第3章

WhyeverybodylikedhimwaswhatpuzzledJo，atfirst。Hewasneitherrichnorgreat，youngnorhandsome，innorespectwhatiscalledfascinating，imposing，orbrilliant，andyethewasasattractiveasagenialfire，andpeopleseemedtogatherabouthimasnaturallyasaboutawarmhearth。Hewaspoor，yetalwaysappearedtobegivingsomethingaway;astranger，yeteveryonewashisfriend;nolongeryoung，butashappy—heartedasaboy;plainandpeculiar，yethisfacelookedbeautifultomany，andhisodditieswerefreelyforgivenforhissake。Jooftenwatchedhim，tryingtodiscoverthecharm，andatlastdecidedthatitwasbenevolencewhichworkedthemiracle。Ifhehadanysorrow，`itsatwithitsheadunderitswing’，andheturnedonlyhissunnysidetotheworld。Therewerelinesuponhisforehead，butTimeseemedtohavetouchedhimgently，rememberinghowkindhewastoothers。Thepleasantcurvesabouthismouthwerethememorialsofmanyfriendlywordsandcheerylaughs，hiseyeswerenevercoldorhard，andhisbighandhadawarm，stronggraspthatwasmoreexpressivethanwords。

Hisveryclothesseemedtopartakeofthehospitablenatureofthewearer。Theylookedasiftheywereatease，andlikedtomakehimcomfortable。Hiscapaciouswaistcoatwassuggestiveofalargeheartunderneath。Hisrustycoathadasocialair，andthebaggypocketsplainlyprovedthatlittlehandsoftenwentinemptyandcameoutfull。Hisverybootswerebenevolent，andhiscollarsneverstiffandraspylikeotherpeople’s。

"That’sit！"saidJotoherself，whensheatlengthdiscoveredthatgenuinegoodwilltowardone’sfellowmencouldbeautifyanddignifyevenastoutGermanteacher，whoshoveledinhisdinner，darnedhisownsocks，andwasburdenedwiththenameofBhaer。

Jovaluedgoodnesshighly，butshealsopossessedamostfemininerespectforintellect，andalittlediscoverywhichshemadeabouttheProfessoraddedmuchtoherregardforhim。Heneverspokeofhimself，andnooneeverknewthatinhisnativecityhehadbeenamanmuchhonoredandesteemedforlearningandintegrity，tillacountrymancametoseehim。Heneverspokeofhimself，andinaconversationwithMissNortondivulgedthepleasingfact。FromherJolearnedit，andlikeditallthebetterbecauseMr。Bhaerhadnevertoldit。ShefeltproudtoknowthathewasanhonoredProfessorinBerlin，thoughonlyapoorlanguage—masterinAmerica，andhishomely，hard—workinglifewasmuchbeautifiedbythespiceofromancewhichthisdiscoverygaveit。Anotherandabettergiftthanintellectwasshownherinamostunexpectedmanner。MissNortonhadtheentréeintomostsociety，whichJowouldhavehadnochanceofseeingbutforher。Thesolitarywomanfeltaninterestintheambitiousgirl，andkindlyconferredmanyfavorsofthissortbothonJoandtheProfessor。Shetookthemwithheronenighttoaselectsymposium，heldinhonorofseveralcelebrities。

Jowentpreparedtobowdownandadorethemightyoneswhomshehadworshipedwithyouthfulenthusiasmafaroff。Butherreverenceforgeniusreceivedasevereshockthatnight，andittookhersometimetorecoverfromthediscoverythatthegreatcreatureswereonlymenandwomenafterall。Imagineherdismay，onstealingaglanceoftimidadmirationatthepoetwhoselinessuggestedanetherealbeingfedon`spirit，fire，anddew’，tobeholdhimdevouringhissupperwithanardorwhichflushedhisintellectualcountenance。Turningasfromafallenidol，shemadeotherdiscoverieswhichrapidlydispelledherromanticillusions。Thegreatnovelistvibratedbetweentwodecanterswiththeregularityofapendulum;thefamousdivineflirtedopenlywithoneoftheMadamedeStaelsoftheage，wholookeddaggersatanotherCorinne，whowasamiablysatirizingher，afteroutmaneuveringherineffortstoabsorbtheprofoundphilosopher，whoimbibedteaJohnsonianlyandappearedtoslumber，theloquacityoftheladyrenderingspeechimpossible。Thescientificcelebrities，forgettingtheirmollusksandglacialperiods，gossipedaboutart，whiledevotingthemselvestooystersandiceswithcharacteristicenergy;theyoungmusician，whowascharmingthecitylikeasecondOrpheus，talkedhorses;andthespecimenoftheBritishnobilitypresenthappenedtobethemostordinarymanoftheparty。

Beforetheeveningwashalfover，Jofeltsocompletelydisillusioned，thatshesatdowninacornertorecoverherself。Mr。Bhaersoonjoinedher，lookingratheroutofhiselement，andpresentlyseveralofthephilosophers，eachmountedonhishobby，cameamblinguptoholdanintellectualtournamentintherecess。TheconversationsweremilesbeyondJo’scomprehension，butsheenjoyedit，thoughKantandHegelwereunknowngods，theSubjectiveandObjectiveunintelligibleterms，andtheonlything`evolvedfromherinnerconsciousness’wasabadheadacheafteritwasallover。Itdawneduponhergraduallythattheworldwasbeingpickedtopieces，andputtogetheronnewand，accordingtothetalkers，oninfinitelybetterprinciplesthanbefore，thatreligionwasinafairwaytobereasonedintonothingness，andintellectwastobetheonlyGod。Joknewnothingaboutphilosophyormetaphysicsofanysort，butacuriousexcitement，halfpleasurable，halfpainful，cameoverherasshelistenedwithasenseofbeingturnedadriftintotimeandspace，likeayoungballoonoutonaholiday。

ShelookedroundtoseehowtheProfessorlikedit，andfoundhimlookingatherwiththegrimestexpressionshehadeverseenhimwear。Heshookhisheadandbeckonedhertocomeaway，butshewasfascinatedjustthenbythefreedomofSpeculativePhilosophy，andkeptherseat，tryingtofindoutwhatthewisegentlemenintendedtorelyuponaftertheyhadannihilatedalltheoldbeliefs。

Now，Mr。Bhaerwasadiffidentmanandslowtoofferhisownopinions，notbecausetheywereunsettled，buttoosincereandearnesttobelightlyspoken。AsheglancedfromJotoseveralotheryoungpeople，attractedbythebrilliancyofthephilosophicpyrotechnics，heknithisbrowsandlongedtospeak，fearingthatsomeinflammableyoungsoulwouldbeledastraybytherockets，tofindwhenthedisplaywasoverthattheyhadonlyanemptystickorascorchedhand。

Heboreitaslongashecould，butwhenhewasappealedtoforanopinion，heblazedupwithhonestindignationanddefendedreligionwithalltheeloquenceoftruth——aneloquencewhichmadehisbrokenEnglishmusicalandhisplainfacebeautiful。Hehadahardfight，forthewisemenarguedwell，buthedidn’tknowwhenhewasbeatenandstoodtohiscolorslikeaman。Somehow，ashetalked，theworldgotrightagaintoJo。Theoldbeliefs，thathadlastedsolong，seemedbetterthanthenew。Godwasnotablindforce，andimmortalitywasnotaprettyfable，butablessedfact。Shefeltasifshehadsolidgroundunderherfeetagain，andwhenMr。Bhaerpaused，outtalkedbutnotonewhitconvinced，Jowantedtoclapherhandsandthankhim。

Shedidneither，butsherememberedthescene，andgavetheProfessorherheartiestrespect，forsheknewitcosthimanefforttospeakoutthenandthere，becausehisconsciencewouldnotlethimbesilent。Shebegantoseethatcharacterisabetterpossessionthanmoney，rank，intellect，orbeauty，andtofeelthatifgreatnessiswhatawisemanhasdefinedittobe，`truth，reverence，andgoodwill’，thenherfriendFriedrichBhaerwasnotonlygood，butgreat。

Thisbeliefstrengtheneddaily。Shevaluedhisesteem，shecovetedhisrespect，shewantedtobeworthyofhisfriendship，andjustwhenthewishwassincerest，shecameneartolosingeverything。Itallgrewoutofacockedhat，foroneeveningtheProfessorcameintogiveJoherlessonwithapapersoldiercaponhishead，whichTinahadputthereandhehadforgottentotakeoff。

"It’sevidenthedoesn’tlookinhisglassbeforecomingdown，"thoughtJo，withasmile，ashesaid"Gootefening，"andsatsoberlydown，quiteunconsciousoftheludicrouscontrastbetweenhissubjectandhisheadgear，forhewasgoingtoreadhertheDeathofWallenstein。

Shesaidnothingatfirst，forshelikedtohearhimlaughouthisbig，heartylaughwhenanythingfunnyhappened，soshelefthimtodiscoveritforhimself，andpresentlyforgotallaboutit，fortohearaGermanreadSchillerisratheranabsorbingoccupation。Afterthereadingcamethelesson，whichwasalivelyone，forJowasinagaymoodthatnight，andthecockedhatkepthereyesdancingwithmerriment。TheProfessordidn’tknowwhattomakeofher，andstoppedatlasttoaskwithanairofmildsurprisethatwasirresistible……

"MeesMarsch，forwhatdoyoulaughinyourmaster’sface？Hafyounorespectforme，thatyougoonsobad？"

"HowcanIberespectful，Sir，whenyouforgettotakeyourhatoff？"saidJo。

Liftinghishandtohishead，theabsent—mindedProfessorgravelyfeltandremovedthelittlecockedhat，lookedatitaminute，andthenthrewbackhisheadandlaughedlikeamerrybassviol。

"Ah！Iseehimnow，itisthatimpTinawhomakesmeafoolwithmycap。Well，itisnothing，butseeyou，ifthislessongoesnotwell，youtooshallwearhim。"

ButthelessondidnotgoatallforafewminutesbecauseMr。Bhaercaughtsightofapictureonthehat，andunfoldingit，saidwithgreatdisgust，"Iwishthesepapersdidnotcomeinthehouse。Theyarenotforchildrentosee，noryoungpeopletoread。Itisnotwell，andIhafnopatiencewiththosewhomakethisharm。"

Joglancedatthesheetandsawapleasingillustrationcomposedofalunatic，acorpse，avillian，andaviper。Shedidnotlikeit，buttheimpulsethatmadeherturnitoverwasnotoneofdispleasurebutfear，becauseforaminuteshefanciedthepaperwastheVolcano。Itwasnot，however，andherpanicsubsidedassherememberedthatevenifithadbeenandoneofherowntalesinit，therewouldhavebeennonametobetrayher。Shehadbetrayedherself，however，byalookandablush，forthoughanabsentman，theProfessorsawagooddealmorethanpeoplefancied。HeknewthatJowrote，andhadmetherdownamongthenewspaperofficesmorethanonce，butassheneverspokeofit，heaskednoquestionsinspiteofastrongdesiretoseeherwork。Nowitoccurredtohimthatshewasdoingwhatshewasashamedtoown，andittroubledhim。Hedidnotsaytohimself，"Itisnoneofmybusiness。I’venorighttosayanything，"asmanypeoplewouldhavedone。Heonlyrememberedthatshewasyoungandpoor，agirlfarawayfrommother’sloveandfather’scare，andhewasmovedtohelpherwithanimpulseasquickandnaturalasthatwhichwouldprompthimtoputouthishandtosaveababyfromapuddle。Allthisflashedthroughhismindinaminute，butnotatraceofitappearedinhisface，andbythetimethepaperwasturned，andJo’sneedlethreaded，hewasreadytosayquitenaturally，butverygravely……

"Yes，youarerighttoputitfromyou。Idonotthinkthatgoodyounggirlsshouldseesuchthings。Theyaremadepleasanttosome，butIwouldmorerathergivemyboysgunpowdertoplaywiththanthisbadtrash。"

"Allmaynotbebad，onlysilly，youknow，andifthereisademandforit，Idon’tseeanyharminsupplyingit。Manyveryrespectablepeoplemakeanhonestlivingoutofwhatarecalledsensationstories，"saidJo，scratchinggatherssoenergeticallythatarowoflittleslitsfollowedherpin。

"Thereisademandforwhisky，butIthinkyouandIdonotcaretosellit。Iftherespectablepeopleknewwhatharmtheydid，theywouldnotfeelthatthelivingwashonest。Theyhafnorighttoputpoisoninthesugarplum，andletthesmalloneseatit。No，theyshouldthinkalittle，andsweepmudinthestreetbeforetheydothisthing。"

Mr。Bhaerspokewarmly，andwalkedtothefire，crumplingthepaperinhishands。Josatstill，lookingasifthefirehadcometoher，forhercheeksburnedlongafterthecockedhathadturnedtosmokeandgoneharmlesslyupthechimney。

"Ishouldlikemuchtosendalltherestafterhim，"mutteredtheProfessor，comingbackwitharelievedair。

Jothoughtwhatablazeherpileofpapersupstairswouldmake，andherhard—earnedmoneylayratherheavilyonherconscienceatthatminute。Thenshethoughtconsolinglytoherself，"Minearenotlikethat，theyareonlysilly，neverbad，soIwon’tbeworried，"andtakingupherbook，shesaid，withastudiousface，"Shallwegoon，Sir？I’llbeverygoodandpropernow。"

"Ishallhopeso，"wasallhesaid，buthemeantmorethansheimagined，andthegrave，kindlookhegavehermadeherfeelasifthewordsWeeklyVolcanowereprintedinlargetypeonherforehead。

Assoonasshewenttoherroom，shegotoutherpapers，andcarefullyrereadeveryoneofherstories。Beingalittleshortsighted，Mr。Bhaersometimesusedeyeglasses，andJohadtriedthemonce，smilingtoseehowtheymagnifiedthefineprintofherbook。NowsheseemedtohaveontheProfessor’smentalormoralspectaclesalso，forthefaultsofthesepoorstoriesglaredatherdreadfullyandfilledherwithdismay。

"Theyaretrash，andwillsoonbeworsetrashifIgoon，foreachismoresensationalthanthelast。I’vegoneblindlyon，hurtingmyselfandotherpeople，forthesakeofmoney。Iknowit’sso，forIcan’treadthisstuffinsoberearnestwithoutbeinghorriblyashamedofit，andwhatshouldIdoiftheywereseenathomeorMr。Bhaergotholdofthem？"

Joturnedhotatthebareidea，andstuffedthewholebundleintoherstove，nearlysettingthechimneyafirewiththeblaze。

"Yes，that’sthebestplaceforsuchinflammablenonsense。I’dbetterburnthehousedown，Isuppose，thanletotherpeopleblowthemselvesupwithmygunpowder，"shethoughtasshewatchedtheDemonoftheJurawhiskaway，alittleblackcinderwithfieryeyes。

Butwhennothingremainedofallherthreemonth’sworkexceptaheapofashesandthemoneyinherlap，Jolookedsober，asshesatonthefloor，wonderingwhatsheoughttodoaboutherwages。

"IthinkIhaven’tdonemuchharmyet，andmaykeepthistopayformytime，"shesaid，afteralongmeditation，addingimpatiently，"IalmostwishIhadn’tanyconscience，it’ssoinconvenient。IfIdidn’tcareaboutdoingright，anddidn’tfeeluncomfortablewhendoingwrong，Ishouldgetoncapitally。Ican’thelpwishingsometimes，thatMotherandFatherhadn’tbeensoparticularaboutsuchthings。"

Ah，Jo，insteadofwishingthat，thankGodthat`FatherandMotherwereparticular’。andpityfromyourheartthosewhohavenosuchguardianstohedgethemroundwithprincipleswhichmayseemlikeprisonwallstoimpatientyouth，butwhichwillprovesurefoundationstobuildcharacteruponinwomanhood。

Jowrotenomoresensationalstories，decidingthatthemoneydidnotpayforhershareofthesensation，butgoingtotheotherextreme，asisthewaywithpeopleofherstamp，shetookacourseofMrs。Sherwood，MissEdgeworth，andHannahMore，andthenproducedatalewhichmighthavebeenmoreproperlycalledanessayorasermon，sointenselymoralwasit。Shehadherdoubtsaboutitfromthebeginning，forherlivelyfancyandgirlishromancefeltasillateaseinthenewstyleasshewouldhavedonemasqueradinginthestiffandcumbrouscostumeofthelastcentury。Shesentthisdidacticgemtoseveralmarkets，butitfoundnopurchaser，andshewasinclinedtoagreewithMr。Dashwoodthatmoralsdidn’tsell。

Thenshetriedachild’sstory，whichshecouldeasilyhavedisposedofifshehadnotbeenmercenaryenoughtodemandfilthylucreforit。Theonlypersonwhoofferedenoughtomakeitworthherwhiletotryjuvenileliteraturewasaworthygentlemanwhofeltithismissiontoconvertalltheworldtohisparticularbelief。Butmuchasshelikedtowriteforchildren，JocouldnotconsenttodepictallhernaughtyboysasbeingeatenbybearsortossedbymadbullsbecausetheydidnotgotoaparticularSabbathschool，norallthegoodinfantswhodidgoasrewardedbyeverykindofbliss，fromgildedgingerbreadtoescortsofangelswhentheydepartedthislifewithpsalmsorsermonsontheirlispingtongues。Sonothingcameofthesetrials，landJocorkedupherinkstand，andsaidinafitofverywholesomehumility……

"Idon’tknowanything。I’llwaituntilIdobeforeItryagain，andmeantime，`sweepmudinthestreet’ifIcan’tdobetter，that’shonest，atleast。"Whichdecisionprovedthathersecondtumbledownthebeanstalkhaddonehersomegood。

Whiletheseinternalrevolutionsweregoingon，herexternallifehadbeenasbusyanduneventfulasusual，andifshesometimeslookedseriousoralittlesadnooneobserveditbutProfessorBhaer。HediditsoquietlythatJoneverknewhewaswatchingtoseeifshewouldacceptandprofitbyhisreproof，butshestoodthetest，andhewassatisfied，forthoughnowordspassedbetweenthem，heknewthatshehadgivenupwriting。Notonlydidheguessitbythefactthatthesecondfingerofherrighthandwasnolongerinky，butshespenthereveningsdownstairsnow，wasmetnomoreamongnewspaperoffices，andstudiedwithadoggedpatience，whichassuredhimthatshewasbentonoccupyinghermindwithsomethinguseful，ifnotpleasant。

Hehelpedherinmanyways，provinghimselfatruefriend，andJowashappy，forwhileherpenlayidle，shewaslearningotherlessonsbesidesGerman，andlayingafoundationforthesensationstoryofherownlife。

Itwasapleasantwinterandalongone，forshedidnotleaveMrs。KirketillJune。Everyoneseemedsorrywhenthetimecame。Thechildrenwereinconsolable，andMr。Bhaer’shairstuckstraightupalloverhishead，forhealwaysrumpleditwildlywhendisturbedinmind。

"Goinghome？Ah，youarehappythatyouhafahometogoin，"hesaid，whenshetoldhim，andsatsilentlypullinghisbeardinthecorner，whilesheheldalittleleveeonthatlastevening。

Shewasgoingearly，soshebadethemallgoodbyeovernight，andwhenhisturncame，shesaidwarmly，"Now，Sir，youwon’tforgettocomeandseeus，ifyouevertravelourway，willyou？I’llneverforgiveyouifyoudo，forIwantthemalltoknowmyfriend。"

"Doyou？ShallIcome？"heasked，lookingdownatherwithaneagerexpressionwhichshedidnotsee。

"Yes，comenextmonth。Lauriegraduatesthen，andyou’denjoycommencementassomethingnew。"

"Thatisyourbestfriend，ofwhomyouspeak？"hesaidinanalteredtone。

"Yes，myboyTeddy。I’mveryproudofhimandshouldlikeyoutoseehim。"

Jolookedupthen，quiteunconsciousofanythingbutherownpleasureintheprospectofshowingthemtooneanother。SomethinginMr。Bhaer’sfacesuddenlyrecalledthefactthatshemightfindLauriemorethana`bestfriend’，andsimplybecausesheparticularlywishednottolookasifanythingwasthematter，sheinvoluntarilybegantoblush，andthemoreshetriednotto，thereddershegrew。IfithadnotbeenforTinaonherknee。Shedidn’tknowwhatwouldhavebecomeofher。Fortunatelythechildwasmovedtohugher，soshemanagedtohideherfaceaninstant，hopingtheProfessordidnotseeit。Buthedid，andhisownchangedagainfromthatmomentaryanxietytoitsusualexpression，ashesaidcordially……

"IfearIshallnotmakethetimeforthat，butIwishthefriendmuchsuccess，andyouallhappiness。Gottblessyou！"Andwiththat，heshookhandswarmly，shoulderedTina，andwentaway。

Butaftertheboyswereabed，hesatlongbeforehisfirewiththetiredlookonhisfaceandthe`heimweh’，orhomesickness，lyingheavyathisheart。Once，whenherememberedJoasshesatwiththelittlechildinherlapandthatnewsoftnessinherface，heleanedhisheadonhishandsaminute，andthenroamedabouttheroom，asifinsearchofsomethingthathecouldnotfind。

"Itisnotforme，Imustnothopeitnow，"hesaidtohimself，withasighthatwasalmostagroan。Then，asifreproachinghimselfforthelongingthathecouldnotrepress，hewentandkissedthetwotousledheadsuponthepillow，tookdownhisseldom—usedmeerschaum，andopenedhisPlato。

Hedidhisbestanddiditmanfully，butIdon’tthinkhefoundthatapairoframpantboys，apipe，oreventhedivinePlato，wereverysatisfactorysubstitutesforwifeandchildathome。

Earlyasitwas，hewasatthestationnextmorningtoseeJooff，andthankstohim，shebeganhersolitaryjourneywiththepleasantmemoryofafamiliarfacesmilingitsfarewell，abunchofvioletstokeephercompany，andbestofall，thehappythought，"Well，thewinter’sgone，andI’vewrittennobooks，earnednofortune，butI’vemadeafriendworthhavingandI’lltrytokeephimallmylife。"

GoodWives:Chapter12CHAPTER12HeartacheWhateverhismotivemighthavebeen，Lauriestudiedtosomepurposethatyear，forhegraduatedwithhonor，andgavetheLatinorationwiththegraceofaPhillipsandtheeloquenceofaDemosthenes，sohisfriendssaid。Theywereallthere，hisgrandfather——oh，soproud——Mr。andMrs。March，JohnandMeg，JoandBeth，andallexultedoverhimwiththesincereadmirationwhichboysmakelightofatthetime，butfailtowinfromtheworldbyanyafter—triumphs。

"I’vegottostayforthisconfoundedsupper，butIshallbehomeearlytomorrow。You’llcomeandmeetmeasusual，girls？"Lauriesaid，asheputthesistersintothecarriageafterthejoysofthedaywereover。Hesaid`girls’，buthemeantJo，forshewastheonlyonewhokeptuptheoldcustom。Shehadnotthehearttorefusehersplendid，successfulboyanything，andansweredwarmly……

"I’llcome，Teddy，rainorshine，andmarchbeforeyou，playing`Hailtheconqueringherocomes’onajew’s—harp。"

Lauriethankedherwithalookthatmadeherthinkinasuddenpanic，"Oh，dearyme！Iknowhe’llsaysomething，andthenwhatshallIdo？"

Eveningmeditationandmorningworksomewhatallayedherfears，andhavingdecidedthatshewouldn’tbevainenoughtothinkpeopleweregoingtoproposewhenshehadgiventhemeveryreasontoknowwhatheranswerwouldbe，shesetforthattheappointedtime，hopingTeddywouldn’tdoanythingtomakeherhurthispoorfeelings。AcallatMeg’s，andarefreshingsniffandsipattheDaisyandDemijohn，stillfurtherfortifiedherforthetê:te—à—tête，butwhenshesawastalwartfigureloominginthedistance，shehadastrongdesiretoturnaboutandrunaway。

"Where’sthejew’s—harp，Jo？"criedLaurie，assoonashewaswithinspeakingdistance。

"Iforgotit。"AndJotookheartagain，forthatsalutationcouldnotbecalledloverlike。

Shealwaysusedtotakehisarmontheseoccasions，nowshedidnot，andhemadenocomplaint，whichwasabadsign，buttalkedonrapidlyaboutallsortsoffarawaysubjects，tilltheyturnedfromtheroadintothelittlepaththatledhomewardthroughthegrove。Thenhewalkedmoreslowly，suddenlylosthisfineflowoflanguage，andnowandthenadreadfulpauseoccurred。Torescuetheconversationfromoneofthewellsofsilenceintowhichitkeptfalling，Josaidhastily，"Nowyoumusthaveagoodlongholiday！"

"Iintendto。"

SomethinginhisresolutetonemadeJolookupquicklytofindhimlookingdownatherwithanexpressionthatassuredherthedreadedmomenthadcome，andmadeherputoutherhandwithanimploring，"No，Teddy。Pleasedon’t！"

"Iwill，andyoumusthearme。It’snouse，Jo，we’vegottohaveitout，andthesoonerthebetterforbothofus，"heanswered，gettingflushedandexcitedallatonce。

"Saywhatyoulikethen。I’lllisten，"saidJo，withadesperatesortofpatience。

Lauriewasayounglover，buthewasinearnest，andmeantto`haveitout’，ifhediedintheattempt，soheplungedintothesubjectwithcharacteristicimpetuousity，sayinginavoicethatwouldgetchokynowandthen，inspiteofmanfuleffortstokeepitsteady……"I’velovedyoueversinceI’veknownyou，Jo，couldn’thelpit，you’vebeensogoodtome。I’vetriedtoshowit，butyouwouldn’tletme。NowI’mgoingtomakeyouhear，andgivemeananswer，forIcan’tgoonsoanylonger。"

"Iwantedtosaveyouthis。Ithoughtyou’dunderstand……beganJo，findingitagreatdealharderthansheexpected。

"Iknowyoudid，butthegirlsaresoqueeryouneverknowwhattheymean。Theysaynowhentheymeanyes，anddriveamanoutofhiswitsjustforthefunofit，"returnedLaurie，entrenchinghimselfbehindanundeniablefact。

"Idon’t。Ineverwantedtomakeyoucareformeso，andIwentawaytokeepyoufromitifIcould。"

"Ithoughtso。Itwaslikeyou，butitwasnouse。Ionlylovedyouallthemore，andIworkedhardtopleaseyou，andIgaveupbilliardsandeverythingyoudidn’tlike，andwaitedandnevercomplained，forIhopedyou’dloveme，thoughI’mnothalfgoodenough……"Heretherewasachokethatcouldn’tbecontrolled，sohedecapitatedbuttercupswhileheclearedhis`confoundedthroat’。

"You，youare，you’reagreatdealtoogoodforme，andI’msogratefultoyou，andsoproudandfondofyou，Idon’tknowwhyIcan’tloveyouasyouwantmeto。I’vetried，butIcan’tchangethefeeling，anditwouldbealietosayIdowhenIdon’t。"

"Really，truly，Jo？"

Hestoppedshort，andcaughtbothherhandsasheputhisquestionwithalookthatshedidnotsoonforget。

"Really，truly，dear。"

Theywereinthegrovenow，closebythestile，andwhenthelastwordsfellreluctantlyfromJo’slips，Lauriedroppedherhandsandturnedasiftogoon，butforonceinhislifethefencewastoomuchforhim。Sohejustlaidhisheaddownonthemossypost，andstoodsostillthatJowasfrightened。

"Oh，Teddy，I’msorry，sodesperatelysorry，Icouldkillmyselfifitwoulddoanygood！Iwishyouwouldn’ttakeitsohard，Ican’thelpit。Youknowit’simpossibleforpeopletomakethemselvesloveotherpeopleiftheydon’t，"criedJoinelegantlybutremorsefully，asshesoftlypattedhisshoulder，rememberingthetimewhenhehadcomfortedhersolongago。

"Theydosometimes，"saidamuffledvoicefromthepost。"Idon’tbelieveit’stherightsortoflove，andI’drathernottryit，"wasthedecidedanswer。

Therewasalongpause，whileablackbirdsungblithelyonthewillowbytheriver，andthetallgrassrustledinthewind。PresentlyJosaidverysoberly，asshesatdownonthestepofthestile，"Laurie，Iwanttotellyousomething。"

Hestartedasifhehadbeenshot，threwuphishead，andcriedoutinafiercetone，"Don’ttellmethat，Jo，Ican’tbearitnow！"

"Tellwhat？"sheasked，wonderingathisviolence。

"Thatyoulovethatoldman。"

"Whatoldman？"demandedJo，thinkinghemustmeanhisgrandfather。

"ThatdevilishProfessoryouwerealwayswritingabout。Ifyousayyoulovehim，IknowIshalldosomethingdesperate。"Andhelookedasifhewouldkeephisword，asheclenchedhishandswithawrathfulsparkinhiseyes。

Jowantedtolaugh，butrestrainedherselfandsaidwarmly，forshetoo，wasgettingexcitedwithallthis:

"Don’tswear，Teddy！Heisn’told，noranythingbad，butgoodandkind，andthebestfriendI’vegot，nexttoyou。Pray，don’tflyintoapassion。Iwanttobekind，butIknowIshallgetangryifyouabusemyProfessor。Ihaven’ttheleastideaoflovinghimoranybodyelse。"

"Butyouwillafterawhile，andthenwhatwillbecomeofme？"

"You’lllovesomeoneelsetoo，likeasensibleboy，andforgetallthistrouble。"

"Ican’tloveanyoneelse，andI’llneverforgetyou，Jo，Never！Never！"withastamptoemphasizehispassionatewords。

"WhatshallIdowithhim？"sighedJo，findingthatemotionsweremoreunmanagablethansheexpected。"Youhaven’theardwhatIwantedtotellyou。Sitdownandlisten，forindeedIwanttodorightandmakeyouhappy，"shesaid，hopingtosoothehimwithalittlereason，whichprovedthatsheknewnothingaboutlove。

Seeingarayofhopeinthatlastspeech，Lauriethrewhimselfdownonthegrassatherfeet，leanedhisarmonthelowerstepofthestile，andlookedupatherwithanexpectantface。NowthatarrangementwasnotconducivetocalmspeechorclearthoughtonJo’spart，forhowcouldshesayhardthingstoherboywhilehewatchedherwitheyesfullofloveandlonging，andlashesstillwetwiththebitterdroportwoherhardnessofhearthadwrungfromhim？Shegentlyturnedhisheadaway，saying，asshestrokedthewavyhairwhichhadbeenallowedtogrowforhersake——howtouchingthatwas，tobesure！"IagreewithMotherthatyouandIarenotsuitedtoeachother，becauseourquicktempersandstrongwillswouldprobablymakeusverymiserable，ifweweresofoolishasto……"Jopausedalittleoverthelastword，butLaurieuttereditwitharapturousexpression。

"Marry——noweshouldn’t！Ifyoulovedme，Jo，Ishouldbeaperfectsaint，foryoucouldmakemeanythingyoulike。"

"No，Ican’t。I’vetriedandfailed，andIwon’triskourhappinessbysuchaseriousexperiment。Wedon’tagreeandwenevershall，sowe’llbegoodfriendsallourlives，butwewon’tgoanddoanythingrash。"

"Yes，wewillifwegetthechance，"mutteredLaurierebelliously。

"Nowdobereasonable，andtakeasensibleviewofthecase，"imploredJo，almostatherwit’send。

"Iwon’tbereasonable。Idon’twanttotakewhatyoucall`asensibleview’。Itwon’thelpme，anditonlymakesitharder。Idon’tbelieveyou’vegotanyheart。"

"IwishIhadn’t。"

TherewasalittlequiverinJo’svoice，andthinkingitagoodomen，Laurieturnedround，bringingallhispersuasivepowerstobearashesaid，inthewheedlesometonethathadneverbeensodangerouslywheedlesomebefore，"Don’tdisappointus，dear！Everyoneexpectsit。Grandpahassethisheartuponit，yourpeoplelikeit，andIcan’tgetonwithoutyou。Sayyouwill，andlet’sbehappy。Do，do！"

NotuntilmonthsafterwarddidJounderstandhowshehadthestrengthofmindtoholdfasttotheresolutionshehadmadewhenshedecidedthatshedidnotloveherboy，andnevercould。Itwasveryhardtodo，butshedidit，knowingthatdelaywasbothuselessandcruel。

"Ican’tsay`yes’truly，soIwon’tsayitatall。You’llseethatI’mright，by—and—by，andthankmeforit……"shebegansolemnly。

"I’llbehangedifIdo！"AndLauriebouncedupoffthegrass，burningwithindignationattheveryidea。