第6章

sometimestheyboredmefearfully。Butyouweresuchaverycuriouscaseof——whatshallIcallit？——ofsincerity，thatIdeterminedtotakegoodandbadtogether。Iwantedtomakeyoucommityourselfunmistakably。Ishouldhavepreferrednottobringyoutothisplace;butthattoowasnecessary。OfcourseIcan’tmarryyou;I

candobetter。Socanyou，forthatmatter;thankyourfateforit。

Youhavethoughtwondersofmeforamonth，butyourgood—humourwouldn’tlast。Iamtoooldandtoowise;youaretooyoungandtoofoolish。ItseemstomethatIhavebeenverygoodtoyou;Ihaveentertainedyoutothetopofyourbent，and，exceptperhapsthatI

amalittlebrusquejustnow，youhavenothingtocomplainof。I

wouldhaveletyoudownmoregentlyifIcouldhavetakenanothermonthtoit;butcircumstanceshaveforcedmyhand。Abuseme，curseme，ifyoulike。Iwillmakeeveryallowance！"Pickeringlistenedtoallthisintentlyenoughtoperceivethat，asifbysomesuddennaturalcataclysm，thegroundhadbrokenawayathisfeet，andthathemustrecoil。Heturnedawayindumbamazement。"Idon’tknowhowIseemedtobetakingit，"hesaid，"butsheseemedreallytodesire—

—Idon’tknowwhy——somethinginthewayofreproachandvituperation。

ButIcouldn’t，inthatway，haveutteredasyllable。Iwassickened;Iwantedtogetawayintotheair——toshakeheroffandcometomysenses。’Haveyounothing，nothing，nothingtosay？’shecried，asifsheweredisappointed，whileIstoodwithmyhandonthedoor。’Haven’tItreatedyoutotalkenough？’IbelievedIanswered。

’Youwillwritetomethen，whenyougethome？’’Ithinknot，’saidI。’Sixmonthshence，Ifancy，youwillcomeandseeme！’’Never！’

saidI。’That’saconfessionofstupidity，’sheanswered。’Itmeansthat，evenonreflection，youwillneverunderstandthephilosophyofmyconduct。’Theword’philosophy’seemedsostrangethatIverilybelieveIsmiled。’Ihavegivenyouallthatyougaveme，’shewenton。’Yourpassionwasanaffairofthehead。’’Ionlywishyouhadtoldmesoonerthatyouconsidereditso！’Iexclaimed。AndIwentmyway。ThenextdayIcamedowntheRhine。Isatalldayontheboat，notknowingwhereIwasgoing，wheretogetoff。Iwasinakindofagueofterror;itseemedtomeIhadseensomethinginfernal。AtlastIsawthecathedraltowershereloomingoverthecity。Theyseemedtosaysomethingtome，andwhentheboatstopped，Icameashore。Ihavebeenhereaweek。Ihavenotsleptatnight——

andyetithasbeenaweekofrest！"

Itseemedtomethathewasinafairwaytorecover，andthathisownphilosophy，iflefttotakeitstime，wasadequatetotheoccasion。AfterhisstorywasoncetoldIreferredtohisgrievancebutonce——thatevening，later，aswewereabouttoseparateforthenight。"SuffermetosaythattherewassometruthinHERaccountofyourrelations，"Isaid。"Youwereusingherintellectually，andallthewhile，withoutyourknowingit，shewasusingyou。Itwasdiamondcutdiamond。Herneedswerethemoresuperficial，andshegottiredofthegamefirst。"Hefrownedandturneduneasilyaway，butwithoutcontradictingme。Iwaitedafewmoments，toseeifhewouldremember，beforeweparted，thathehadaclaimtomakeuponme。Butheseemedtohaveforgottenit。

Thenextdaywestrolledaboutthepicturesqueoldcity，andofcourse，beforelong，wentintothecathedral。Pickeringsaidlittle;

heseemedintentuponhisownthoughts。Hesatdownbesideapillarnearachapel，infrontofagorgeouswindow，and，leavinghimtohismeditations，Iwanderedthroughthechurch。WhenIcamebackIsawhehadsomethingtosay。ButbeforehehadspokenIlaidmyhandonhisshoulderandlookedathimwithasignificantsmile。Heslowlybenthisheadanddroppedhiseyes，withamixtureofassentandhumility。Idrewforthfromwhereithadlainuntouchedforamonththeletterhehadgivenmetokeep，placeditsilentlyonhisknee，andlefthimtodealwithitalone。

HalfanhourlaterIreturnedtothesameplace，buthehadgone，andoneofthesacristans，hoveringaboutandseeingmelookingforPickering，saidhethoughthehadleftthechurch。Ifoundhiminhisgloomychamberattheinn，pacingslowlyupanddown。IshoulddoubtlesshavebeenatalosstosayjustwhateffectIexpectedtheletterfromSmyrnatoproduce;buthisactualaspectsurprisedme。

Hewasflushed，excited，atrifleirritated。

"Evidently，"Isaid，"youhavereadyourletter。"

"ItisproperIshouldtellyouwhatisinit，"heanswered。"WhenI

gaveittoyouamonthago，Ididmyfriendsinjustice。"

"Youcalledita’summons，’Iremember。"

"Iwasagreatfool！It’sarelease！"

"Fromyourengagement？"

"Fromeverything！Theletter，ofcourse，isfromMr。Vernor。Hedesirestoletmeknowattheearliestmomentthathisdaughter，informedforthefirsttimeaweekbeforeofwhathadbeenexpectedofher，positivelyrefusestobeboundbythecontractortoassenttomybeingbound。Shehadbeengivenaweektoreflect，andhadspentitininconsolabletears。Shehadresistedeveryformofpersuasion！fromcompulsion，writesMr。Vernor，henaturallyshrinks。

Theyoungladyconsidersthearrangement’horrible。’Afteracceptingherdutiescutanddriedallherlife，shepretendsatlasttohaveatasteofherown。IconfessIamsurprised;Ihadbeengiventobelievethatshewasstupidlysubmissive，andwouldremainsototheendofthechapter。Notabitofit。Shehasinsistedonmybeingformallydismissed，andherfatherintimatesthatincaseofnon—

complianceshethreatenshimwithanattackofbrainfever。Mr。

Vernorcondoleswithmehandsomely，andletsmeknowthattheyounglady’sattitudehasbeenagreatshocktohisnerves。HeaddsthathewillnotaggravatesuchregretasImaydohimthehonourtoentertain，byanyallusionstohisdaughter’scharmsandtothemagnitudeofmyloss，andheconcludeswiththehopethat，forthecomfortofallconcerned，Imayalreadyhaveamusedmyfancywithother’views。’Heremindsmeinapostscriptthat，inspiteofthispainfuloccurrence，thesonofhismostvaluedfriendwillalwaysbeawelcomevisitorathishouse。Iamfree，heobserves;Ihavemylifebeforeme;herecommendsanextensivecourseoftravel。ShouldmywanderingsleadmetotheEast，hehopesthatnofalseembarrassmentwilldetermefrompresentingmyselfatSmyrna。Hecanpromisemeatleastafriendlyreception。It’saverypoliteletter。"

Politeastheletterwas，Pickeringseemedtofindnogreatexhilarationinhavingthisfamousburdensohandsomelyliftedfromhisspirit。Hebegantobroodoverhisliberationinamannerwhichyoumighthavedeemedpropertoarenewedsenseofbondage。"Badnews，"hehadcalledhisletteroriginally;andyet，nowthatitscontentsprovedtobeinflatcontradictiontohisforeboding，therewasnoimpulsivevoicetoreversetheformulaanddeclarethenewswasgood。Thewingsofimpulseinthepoorfellowhadoflatebeenterriblyclipped。Itwasanobviousreflection，ofcourse，thatifhehadnotbeensostifflycertainofthematteramonthbefore，andhadgonethroughtheformofbreakingMr。Vernor’sseal，hemighthaveescapedthepurgatoryofMadameBlumenthal’ssub—acidblandishments。ButIlefthimtomoraliseinprivate;Ihadnodesire，asthephraseis，torubitin。Mythoughts，moreover，werefollowinganothertrain;Iwassayingtomyselfthatiftothosegentlegracesofwhichheryoungvisagehadofferedtomyfancythebloomingpromise，MissVernoraddedinthisstrikingmeasurethecapacityformagnanimousaction，theamendmenttomyfriend’scareerhadbeenlesshappythantheroughdraught。Presently，turningabout，Isawhimlookingattheyounglady’sphotograph。"Ofcourse，now，"hesaid，"Ihavenorighttokeepit！"AndbeforeIcouldaskforanotherglimpseofit，hehadthrustitintothefire。

"Iamsorrytobesayingitjustnow，"Iobservedafterawhile，"butIshouldn’twonderifMissVernorwereacharmingcreature。"

"Goandfindout，"heanswered，gloomily。"Thecoastisclear。Mypartistoforgether，"hepresentlyadded。"Itoughtnottobehard。Butdon’tyouthink，"hewentonsuddenly，"thatforapoorfellowwhoaskednothingoffortunebutleavetositdowninaquietcorner，ithasbeenratheracruelpushingabout？"

Cruelindeed，Ideclared，andhecertainlyhadtherighttodemandacleanpageonthebookoffateandafreshstart。Mr。Vernor’sadvicewassound;heshouldamusehimselfwithalongjourney。Ifitwouldbeanycomforttohim，Iwouldgowithhimonhisway。

Pickeringassentedwithoutenthusiasm;hehadtheembarrassedlookofamanwho，havinggonetosomecosttomakeagoodappearanceinadrawing—room，shouldfindthedoorsuddenlyslammedinhisface。Westartedonourjourney，however，andlittlebylittlehisenthusiasmreturned。Hewastoocapableofenjoyingfinethingstoremainpermanentlyirresponsive，andafterafortnightspentamongpicturesandmonumentsandantiquities，IfeltthatIwasseeinghimforthefirsttimeinhisbestandhealthiestmood。Hehadhadafever，andthenhehadhadachill;thependulumhadswungrightandleftinamannerrathertryingtothemachine;butnow，atlast，itwasworkingbacktoaneven，naturalbeat。HerecoveredinameasurethegenerouseloquencewithwhichhehadfannedhisflameatHomburg，andtalkedaboutthingswithsomethingofthesamepassionatefreshness。

OnedaywhenIwaslaidupattheinnatBrugeswithalamefoot，hecamehomeandtreatedmetoarhapsodyaboutacertainmeek—facedvirginofHansMemling，whichseemedtomesoundersensethanhiscomplimentstoMadameBlumenthal。Hehadhisdulldaysandhissombremoods——hoursofirresistibleretrospect;butIletthemcomeandgowithoutremonstrance，becauseIfanciedtheyalwayslefthimatriflemorealertandresolute。Oneevening，however，hesathanginghisheadinsodolefulafashionthatItookthebullbythehornsandtoldhimhehadbythistimesurelypaidhisdebttopenitence，andthatheowedittohimselftobanishthatwomanforeverfromhisthoughts。

Helookedup，staring;andthenwithadeepblush——"Thatwoman？"hesaid。"IwasnotthinkingofMadameBlumenthal！"

AfterthisIgaveanotherconstructiontohismelancholy。Takinghimwithhishopesandfears，attheendofsixweeksofactiveobservationandkeensensation，Pickeringwasasfineafellowasneedbe。WemadeourwaydowntoItalyandspentafortnightatVenice。TheresomethinghappenedwhichIhadbeenconfidentlyexpecting;Ihadsaidtomyselfthatitwasmerelyaquestionoftime。WehadpassedthedayatTorcello，andcamefloatingbackintheglowofthesunset，withmeasuredoar—strokes。"Iamwellontheway，"Pickeringsaid;"IthinkIwillgo！"

Wehadnotspokenforanhour，andInaturallyaskedhim，Where？HisanswerwasdelayedbyourgettingintothePiazzetta。Isteppedashorefirstandthenturnedtohelphim。Ashetookmyhandhemetmyeyes，consciously，anditcame。"ToSmyrna！"

Acoupleofdayslaterhestarted。IhadriskedtheconjecturethatMissVernorwasacharmingcreature，andsixmonthsafterwardshewrotemethatIwasright。