaying，"Howdoyoulikethat？"

Helookedandthenhesmiled，ashecouldnotwellhelpdoing，foritwascapitallydone，thelong，lazyfigureonthegrass，withlistlessface，half—shuteyes，andonehandholdingacigar，fromwhichcamethelittlewreathofsmokethatencircledthedreamer’shead。

"Howwellyoudraw！"hesaid，withagenuinesurpriseandpleasureatherskill，adding，withahalf—laugh，"Yes，that’sme。"

"Asyouare。Thisisasyouwere。"AndAmylaidanothersketchbesidetheoneheheld。

Itwasnotnearlysowelldone，buttherewasalifeandspiritinitwhichatonedformanyfaults，anditrecalledthepastsovividlythatasuddenchangesweptovertheyoungman’sfaceashelooked。OnlyaroughsketchofLaurietamingahorse。Hatandcoatwereoff，andeverylineoftheactivefigure，resoluteface，andcommandingattitudewasfullofenergyandmeaning。Thehandsomebrute，justsubdued，stoodarchinghisneckunderthetightlydrawnrein，withonefootimpatientlypawingtheground，andearsprickedupasiflisteningforthevoicethathadmasteredhim。Intheruffledmane。Therider’sbreezyhairanderectattitude，therewasasuggestionofsuddenlyarrestedmotion，ofstrength，courage，andyouthfulbuoyancythatcontrastedsharplywiththesupinegraceofthe`Dolcefarniente’sketch。Lauriesaidnothingbutashiseyewentfromonetotheother，Amysayhimflushupandfoldhislipstogetherasifhereadandacceptedthelittlelessonshehadgivenhim。Thatsatisfiedher，andwithoutwaitingforhimtospeak，shesaid，inhersprightlyway……

"Don’tyourememberthedayyouplayedRareywithPuck，andwealllookedon？MegandBethwerefrightened，butJoclappedandpranced，andIsatonthefenceanddrewyou。Ifoundthatsketchinmyportfoliotheotherday，toucheditup，andkeptittoshowyou。"

"Muchobliged。You’veimprovedimmenselysincethen，andIcongratulateyou。MayIventuretosuggestin`ahoneymoonparadise’thatfiveo’clockisthedinnerhouratyourhotel？"

Laurieroseashespoke，returnedthepictureswithasmileandabowandlookedathiswatch，asiftoremindherthatevenmorallecturesshouldhaveanend。Hetriedtoresumehisformereasy，indifferentair，butitwasanaffectationnow，fortherousinghadbeenmoreeffaciousthanhewouldconfess。Amyfelttheshadeofcoldnessinhismanner，andsaidtoherself……

"Now，I’veoffendedhim。Well，ifitdoeshimgood，I’mglad，ifitmakeshimhateme，I’msorry，butit’strue，andIcan’ttakebackawordofit。"

Theylaughedandchattedallthewayhome，andlittleBaptist，upbehind，thoughtthatmonsieurandmadamoisellewereincharmingspirits。Butbothfeltillatease。Thefriendlyfranknesswasdisturbed，thesunshinehadashadowoverit，anddespitetheirapparentgaiety，therewasasecretdiscontentintheheartofeach。

"Shallweseeyouthisevening，monfrére？"askedAmy，astheypartedatheraunt’sdoor。

"UnfortunatelyIhaveanengagement。Aurevoir，madamoiselle。"AndLauriebentasiftokissherhand，intheforeignfashion，whichbecamehimbetterthanmanymen。SomethinginhisfacemadeAmysayquicklyandwarmly……

"No，beyourselfwithme，Laurie，andpartinthegoodoldway。I’dratherhaveaheartyEnglishhandshakethanallthesentimentalsalutationsinFrance。"

"Goodbye，dear。"Andwiththesewords，utteredinthetonesheliked，Laurielefther，afterahandshakealmostpainfulinitsheartiness。

Nextmorning，insteadoftheusualcall，Amyreceivedanotewhichmadehersmileatthebeginningandsighattheend。MyDearMentor，Pleasemakemyadieuxtoyouraunt，andexultwithinyourself，for`LazyLaurence’hasgonetohisgrandpa，likethebestofboys。Apleasantwintertoyou，andmaythegodsgrantyouablissfulhoneymoonatValrosa！IthinkFredwouldbebenefitedbyarouser。Tellhimso，withmycongratulations。Yoursgratefully，Telemachus"Goodboy！I’mgladhe’sgone，"saidAmy，withanapprovingsmile。Thenextminuteherfacefellassheglancedabouttheemptyroom，adding，withaninvoluntarysigh，"Yes，Iamglad，buthowIshallmisshim。"

GoodWives:Chapter17CHAPTER17TheValleyoftheShadowWhenthefirstbitternesswasover，thefamilyacceptedtheinevitable，andtriedtobearitcheerfully，helpingoneanotherbytheincreasedaffectionwhichcomestobindhouseholdstenderlytogetherintimesoftrouble。Theyputawaytheirgrief，andeachdidhisorherparttowardmakingthatlastyearahappyone。

ThepleasantestroominthehousewassetapartforBeth，andinitwasgatheredeverythingthatshemostloved，flowers，pictures，herpiano，thelittleworktable，andthebelovedpussies。Father’sbestbooksfoundtheirwaythere，Mother’seasychair，Jo’sdesk，Amy’sfinestsketches，andeverydayMegbroughtherbabiesonalovingpilgrimage，tomakesunshineforAuntyBeth。Johnquietlysetapartalittlesum，thathemightenjoythepleasureofkeepingtheinvalidsuppliedwiththefruitshelovedandlongedfor。OldHannahneverweariedofconcoctingdaintydishestotemptacapriciousappetite，droppingtearsassheworked，andfromacrosstheseacamelittlegiftsandcheerfulletters，seemingtobringbreathsofwarmthandfragrancefromlandsthatknownowinter。

Here，cherishedlikeahouseholdsaintinitsshrine，satBeth，tranquilandbusyasever，fornothingcouldchangethesweet，unselfishnature，andevenwhilepreparingtoleavelife，shetriedtomakeithappierforthosewhoshouldremainbehind。Thefeeblefingerswereneveridle，andoneofherpleasureswastomakelittlethingsfortheschoolchildrendailypassingtoandfro，todropapairofmittensfromherwindowforapairofpurplehands，aneedlebookforsomesmallmotherofmanydolls，pen—wipersforyoungpenmentoilingthroughforestsofpothooks，scrapbooksforpicture—lovingeyes，andallmannerofpleasantdevices，tillthereluctantclimbersoftheladderoflearningfoundtheirwaystrewnwithflowers，asitwere，andcametoregardthegentlegiverasasortoffairygodmother，whosatabovethere，andshowereddowngiftsmiraculouslysuitedtotheirtastesandneeds。IfBethhadwantedanyreward，shefounditinthebrightlittlefacesalwaysturneduptoherwindow，withnodsandsmiles，andthedrolllittleletterswhichcametoher，fullofblotsandgratitude。

Thefirstfewmonthswereveryhappyones，andBethoftenusedtolookround，andsay"Howbeautifulthisis！"astheyallsattogetherinhersunnyroom，thebabieskickingandcrowingonthefloor，motherandsistersworkingnear，andfatherreading，inhispleasantvoice，fromthewiseoldbookswhichseemedrichingoodandcomfortablewords，asapplicablenowaswhenwrittencenturiesago，alittlechapel，whereapaternalpriesttaughthisflockthehardlessonsallmustlearn，tryingtoshowthemthathopecancomfortlove，andfaithmakeresignationpossible。Simplesermons，thatwentstraighttothesoulsofthosewholistened，forthefather’sheartwasintheminister’sreligion，andthefrequentfalterinthevoicegaveadoubleeloquencetothewordshespokeorread。

Itwaswellforallthatthispeacefultimewasgiventhemaspreparationforthesadhourstocome，forby—and—by，Bethsaidtheneedlewas`soheavy’，andputitdownforever。Talkingweariedher，facestroubledher，painclaimedherforitsown，andhertranquilspiritwassorrowfullyperturbedbytheillsthatvexedherfeebleflesh。Ahme！Suchheavydays，suchlong，longnights，suchachingheartsandimploringprayers，whenthosewholovedherbestwereforcedtoseethethinhandsstretchedouttothembeseechingly，tohearthebittercry，"Helpme，helpme！"andtofeelthattherewasnohelp。Asadeclipseoftheserenesoul，asharpstruggleoftheyounglifewithdeath，butbothweremercifullybrief，andthenthenaturalrebellionover，theoldpeacereturnedmorebeautifulthanever。Withthewreckofherfrailbody，Beth’ssoulgrewstrong，andthoughshesaidlittle，thoseaboutherfeltthatshewasready，sawthatthefirstpilgrimcalledwaslikewisethefittest，andwaitedwithherontheshore，tryingtoseetheShiningOnescomingtoreceiveherwhenshecrossedtheriver。

JoneverleftherforanhoursinceBethhadsaid"Ifeelstrongerwhenyouarehere。"Shesleptonacouchintheroom，wakingoftentorenewthefire，tofeed，lift，orwaituponthepatientcreaturewhoseldomaskedforanything，and`triednottobeatrouble’。Alldayshehauntedtheroom，jealousofanyothernurse，andprouderofbeingchosenthenthanofanyhonorherlifeeverbroughther。PreciousandhelpfulhourstoJo，fornowherheartreceivedtheteachingthatitneeded。Lessonsinpatienceweresosweetlytaughtherthatshecouldnotfailtolearnthem，charityforall，thelovelyspiritthatcanforgiveandtrulyforgetunkindness，theloyaltytodutythatmakesthehardesteasy，andthesincerefaiththatfearsnothing，buttrustsundoubtingly。

OftenwhenshewokeJofoundBethreadinginherwell—wornlittlebook，heardhersingingsoftly，tobeguilethesleeplessnight，orsawherleanherfaceuponherhands，whileslowtearsdroppedthroughthetransparentfingers，andJowouldliewatchingherwiththoughtstoodeepfortears，feelingthatBeth，inhersimple，unselfishway，wastryingtoweanherselffromthedearoldlife，andfitherselfforthelifetocome，bysacredwordsofcomfort，quietprayers，andthemusicshelovedsowell。

SeeingthisdidmoreforJothanthewisestsermons，thesaintliesthymns，themostferventprayersthatanyvoicecouldutter。Forwitheyesmadeclearbymanytears，andaheartsoftenedbythetenderestsorrow，sherecognizedthebeautyofhersister’slife——uneventful，unambitious，yetfullofthegenuinevirtueswhich`smellsweet，andblossominthedust’，theself—forgetfulnessthatmakesthehumblestonearthrememberedsoonestinheaven，thetruesuccesswhichispossibletoall。

OnenightwhenBethlookedamongthebooksuponhertable，tofindsomethingtomakeherforgetthemortalwearinessthatwasalmostashardtobearaspain，assheturnedtheleavesofheroldfavorite，Pilgrims’sProgress，shefoundalittlepaper，scribbledoverinJo’shand。Thenamecaughthereyeandtheblurredlookofthelinesmadehersurethattearshadfallenonit。

"PoorJo！She’sfastasleep，soIwon’twakehertoaskleave。Sheshowsmeallherthings，andIdon’tthinkshe’llmindifIlookatthis"，thoughtBeth，withaglanceathersister，wholayontherug，withthetongsbesideher，readytowakeuptheminutethelogfellapart。MYBETHSittingpatientintheshadowTilltheblessedlightshallcome，AsereneandsaintlypresenceSanctifiesourtroubledhome。

EarthlyjoysandhopesandsorrowsBreaklikeripplesonthestrandOfthedeepandsolemnriverWhereherwillingfeetnowstand。Omysister，passingfromme，Outofhumancareandstrife，Leaveme，asagift，thosevirtuesWhichhavebeautifiedyourlife。

Dear，bequeathmethatgreatpatienceWhichhaspowertosustainAcheerful，uncomplainingspiritInitsprison—houseofpain。Giveme，forIneeditsorely，Ofthatcourage，wiseandsweet，WhichhasmadethepathofdutyGreenbeneathyourwillingfeet。

Givemethatunselfishnature，ThatwithcharitydevineCanpardonwrongforlove’sdearsake——

Meekheart，forgivememine！ThusourpartingdailylosethSomethingofitsbitterpain，Andwhilelearningthishardlesson，Mygreatlossbecomesmygain。

ForthetouchofgriefwillrenderMywildnaturemoreserene，Givetolifenewaspirations，Anewtrustintheunseen。Henceforth，safeacrosstheriver，IshallseeforevermoreAbeloved，householdspiritWaitingformeontheshore。

Hopeandfaith，bornofmysorrow，Guardianangelsshallbecome，AndthesistergonebeforemeBytheirhandsshallleadmehome。

Blurredandblotted，faultyandfeebleasthelineswere，theybroughtalookofinexpressiblecomforttoBeth’sface，forheroneregrethadbeenthatshehaddonesolittle，andthisseemedtoassureherthatherlifehadnotbeenuseless，thatherdeathwouldnotbringthedespairshefeared。Asshesatwiththepaperfoldedbetweenherhands，thecharredlogfellasunder。Jostartedup，revivedtheblaze，andcrepttothebedside，hopingBethslept。

"Notasleep，butsohappy，dear。See，Ifoundthisandreadit。Iknewyouwouldn’tcare。HaveIbeenallthattoyou，Jo？"sheasked，withwistful，humbleearnestness。

"OH，Beth，somuch，somuch！"AndJo’sheadwentdownuponthepillowbesidehersister’s。

"ThenIdon’tfeelasifI’dwastedmylife。I’mnotsogoodasyoumakeme，butIhavetriedtodoright。Andnow，whenit’stoolatetobegineventodobetter，it’ssuchacomforttoknowthatsomeonelovesmesomuch，andfeelsasifI’dhelpedthem。"

"Morethananyoneintheworld，Beth。IusedtothinkIcouldn’tletyougo，butI’mlearningtofeelthatIdon’tloseyou，thatyou’llbemoretomethanever，anddeathcan’tpartus，thoughitseemsto。"

"Iknowitcannot，andIdon’tfearitanylonger，forI’msureIshallbeyourBethstill，toloveandhelpyoumorethanever。Youmusttakemyplace，Jo，andbeeverythingtoFatherandMotherwhenI’mgone。Theywillturntoyou，don’tfailthem，andifit’shardtoworkalone，rememberthatIdon’tforgetyou，andthatyou’llbehappierindoingthatthanwritingsplendidbooksorseeingalltheworld，forloveistheonlythingthatwecancarrywithuswhenwego，anditmakesthegoeasy。"

"I’lltry，Beth。"AndthenandthereJorenouncedheroldambition，pledgedherselftoanewandbetterone，acknowledgingthepovertyofotherdesires，andfeelingtheblessedsolaceofabeliefintheimmortalityoflove。

Sothespringdayscameandwent，theskygrewclearer，theearthgreener，theflowerswereupfairlyearly，andthebirdscamebackintimetosaygoodbyetoBeth，who，likeatiredbuttrustfulchild，clungtothehandsthathadledherallherlife，asFatherandMotherguidedhertenderlythroughtheValleyoftheShadow，andgaveheruptoGod。

Seldomexceptinbooksdothedyinguttermemorablewords，seevisions，ordepartwithbeatifiedcountenances，andthosewhohavespedmanypartingsoulsknowthattomosttheendcomesasnaturallyandsimplyassleep。AsBethhadhoped，the`tidewentouteasily’，andinthedarkhourbeforedawn，onthebosomwhereshehaddrawnherfirstbreath，shequietlydrewherlast，withnofarewellbutonelovinglook，onelittlesigh。

Withtearsandprayersandtenderhands，Motherandsistersmadeherreadyforthelongsleepthatpainwouldnevermaragain，seeingwithgratefuleyesthebeautifulserenitythatsoonreplacedthepatheticpatiencethathadwrungtheirheartssolong，andfeelingwithreverentjoythattotheirdarlingdeathwasabenignantangel，notaphantomfullofdread。

Whenmorningcame，forthefirsttimeinmanymonthsthefirewasout，Jo’splacewasempty，andtheroomwasverystill。Butabirdsangblithelyonabuddingbough，closeby，thesnowdropsblossomedfreshlyatthewindow，andthespringsunshinestreamedinlikeabenedictionovertheplacidfaceuponthepillow，afacesofullofpainlesspeacethatthosewholoveditbestsmiledthroughtheirtears，andthankedGodthatBethwaswellatlast。

GoodWives:Chapter18CHAPTER18LearningtoForgetAmy’slecturedidLauriegood，though，ofcourse，hedidnotownittilllongafterward。Menseldomdo，forwhenwomenaretheadvisers，thelordsofcreationdon’ttaketheadvicetilltheyhavepersuadedthemselvesthatitisjustwhattheyintendedtodo。Thentheyactuponit，and，ifitsucceeds，theygivetheweakervesselhalfthecreditofit。Ifitfails，theygenerouslygiveherthewhole。Lauriewentbacktohisgrandfather，andwassodutifullydevotedforseveralweeksthattheoldgentlemandeclaredtheclimateofNicehadimprovedhimwonderfully，andhehadbettertryitagain。Therewasnothingtheyounggentlemanwouldhavelikedbetter，butelephantscouldnothavedraggedhimbackafterthescoldinghehadreceived。Prideforbid，andwheneverthelonginggrewverystrong，hefortifiedhisresolutionbyrepeatingthewordsthathadmadethedeepestimpression，"Idespiseyou。""Goanddosomethingsplendidthatwillmakeherloveyou。"

Laurieturnedthematteroverinhismindsooftenthathesoonbroughthimselftoconfessthathehadbeenselfishandlazy，butthenwhenamanhasagreatsorrow，heshouldbeindulgedinallsortsofvagariestillhehasliveditdown。Hefeltthathisblightedaffectionswerequitedeadnow，andthoughheshouldneverceasetobeafaithfulmourner，therewasnooccasiontowearhisweedsostentatiously。Jowouldn’tlovehim，buthemightmakeherrespectandadmirehimbydoingsomethingwhichshouldprovethatagirl’snohadnotspoiledhislife。Hehadalwaysmeanttodosomething，andAmy’sadvicewasquiteunnecessary。Hehadonlybeenwaitingtilltheaforesaidblightedaffectionsweredecentlyinterred。Thatbeingdone，hefeltthathewasreadyto`hidehisstrickenheart，andstilltoilon’。

AsGoethe，whenhehadajoyoragrief，putitintoasong，soLaurieresolvedtoembalmhislovesorrowinmusic，andtocomposeaRequiemwhichshouldharrowupJo’ssoulandmelttheheartofeveryhearer。Thereforethenexttimetheoldgentlemanfoundhimgettingrestlessandmoodyandorderedhimoff，hewenttoVienna，wherehehadmusicalfriends，andfelltoworkwiththefirmdeterminationtodistinguishhimself。Butwhetherthesorrowwastoovasttobeembodiedinmusic，ormusictooetherealtoupliftamortalwoe，hesoondiscoveredthattheRequiemwasbeyondhimjustatpresent。Itwasevidentthathismindwasnotinworkingorderyet，andhisideasneededclarifying，forofteninthemiddleofaplaintivestrain，hewouldfindhimselfhummingadancingtunethatvividlyrecalledtheChristmasballatNice，especiallythestoutFrenchman，andputaneffectualstoptotragiccompositionforthetimebeing。

Thenhetriedanopera，fornothingseemedimpossibleinthebeginning，buthereagainunforeseendifficultiesbesethim。HewantedJoforhisheroine，andcalleduponhismemorytosupplyhimwithtenderrecollectionsandromanticvisionsofhislove。Butmemoryturnedtraitor，andasifpossessedbytheperversespiritofthegirl，wouldonlyrecallJo’soddities，faults，andfreaks，wouldonlyshowherinthemostunsentimentalaspects——beatingmatswithherheadtiedupinabandana，barricadingherselfwiththesofapillow，orthrowingcoldwateroverhispassionàlaGummidge——andanirresistablelaughspoiledthepensivepicturehewasendeavoringtopaint。Jowouldn’tbeputintotheoperaatanyprice，andhehadtogiveherupwitha"Blessthatgirl，whatatormentsheis！"andaclutchathishair，asbecameadistractedcomposer。

Whenhelookedabouthimforanotherandalessintractabledamseltoimmortalizeinmelody，memoryproducedonewiththemostobligingreadiness。Thisphantomworemanyfaces，butitalwayshadgoldenhair，wasenvelopedinadiaphanouscloud，andfloatedairilybeforehismind’seyeinapleasingchaosofroses，peacocks，whiteponies，andblueribbons。Hedidnotgivethecomplacentwraithanyname，buthetookherforhisheroineandgrewquitefondofher，aswellhemight，forhegiftedherwitheverygiftandgraceunderthesun，andescortedher，unscathed，throughtrialswhichwouldhaveannihilatedanymortalwoman。

Thankstothisinspiration，hegotonswimminglyforatime，butgraduallytheworklostitscharm，andheforgottocompose，whilehesatmusing，peninhand，orroamedaboutthegaycitytogetsomenewideasandrefreshhismind，whichseemedtobeinasomewhatunsettledstatethatwinter。Hedidnotdomuch，buthethoughtagreatdealandwasconsciousofachangeofsomesortgoingoninspiteofhimself。"It’sgeniussimmering，perhaps。I’llletitsimmer，andseewhatcomesofit，"hesaid，withasecretsuspicionallthewhilethatitwasn’tgenius，butsomethingfarmorecommon。Whateveritwas，itsimmeredtosomepurpose，forhegrewmoreandmorediscontentedwithhisdesultorylife，begantolongforsomerealandearnestworktogoat，soulandbody，andfinallycametothewiseconclusionthateveryonewholovedmusicwasnotacomposer。ReturningfromoneofMozart’sgrandoperas，splendidlyperformedattheRoyalTheatre，helookedoverhisown，playedafewofthebestparts，satstaringatthebustsofMendelssohn，Beethoven，andbach，whostaredbenignlybackagain。Thensuddenlyhetoreuphismusicsheets，onebyone，andasthelastflutteredoutofhishand，hesaidsoberlytohimself……

"Sheisright！Talentisn’tgenius，andyoucan’tmakeitso。ThatmusichastakenthevanityoutofmyasRometookitoutofher，andIwon’tbeahumbuganylonger。NowwhatshallIdo？"

Thatseemedahardquestiontoanswer，andLauriebegantowishhehadtoworkforhisdailybread。Nowifever，occurredaneligibleopportunityfor`goingtothedevil’，asheonceforciblyexpressedit，forhehadplentyofmoneyandnothingtodo，andSatanisproverbiallyfondofprovidingemploymentforfullandidlehands。Thepoorfellowhadtemptationsenoughfromwithoutandfromwithin，buthewithstoodthemprettywell，formuchashevaluedliberty，hevaluedgoodfaithandconfidencemore，sohispromisetohisgrandfather，andhisdesiretobeabletolookhonestlyintotheeyesofthewomenwholovedhim，andsay"All’swell，"kepthimsafeandsteady。

VerylikelysomeMrs。Grundywillobserve，"Idon’tbelieveit，boyswillbeboys，youngmenmustsowtheirwildoats，andwomenmustnotexpectmiracles。"Idaresayyoudon’t，Mrs。Grundy，butit’struenevertheless。Womenworkagoodmanymiracles，andIhaveapersuasionthattheymayperformeventhatofraisingthestandardofmanhoodbyrefusingtoechosuchsayings。Lettheboysbeboys，thelongerthebetter，andlettheyoungmensowtheirwildoatsiftheymust。Butmothers，sisters，andfriendsmayhelptomakethecropasmallone，andkeepmanytaresfromspoilingtheharvest，bybelieving，andshowingthattheybelieve，inthepossibilityofloyaltytothevirtueswhichmakemenmanliestingoodwomen’seyes。Ifitisafemininedelusion，leaveustoenjoyitwhilewemay，forwithoutithalfthebeautyandtheromanceoflifeislost，andsorrowfulforebodingswouldembitterallourhopesofthebrave，tenderheartedlittlelads，whostilllovetheirmothersbetterthanthemselvesandarenotashamedtoownit。

LauriethoughtthatthetaskofforgettinghisloveforJowouldabsorballhispowersforyears，buttohisgreatsurprisehediscovereditgreweasiereveryday。Herefusedtobelieveitatfirst，gotangrywithhimself，andcouldn’tunderstandit，buttheseheartsofoursarecuriousandcontrarythings，andtimeandnatureworktheirwillinspiteofus。Laurie’sheartwouldn’tache。Thewoundpersistedinhealingwitharapiditythatastonishedhim，andinsteadoftryingtoforget，hefoundhimselftryingtoremember。Hehadnotforeseenthisturnofaffairs，andwasnotpreparedforit。Hewasdisgustedwithhimself，surprisedathisownfickleness，andfullofaqueermixtureofdisappointmentandreliefthathecouldrecoverfromsuchatremendousblowsosoon。Hecarefullystirreduptheembersofhislostlove，buttheyrefusedtoburstintoablaze。Therewasonlyacomfortableglowthatwarmedanddidhimgoodwithoutputtinghimintoafever，andhewasreluctantlyobligedtoconfessthattheboyishpassionwasslowlysubbsidingintoamoretranquilsentiment，verytender，alittlesadandresentfulstill，butthatwassuretopassawayintime，leavingabrotherlyaffectionwhichwouldlastunbrokentotheend。

Astheword`brotherly’passedthroughhismindinoneofhisreveries，hesmiled，andglancedupatthepictureofMozartthatwasbeforehim……

"Well，hewasagreatman，andwhenhecouldn’thaveonesisterhetooktheother，andwashappy。"

Lauriedidnotutterthewords，buthethoughtthem，andthenextinstantkissedthelittleoldring，sayingtohimself，"No，Iwon’t！Ihaven’tforgotten，Inevercan。I’lltryagain，andifthatfails，whythen……

Leavinghissentenceunfinished，heseizedpenandpaperandwrotetoJo，tellingherthathecouldnotsettletoanythingwhiletherewastheleasthopeofherchanginghermind。Couldn’tshe，wouldn’tshe，andlethimcomehomeandbehappy？Whilewaitingforananswerhedidnothing，buthediditenergetically，forhewasinafeverofimpatience。Itcameatlast，andsettledhismindeffectuallyononepoint，forJodecidedlycouldn’tandwouldn’t。ShewaswrappedupinBeth，andneverwishedtohearthewordloveagain。Thenshebeggedhimtobehappywithsomebodyelse，butalwayskeepalittlecornerofhisghartforhislovingsisterJo。InapostscriptshedesiredhimnottotellAmythatBethwasworse，shewascominghomeinthespringandtherewasnoneedofsaddeningtheremainderofherstay。Thatwouldbetimeenough，pleaseGod，butLauriemustwritetoheroften，andnotletherfeellonely，homesickoranxious。

"SoIwill，atonce。Poorlittlegirl，itwillbeasadgoinghomeforher，I’mafraid。"AndLaurieopenedhisdesk，asifwritingtoAmyhadbeentheproperconclusionofthesentenceleftunfinishedsomeweeksbefore。