第13章

eachinturnshoulderedhisburdenandpassedout，thecaptainofhissectiongivinghimashepassedhisinstructionwheretogoandinwhatroute。Themethodhadbeenalreadypreparedinmyofficereadyforsuchadistributionwhenthearmsshouldarrive，anddescriptionsandquantitieshadbeennotedbythecaptains。Thewholeaffairwastreatedbyallasamatteroftheutmostsecrecy。Hardlyawordwasspokenbeyondthenecessarydirections，andtheseweregiveninwhispers。Allnightlongthestreamofmenwentandcame，andtowardsdawnthebulkoftheimportedmaterialwaslessenedbyhalf。

Onthefollowingnighttheremainderwasremoved，aftermyownmenhadstoredintheCastletheriflesandammunitionreservedforitsdefenceifnecessary。Itwasadvisabletokeepareservesupplyincaseitshouldeverberequired。ThefollowingnightRookewentawaysecretlyinthecharteredvessel。Hehadtobringbackwithhimthepurchasedcannonandheavyammunition，whichhadbeeninthemeantimestoredononeoftheGreekislands。Thesecondmorning，havinghadsecretwordthatthesteamerwasontheway，Ihadgiventhesignalfortheassemblingofthemountaineers。

Alittleafterdarkthevessel，showingnolight，stoleintothecreek。Thebarriergateswereonceagainclosed，andwhenasufficientnumberofmenhadarrivedtohandletheguns，webegantounload。Theactualdeportationwaseasyenough，forthedockhadallnecessaryappliancesquiteuptodate，includingapairofshearsforgun—liftingwhichcouldberaisedintopositioninaveryshorttime。

Thegunswerewellfurnishedwithtackleofallsorts，andbeforemanyhourshadpassedalittleprocessionofthemdisappearedintothewoodsinghostlysilence。Anumberofmensurroundedeach，andtheymovedaswellasifproperlysuppliedwithhorses。

Inthemeantime，andforaweekafterthearrivaloftheguns，thedrillingwentonwithoutpause。Thegun—drillwaswonderful。Inthearduousworknecessaryforitthegreatstrengthandstaminaofthemountaineersshowedoutwonderfully。Theydidnotseemtoknowfatigueanymorethantheyknewfear。

Foraweekthiswenton，tillaperfectdisciplineandmanagementwasobtained。Theydidnotpractisetheshooting，forthiswouldhavemadesecrecyimpossible。ItwasreportedallalongtheTurkishfrontierthattheSultan’stroopswerebeingmassed，andthoughthiswasnotonawarfooting，themovementwasmoreorlessdangerous。

Thereportsofourownspies，althoughvagueastothepurposeandextentofthemovement，weredefiniteastosomethingbeingonfoot。

AndTurkeydoesnotdosomethingwithoutapurposethatbodesilltosomeone。Certainlythesoundofcannon，whichisafar—reachingsound，wouldhavegiventhemwarningofourpreparations，andwouldsohavesadlyminimizedtheireffectiveness。

Whenthecannonhadallbeendisposedof——except，ofcourse，thosedestinedfordefenceoftheCastleortobestoredthere——Rookewentawaywiththeshipandcrew。Theshiphewastoreturntotheowners；themenwouldbeshippedonthewar—yacht，ofwhosecrewtheywouldformapart。TherestofthemhadbeencarefullyselectedbyRookehimself，andwerekeptinsecrecyatCattaro，readyforservicethemomentrequired。Theywereallgoodmen，andquitecapableofwhateverworktheymightbesetto。SoRooketoldme，andheoughttoknow。Theexperienceofhisyoungdaysasaprivatemadehimanexpertinsuchajob。

RUPERT’SJOURNAL——Continued。

June24，1907。

LastnightIgotfrommyLadyasimilarmessagetothelast，anddeliveredinasimilarway。Thistime，however，ourmeetingwastobeontheleadsoftheKeep。

Idressedmyselfverycarefullybeforegoingonthisadventure，lestbyanychanceofhouseholdconcern，anyoftheservantsshouldseeme；forifthisshouldhappen，AuntJanetwouldbesuretohearofit，whichwouldgiverisetoendlesssurmisesandquestionings——athingIwasfarfromdesiring。

IconfessthatinthinkingthematteroverduringthetimeIwasmakingmyhurriedpreparationsIwasatalosstounderstandhowanyhumanbody，eventhoughitbeofthedead，couldgoorbeconveyedtosuchaplacewithoutsomesortofassistance，or，atleast，collusion，onthepartofsomeoftheinmates。AtthevisittotheFlagstaffcircumstancesweredifferent。ThisspotwasactuallyoutsidetheCastle，andinordertoreachitImyselfhadtoleavetheCastleprivately，andfromthegardenascendtotheramparts。

Butherewasnosuchpossibility。TheKeepwasanimperiuminimperio。ItstoodwithintheCastle，thoughseparatedfromit，andithaditsowndefencesagainstintrusion。Theroofofitwas，sofarasIknew，aslittleapproachableasthemagazine。

Thedifficultydidnot，however，troublemebeyondamerepassingthought。Inthejoyofthecomingmeetingandthelongingraptureatthemerethoughtofit，alldifficultiesdisappeared。Lovemakesitsownfaith，andIneverdoubtedthatmyLadywouldbewaitingformeattheplacedesignated。WhenIhadpassedthroughthelittlearchedpassages，andupthedoubly—gratedstairwayscontrivedinthemassivenessofthewalls，Iletmyselfoutontheleads。Itwaswellthatasyetthetimesweresufficientlypeacefulnottonecessitateguardsorsentriesatallsuchpoints。

There，inadimcornerwherethemoonlightandthepassingcloudsthrewdeepshadows，Isawher，clothedaseverinhershroud。Why，I

knownot。Ifeltsomehowthatthesituationwasevenmoreseriousthanever。ButIwassteeledtowhatevermightcome。Mymindhadbeenalreadymadeup。TocarryoutmyresolvetowinthewomanI

lovedIwasreadytofacedeath。Butnow，afterwehadforafewbriefmomentsheldeachotherinourarms，Iwaswillingtoacceptdeath——ormorethandeath。Now，morethanbefore，wasshesweetanddeartome。Whateverqualmstheremighthavebeenatthebeginningofourlove—making，orduringtheprogressofit，didnotnowexist。

Wehadexchangedvowsandconfidences，andacknowledgedourloves。

What，then，couldtherebeofdistrust，orevendoubt，thatthepresentmightnotsetatnaught？Butevenhadtherebeensuchdoubtsorqualms，theymusthavedisappearedintheardourofourmutualembrace。Iwasbynowmadforher，andwascontenttobesomad。

Whenshehadbreathtospeakafterthestrictnessofourembrace，shesaid：

"Ihavecometowarnyoutobemorethanevercareful。"Itwas，I

confess，apangtome，whothoughtonlyoflove，tohearthatanythingelseshouldhavebeentheinitiativepowerofhercoming，eventhoughithadbeenherconcernformyownsafety。IcouldnotbutnoticethebitternoteofchagrininmyvoiceasIanswered：

"Itwasforlove’ssakethat_I_came。"She，too，evidentlyfelttheundercurrentofpain，forshesaidquickly：

"Ah，dearest，I，too，cameforlove’ssake。ItisbecauseIloveyouthatIamsoanxiousaboutyou。Whatwouldtheworld——ay，orheaven—

—betomewithoutyou？"

Therewassuchearnesttruthinhertonethatthesenseandrealizationofmyownharshnesssmoteme。Inthepresenceofsuchloveasthisevenalover’sselfishnessmustbecomeabashed。Icouldnotexpressmyselfinwords，sosimplyraisedherslimhandinmineandkissedit。AsitlaywarminmyownIcouldnotbutnotice，aswellasitsfineness，itsstrengthandthefirmnessofitsclasp。

Itswarmthandfervourstruckintomyheart——andmybrain。ThereuponIpouredouttoheroncemoremyloveforher，shelisteningallafire。Whenpassionhadhaditssay，thecalmeremotionshadopportunityofexpression。WhenIwassatisfiedafreshofheraffection，Ibegantovaluehercareformysafety，andsoIwentbacktothesubject。Herveryinsistence，basedonpersonalaffection，gavememoresolidgroundforfear。InthemomentoflovetransportsIhadforgotten，ordidnotthink，ofwhatwonderfulpowerorknowledgeshemusthavetobeabletomoveinsuchstrangewaysasshedid。Why，atthisverymomentshewaswithinmyowngates。

Locksandbars，eventheverysealofdeathitself，seemedunabletomakeforheraprison—house。Withsuchfreedomofactionandmovement，goingwhenshewouldintosecretplaces，whatmightshenotknowthatwasknowntoothers？Howcouldanyonekeepsecretfromsuchanoneevenanillintent？Suchthoughts，suchsurmises，hadoftenflashedthroughmymindinmomentsofexcitementratherthanofreflection，butneverlongenoughtobecomefixedintobelief。Butyettheconsequences，theconvictions，ofthemwerewithme，thoughunconsciously，thoughthethoughtsthemselveswereperhapsforgottenorwitheredbeforedevelopment。

"Andyou？"Iaskedherearnestly。"Whataboutdangertoyou？"Shesmiled，herlittlepearl—whiteteethgleaminginthemoonlight，asshespoke：

"Thereisnodangerforme。Iamsafe。Iamthesafestperson，perhapstheonlysafeperson，inallthisland。"Thefullsignificanceofherwordsdidnotseemtocometomeallatonce。

Somebaseforunderstandingsuchanassertionseemedtobewanting。

ItwasnotthatIdidnottrustorbelieveher，butthatIthoughtshemightbemistaken。Iwantedtoreassuremyself，soinmydistressIaskedunthinkingly：

"Howthesafest？Whatisyourprotection？"Forseveralmomentsthatspunthemselvesoutendlesslyshelookedmestraightintheface，thestarsinhereyesseemingtoglowlikefire；then，loweringherhead，shetookafoldofhershroudandheldituptome。

"This！"

Themeaningwascompleteandunderstandablenow。Icouldnotspeakatonceforthewaveofemotionwhichchokedme。Idroppedonmyknees，andtakingherinmyarms，heldherclosetome。ShesawthatIwasmoved，andtenderlystrokedmyhair，andwithdelicatetouchpresseddownmyheadonherbosom，asamothermighthavedonetocomfortafrightenedchild。

Presentlywegotbacktotherealitiesoflifeagain。Imurmured：

"Yoursafety，yourlife，yourhappinessareall—in—alltome。Whenwillyouletthembemycare？"Shetrembledinmyarms，nestlingevenclosertome。Herownarmsseemedtoquiverwithdelightasshesaid：

"Wouldyouindeedlikemetobealwayswithyou？Tomeitwouldbeahappinessunspeakable；andtoyou，whatwoulditbe？"

Ithoughtthatshewishedtohearmespeakmylovetoher，andthat，woman—like，shehadledmetotheutterance，andsoIspokeagainofthepassionthatnowragedinme，shelisteningeagerlyaswestrainedeachothertightinourarms。Atlasttherecameapause，along，longpause，andourheartsbeatconsciouslyinunisonaswestoodtogether。Presentlyshesaidinasweet，low，intensewhisper，assoftasthesighingofsummerwind：

"Itshallbeasyouwish；butoh，mydear，youwillhavetofirstgothroughanordealwhichmaytryyouterribly！Donotaskmeanything！Youmustnotask，becauseImaynotanswer，anditwouldbepaintometodenyyouanything。MarriagewithsuchanoneasI

amhasitsownritual，whichmaynotbeforegone。Itmay……"I

brokepassionatelyintoherspeaking：

"ThereisnoritualthatIfear，solongasitbethatitisforyourgood，andyourlastinghappiness。AndiftheendofitbethatImaycallyoumine，thereisnohorrorinlifeordeaththatIshallnotgladlyface。Dear，Iaskyounothing。Iamcontenttoleavemyselfinyourhands。Youshalladvisemewhenthetimecomes，andIshallbesatisfied，contenttoobey。Content！ItisbutapoorwordtoexpresswhatIlongfor！Ishallshirknothingwhichmaycometomefromthisoranyotherworld，solongasitistomakeyoumine！"

Onceagainhermurmuredhappinesswasmusictomyears：

"Oh，howyouloveme！howyouloveme，dear，dear！"Shetookmeinherarms，andforafewsecondswehungtogether。Suddenlyshetoreherselfapartfromme，andstooddrawnuptothefullheight，withadignityIcannotdescribeorexpress。Hervoicehadanewdominance，aswithfirmutteranceandinstaccatomannershesaid：

"RupertSentLeger，beforewegoastepfurtherImustsaysomethingtoyou，askyousomething，andIchargeyou，onyourmostsacredhonourandbelief，toanswermetruly。Doyoubelievemetobeoneofthoseunhappybeingswhomaynotdie，buthavetoliveinshamefulexistencebetweenearthandthenetherworld，andwhosehellishmissionistodestroy，bodyandsoul，thosewholovethemtilltheyfalltotheirlevel？Youareagentleman，andabraveone。Ihavefoundyoufearless。Answermeinsternesttruth，nomatterwhattheissuemaybe！"

Shestoodthereintheglamorousmoonlightwithacommandingdignitywhichseemedmorethanhuman。Inthatmysticlightherwhiteshroudseemeddiaphanous，andsheappearedlikeaspiritofpower。WhatwasItosay？HowcouldIadmittosuchabeingthatIhadactuallyhadatmoments，ifnotabelief，apassingdoubt？ItwasaconvictionwithmethatifIspokewronglyIshouldloseherforever。Iwasinadesperatestrait。Insuchacasethereisbutonesolidgroundwhichonemayreston——theTruth。

IreallyfeltIwasbetweenthedevilandthedeepsea。Therewasnoavoidingtheissue，andso，outofthisall—embracing，all—compellingconvictionoftruth，Ispoke。

ForafleetingmomentIfeltthatmytonewastruculent，andalmosthesitated；butasIsawnoangerorindignationonmyLady’sface，butratheraneagerapproval，Iwasreassured。Awoman，afterall，isgladtoseeamanstrong，forallbeliefinhimmustbebasedonthat。

"Ishallspeakthetruth。RememberthatIhavenowishtohurtyourfeelings，butasyouconjuremebymyhonour，youmustforgivemeifIpain。ItistruethatIhadatfirst——ay，andlater，whenIcametothinkmattersoverafteryouhadgone，whenreasoncametotheaidofimpression——apassingbeliefthatyouareaVampire。HowcanI

failtohave，evennow，thoughIloveyouwithallmysoul，thoughI

haveheldyouinmyarmsandkissedyouonthemouth，adoubt，whenalltheevidencesseemtopointtoonething？RememberthatIhaveonlyseenyouatnight，exceptthatbittermomentwhen，inthebroadnoondayoftheupperworld，Isawyou，cladaseverinashroud，lyingseeminglydeadinatombinthecryptofSt。Sava’sChurch……Butletthatpass。SuchbeliefasIhaveisallinyou。BeyouwomanorVampire，itisallthesametome。ItisYOUwhomIlove！

Shoulditbethatyouare——youarenotwoman，whichIcannotbelieve，thenitwillbemyglorytobreakyourfetters，toopenyourprison，andsetyoufree。TothatIconsecratemylife。"ForafewsecondsIstoodsilent，vibratingwiththepassionwhichhadbeenawakenedinme。Shehadbynowlostthemeasureofherhaughtyisolation，andhadsoftenedintowomanhoodagain。ItwasreallylikearealizationoftheoldthemeofPygmalion’sstatue。Itwaswithratherapleadingthanacommandingvoicethatshesaid：

"Andshallyoualwaysbetruetome？"

"Always——sohelpme，God！"Ianswered，andIfeltthattherecouldbenolackofconvictioninmyvoice。

Indeed，therewasnocauseforsuchlack。Shealsostoodforalittlewhilestone—still，andIwasbeginningtoexpandtotherapturewhichwasinstoreformewhensheshouldtakemeagaininherarms。

Buttherewasnosuchmomentofsoftness。Allatonceshestartedasifshehadsuddenlywakenedfromadream，andonthespurofthemomentsaid：

"Nowgo，go！"Ifelttheconvictionofnecessitytoobey，andturnedatonce。AsImovedtowardsthedoorbywhichIhadentered，I

asked：

"WhenshallIseeyouagain？"

"Soon！"cameheranswer。"Ishallletyouknowsoon——whenandwhere。

Oh，go，go！"Shealmostpushedmefromher。

WhenIhadpassedthroughthelowdoorwayandlockedandbarreditbehindme，IfeltapangthatIshouldhavehadtoshutheroutlikethat；butIfearedlestthereshouldarisesomeembarrassingsuspicionifthedoorshouldbefoundopen。Latercamethecomfortingthoughtthat，asshehadgottotheroofthoughthedoorhadbeenshut，shewouldbeabletogetawaybythesamemeans。ShehadevidentlyknowledgeofsomesecretwayintotheCastle。Thealternativewasthatshemusthavesomesupernaturalqualityorfacultywhichgaveherstrangepowers。Ididnotwishtopursuethattrainofthought，andso，afteraneffort，shutitoutfrommymind。

WhenIgotbacktomyroomIlockedthedoorbehindme，andwenttosleepinthedark。Ididnotwantlightjustthen——couldnotbearit。

ThismorningIwoke，alittlelaterthanusual，withakindofapprehensionwhichIcouldnotatonceunderstand。Presently，however，whenmyfacultiesbecamefullyawakeandinworkingorder，I

realizedthatIfeared，halfexpected，thatAuntJanetwouldcometomeinaworsestateofalarmthaneveraproposofsomenewSecond—

Sightexperienceofmorethanusualferocity。

But，strangetosay，Ihadnosuchvisit。Lateroninthemorning，when，afterbreakfast，wewalkedtogetherthroughthegarden，Iaskedherhowshehadslept，andifshehaddreamt。Sheansweredmethatshehadsleptwithoutwaking，andifshehadhadanydreams，theymusthavebeenpleasantones，forshedidnotrememberthem。"Andyouknow，Rupert，"sheadded，"thatiftherebeanythingbadorfearsomeorwarningindreams，Ialwaysrememberthem。"

Laterstill，whenIwasbymyselfonthecliffbeyondthecreek，I

couldnothelpcommentingontheabsenceofherpowerofSecondSightontheoccasion。Surely，ifevertherewasatimewhenshemighthavehadcauseofapprehension，itmightwellhavebeenwhenIaskedtheLadywhomshedidnotknowtomarryme——theLadyofwhoseidentityIknewnothing，evenwhosenameIdidnotknow——whomIlovedwithallmyheartandsoul——myLadyoftheShroud。

IhavelostfaithinSecondSight。

RUPERT’SJOURNAL——Continued。

July1，1907。

Anotherweekgone。Ihavewaitedpatiently，andIamatlastrewardedbyanotherletter。Iwaspreparingforbedalittlewhileago，whenIheardthesamemysterioussoundatthedoorasonthelasttwooccasions。Ihurriedtotheglassdoor，andtherefoundanotherclose—foldedletter。ButIcouldseenosignofmyLady，orofanyotherlivingbeing。Theletter，whichwaswithoutdirection，ranasfollows：

"Ifyouarestillofthesamemind，andfeelnomisgivings，meetmeattheChurchofSt。SavabeyondtheCreekto—morrownightataquarterbeforemidnight。Ifyoucome，comeinsecret，and，ofcourse，alone。Donotcomeatallunlessyouarepreparedforaterribleordeal。Butifyouloveme，andhaveneitherdoubtsnorfears，come。Come！"

Needlesstosay，Ididnotsleeplastnight。Itriedto，butwithoutsuccess。Itwasnomorbidhappinessthatkeptmeawake，nodoubting，nofear。IwassimplyoverwhelmedwiththeideaofthecomingrapturewhenIshouldcallmyLadymyvery，veryown。Inthisseaofhappyexpectationalllesserthingsweresubmerged。Evensleep，whichisanimperativeforcewithme，failedinitsusualeffectiveness，andIlaystill，calm，content。

Withthecomingofthemorning，however，restlessnessbegan。Ididnotknowwhattodo，howtorestrainmyself，wheretolookforananodyne。HappilythelattercameintheshapeofRooke，whoturnedupshortlyafterbreakfast。Hehadasatisfactorytaletotellmeofthearmouredyacht，whichhadlainoffCattaroonthepreviousnight，andtowhichhehadbroughthiscontingentofcrewwhichhadwaitedforhercoming。Hedidnotliketotaketheriskofgoingintoanyportwithsuchavessel，lesthemightbedetainedorotherwisehamperedbyforms，andhadgoneoutupontheopenseabeforedaylight。Therewasonboardtheyachtatinytorpedo—boat，forwhichprovisionwasmadebothforhoistingondeckandhousingthere。

Thislastwouldrunintothecreekatteno’clockthatevening，atwhichtimeitwouldbedark。TheyachtwouldthenruntonearOtranto，towhichshewouldsendaboattogetanymessageImightsend。Thiswastobeinacode，whichwearranged，andwouldconveyinstructionsastowhatnightandapproximatehourtheyachtwouldcometothecreek。

Thedaywaswellonbeforewehadmadecertainarrangementsforthefuture；andnottillthendidIfeelagainthepressureofmypersonalrestlessness。Rooke，likeawisecommander，tookrestwhilsthecould。Wellheknewthatforacoupleofdaysandnightsatleasttherewouldbelittle，ifany，sleepforhim。

Formyself，thehabitofself—controlstoodtome，andImanagedtogetthroughthedaysomehowwithoutexcitingtheattentionofanyoneelse。Thearrivalofthetorpedo—boatandthedepartureofRookemadeformeawelcomebreakinmyuneasiness。AnhouragoIsaidgood—nighttoAuntJanet，andshutmyselfupalonehere。Mywatchisonthetablebeforeme，sothatImaymakesureofstartingtothemoment。IhaveallowedmyselfhalfanhourtoreachSt。Sava。Myskiffiswaiting，mooredatthefootofthecliffonthehitherside，wherethezigzagcomesclosetothewater。Itisnowtenminutespasteleven。

Ishalladdtheoddfiveminutestothetimeformyjourneysoastomakesafe。Igounarmedandwithoutalight。

Ishallshownodistrustofanyoneoranythingthisnight。

RUPERT’SJOURNAL——Continued。

July2，1907。

WhenIwasoutsidethechurch，Ilookedatmywatchinthebrightmoonlight，andfoundIhadoneminutetowait。SoIstoodintheshadowofthedoorwayandlookedoutatthescenebeforeme。Notasignoflifewasvisiblearoundme，eitheronlandorsea。Onthebroadplateauonwhichthechurchstandstherewasnomovementofanykind。Thewind，whichhadbeenpleasantinthenoontide，hadfallencompletely，andnotaleafwasstirring。IcouldseeacrossthecreekandnotethehardlinewherethebattlementsoftheCastlecutthesky，andwherethekeeptoweredabovethelineofblackrock，whichintheshadowofthelandmadeanebonframeforthepicture。

WhenIhadseenthesameviewonformeroccasions，thelinewheretherockrosefromtheseawasafringeofwhitefoam。Butthen，inthedaylight，theseawassapphireblue；nowitwasanexpanseofdarkblue——sodarkastoseemalmostblack。Ithadnoteventhereliefofwavesorripples——simplyadark，cold，lifelessexpanse，withnogleamoflightanywhere，oflighthouseorship；neitherwasthereanyspecialsoundtobeheardthatonecoulddistinguish——nothingbutthedistanthumofthemyriadvoicesofthedarkminglinginoneceaselessinarticulatesound。ItwaswellIhadnottimetodwellonit，orImighthavereachedsomespiritually—disturbingmelancholy。

LetmesayherethateversinceIhadreceivedmyLady’smessageconcerningthisvisittoSt。Sava’sIhadbeenallonfire——not，perhaps，ateverymomentconsciouslyoractuallyso，butalways，asitwere，preparedtobreakoutintoflame。DidIwantasimile，I

mightcomparemyselftoawell—bankedfurnace，whosepresentfunctionitistocontainheatratherthantocreateit；whosecrustcanatanymomentbebrokenbyaforceexternaltoitself，andburstintoraging，all—compellingheat。Nothoughtoffearreallyenteredmymind。Everyotheremotiontherewas，comingandgoingasoccasionexcitedorlulled，butnotfear。WellIknewinthedepthsofmyheartthepurposewhichthatsecretquestwastoserve。IknewnotonlyfrommyLady’swords，butfromtheteachingsofmyownsensesandexperiences，thatsomedreadfulordealmusttakeplacebeforehappinessofanykindcouldbewon。Andthatordeal，thoughmethodordetailwasunknowntome，Iwaspreparedtoundertake。Thiswasoneofthoseoccasionswhenamanmustundertake，blindfold，waysthatmayleadtotortureordeath，orunknownterrorsbeyond。But，then，aman——if，indeed，hehavetheheartofaman——canalwaysundertake；hecanatleastmakethefirststep，thoughitmayturnoutthatthroughtheweaknessofmortalityhemaybeunabletofulfilhisownintent，orjustifyhisbeliefinhisownpowers。Such，I

takeit，wastheintellectualattitudeofthebravesoulswhoofoldfacedthetorturesoftheInquisition。

Butthoughtherewasnoimmediatefear，therewasacertaindoubt。

Fordoubtisoneofthosementalconditionswhosecallingwecannotcontrol。Theendofthedoubtingmaynotbearealitytous，orbeacceptedasapossibility。Thesethingscannotforegotheexistenceofthedoubt。"Forevenifaman，"saysVictorCousin，"doubteverythingelse，atleasthecannotdoubtthathedoubts。"ThedoubthadattimesbeenonmethatmyLadyoftheShroudwasaVampire。

Muchthathadhappenedseemedtopointthatway，andhere，ontheverythresholdoftheUnknown，when，throughthedoorwhichIwaspushingopen，myeyesmetonlyanexpanseofabsoluteblackness，alldoubtswhichhadeverbeenseemedtosurroundmeinalegion。Ihaveheardthat，whenamanisdrowning，therecomesatimewhenhiswholelifepassesinreviewduringthespaceoftimewhichcannotbecomputedasevenapartofasecond。Soitwastomeinthemomentofmybodypassingintothechurch。Inthatmomentcametomymindallthathadbeen，whichboreontheknowledgeofmyLady；andthegeneraltendencywastoproveorconvincethatshewasindeedaVampire。Muchthathadhappened，orbecomeknowntome，seemedtojustifytheresolvingofdoubtintobelief。EvenmyownreadingofthebooksinAuntJanet’slittlelibrary，andthedearlady’scommentsonthem，mingledwithherownuncannybeliefs，leftlittleopeningfordoubt。MyhavingtohelpmyLadyoverthethresholdofmyhouseonherfirstentrywasinaccordwithVampiretradition；so，too，herflyingatcock—crowfromthewarmthinwhichsherevelledonthatstrangefirstnightofourmeeting；so，too，herswiftdepartureatmidnightonthesecond。IntothesamecategorycamethefactsofherconstantwearingofherShroud，evenherpledgingherself，andmealso，onthefragmenttornfromit，whichshehadgiventomeasasouvenir；herlyingstillintheglass—coveredtomb；hercomingalonetothemostsecretplacesinafortifiedCastlewhereeveryaperturewassecuredbyunopenedlocksandbolts；herverymovements，thoughallofgrace，assheflittednoiselesslythroughthegloomofnight。

Allthesethings，andathousandothersoflesserimport，seemed，forthemoment，tohaveconsolidatedaninitialbelief。Butthencamethesupremerecollectionsofhowshehadlaininmyarms；ofherkissesonmylips；ofthebeatingofherheartagainstmyown；ofhersweetwordsofbeliefandfaithbreathedinmyearinintoxicatingwhispers；of……Ipaused。No！Icouldnotacceptbeliefastoherbeingotherthanalivingwomanofsoulandsense，offleshandblood，ofallthesweetandpassionateinstinctsoftrueandperfectwomanhood。