第16章

Iwaitedanxiouslyforthedecisionatwhichhemightarrive。

Nothingcameofittojustifymymisgivings。"LeavewhatIhaveinmymindtoripeninmymind，"hesaid。"Themysteryaboutthegirls’agesseemstoirritateyou。IfIputmygoodfriend’stempertoanyfurthertrial，hewillbeofnousetome。Nevermindifmyheadswims；I’musedtothat。Nowlisten！"

Strangeastheprefacewas，theexplanationthatfollowedwasstrangeryet。Iofferashortenedandsimplifiedversion，givingaccuratelythesubstanceofwhatIheard。

TheMinisterenteredwithoutreserveonthemysterioussubjectoftheages。Eunice，heinformedme，wasnearlytwoyearsolderthanHelena。Ifsheoutwardlyshowedhersuperiorityofage，anypersonacquaintedwiththecircumstancesunderwhichtheadoptedinfanthadbeenreceivedintoMr。Gracedieu’schildlesshousehold，needonlycomparetheso—calledsistersinafter—life，andwouldthereuponidentifytheeldest—lookingyoungladyofthetwoastheoffspringofthewomanwhohadbeenhangedformurder。

Withsuchamisfortuneasthispresentingitselfasapossibleprospect，theMinisterwasboundtopreventthegirlsfromignorantlybetrayingeachotherbyallusionstotheiragesandtheirbirthdays。Aftermuchthought，hehaddevisedadesperatemeansofmeetingthedifficulty——alreadymadeknown，asIamtold，fortheinformationofstrangerswhomayreadthepagesthathavegonebeforemine。Myfriend’splanofproceedinghad，bythenatureofit，exposedhimtoinjuriouscomment，toembarrassingquestions，andtodoubtsandmisconceptions，allpatientlyenduredinconsiderationofthesecuritythathadbeenattained。Proudofhisexplanation，Mr。Gracedieu’svanitycalleduponmetoacknowledgethatmycuriosityhadbeensatisfied，andmydoubtscompletelysetatrest。

No：myobstinatecommonsensewasnotreducedtosubmission，evenyet。Lookingbackoveralapseofseventeenyears，Iaskedwhathadhappened，inthatlonginterval，tojustifytheanxietieswhichstillappearedtotroublemyfriend。

Thistime，myharmlesscuriositycouldbegratifiedbyareplyexpressedinthreewords——nothinghadhappened。

Thenwhat，inHeaven’sname，wastheMinisterafraidof？

Hisvoicedroppedtoawhisper。Hesaid："Iamafraidofthewomen。"

Whowerethewomen？

TwoofthemactuallyprovedtobetheservantsemployedinMr。

Gracedieu’shouse，atthebygonetimewhenbehadbroughtthechildhomewithhimfromtheprison！Topointouttheabsurdityofthereasonsthathegaveforfearingwhatfemalecuriositymightyetattempt，ifcircumstanceshappenedtoencourageit，wouldhavebeenamerewasteofwords。Dismissingthesubject，I

nextascertainedthattheMinister’sdoubtsextendedeventothetwofemalewarders，whohadbeenappointedtowatchthemurderessinturn，duringherlastdaysinprison。Ieasilyrelievedhismindinthiscase。Oneofthewarderswasdead。TheotherhadmarriedafarmerinAustralia。Hadweexhaustedthelistofsuspectedpersonsyet？No：therewasonemoreleft；andtheMinisterdeclaredthathehadfirstmetwithherinmyofficialresidence，atthetimewhenIwasGovernoroftheprison。

"Shepresentedherselftomebyname，"hesaid；"andshespokerudely。AMiss——"Hepausedtoconsulthismemory，andthistime（thanksperhapstohisnight’srest）hismemoryansweredtheappeal。"Ihavegotit！"hecried——"MissChance。"

Myfriendhadinterestedmeinhisimaginaryperilsatlast。Itwasjustpossiblethathemighthaveaformidablepersontodealwithnow。

DuringmyresidenceatFlorence，theChaplainandIhadtakenmanyaretrospectivelook（asoldmenwill）atpasteventsinourlives。Myformercolleaguespokeofthetimewhenhehadperformedclericaldutyforhisfriend，therectorofaparishchurchinLondon。NeitherhenorIhadheardagainofthe"MissChance"ofourdisagreeableprisonexperience，whomhehadmarriedtothedashingDutchgentleman，Mr。Tenbruggen。Wecouldonlywonderwhathadbecomeofthatmysteriousmarriedpair。

Mr。Gracedieubeingundoubtedlyignorantofthewoman’smarriage，itwasnoteasytosaywhattheconsequencemightbe，inhisexcitablestate，ifIinformedhimofit。Hewould，inallprobability，concludethatIknewmoreofthewomanthanhedid。

Idecidedonkeepingmyowncounsel，forthepresentatleast。

Passingatonce，therefore，totheoneconsiderationofanyimportance，IendeavoredtofindoutwhetherMr。GracedieuandMrs。Tenbruggenhadmet，orhadcommunicatedwitheachotherinanyway，duringthelongperiodofseparationthathadtakenplacebetweentheMinisterandmyself。Ifhehadbeensounluckyastooffendher，shewasbeyondalldoubtanenemytobedreaded。Apart，however，fromamisfortuneofthiskind，shewouldrank，inmyopinion，withtheotherharmlessobjectsofMr。

Gracedieu’sdistrust。

Inmakingmyinquiries，IfoundthatIhadanobstacletocontendwith。

Whilehefelttherenovatinginfluenceofthereposethatheenjoyed，theMinisterhadbeenabletothinkandtoexpresshimselfwithlessdifficultythanusual。Butthereservesofstrength，onwhichtheusefulexerciseofhismemorydepended，begantofailhimastheinterviewproceeded。Hedistinctlyrecollectedthat"somethingunpleasanthadpassedbetweenthataudaciouswomanandhimself。"Butatwhatdate——andwhetherbywordofmouthorbycorrespondence——wasmorethanhismemorycouldnowrecall。Hebelievedbewasnotmistakenintellingmethathe"hadbeenintwomindsabouther。"Atonetime，hewassatisfiedthathehadtakenwisemeasuresforhisownsecurity，ifsheattemptedtoannoyhim。Buttherewasanotherandalatertime，whendoubtsandfearshadlaidholdofhimagain。IfI

wantedtoknowhowthishadhappened，hefancieditwasthroughadream；andifIaskedwhatthedreamwas，hecouldonlybegandpraythatIwouldsparehispoorhead。

Unwillingevenyettosubmitunconditionallytodefeat，itoccurredtometotryalastexperimentonmyfriend，withoutcallingforanymentaleffortonhisownpart。The"MissChance"

offormerdaysmight，byabarepossibility，havewrittentohim。

Iaskedaccordinglyifhewasinthehabitofkeepinghisletters，andifhewouldallowme（whenhehadrestedalittle）

tolaythemopenbeforehim，sothathecouldlookatthesignatures。"Youmightfindthelostrecollectioninthatway，"I

suggested，"atthebottomofoneofyourletters。"

Hewasinthatstateofweariness，poorfellow，inwhichamanwilldoanythingforthesakeofpeace。Pointingtoacabinetinhisroom，hegavemeakeytakenfromalittlebasketonhisbed。

"Lookforyourself，"hesaid。Aftersomehesitation——forI

naturallyrecoiledfromexamininganotherman’scorrespondence——I

decidedonopeningthecabinet，atanyrate。

Theletters——alargecollection——were，tomyrelief，allneatlyfolded，andindorsedwiththenamesofthewriters。IcouldrunharmlesslythroughbundleafterbundleinsearchoftheonenamethatIwanted，andstillrespecttheprivacyoftheletters。Myperseverancedeservedareward——andfailedtogetit。ThenameI

wantedsteadilyeludedmysearch。Arrivingattheuppershelfofthecabinet，IfounditsohighthatIcouldbarelyreachitwithmyhand。Insteadofgettingmoreletterstolookover，Ipulleddowntwonewspapers。

Oneofthemwasanoldcopyofthe_Times，_datingbackasfarasthe13thDecember，1858。Itwascarefullyfolded，longwise，withthetitle—pageuppermost。Onthefirstcolumn，attheleft—handsideofthesheet，appearedthecustomaryannouncementsofBirths。Amarkwithabluepencil，againstoneoftheadvertisements，attractedmyattention。Ireadtheselines：

"Onthe10thinst。，thewifeoftheRev。AbelGracedieu，ofadaughter。"

Thesecondnewspaperborealaterdate，andcontainednothingthatinterestedme。Inaturallyassumedthattheadvertisementinthe_Times_hadbeeninsertedatthedesireofMrs。Gracedieu；

and，afterallthatIhadheard，therewaslittledifficultyinattributingthecuriousomissionoftheplaceinwhichthechildhadbeenborntothecautionofherhusband。IfMrs。Tenbruggen（thenMissChance）hadhappenedtoseetheadvertisementinthegreatLondonnewspaper，Mr。Gracedieumightyethavegoodreasontocongratulatehimselfonhisprudentmethodofprovidingagainstmischievouscuriosity。

Iturnedtowardthebedandlookedathim。Hiseyeswereclosed。

Washesleeping？Orwashetryingtorememberwhathehaddesiredtosaytome，whenthedemandswhichImadeonhismemoryhadobligedhimtowaitforalateropportunity？

Eitherway，therewassomethingthatquickenedmysympathies，inthespectacleofhishelplessrepose。Itsuggestedtomepersonalreasonsforhisanxieties，whichhehadnotmentioned，andwhichIhadnotthoughtof，uptothistime。Ifthediscoverythathedreadedtookplace，hishouseholdwouldbebrokenup，andhispositionaspastorwouldsufferintheestimationoftheflock。

Hisowndaughterwouldrefusetoliveunderthesameroofwiththedaughterofaninfamouswoman。Popularopinion，amonghiscongregation，judgingamanwhohadpassedoffthechildofotherparentsashisown，wouldfindthatmanguiltyofanactofdeliberatedeceit。

Stilloppressedbyreflectionswhichpointedtothefutureinthisdiscouragingway，Iwasstartledbyavoiceoutsidethedoor——asweet，sadvoice——saying，"MayIcomein？"

TheMinister’seyesopenedinstantly：heraisedhimselfinhisbed。

"Eunice，atlast！"hecried。"Letherin。"

CHAPTERXXXIX。

THEADOPTEDCHILD

IOPENEDthedoor。

Eunicepassedmewiththesuddennessalmostofaflashoflight。

WhenIturnedtowardthebed，herarmswereroundherfather’sneck。"Oh，poorpapa，howillyoulook！"Commonplaceexpressionsoffondness，andnomore；butthetonegavethemacharmthatsubduedme。NeverhadIfeltsoindulgenttowardMr。Gracedieu’sunreasonablefearsaswhenIsawhimintheembraceofhisadopteddaughter。Shehadalreadyremindedmeofthebygonedaywhenabrightlittlechildhadsatonmykneeandlistenedtothetickingofmywatch。

TheMinistergentlyliftedherheadfromhisbreast。"Mydarling，"hesaid，"youdon’tseemyoldfriend。Lovehim，andlookuptohim，Eunice。Hewillbeyourfriend，too，whenIamgone。"

Shecametomeandofferedhercheektobekissed。Itwassadlypale，poorsoul——andIcouldguesswhy。Butherheartwasnowfullofherfather。"Doyouthinkheisseriouslyill？"shewhispered。WhatIoughttohavesaidIdon’tknow。Hereyes，thesweetest，truest，loveliesteyesIeversawinahumanface，werepleadingwithme。Letmyenemiesmaketheworstofit，iftheylike——Ididcertainlylie。AndifIdeservedmypunishment，Igotit；thepoorchildbelievedme！"NowIamhappier，"shesaid，gratefully。"Onlytohearyourvoiceseemstoencourageme。Onourwayhere，Selinadidnothingbuttalkofyou。ShetoldmeI

shouldn’thavetimetofeelafraidofthegreatman；hewouldmakemefondofhimdirectly。Isaid，’Areyoufondofhim？’Shesaid，’Madlyinlovewithhim，mydear。’Mylittlefriendreallythinksyoulikeher，andisveryproudofitTherearesomepeoplewhocallherugly。Ihopeyoudon’tagreewiththem？"

IbelieveIshouldhaveliedagain，ifMr。Gracedieuhadnotcalledmetothebedside"Howdoesshestrikeyou？"hewhispered，eagerly。"Isittoosoontoaskifsheshowsherageinherface？"

"Neitherinherfacenorherfigure，"Ianswered："itastonishesmethatyoucaneverhavedoubtedit。Nostranger，judgingbypersonalappearance，couldfailtomakethemistakeofthinkingHelenatheoldestofthetwo。"

HelookedfondlyatEunice。"Herfigureseemstobearoutwhatyousay，"hewenton。"Almostchildish，isn’tit？"

Icouldnotagreetothat。Slim，supple，simplygracefulineverymovement，Eunice’sfigure，inthecharmoffirstyouth，onlywaiteditsperfectdevelopment。Mostmen，lookingatherasshestoodattheotherendoftheroomwithherbacktowardus，wouldhaveguessedheragetobesixteen。

FindingthatIfailedtoagreewithhim，Mr。Gracedieu’smisgivingsreturned。"Youspeakveryconfidently，"hesaid，"consideringthatyouhavenotseenthegirlstogether。Thinkwhatadreadfulblowitwouldbetomeifyoumadeamistake。"

Ideclared，withperfectsincerity，thattherewasnofearofamistake。Thebareideaofmakingtheproposedcomparisonwashatefultome。IfHelenaandIhadhappenedtomeetatthatmoment，Ishouldhaveturnedawayfromherbyinstinct——shewouldhavedisturbedmyimpressionsofEunice。

TheMinistersignedtometomovealittlenearertohim。"Imustsayit，"hewhispered，"andIamafraidofherhearingme。Isthereanythinginherfacethatremindsyouofhermiserablemother？"

Ihadhardlypatiencetoanswerthequestion：itwassimplypreposterous。Herhairwasbymanyshadesdarkerthanhermother’shair；hereyeswereofadifferentcolor。Therewasanexquisitetendernessandsincerityintheirexpression——madeadditionallybeautiful，tomymind，byagentle，uncomplainingsadness。ItwasimpossibleeventothinkoftheeyesofthemurderesswhenIlookedatherchild。Eunice’slowerfeatures，again，hadnoneofhermother’sregularityofproportion。Hersmile，simpleandsweet，andsoonpassingaway，wascertainlynotaninheritedsmileonthematernalside。Whethersheresembledherfather，Iwasunabletoconjecture——havingneverseenhim。

Theonethingcertainwas，thatnotthefaintesttrace，infeatureorexpression，ofEunice’smotherwastobeseeninEuniceherself。Ofthetwogirls，Helena——judgingbysomethinginthecolorofherhair，andbysomethingintheshadeofhercomplexion——mightpossiblyhavesuggested，inthoseparticularsonly，apurelyaccidentalresemblancetomyterribleprisonerofpasttimes。

TherevivalofMr。Gracedieu’sspiritsindicatedatemporarychangeonly，andwasalreadybeginningtopassaway。TheeyeswhichhadlookedlovinglyatEunicebegantolooklanguidlynow：

hisheadsankonthepillowwithasighofweakcontent。"Mypleasurehasbeenalmosttoomuchforme，"hesaid。"Leavemeforawhiletorest，andgetusedtoit。"

Eunicekissedhisforehead——andwelefttheroom。

CHAPTERXL。

THEBRUISEDHEART。

WHENwesteppedoutonthelanding，Iobservedthatmycompanionpaused。Shelookedatthetwoflightsofstairsbelowusbeforeshedescendedthem。Itoccurredtomethattheremustbesomebodyinthehousewhomshewasanxioustoavoid。

Arrivedatthelowerhall，shepausedagain，andproposedinawhisperthatweshouldgointothegarden。Asweadvancedalongthebackwarddivisionofthehall，IsawhereyesturndistrustfullytowardthedooroftheroominwhichHelenahadreceivedme。Atlast，myslowperceptionsfeltwithherandunderstoodher。Eunice’ssensitivenaturerecoiledfromachancemeetingwiththewretchwhohadlaidwasteallthathadoncebeenhappyandhopefulinthatharmlessyounglife。

"WillyoucomewithmetothepartofthegardenthatIamfondestof？"sheasked。

Iofferedhermyarm。Sheledmeinsilencetoarusticseat，placedundertheshadeofamulberrytree。Isawachangeinherfaceaswesatdown——atenderandbeautifulchange。Atthatmomentthegirl’sheartwasfarawayfromme。Therewassomeassociationwiththiscornerofthegarden，onwhichIfeltthatImustnotintrude。

"Iwasonceveryhappyhere，"shesaid。"Whenthetimeoftheheartachecamesoonafter，Iwasafraidtolookattheoldtreeandthebenchunderit。Butthatisallovernow。Iliketorememberthehoursthatwereoncedeartome，andtoseetheplacethatrecallsthem。DoyouknowwhoIamthinkingof？Don’tbeafraidofdistressingme。Inevercrynow。"

"Mydearchild，Ihaveheardyoursadstory——butIcan’ttrustmyselftospeakofit。"

"Becauseyouaresosorryforme？"

"NowordscansayhowsorryIam！"

"ButyouarenotangrywithPhilip？"

"Notangry！Mypoordear，IamafraidtotellyouhowangryIamwithhim。"

"Oh，no！Youmustn’tsaythat。Ifyouwishtobekindtome——andIamsureyoudowishit——don’tthinkbitterlyofPhilip。"

WhenIrememberthatthefirstfeelingsherousedinmewasnothingworthierofaprofessingChristianthanastonishment，I

dropinmyownestimationtothelevelofasavage。"Doyoureallymean，"Iwasbaseenoughtoask，"thatyouhaveforgivenhim？"

Shesaid，gently："HowcouldIhelpforgivinghim？"

Themanwhocouldhavebeenblessedwithsuchloveasthis，andwhocouldhavecastitawayfromhim，canhavebeennothingbutanidiot。Onthatground——thoughIdarednotconfessittoEunice——Iforgavehim，too。

"DoIsurpriseyou？"sheaskedsimply。"Perhapslovewillbearanyhumiliation。OrperhapsIamonlyapoorweakcreature。Youdon’tknowwhatacomfortitwastometokeepthefewlettersthatIreceivedfromPhilip。WhenIheardthathehadgoneaway，Igavehislettersthekissthatbadehimgood—by。Thatwasthetime，Ithink，whenmypoorbruisedheartgotusedtothepain；I

begantofeelthattherewasoneconsolationstillleftforme——I

mightendinforgivinghim。WhydoItellyouallthis？Ithinkyoumusthavebewitchedme。IsthisreallythefirsttimeIhaveseenyou？"

Sheputherlittletremblinghandintomine；Iliftedittomylips，andkissedit。SorelywasItemptedtoownthatIhadpitiedandlovedherinherinfancy。Itwasalmostonmylipstosay："Irememberyouaneasily—pleasedlittlecreature，amusingyourselfwiththebrokentoyswhichwereoncetheplaythingsofmyownchildren。"IbelieveIshouldhavesaidit，ifIcouldhavetrustedmyselftospeakcomposedlytoher。Thiswasnottobedone。OldasIwas，versedasIwasinthehardknowledgeofhowtokeepthemaskoninthehourofneed，thiswasnottobedone。

StilltryingtounderstandthatIwaslittlebetterthanastrangertoher，andstillbentonfindingthesecretofthesympathythatunitedus，Euniceputastrangequestiontome。

"Whenyouwereyoungyourself，"shesaid，"didyouknowwhatitwastolove，andtobeloved——andthentoloseitall？"

Itisnotgiventomanymentomarrythewomanwhohasbeentheobjectoftheirfirstlove。Myearlylifehadbeendarkenedbyasadstory；neverconfidedtoanylivingcreature；banishedresolutelyfrommyownthoughts。Forfortyyearspast，thatpartofmyburiedselfhadlainquietinitsgrave——andthechancetouchofaninnocenthandhadraisedthedead，andsetusfacetofaceagain！DidIknowwhatitwastolove，andtobeloved，andthentoloseitall？"Toowell，mychild；toowell！"

ThatwasallIcouldsaytoher。Inthelastdaysofmylife，I

shrankfromspeakingofit。WhenIhadfirstfeltthatcalamity，andhadfeltitmostkeenly，Imighthavegivenananswerworthierofme，andworthierofher。

Shedroppedmyhand，andsatbymeinsilence，thinking。HadI——withoutmeaningit，Godknows！——hadIdisappointedher？

"Didyouexpectmetotellmyownsadstory，"Isaid，"asfranklyandastrustfullyasyouhavetoldyours？"

"Oh，don’tthinkthat！Iknowwhataneffortitwastoyoutoanswermeatall。Yes，indeed！IwonderwhetherImayasksomething。Thesorrowyouhavejusttoldmeofisnottheonlyone——isit？Youhavehadothertroubles？"

"Manyofthem。"

"Therearetimes，"shewenton，"whenonecan’thelpthinkingofone’sownmiserableself。Itrytobecheerful，butthosetimescomenowandthen。"

Shestopped，andlookedatmewithapalefearconfessingitselfinherface。

"YouknowwhoSelinais？"sheresumed。"Myfriend！TheonlyfriendIhad，tillyoucamehere。"

Iguessedthatshewasspeakingofthequaint，kindlylittlewoman，whoseuglysurnamehadbeenhithertotheonlynameknowntome。

"Selinahas，Idaresay，toldyouthatIhavebeenill，"shecontinued，"andthatIamstayinginthecountryforthebenefitofmyhealth。"

Itwasplainthatshehadsomethingtosaytome，farmoreimportantthanthis，andthatshewasdwellingontriflestogaintimeandcourage。Hopingtohelpher，Idweltontrifles，too；

askingcommonplacequestionsaboutthepartofthecountryinwhichshewasstaying。Sheansweredabsently——then，littlebylittle，impatiently。TheonepoorproofofkindnessthatIcouldoffer，now，wastosaynomore。

"DoyouknowwhatastrangecreatureIam？"shebrokeout。"ShallImakeyouangrywithme？orshallImakeyoulaughatme？WhatI

haveshrunkfromconfessingtoSelina——whatIdarenotconfesstomyfather——Imust，andwill，confesstoYou。"

Therewasalookofhorrorinherfacethatalarmedme。Idrewhertomesothatshecouldrestherheadonmyshoulder。Myownagitationthreatenedtogetthebetterofme。ForthefirsttimesinceIhadseenthissweetgirl，Ifoundmyselfthinkingofthebloodthatraninherveins，andofthenatureofthemotherwhohadborneher。

"DidyounoticehowIbehavedupstairs？"shesaid。"Imeanwhenweleftmyfather，andcameoutonthelauding。"

Itwaseasilyrecollected；Ibeggedhertogoon。

"BeforeIwentdownstairs，"sheproceeded，"yousawmelookandlisten。DidyouthinkIwasafraidofmeetingsomeperson？anddidyouguesswhoitwasIwantedtoavoid？"

"Iguessedthat——andIunderstoodyou。"

"No！Youarenotwickedenoughtounderstandme。Willyoudomeafavor？Iwantyoutolookatme。"

Itwassaidseriously。Sheliftedherheadforamoment，sothatIcouldexamineherface。

"Doyouseeanything，"sheasked，"whichmakesyoufearthatIamnotinmyrightmind？"

"GoodGod！howcanyouasksuchahorriblequestion？

Shelaidherheadbackonmyshoulderwithasadlittlesighofresignation。"Ioughttohaveknownbetter，"shesaid；"thereisnosucheasywayoutofitasthat。Tellme——isthereonekindofwickednessmoredeceitfulthananother？Canitbehidinapersonforyearstogether，andshowitselfwhenatimeofsuffering——no；

Imeanwhenasenseofinjurycomes？Didyoueverseethat，whenyouweremasterintheprison？"

Ihadseenit——and，afteramoment’sdoubt，IsaidIhadseenit。

"Didyoupitythosepoorwretches？"

"Certainly！Theydeservedpity。"

"Iamoneofthem！"shesaid。"Pity_me。_IfHelenalooksatme——ifHelenaspeakstome——ifIonlyseeHelenabyaccident——doyouknowwhatshedoes？Shetemptsme！Temptsmetododreadfulthings！Temptsme——"Thepoorchildthrewherarmsroundmyneck，andwhisperedthenextfatalwordsinmyear。

Themother！PreparedasIwasfortheaccurseddiscovery，thehorrorofitshookme。

Sheleftme，andstartedtoherfeet。Theinheritedenergyshoweditselfinfuriousprotestagainsttheinheritedevil。"Whatdoesitmean？"shecried。"I’llsubmittoanything。I’llbearmyhardlotpatiently，ifyouwillonlytellmewhatitmeans。Wheredoesthishorridtransformationofmeoutofmyselfcomefrom？Lookatmygoodfather。Inallthisworldthereisnomansoperfectasheis。Andoh，howhehastaughtme！thereisn’tasinglegoodthingthatIhavenotlearnedfromhimsinceIwasalittlechild。Didyoueverhearhimspeakofmymother？Youmusthaveheardhim。Mymotherwasanangel。Icouldneverbeworthyofheratmybest——butIhavetried！Ihavetried！Thewickedestgirlintheworlddoesn’thaveworsethoughtsthanthethoughtsthathavecometome。Sincewhen？SinceHelena——oh，howcanIcallherbyhernameasifIstilllovedher？Sincemysister——canshebemysister，Iaskmyselfsometimes！Sincemyenemy——there’sthewordforher——sincemyenemytookPhilipawayfromme。Whatdoesitmean？Ihaveaskedinmyprayers——andhavegotnoanswer。Iaskyou。Whatdoesitmean？Youmusttellme！Youshalltellme！Whatdoesitmean？"