第21章

Darrow，layingasidehispen，lookedatherforamomentinsilence；thenhestoodupandshutthedoor。

"Imustgoto—morrowearly，"hesaid，sittingdownbesideher。Hisvoicewasgrave，withaslighttingeofsadness。

Shesaidtoherself："HeknowswhatIamfeeling……"andnowthethoughtmadeherfeellessalone。Theexpressionofhisfacewassternandyettender：forthefirsttimesheunderstoodwhathehadsuffered。

Shehadnodoubtastothenecessityofgivinghimup，butitwasimpossibletotellhimsothen。Shestoodupandsaid："I’llleaveyoutoyourletters。"Hemadenoprotest，butmerelyanswered："You’llcomedownpresentlyforawalk？"anditoccurredtoheratoncethatshewouldwalkdowntotheriverwithhim，andgiveherselfforthelasttimethetragicluxuryofsittingathissideinthelittlepavilion。"Perhaps，"shethought，"itwillbeeasiertotellhimthere。"

Itdidnot，onthewayhomefromtheirwalk，becomeanyeasiertotellhim；buthersecretdecisiontodosobeforeheleftgaveherakindoffactitiouscalmandlaidamelancholyecstasyuponthehour。Stillskirtingthesubjectthatfannedtheirveryfaceswithitsflame，theyclungpersistentlytoothertopics，anditseemedtoAnnathattheirmindshadneverbeennearertogetherthaninthishourwhentheirheartsweresoseparate。Intheglowofinterchangedloveshehadgrownlessconsciousofthatotherglowofinterchangedthoughtwhichhadonceilluminedhermind。ShehadforgottenhowDarrowhadwidenedherworldandlengthenedoutallherperspectives，andwithapangofdoubledestitutionshesawherselfaloneamonghershrunkenthoughts。

Forthefirsttime，then，shehadaclearvisionofwhatherlifewouldbewithouthim。Sheimaginedherselftryingtotakeupthedailyround，andallthathadlightenedandanimateditseemedequallylifelessandvain。Shetriedtothinkofherselfaswhollyabsorbedinherdaughter’sdevelopment，likeothermothersshehadseen；butshesupposedthosemothersmusthavehadstoredmemoriesofhappinesstonourishthem。Shehadhadnothing，andallherstarvedyouthstillclaimeditsdue。

Whenshewentuptodressfordinnershesaidtoherself：

"I’llhavemylasteveningwithhim，andthen，beforewesaygoodnight，I’lltellhim。"

Thispostponementdidnotseemunjustified。Darrowhadshownherhowhedreadedvainwords，howresolvedhewastoavoidallfruitlessdiscussion。Hemusthavebeenintenselyawareofwhathadbeengoingoninhermindsincehisreturn，yetwhenshehadattemptedtorevealittohimhehadturnedfromtherevelation。Shewasthereforemerelyfollowingthelinehehadtracedinbehaving，tillthefinalmomentcame，asthoughtherewerenothingmoretosay……

Thatmomentseemedatlasttobeathandwhen，atherusualhourafterdinner，MadamedeChantellerosetogoupstairs。

Shelingeredalittletobidgood—byetoDarrow，whomshewasnotlikelytoseeinthemorning；andheraffableallusionstohispromptreturnsoundedinAnna’searlikethenoteofdestiny。

Acoldrainhadfallenallday，andforgreaterwarmthandintimacytheyhadgoneafterdinnertotheoak—room，shuttingoutthechillyvistaofthefartherdrawing—rooms。

Theautumnwind，comingupfromtheriver，criedaboutthehousewithavoiceoflossandseparation；andAnnaandDarrowsatsilent，asiftheyfearedtobreakthehushthatshutthemin。Thesolitude，thefire—light，theharmonyofsofthangingsandolddimpictures，woveaboutthemaspellofsecuritythroughwhichAnnafelt，fardowninherheart，themuffledbeatofaninextinguishablebliss。Howcouldshehavethoughtthatthislastmomentwouldbethemomenttospeaktohim，whenitseemedtohavegatheredupintoitsflightallthescatteredsplendoursofherdream？

XXXVI

Darrowcontinuedtostandbythedoorafterithadclosed。

Annafeltthathewaslookingather，andsatstill，disdainingtoseekrefugeinanyevasivewordormovement。

Forthelasttimeshewantedtolethimtakefromherthefulnessofwhatthesightofhercouldgive。

Hecrossedoverandsatdownonthesofa。Foramomentneitherofthemspoke；thenhesaid："To—night，dearest，I

musthavemyanswer。"

Shestraightenedherselfundertheshockofhisseemingtotaketheverywordsfromherlips。

"To—night？"wasallthatshecouldfalter。

"Imustbeoffbytheearlytrain。Therewon’tbemorethanamomentinthemorning。"

Hehadtakenherhand，andshesaidtoherselfthatshemustfreeitbeforeshecouldgoonwithwhatshehadtosay。

Thensherejectedthisconcessiontoaweaknessshewasresolvedtodefy。Totheendshewouldleaveherhandinhishand，hereyesinhiseyes：shewouldnot，intheirfinalhourtogether，beafraidofanypartofherloveforhim。

"You’lltellmeto—night，dear，"heinsistedgently；andhisinsistencegaveherthestrengthtospeak。

"There’ssomethingImustaskyou，"shebrokeout，perceiving，assheheardherwords，thattheywerenotintheleastwhatshehadmeanttosay。

Hesatstill，waiting，andshepressedon："Dosuchthingshappentomenoften？"

Thequietroomseemedtoresoundwiththelongreverberationsofherquestion。Shelookedawayfromhim，andhereleasedherandstoodup。

"Idon’tknowwhathappenstoothermen。Suchathingneverhappenedtome……"

Sheturnedhereyesbacktohisface。Shefeltlikeatravelleronagiddypathbetweenacliffandaprecipice：

therewasnothingforitnowbuttogoon。

"Hadit……haditbegun……beforeyoumetherinParis？"

"No；athousandtimesno！I’vetoldyouthefactsastheywere。"

"Allthefacts？"

Heturnedabruptly。"Whatdoyoumean？"

Herthroatwasdryandtheloudpulsesdrummedinhertemples。

"Imean——abouther……Perhapsyouknew……knewthingsabouther……beforehand。"

Shestopped。Theroomhadgrownprofoundlystill。Alogdroppedtothehearthandbrokethereinahissingshower。

Darrowspokeinaclearvoice。"Iknewnothing，absolutelynothing，"hesaid。

Shehadtheanswertoherinmostdoubt——toherlastshamefulunavowedhope。Shesatpowerlessunderherwoe。

Hewalkedtothefireplaceandpushedbackthebrokenlogwithhisfoot。Aflameshotoutofit，andintheupwardglareshesawhispaleface，sternwithmisery。

"Isthatall？"heasked。

Shemadeaslightsignwithherheadandhecameslowlybacktoher。"Thenisthistobegood—bye？"

Againshesignedafaintassent，andhemadenoefforttotouchherordrawnearer。"YouunderstandthatIsha’n’tcomeback？"

Hewaslookingather，andshetriedtoreturnhislook，buthereyeswereblindwithtears，andindreadofhisseeingthemshegotupandwalkedaway。Hedidnotfollowher，andshestoodwithherbacktohim，staringatabowlofcarnationsonalittletablestrewnwithbooks。Hertearsmagnifiedeverythingshelookedat，andthestreakedpetalsofthecarnations，theirfringededgesandfrailcurledstamens，presseduponher，hugeandvivid。ShenoticedamongthebooksavolumeofversehehadsentherfromEngland，andtriedtorememberwhetheritwasbeforeorafter……

Shefeltthathewaswaitingforhertospeak，andatlastsheturnedtohim。"Ishallseeyouto—morrowbeforeyougo……"

Hemadenoanswer。

Shemovedtowardthedoorandhehelditopenforher。Shesawhishandonthedoor，andhissealringinitssettingoftwistedsilver；andthesenseoftheendofallthingscametoher。

Theywalkeddownthedrawing—rooms，betweentheshadowyreflectionsofscreensandcabinets，andmountedthestairssidebyside。Attheendofthegallery，alampbroughtoutturbidgleamsinthesmokybattle—pieceaboveit。

OnthelandingDarrowstopped；hisroomwasthenearesttothestairs。"Goodnight，"hesaid，holdingouthishand。

AsAnnagavehimhersthespri