第4章

Howshesqueegedmy&asshewentaway！”MaryHannnowHAShaubinair，andacumplexionlikerosesandhivory，andI’sasblewasEvin。”IgevFredericktwoandsixforfetchinthecabb——beenresolvedtohactthegentlemaninhallthings。Howhestared！””25th——Iamnowdirectorofforty-sevenhadvantageouslines，andhavepasthalldayintheCitty。AlthoughI’vehateorninenewsootsofclose，andMr。Cullinfitsmeheligant，yetIfansytheyhallreckoniseme。Conshnswhisperstome，’Jeams，you’rhonyafootmanindisguisehafterall。’””28th——BeentotheHopra。Musictollol。ThatLablashisawopperatsinging。Icoodnmakeoutwhysomepeoplecalledout’Bravo，’some’Bravar，’andsome’Bravee。’’Bravee，Lablash，’saysI，atwhichheverybodylaft。”I’minmynewstall。I’vehadnewcushingsputin，andmyharmsingooldontheback。I’mdressedhallinblack，excepagoldwaistcoatanddimindstuddsintheembriderdbusomofmyshameese。

IwearaCamalliaJiponikyinmybutton-ole，andhaveadouble-

barreldopera-glas，sobig，thatImakeTimmins，mysecndman，bringitintheothercabb。”WhatanigstronryexabishnthatPawdyCarteris！Ifthosefourgalsarefaries，TellioniissutnlythefairyQueend。Shecandoallthattheycando，andsomethinktheycan’t。There’sanindiscriblegraceabouther，andCarlotty，mysweetCarlotty，shesetsmyartinflams。”OwthatMissHemlywasnoddinandwinkinatmeoutoftheirboxonthefourthtear？”Whatlinxi’sshemustav。AsifIcouldmountupthere！”P。S——TalkingofMOUNTINGHUP！theSt。Helena’swalkedup4percentthisveryday。””2ndJuly——RodemybayossDesperationinthepark。Therewasme，LordGeorgeRingwood(LordCinqbar’sson)，LordBallybunnion，HonorableCaptingTrap，&sevralhotheryoungswells。SirJohn’scarridgethereincoarse。MissHemlyletsfallherbookyasI

pass，andI’moblegedtogethoffandpickithup，&getsplasheduptothehis。Thegettinonhossbackaginishalwaysthejuice&

hall。JustasIwason，Desperationbeginsaporringthehairwithhis4feet，andsinksdownsoonhisanches，thatI’mblestifI

didn’tsliphoffaginoverhistail，atwhichBallybunnion&thehotherchapsrordwithlafter。”AsBallyhasistatesinQueen’sCounty，I’veputhimontheSt。

Helenadirection。Wecallitthe’GreatSt。HelenaNapoleonJunction，’fromJamestowntoLongwood。TheFrencharetakingithupheagerly。””6thJuly——Dinedto-dayattheLondonTavinwithoneoftheWelshbordsofDirectionI’mhon。TheCwrwmwrw&Plmwyddlywm，withtunnilsthroughSnowdingandPlinlimming。”Greatnashnallityofcourse。ApShinkininthechair，ApLlwyddinthevice；Welshmuttonfordinner；Welshironknives&forks；

Welshrabbitafterdinner；andaWelshharper，behangedtohim:hewentstrummintonhishojoushinstrument，andplayedatoonpiguliarlydisagreebletome。”ItwasPOREMARYHANN。TheclarritholmostchoakedmeasItriedit，andIverynearlywepmyselfasIthoughtofherbewtiflebluei’s。WhyHAMIalwaysthinkingaboutthatgal？Sasietyissasiety，it’slorsisirresistabl。HasamanofrankIcan’tmarryaserving-made。WhatwouldCinqbarandBallybunnionsay？”P。S——Idon’tlikethewaythatCinqbarshasofborroingmoney，&

halwaysmakingmepaythebill。Sevenpoundsixatthe’Shipp，’

Grinnidge，whichIdon’tgrudgeit，forDerbyshire’sbrownOckisthebestinUrup；ninepoundthreeatthe’Trafflygar，’andseventeenpoundsixteenandnineatthe’StarandGarter，’

Richmond，withtheCountessSt。Emilion&theBaronessFrontignac。

NotonewordofFrenchcouldIspeak，andinconsquincehadnothinktodobuttomakemyselfhalmostsickwithheatinghicesanddesert，whilethehotherswerechatteringandparlyvooing。”Ha！IremembergoingtoGrinnidgeoncewithMaryHann，whenweweremorehappy(afterawalkinthepark，whereweadonegingy-

beerbetwigstus)，moreappywithteaandasimplesrimpthanwithhallthissplender！”——”July24——Myfirst-floorapartminceinHalbinyisnowkimpletelyandchaselyfurnished——thedroring-roomwithyellowsattingandsilverforthechairsandsophies——hemrallgreentabbinetcurtingswithpinkvelvet&gooldbordersandfringes；alightblueHaxminsterCarpit，embroyderedwithtulips；tables，secritaires，cunsoles，&c。，ashandsomeasgooldcanmakethem，andcandle-

sticksandshandalersofthepurestHormolew。”TheDining-roomfurnitureisallHOAK，BritishHoak；roundigspandingtable，likeatrickinaPantimime，iccommadatinganynumberfrom8to24——towhichitismywishtorestrictmyparties。

Curtingscrimsingdamask，Chairscrimsingmyrocky。Portricksofmyfavoritegreatmendecoratsthewall——namely，theDukeofWellington。There’sfourofhisGrace。ForI’veremarkedthatifyouwishtopassforamanofweightandconsiddrationyoushouldholwayspraiseandquotehim。IhaveavallubleonelickwiseofmyQueend，and2ofPrinceHalbert——hasaFieldMartialandhalsoasaprivatGent。IdespisethevulgarSNEARSthataredailyhulleredaginstthatIgsoltedPottentat。BetwigxtthePrins&theDukehangsme，intheUniformoftheCinqbarMalitia，ofwhichCinqbarshasmademeCapting。”TheLiberyisnotyetdone。”ButtheBedd-roombistheJemofthewhole。Ifyoucouldbutseeit！suchaBedworr！IveaShyvalDressingGlassfestoonedwithWalanseensLace，andlightedupofeveningswithrose-coloredtapers。Goolddressing-caseandtwiletofDresdingCheny。MybedwhiteandgoldwithcurtingsofpinkandsilverbrocaydheldupatopbyagooldQpidwhoseemsalwaysasmilinangilliclyhonme，hasIlaywithmyEdonmypillerhallsaroundedwiththefinestMechlin。Ihaveaownman，ayuthunderhim，2groombs，andafimmalefortheHouse。I’ve7osses:incorsifIhuntthiswinterImustincreasemyixtablishment。”N。B。HeverythinklookingwellintheCity。St。Helenas，12pm。；

Madagascars，95/8；SaffronHillandRookeryJunction，24；andthenewlinesinprospickequilyincouraging。”Peoplephansyit’shallgaietyandpleasurethelifeofusfashnabblegentsabouttownd——ButIcantell’emit’snothallgooldthatglitters。Theydon’tknowourmomintsofhagony，houroursofstuddyandreflecshun。TheylittlethinkwhentheyseeJeamesdelaPluche，Exquire，worlingroundinawalceatHalmaxwithLadyHann，orlazalysteppingakidrillwithLadyJane，poringhelegantnothinxintotheCountess’shearatdinner，orgallopinhishossDesperationhovertheexorcisingroundinthePark，——theylittlethinkthatleaderofthetong，seaminklysoreckliss，isacarewornmann！andyetsoitis。”Imprymus。I’vebeenablegedtogetupalltheecomplishmentsatdoublequick，&toapplymyselfwithtreemenjuousenergy。”First，——inhordertogivemyselfahideerofwhatagentlemanreelyis，I’vereadthenovvleof’Pelham’sixtimes，andamtogothroughit4timesmor。”Ipractisridinandtheacquirementof’asteadyand&asureseatacrossCountry’assijuously4timesaweek，attheHippydrumRidingGrounds。Many’sthetumbilI’vead，andtheakingboansI’vesufferedfrom，thoughIwasgrinninintheParkorlaffinattheOpra。”Everymorningfrom6till9，theinnabitanceofHalbanymayhavebeensurprisedtohearthesoundsofmusicishuingfromtheapartminceofJeamesdelaPluche，Exquire，LetterHex。It’smydancing-master。Fromsixtoninewehavewalcesandpolkies——atnine，’mangtiang&depotment，’ashecallsit&themannerofhenteringaroom，complimentingtheostandostess&compottingyourselfattable。AtnineIhenterfrommydressing-room(hastoaparty)，Imakemybow——mymaster(he’saMarquisinFrance，andadmisfortins，beingconnectedwithyoungLewyNepoleum)reseavesme——Ihadwance——speakabowttheweather&thetoppixofthedayinanelegant&cussorymanner。BrekfstisenouncedbyFitzwarren，mymann——weprecedetothefestivebord——complimenceisigschangedwiththemannerofdrinkingwind，addressingyourneighbor，employingyournapking&finger-glas，&c。Andthenwefalltobrekfst，whenIprommissyoutheMarquisdon’teatlikeacommoner。

HesaysI’mgettnonverywell——soonIshallbeabletoinwitepeopletobrekfst，likeMr。Mills，myrivleinHalbany；Mr。

Macauly，(whowrotethatsweetbookofballets，’TheLaysofHancientRum；’)&thegreatMr。Rodgershimself。”Theabovewaswrotesomeweeksback。IHAVEgivenbrekfstsinsthen，reglarDeshunys。IhaveadEarlsandYcounts——BarnitsasmanyasIchose:andthepickoftheRailwayworld，ofwhichIformamember。LastSundaywasagrandFate。IhadtheEleetofmyfriends:thedisplaywassumptious；thecompanyreshershy。

EverythingthatDellixycouldsuggestwasprovidedbyGunter。I

hadaCountissonmyright&(theCountessofWigglesbury，thatloveliestandmostdashingofStaggs，whomaybecalledtheRailwayQueend，asmyfriendGeorgeH——istheRailwayKing，)onmylefttheLadyBlancheBluenose，PrinceTowrowski，thegreatSirHuddlestoneFuddlestonefromtheNorth，andaskoarofthefustofthefashn。IwasinmyGLOARY——thedearCountessandLadyBlanchewasdyingwithlauffingatmyjoaxandfun——Iwaskeepingthewholetableinaroar——whentherecamearingatmydoor-bell，andsudnlyFitzwarren，myman，henterswithanairofconstanation。’Theressomebodyatthedoor，’saysheinavisper。”’Oh，it’sthatdearLadyHemily，’saysI，’andthatlazyraskleofahusbandofhers。Trotthemin，Fitzwarren，’(foryouseebythistimeIhadadoptedquitethemannersandheaseofthearristoxy。)——

Andso，goingout，withalookofwonderhereturnedpresently，enouncingMr。&Mrs。Blodder。”Iturnedgashlypail。Thetable——theguests——theCountiss——

Towrouski，andtherest，wealdround&roundbeforemyhagitatedI’s。ITWASMYGRANDMOTHERANDHuncleBill。SheisawasherwomanatHealingCommon，andhe——hekeepsawegetabledonkey-cart。”Y，Yhadn’tJohn，thetiger，igscludedthem？Hehadtried。Buttheunconscious，thoughworthycreeters，adwancedinspiteofhim，HuncleBillbringingintheoldladygrinningonhisharm！”Phansymyfeelinx。””Immaginwhentheseunfortnatmembersofmyfamlyhenteredtheroom:youmayphansytheixtonnishmentofthenobilcompanypresnt。

OldGrannlookedroundtheroomquiteestoundedbyitshorientalsplender，andhuncleBill(pullingoffhisphantail，&selutingthecompanyasrespeckflyashiswulgarnaturwouldalow)says——

’Crikey，Jeames，you’vegotabetterbirthherethanyouadwhereyouwereintheplushandpowderline。’’Tryafewofthemplovershegs，sir，’Isays，whishing，I’masheamedtosay，thatsomethinkwouldchokehuncleB——；’andIhope，mam，nowyou’veadthekindnisstowisitme，alittlerefreshmentwon’tbeoutofyourway。’”ThisIsaid，detummindtoputagoodfaseonthematter:andbecauseinherlytimesI’dreseavedagreatdealofkindnissfromtheholdlady，whichIshouldbearoagtoforgit。Shepaidformyschooling；shegotupmyfinelinninggratis；shesgivenmemany&

manyalb；andmanysthetimeinappyappydayswhenmeandMaryhannhastakentea。ButnevermindTHAT。’Mam，’saysI，’youmustbetiredhafteryourwalk。’”’Walk？Nonsince，Jeames，’saysshe；’it’sSaturday，&Icamein，inTHECART。’’Blackorgreentea，maam？’saysFitzwarren，intaruptingher。AndIwillsaythefellershowedhisnouce&goodbreedinginthisdiffickltmomink；forhe’dhalreadysilencedhuncleBill，whosemouthwasnowfullofmuffinx，am，Blownysausag，Perrigolepie，andotherdellixies。”’Wouldn’tyoulikealittleSOMETHINKinyourtea，Mam，’saysthatslywaggCinqbars。’HEknowswhatIlikes，’repliesthehawfleholdLady，pintingtome，(whichIknewitverywell，havingoftenseenhertakeaglassofhojousginalongwithherBohee)，andsoI

wasableegedtohorderFitzwarrentobringroundthelicures，andtohelpmyunfortnitrellatiftoabumperofOllands。Shetostithofftotheelthofthecompany，givingasmackwithherlippsaftershe’demtiedtheglas，whichverynearlycausedmetophaintwithhagny。But，luckalyforme，shedidn’tigsposeherselfmuchfarther:forwhenCinqbarswaspressinghertotakeanotherglas，I

criedout，’Don’t，mylord，’onwhicholdGrannhearinghimedressedbyhistitle，criedout，’ALord！olaw！’andgotupandmadehimacutsy，andcoodntbepeswadedtospeakanotherword。

Thepresentsofthenoblegentheavidentlymadeheruneezy。”TheCountissonmyrightandhadshowntsymtmsofixtreamdisgustatthebeayviorofmyrelations，andhavingcalledforhercarridg，gotuptoleavetheroom，withthemostdignifiedhair。I，ofcoarse，rosetoconducthertoherweakle。Ah，whatacontrastitwas！Thereitstood，withstarsandgartershallhoverthepannels；thefootmininpeach-coloredtites；thehossesworth3

hundredapiece；——andtherestoodthehorridLINNEN-CART，with’MaryBlodder，Laundress，Ealing，Middlesex，’wroteonthebord，andwaitingtillmyabandindoldparintshouldcomeout。”Cinqbarsinsisteduponhelpingherin。SirHuddlestoneFuddlestone，thegreatBarnetfromtheNorth，who，greatasheis，isasstewpidasahowl，lookedon，hardlytrustinghisgoggleI’sastheywitnessedthesean。ButlittlelivelygoodnaterdLadyKittyQuickset，whowasgoingawaywiththeCountiss，heldherlittle&

outofthecarridgetomeandsaid，’Mr。DelaPluche，youareamuchbettermanthanItookyoutobe。ThoughherLadyshipIS

horrified，&thoughyourGrandmotherDIDtakeginforbreakfast，don’tgiveherup。Nooneevercametoharmyetforhonoringtheirfather&mother。’”Andthiswasasortofconsolationtome，andIobservedthatallthegoodfellersthoughtnonethewussofme。CinqbarssaidIwasatrumpforstickingupfortheoldwasherwoman；LordGeorgeGillssaidsheshouldhavehislinning；andsotheycuttheirjoax，andI

letthem。Butitwasagreatreleaftomymindwhenthecartdrovehoff。”TherewasonepintwhichmyGrandmotherobserved，andwhich，I

musssay，Ithoughtlickwise:’Ho，Jeames，’saysshe，’hallthosefineladiesinsattnsandvelvetsisverywell，butthere’snotoneofemcanholdacandletoMaryHann。’””RailwaySpecisgoingonphamusly。Youshouldseehowpolitetheyharatmybankersnow！SirPaulPumpAldgate，&Company。TheybowmeoutofthebackparlorasifIwasaNybobb。EverybodysaysI’mworthhalfamillium。Thenumberoflinesthey’reputtingmeuponisinkumseavable。I’veputFitzwarren，myman，uponseveral。

ReginaldFitzwarren，Esquire，lookssplendidinaperspectus；andtheraskleownsthathehasmadetwothowsnd。”Howtheladies，&mentoo，follerandflatterme！IfIgointoLadyBinsishoprabox，shemakesroomforme，whoeveristhere，andcriesout，’Odomakeroomforthatdearcreature！’Andshecomplymentsmeonmytasteinmusick，ormynewBroom-oss，orthephansyofmyweskit，andalwaysendsbyaskingmeforsomeshares。

OldLordBareacres，asstiffasapoaker，asprowdasloosyfer，aspoorasJoab——evenhecondysendstobesivvletothegreatDelaPluche，andbeggedmeatHarthur’s，lately，inhissollom，pompusway，’tofaverhimwithfiveminutes’conversation。’Iknewwhatwascoming——applicationforshares——puthimdownonmyprivatelist。Would’ntmindtheScragEndJunctionpassingthroughBareacres——hopedI’dcomedownandshootthere。”Igavetheoldhumbuggafewsharesoutofmyownpocket。’There，oldPride，’saysI，’Iliketoseeyoudownonyourkneestoafootman。There，oldPompossaty！Takefiftypound；Iliketoseeyoucomecringingandbeggingforit。’WheneverIseehiminaVERYpublicplace，Itakemychangeformymoney。Idigghimintheribbs，orslaphispaddedoldshoulders。Icallhim，’Bareacres，myoldbuck！’andIseehimwince。Itdoesmyartgood。”I’minlowsperits。Adisagreeableinsadenthasjustoccurred。

LadyPump，thebanker’swife，askedmetodinner。Isatonherright，ofcourse，withanuncommongalnerme，withwhomIwasgettingoninmyfassanatingway——fulloflacyally(astheMarquissays)andeasyplesntry。OldPump，fromtheendofthetable，askedmetodrinkshampane；andonturningtotaktheglassIsawCharlesWackles(withwombI’dbeenimployedatColonelSpurriers’

house)grinningoverhisshoulderatthebutler。”Thebeestreckonisedme。HasIwasputtingonmypaltointhehall，hecameupagain:’HOWDYDOO，Jeames？’sayshe，inafindishvisper。’Justcomeouthere，Chawles，’saysI，’I’veawordforyou，myoldboy。’SoIbeckonedhimintoPortlandPlace，withmypusinmyhand，asifIwasgoingtogivehimasovaring。”’Ithinkyousaid”Jeames，”Chawles，’saysI，’andgrindatmeatdinner？’”’Why，sir。’sayshe，’we’reoldfriends，youknow。’”’Takethatforoldfriendshipthen，’saysI，andIgavehimjustoneonthenoas，whichsenthimdownonthepavemintasifhe’dbeenshot。Andmountingmyjesticlyintomycabb，Ilefttherestofthegrinningscoundrillstopickhimup，&droavtotheClubb。””HavethisdaykimpleatedalittleefairwithmyfriendGeorge，EarlBareacres，whichItrustwillbetotheadvantidgebothofself&thatnoblegent。AdjiningtheBareacreproppatyisasmallpieceoflandofabout100acres，calledSquallopHill，igseedingadvantageousforthecultivationofsheep，whichhavebeenfoundtohaveapickewlearfineflaviourfromthenaturofthegrass，tyme，heather，andotherhodarefarusplantswhichgrowsonthatmountingintheplaceswheretheroxandstonesdon’tpreventthem。

Thistleshereisalsoremarkablefine，andthelandisalsodevidedhoffbyluxurientStoneHedges——muchmoreusefleandickonomiclethanyourquicksetoranyofthatrubbishingsortoftimber:indeedthesileisofthatfinenatur，thattimberrefusestogrowtherealtogether。IgaveBareacres50L。anacreforthisland(theigsactpremiumofmySt。HelenaShares)——averyhandsompriceforlandwhichneveryieldedtwoshillingsanacre；andveryconvenienttohisLordshipIknow，whohadabillcomingdueathisBankerswhichhehadgiventhem。JamesdelaPluche，Esquire，isthusforthefusttimealandedpropriator——orrayther，Ishouldsay，isabouttoreshumetherank&dignityinthecountrywhichhisHancestorssolongoccupied。”IhavecausedoneofouringinearstomakemeaplannoftheSquallopEstate，Diddlesexshire，thepropertyof&c。&c。，borderedontheNorthbyLordBareacres’Country；ontheWestbySirGranbyGrowler；ontheSouthbytheHotion。AnArkytect&Survare，ayoungfellerofgreatemagination，wombwehaveemployedtomakeasurveyoftheGreatCaffrananline，hasbuiltmeabeautifulVillar(onpaper)，PlushtonHall，Diddlesex，theseatofIdelaP。，Esquire。ThehouseisreprasentedahandsomeItallianStructer，imbusmdinwoods，andcircumwentedbybeautifulgardings。Theresalakeinfrontwithboatsfulofnobillatyandmusitionsflotingonitsplacidsufface——andacurricleisadrivinguptothegrandhentrance，andmeinit，withMrs。，orperhapsLadyHangelanadelaPluche。Ispeakadwisedly。IMAYbegoingtoformanoblekinexion。Imaybe(bymarridge)goingtounightmyfamilyoncemorewithHarrystoxy，fromwhichmisfortnhasforsomesentriesseparatedus。Ihavedreamsofthatsort。”I’veseansevraltimesinadalitiflevishnaSERTINGERL，standinginahattitudeofbennydiction，andrattafyingmyunionwithasertingbutifleyounglady，hisdaughter。PhansyMr。orSirJeamesandladyHangelinadelaPluche！Ho！whatwilltheoldwashywoman，mygrandmother，say？Shemaysellhermanglethen，andshalltoobymyhonorasaGent。””AsforSquallopHill，itsnottobeemadgindthatIwasgoingtogive5000lb。forableakmountinglikethat，unlessIhadsomeideerinvew。HamInotaDirectoroftheGrandDiddlesex？Don’tSqualloplieamediatelybetwigstOldBoneHouse，SingleGloster，andScragEnd，throughwhichcitiesourlinepasses？Iwillhave400，000lb。forthatmounting，ormynameisnotJeames。IhavearrangedalittlebargingtooformyfriendtheErl。ThelinewillpassthroughahangleofBareacrePark。HeshallhaveagoodcompensationIpromisyou；andthenIshallgetbackthe3000I

lenthim。Hisbanker’sacount，Ifear，isinahorridstate。”

[TheDiarynowforseveraldayscontainsparticularsofnointeresttothepublic:——MemorandaofCitydinners——meetingsofDirectors——

fashionablepartiesinwhichMr。Jeamesfigures，andnearlyalwaysbythesideofhisnewfriend，LordBareacres，whose”pompossaty，”

aspreviouslydescribed，seemstohavealmostentirelysubsided。]

Wethencometothefollowing:——”WithaprowdandthankfleArt，Icopyoffthismorning’sGayzettthefollowingnews:——”’CommissionsignedbytheLordLieutenantoftheCountyofDiddlesex。”’JAMESAUGUSTUSDELAPLUCHE，Esquire，tobeDeputyLieutenant。’””’NorthDiddlesexRegimentofYeomanryCavalry。”’JamesAugustusdelaPluche，Esquire，tobeCaptain，viceBlowhard，promoted。”’”Andhisitso？HamIindeedalandedpropriator——aDeppatyLeftnant——aCapting？MayIhatendtheCortofmySovring？anddrorasayberinmycountry’sdefens？IwishtheFrenchWOODland，andmeattheheadofmysquadringonmyhossDesparation。HowI’dextonish’em！Howthegalswillstarewhentheyseemeinyouniform！HowMaryHannwould——butnonsince！I’mhalwaysthinkingofthatporegal。She’sleftSirJohn’s。Shecouldn’tabeartostayafterIwent，I’veheerdsay。Ihopeshe’sgotagoodplace。Anysumnofmoneythatwouldsettherupinbisniss，ormakehercomfarable，I’dcomedownwithlikeamann。Itoldmygranmotherso，whoseesher，androdedowntoHealingonporposeonDesparationtoleaveafivelb。noatinananvylope。Butshe’ssentitback，sealedwithathimbill。”

Tuesday——ReseavedthefolloingletterfromLordB——，rellatifftomypresntationatCortandtheYouniformIshallwearonthathospiciousseramony:——”’MYDEARDELAPLUCHE，——ITHINKyouhadbetterbepresentedasaDeputyLieutenant。AsfortheDiddlesexYeomanry，Ihardlyknowwhattheuniformisnow。Thelasttimewewereoutwasin1803，whenthePrinceofWalesreviewedus，andwhenweworeFrenchgrayjackets，leathers，redmoroccoboots，crimsonpelisses，brasshelmetswithleopard-skinandawhiteplume，andtheregulationpig-tailofeighteeninches。Thatdresswillhardlyansweratpresent，andmustbemodified，ofcoarse。WewerecalledtheWhiteFeathers，inthosedays。Formypart，IdecidedlyrecommendtheDeputyLieutenant。”’IshallbehappytopresentyouattheLeveeandattheDrawing-

room。LadyBareacreswillbeintownforthe13th，withAngelina，whowillbepresentedonthatday。Mywifehasheardmuchofyou，andisanxioustomakeyouracquaintance。”’Allmypeoplearebackwardwiththeirrents:forheaven’ssake，mydearfellow，lendmefivehundredandoblige”’Yours，verygratefully，”’BAREACRES。’”Note——BareacresmaypressmeabouttheDepityLeftnant；butI’M

forthecavvlery。””Jewlywillalwaysbeasacridanniwussarywithme。ItwasinthatmonththatIbecamepersnallyecquaintidwithmyPrinsandmygraciousSovarink。”Longbeforethehospitiouseventacurd，youmayimadginthatmybusmwasinnotrifflingflutter。Sleaplisofnights，Ipastthemthinkingofthegreatewent——orifigsostednaturDIDclothesmyhighlids——theeyedearofmywakingthoughtspevadedmyslummers。

Corts，Erls，presntations，Goldstix，graciousSovarinxmenglinginmydreembsunceasnly。Iblushtosayit(forhuminprisumpshnneversurelyigseededthatofmywickedwickidvishn)，onenightI

actiallydremtthatHerR。H。thePrincessHalliswasgrownup，andthattherewasaCabinitCounseltodetumminwhetherher&wastobebestoadonmeorthePrinsofSax-Muffinhausen-Pumpenstein，ayoungProoshnorGermingzionofnobillaty。Iaskumlypardingforthishordaciousideer。”Isaid，inmyfommerremarx，thatIhaddetumminedtobepresentedtothenotusofmyrevearedSovaringinamelintarycoschewm。TheCourt-shootsinwhichSivilliansattendaLevyaresouncomminglikethe——the——livries(ojouswud！I8toputitdown)Iusedtowearbeforeenteringsosiaty，thatIcouldn’tabidethenotiumofwearingone。MydetumminationwasfumlyfixttoapeerasaYominryCavilryHoffiser，inthegalleantyouniformoftheNorthDiddlesexHuzzas。”Hasthatredgminthadnotbeenoutsins1803，Ithoughtmyselfquitehotherizedtomakesuchhalterationsintheyouniformasshuitedthepresnttimeandmymeturedandelyginttaste。Pig-

taleswasoutofthequestion。TitesIwasdetummindtomintain。

Myleggisprapsthefinistpintaboutme，andIwasrisolvednottohideitunderabooshle。”Iphixtonscarlittites，then，imbrideredwithgoold，asIhaveseenWiddicombwearthematHashleyswhenmeandMaryHannusedtogothere。Ninety-sixguineasworthofrichgooldlaceandcorddidIhavemyhanderinghallhoverthoseshoperbinagspressables。”YellowmarockyHeshnboots，redeels，gooldspursandgooldtasselsasbiggasbelpulls。”Jackit——Frenchgrayandsilveroringefasings&cuphs，accordingtotheoldpatn；belt，greenandgoold，tightroundmypusn，&

settinhoffthecemetryofmyfiggarNOTDISADVINTAJUSLY。”Ahuzzapaleeseofpupplevelvit&sablefir。AsayberofDemaskussteal，andasabertash(inwhichIkepmyOdicloneandimbrideredpocketankercher)，kimpleatmyacooterments，which，withoutvannaty，was，Iflattermyself，UNEAK。”Butthecrowndingtriumphwasmyhat。IcouldntwearacockAt。

Thehuzzahsdontuse’em。IwouldntwearthehojousoldbrassElmet&Leppardskin。IchoasahatwhichisdeartothememryofheveryBrittn；anatwhichwasinwentedbymyFeeldMarshleandadordPrins；anAtwhichVULGARPREJIDIS&JOAKINGhasinvaneetemptedtorundown。IchosetheHALBERTAT。Ididn’ttellBareacresofthisegsabishnofloilty，intendingtoSURPRISEhim。

ThewhiteploomoftheWestDiddlesexYomingryIfixtonthetoppofthisShacko，whereitspreadhoutlikeashaving-brush。”Youmaybesurethatbeforthefatledayarrived，Ididntniglecttopractusmypartwell；andhadsevralREHUSTLES，astheysay。”Thiswastheway。Iusedtodressmyselfinmyfulltogs。ImadeFitzwarren，myboddyservnt，standatthedor，andfiggerastheLordinWaiting。IputMrs。Bloker，mylaundress，inmygrandharmchairtoreprasentthehorgustpusnofmySovring；Frederick，myseckndman，standingonherleft，inthehattatudeofanillustrusPrinsConsort。HalltheCandleswerelighted。’CaptaindelaPluche，presentedbyHerlBareacres，’Fitzwarren，myman，igsclaimed，asadwancingImadeobasinstotheThrown。Nealinononenee，IcastaglansofunhuttarableloiltytowardstheBritishCrownd，thensteppinggracefullyhup，(myDimascusSimiterWOULD

gitbetwigstmyligs，insodoink，whichatfustwaswerydisagreeble)——risinghupgrasefly，Isay，IflungalookofmanlybutrespeckflhommitchtordsmyPrins，andthenellygntlyritreatedbackardsoutoftheRoilPresents。Ikepmy4suvntshupfor4

hoursatthisgaymthenightbeforemypresntation，andyetIwasthefusttobehupwiththesunrice。ICOODNTsleepthatnight。

Byabowtsixo’clockinthemorningIwasdrestinmyfulluniform；

andIdidntknowhowtopasstheinterveaninghours。”’MyGranmotherhasntseenmeinfullphigg，’saysI。’Itwillrejoicethatporeoldsoletobeholdoneofherracesosuxesfleinlife。HasIavereadinthenovleof”Kennleworth，”thattheHerlgoesdowninCortdressandextoneshesHamyRobsart，IwillgodowninallmysplenderandastowndmyoldwashywomanofaGranmother。’

Tomakethisdetummination；tohordermyBroom；toknockdownFrederickthegroombfordelayingtobringit；waswithmethewuckofamomint。Thenextsorasgalliantacavyleerasheverrodeinacabb，skoweringtheroadtoHealing。”Iarrivedatthewell-knowncottitch。Myhunclewashabsentwiththecart；butthedorofthehumbleeboadstoodhopen，andIpassedthroughthelittlegardingwheretheclosewashangingouttodry。

Mysnowyploomwasableegedtobendunderthelowlyporch，asI

henteredtheapartmint。”Therewasasmellofteathere——there’salwaysasmellofteathere——theoldladywasatherBoheeasusual。Iadvancedtordsher；butha！phansymyextonishmentwhenIsorMaryHann！”Ihalmostfaintidwithhimotion。’Ho，Jeames！’(shehassaidtomesubsquintly)’mortialmannneverlookedsobewtifleasyoudidwhenyouarrivedonthedayoftheLevy。Youwerenolongermortial，youwerediwine！’”R！whatlittleJustasthehartisthasdonetomymannlyetractionsinthegrocecarriketurehe’smadeofme。”*

*Thisreferstoanillustratededitionofthework……”Nothing，perhaps，evercreatedsogreatasensashunasmyhentrancetoSt。Jeames’s，onthedayoftheLevy。TheTuckishHambasdorhimselfwasnotsomuchremarkedasmyshuperbturnout。”AsaMillentaryman，andaNorthDiddlesexHuzza，IwasresolvedtocometothegroundonHOSSBACK。IhadDesparationphigdoutasacharger，andgot4MelenterydressesfromOllywellStreet，inwhichIdrestmy2men(Fitzwarren，houtoflivry，woodntstandit，)and2fellersfromRimles，wheremyhossesstandatlivry。I

rodeupSt。Jeames’sStreet，withmy4Hadycongs——thepeoplehuzzaying——thegalswavingtheirhankerchers，asifIwereaForingPrins——hallthewinderscrowdidtoseemepass。”TheguardmusthavetakenmeforaHemproratleast，whenIcame，forthedrumsbeat，andtheguardturnedoutandselutedmewithpresentedharms。”Whatamominkoftriumthitwas！IsprungmyjesticklyfromDesperation。Igavtherainstooneofmyhorderlies，and，salewtingthecrowd，IpastintothepresntsofmyMostGraciousMrs。”You，peraps，mayigspectthatIshouldnarraitatlenththesuckmstanzasofmyhawjincewiththeBritishCrown。ButIamnotonewhowouldgratafyIMPUTTNINTCURAIOSATY。Rispectforourreckonizedinstatewtionsismyfustquallaty。I，forone，willdyerallyingroundmyThrown。”Suffiseittosay，whenIstoodintheHorgustPresnts，——whenI

sorontheright&ofmyHimperialSovringthatMostGraciousPrins，toadmirewombhasbeenthechiefObjickofmylife，mybusumwasseasedwithanimotiumwhichmyPennrifewsestodixcribe——mytremblingkneeshalmostrifusedtheirhoffis——I

recklecknothingmoruntilIwasfoundphaintingintheharmsoftheLordChamberling。SirRobertPealapndtobestandingby(I

knewourwuthyPrimmierbyPunch’spictursofhim，igspeciallyhisligs)，andhewasconwussingwithamanofwombIshallsaynothink，butthatheisaheroof100fites，ANDHEVERYFITEHEFIT

HEONE。NeadIsaythatIeludetoHarthurofWellingting？I

introjuicedmyselftotheseJents，andintendtoimprovetheequaintance，andperapsastGuvmintforaBarnetcy。”ButtherewasANOTHERpusnwombonthisdroring-roomIfusthadtheinagspressabledalitetobeold。ThiswasthatStaroffashing，thatSinecureofneighboringi’s，asMiltingobserves，theecomplishtLadyHangelinaThistlewood，daughterofmyexlentfrend，JohnGeorgeGodfreydeBullionThistlewood，EarlofBareacres，BaronSouthdown，inthePeeridgeoftheUnitedKingdom，BaronHaggismore，inScotland，K。T。，LordLeftnantoftheCountyofDiddlesex，&c。&c。ThisyoungladywaswithherNobleMa，whenI

waskinductedtordsher。Andsurelyneverlightedonthishearthamoredelightflevishn。InthatgallixyofBewtytheLadyHangelinawasthefairestStar——inthatreathofLovelinessthesweetestRosebud！PoreMaryHann，myArt’syoungaffeckshnshadbeensenterdonthee；butlikewaterthroughasivv，herimmidgedisappearedinamomink，andleftmeintransdinthepresntsofHangelina。”LadyBareacresmademeamyjestickbow——agrandandhawflepusnageherLadyshipis，withaRomingNose，andanenawmusploomofHostridgephethers；thefareHangelinasmiledwithasweetnessperficklybewhildring，andsaid，’O，Mr。DelaPluche，I’msodelightedtomakeyouracquaintance。Ihaveoftenheardofyou。’”’Who，’saysI，’hasmentionedmyinsiggnifickntigsistancetothefairLadyHangelina？kelbonureigstramepoormwaw！’(ForyouseeI’venotstuddied’Pelham’fornothink，andhaveluntafewFrenchphraces，withoutwhichnoGentoffashnspeaksnow。)”’O，’repliesmylady，’itwasPapafirst；andthenavery，VERY

oldfriendofyours。’”’Whosenameis，’saysI，pushtonbymystoopidcurawsaty——”’Hoggins——MaryAnnHoggins’——ansurredmylady(laffingphittosplittherlittlesides)。’Sheismymaid，Mr。DelaPluche，andI’mafraidyouareaverysad，sadperson。’”’Amerebaggytell，’saysI。’InfommerdaysIWASequaintedwiththatyoungwoman；buthalteredsuckmstancieshavesepparatedusforhever，andmongcureisirratreevablyperdewelsewhere。’”’Dotellmeallaboutit。Whoisit？Whenwasit？Wearealldyingtoknow。””’Sinceabouttwominnits，andtheLadysnamebeginswithaHA，’

saysI，lookinghertendarlyintheface，andconjringuphallthefassanationsofmysmile。”’Mr。DelaPluche，’heresaidagentlemaninwhiskersandmistashesstandingby，’hadn’tyoubettertakeyourspursoutoftheCountessofBareacres’train？’——’NevermindMamma’strain’

(saidLadyHangelina):’thisisthegreatMr。DelaPluche，whoistomakeallourfortunes——yourstoo。Mr。delaPluche，letmepresentyoutoCaptainGeorgeSilvertop，’——TheCaptingbentjustonejintofhisbackveryslitely；Iretundhisstarewithequillhottiness。’GoandseeforLadyBareacres’carridge，George，’sayshisLordship；andvisperstome，’acousinofours——apoorrelation。’SoItooknonotisofthefellerwhenhecameback，norinmysubsquintvisitstoHillStreet，whereitseemsaknifeandforkwaslaidreglarforthisshabbyCapting。””ThusdayNight——OHangelina，Hangelina，mypashnforyouhogmentsdaily！I’vebeanwithhertwotheHopra。IsentherabewtifleCamelliaJyponikyfromCovnGarding，witharequestshewouldwearitinherravingAir。Iwoaranotherinmybutnole。Evns，whatwasmysattusfackshnasIleanthoverherchair，andigsamminedthehousewithmyglas！”Shewasassulkyandsilentaspawsble，however——wouldscarcelyspeek；althoughIkijoledherwithathowsndlittleplesntries。I

sposeitwasbecausethatwulgarraskleSilvertopWOODstayinthebox。Asifhedidn’tknow(LadyB。’sasdeafasapoastandcountsfornothink)thatpeopleSOMETIMESlikeatatytaty。””Friday——Iwassleeplesallnight。Igavewenttomyfeelingsinthefolloringlines——there’sahairoutofBalfe’sHoperathatshe’sfondof。Iedaptedthemtothatmellady。”Shewasinthedroring-roomalonewithLadyB。ShewaswobblingatthepyannaasIhentered。Iflungtheconvasationuponmewsick；

saidIsungmyself(I’veadlesnslatelyofSignorTwankydillo)；

and，onherrekwestingmetofaverherwithsomethink，Ibustoutwithmypom:”’WHENMOONLIKEOERTHEHAZURESEAS。”’WhenmoonlikeorethehazureseasInsofteffulgenceswells，WhensilverjewsandbalmybreazeBenddowntheLily’sbells；

Whencalmanddeap，therosysleapHaslaptyoursoalindreems，RHangeline！Rladymine！

DostthourememberJeames？”’ImarktheeintheMarbleAll，WhereEnglandsloveliestshine——

IsaythefairestofthemhallIsLadyHangeline。

Mysoul，indesolateeclipse，Withrecollectionteems——

AndthenIhask，withweepinglipsDostthourememberJeames？”’Away！ImaynottelltheehallThissoughringheartendures——

Thereisalonelysperrit-callThatSorrownevercures；

Thereisalittle，littleStar，Thatstillabovemebeams；

ItistheStarofHope——butar！

DostthourememberJeames？’”WhenIcametothelastwords，’DostthourememberJe-e-e-ams？’I

threwsuchanigspresshnofunuttrabletendernissintotheshakeatthehend，thatHangelinacouldbareitnomore。Abustofuncumtrollableemotiumseizedher。Sheputherankerchertoherfaceandlefttheroom。Iheardherlaffingandsobbinghistericklyinthebedwor。”OHangelina——Myadordone，MyArtsjoy！”……”BAREACRES，me，theladiesofthefamly，withtheirsweetSouthdown，B’seldestson，andGeorgeSilvertop，theshabbyCapting(whoseemstogitleaffromhisridgmintwhenheverhelikes，)havebeenedownintoDiddlesexforafewdays，enjyingthespawtsofthefealdthere。”Neverhavingdonemuchinthegunningline(sincewhenahinnasentboy，meandJimCoxusedtogooutatHealing，andshootsparrersintheEdgeswithapistle)——Iwasreytherdowtfleastomysuxesasashot，andpractusdforsomedaysatastoughdbirdinashootinggallery，whichachaphistedupanddownwithastring。I

sugseadedinittingthehannimleprettywell。IboughtAwker’s’Shooting-Guide，’twodouble-gunsatMantings，andsalectedfromtheFrenchprintsoffashnthemostgawjusandellygantsporttingebillyment。Alitebluevelvetandgooldcap，woarverymuchononehear，acravattofyaller&greenimbroideredsatting，aweskitoftheMcGriggerplaid，&ajacketoftheMcWhirtertartn，(withlarge，motherapurlbutns，engravedwithcoaches&osses，andsportingsubjix，)highleathergayters，andmarockyshootingshoes，wasthesimplehellymenceofmycostewm，andIflattermyselfsethoffmyfiggerinraytherafayverableway。ItookdownnoneofmyownpusnalistablishmintexceptFitzwarren，myhonemann，andmygrooms，withDesparationandmycurricleosses，andtheFourgongcontainingmydressing-caseandclose。”IwasheverywhereintrojuicedinthecountyasthegreatRailroadCappitlist，whowastomakeDiddlesexthemostprawsperousdistrickofthehempire。Thesquiresprestforrardstowelcomethenewcomeramongst’em；andwehadaHagriculturalMeatingoftheBareacrestenantry，whereImadeaspeechdroringtearsfromheaveryi。Itwasincomplimenttoalayborerwhohadbroughtupsixteenchildren，andlivedsixtyyearsontheistateonsevenbobbaweek。Iamnotprowd，thoughIknowmystation。Ishookhandswiththatmanninlavinderkiddgloves。Itoldhimthatthepurshuitofhagriculturewosthenoblisthockupationsofhumannaty:

IspokeoftheyomingofHengland，who(underthecommandofmyhancisters)hadconqueredatHadjincourt&Cressy；andIgavehimapairofnewvelveteeninagspressables，withtwoandsixineachpocket，asarewardforthreescoreyearsoflabor。Fitzwarren，myman，broughtthemforrardsonasattingcushing。HasIsatdowndefningchearsselewtedthehorator；thebandstruckup’TheGoodOldEnglishGentleman。’Ilookedtotheladiesgalry；myHangelinawaivedherankasherandkissdher&；andIsorinthedistansthatporeMaryHannefectedevidentlytotearsbymyellaquints。””Whatanadwancethatgalhasmadesinceshe’sbeeninLadyHangelina’scompany！Sinsshewearsheryounglady’sigsplodedgowndsandretiredcapsandribbings，there’sanellyganceabowtherwhichispufficklyadmarable；andwhich，haddidtoherownnatralbewty&sweetniss，createsinmyboozumsertingsensatiums……

Shor！IMUSTN’Tgivewaytofealinxunwuthyofamemberofthearistoxy。Whatcanshebetomebutamearrecklection——avishnofformerears？”I’mblestifIdidnmistakeherforHangelinaherselfyesterday。

ImetherinthegrandCollydoreofBareacresCastle。Isoraladyinamelumcollyhattatudegacingoutawinderatthesettingsun，whichwaseluminatingthefairparxandgardingsoftheancientdemean。”’BewchusLadyHangelina，’saysI——’ApennyforyourLadyship’sthought，’saysI。”’Ho，Jeames！Ho，Mr。DelaPluche！’hanseredawell-knownvice，withahaxntofsadniswhichwenttomyart。’YOUknowwhatmythoughtsare，wellenough。Iwasthinkingofhappy，happyoldtimes，whenbothofuswerepoo——poo——oor，’saysMaryHann，bustingoutinaphitofcrying，athingIcan’tebide。Itookherandtriedtocumfther:Ipintedoutthediffrentsofoursitawashns；

igsplainedtoherthatproppatyhasitsjewtiesaswellasitspreviletches，andthatMYjutyclearlywastomarryintoanoblefamly。Ikepontalkingtoher(shesobbingandgoinghonhallthetime)tillLadyHangelinaherselfcameup——’TherealSimingPewer，’

astheysayintheplay。”Theretheystoodtogether——themtwoyoungwomen。Idon’tknowwhichistheansamest。Icoodnhelpcomparingthem；andIcoodnthelpcomparingmyselftoacertingHannimleI’vereadof，thatfounditdifficklttomakeachoicebetwigst2BundlesofA。””ThatungratefulbeestFitzwarren——myoanman——afellerI’vemaidafortunefor——afellerIgive100lb。perhannumto！——alowbredWallydyshamber！HEmustbethinkingoffallinginlovetoo！andtreatingmetohisimperence。”He’sagreatbigathlaticfeller——sixfooti，withapairofblackwhiskerslikeair-brushes——withalookofaColonelintheharmy——adangerouspawmpus-spokenraskleIwarruntyou。Iwascomingomefromshuitingthishafternoon——andpassingthroughLadyHangelina’sflour-garding，whoshouldIseeinthesummerouse，butMaryHannpretendingtoemanankyshrandMr。Fitzwarrenpayinghiscorttoher？”’Youmayaswellhaveme，MaryHann，’sayshe。’I’vesavedmoney。

We’lltakeapublic-houseandI’llmakealadyofyou。I’mnotapurse-proudungratefulfellowlikeJeames——who’ssuchasnob(’suchaSNOB’washisverywords！)thatI’mashamedtowaitonhim——who’sthelaughingstockofallthegentryandthehousekeeper’sroomtoo——tryaMAN，’sayshe——’don’tbetakingonaboutsuchahumbugasJeames。’”HereyoungJoethekeaper’ssun，whowascarryingmybagg，bustoutalaffingtherebycausingMr。Fitwarrentoturnroundandintaruptthispoliteconvasation。”Iwasinsucharayge。’Quitthebuilding，MaryHann，’saysItotheyoungwoman——andyou，Mr。Fitzwarren，havethegoodnesstoremain。’”’Igiveyouwarning，’roarshe，lookingblack，blue，yaller——allthecolorsoftheranebo。”’Takeoffyourcoat，youimperent，hungratefulscoundrl，’saysI。”’It’snotyourlivery，’sayshe。”’Perapsyou’llunderstandme，whenItakeoffmyown，’saysI，unbuttoningthemotherapurlsoftheMacWhirtertartn。’Takemyjackit，Joe，’saysItotheboy，——andputmyselfinahattitudeaboutwhichtherewasNOMISTAYK……”He’s2stoneheavierthanme——andknowstheuseofhisandsaswellasmostmen；butinafite，BLOOD’SEVERYTHINK:theSnobbcan’tstandbeforethegentleman；andIshouldhavekilledhim，I’velittledoubt，buttheycameandstoptthefitebetwigstusbeforewe’dhadmorethan2rounds。”Ipunishttheraskletremenjuslyinthattime，though；andI’mwritingthisinmyownsittn-room，notbeingabletocomedowntodinneronaccountofablack-eyeI’vegot，whichissweldupanddisfiggrsmedreadfl。””OnaccountofthehoffleblackiwhichIreseavedinmyrangcounterwiththehinfimusFitzwarren，Ikepmyroombforsevraldays，withtherose-coloredcurtingsoftheapartmintclosed，soastoformanagreeabletwilike；andalight-bloosattinshaydovertheinjardpheacher。Mywoonswasthusmadetobecomemeasmuchaspawsable；

and(hasthePoickwellobserves’NunbuttheBrayvdesuvstheFare’)Icumsoledmyselfinthesasiatyoftheladiesformytemporydisfiggarment。”ItwasMaryHannwhosummindtheHouseandputanendtomyphisticoughswithFitzwarren。Ilickedhimandbarehimnomallis:

butofcorseIdismisttheimperentscoundrillfrommysuvvis，apintingAdolphus，mypage，tohispostofconfidenshleValley。”MaryHannandheryoungandlovelyMrs。keppayingmecontinyoulvisitsduringmyretiremint。LadyHangelinawashalwayssendingmemessidgesbyher:whilemyexlentfriend，LadyBareacres(onthecontry)wasalwayssendingmetoaknsofaffeckshnbyHangelina。

Nowitwasacoolinhi-lotium，inwentedbyherself，thatherLadyshipwouldperscribe——then，agin，itwouldbeabookyofflowers(myfavritpollyhanthuses，pellagoniums，andjyponikys)，whichnonebutthefair&sofHangelinacoulddisposeaboutthechamberofthehinvyleed。Ho！thosedearmothers！whentheywishtofindachansforagalliantyoungfeller，ortoixtablishtheirdeargalsinlife，whatawpertunitiestheyWILLgiveaman！You’dhavephansiedIwassohill(onaccountofmyblackhi)，thatI

couldntliveexsepuponchickingandspoon-meat，andjellies，andblemonges，andthatIcoudnteatthelatterdellixies(whichI

ebomminateonternoo，prefurringacutofbeaformuttntohallthekickpshawsofFrance)，unlessHangelinabroughtthem。Iet’em，andsacrafisedmyselfforherdearsayk。”ImaystaytherethatinprivitconvasationswitholdLordB。andhisson，IhadmaydmyproposalsforHangelina，andwasaxepted，andhopedsoontobemadetheappiestgentinHengland。”’Youmustbreakthemattergentlytoher，’saidherhexlentfather。’Youhavemywarmestwishes，mydearMr。DelaPluche，andthoseofmyLadyBareacres；butIamnot——notquitecertainaboutLadyAngelina’sfeelings。Girlsarewildandromantic。Theydonotseethenecessityofprudentestablishments，andIhaveneveryetbeenabletomakeAngelinaunderstandtheembarrassmentsofherfamily。Thesesillycreaturesprateaboutloveandacottage，anddespiseadvantageswhichwiserheadsthantheirsknowhowtoestimate。’”’Doyoumeanthatsheaintfassanatedbyme？’saysI，burstingoutatthisoutrayjusideer。”’SheWILLbe，mydearsir。Youhavealreadypleasedher，——youradmirablemannersmustsucceedincaptivatingher，andafondfather’swisheswillbecrownedonthedayinwhichyouenterourfamily。’”’Recklect，gents，’saysItothe2lords，——’abarging’sabarging——

I’llpayhoffSouthdown’sJews，whenI’mhisbrother。AsaSTRAYNGER’——(thisIsaidinasarcastickletoan)——’Iwouldn’ttakesuchaLIBBATY。WhenI’myoursuninlorI’lltreblethevalyouofyourestayt。I’llmakeyourincumbrincesasrightasatrivit，andrestortheouseofBareacrestoitsherlysplender。ButapiginapoakisnotthewayoftransactingbisnissimployedbyJeamesDelaPluche，Esquire。’”AndIhadarighttospeakinthisway。Iwasoneofthegreatestscrip-holdersinHengland；andcalclatedonakilosslefortune。

Allmyshareswasrisingimmence。EverypoastbrotmenoosethatI

wassevralthowsandsricherthanthedaybefor。Iwasdetummindnottoreerlizetillthepropertime，andthentobuyistates；tofoundanewfamilyofDelapluches，andtoaliemyselfwiththearistoxyofmycountry。”ThesepintsIreprasentedtoporeMaryHannhoverandhoveragin。

’Ifyou’dbeenLadyHangelina，mydeargal，’saysI，’Iwouldhavemarriedyou:andwhydon’tI？Becausemydootyprewentsme。I’mamartertodooty；andyou，myporegal，mustcumsoleyorselfwiththatideer。’”Thereseemedtobeaconsperracy，too，betweenthatSilvertopandLadyHangelinatodrivemetothesamepint。’Whatapluckyfellowyouwere，Pluche，’sayshe(hewasraythermorefamiliarthanI

liked)，’inyourfightwithFitzwarren——toengageamanoftwiceyourstrengthandscience，thoughyouweresuretobebeaten’(thisisanetroashousfolsood:IshouldhavefinnishtFitzin10

minnits)，’forthesakeofpoorMaryHann！That’sagenerousfellow。Iliketoseeamanrisentoeminencelikeyou，havinghisheartintherightplace。Whenistobethemarriage，myboy？’”’CaptingS。’saysI，’mymarridgeconsunnsyourmostumbleservntaprecioussightmorethanyou；’——andIgevhimtounderstandI

didn’twanthimtoputinHISore——Iwasn’tafraydofhiswhiskers，Iprommisyou，Captingashewas。I’maBritishLion，IamasbrayvasBonypert，Hannible，orHoliverCrummle，andwouldfacebagnitsaswellasanyEvydrigoonof’emall。”LadyHangelina，too，igspawstulatedinherhartflway。’Mr。DelaPluche(seshee)，why，whypressthispoint？Youcan’tsupposethatyouwillbehappywithapersonlikeme？’”’Iadoaryou，charminggal！’saysI。’Never，nevergotosayanysuchthing。’”’YouadoredMaryAnnfirst，’answersherladyship；’youcan’tkeepyoureyesoffhernow。Ifanymancourtsheryougrowsojealousthatyoubeginbeatinghim。Youwillbreakthegirl’sheartifyoudon’tmarryher，andperhapssomeoneelse’s——butyoudon’tmindTHAT。’”’Breakyours，youadoariblecreature！I’ddiefirst！AndasforMaryHann，shewillgitoverit；people’sartsaintbroaknsoeasy。

Onceforall，suckmstancesischangedbetwigstmeander。It’sapangtopartwithher’(saysI，myfinehi’sfillingwithtears)，’butpartfromherImust。’”Itwascuriustoremarkabowtthatsinglargal，LadyHangelina，thatmelumcollyasshewaswhenshewastalkingtome，andeversodisml——yetshekeponlaffingeveryminutelikethejuiceandall。”’Whatasacrifice！’saysshe；’it’slikeNapoleongivingupJosephine。Whatanguishitmustcausetoyoursusceptibleheart！’”’Itdoes，’saysI——’Hagnies！’(Anotherlaff。)”’Andif——ifIdon’tacceptyou——youwillinvadetheStatesoftheEmperor，mypapa，andIamtobemadethesacrificeandtheoccasionofpeacebetweenyou！’”’Idon’tknowwhatyou’reeludingtoaboutJoseyfeenandHemperorsyourPas；butIknowthatyourPa’sestateisoverhedaneersmorgidged；thatifsomeonedon’telphim，he’snobetterthananoldpawper；thatheowesmealotofmoney；andthatI’mthemanthatcansellhimuphoss&foot；orsethimupagen——THAT’SwhatI

know，LadyHangelina，’saysI，withahairasmuchastosay，’PutTHATinyourladyship’spipeandsmokeit。’”AndsoIlefther，andnexdayasertingfashnablepaperenounced——”’MARRIAGEINHIGHLIFE——WehearthatamatrimonialunionisonthetapisbetweenagentlemanwhohasmadeacolossalfortuneintheRailwayWorld，andtheonlydaughterofanobleearl，whoseestatesaresituatedinD-ddles-x。Anearlydayisfixedforthisinterestingevent。’””Contrytomyexpigtations(butwhenorowcanwerecknuponthefealinxofwimming？)MaryHanndidn’tseemtobemuchefectedbythehideerofmymarridgewithHangelinar。Iwasraytherdisapintedperapsthatthefickleyounggalreckumsiledherselfsoeasytogivemehup，forweGentsarecreechersofvannatyafterall，aswellasthoseofthehopsitsecks；andbetwigstyouandmethereWASmominx，whenIalmostwishtthatI’dbeenborneaMyommidnorTurk，whentheLorwouldhavepermittedmetomarryboththesesweetbeinx，wherehasIwasnowcondemdtobeappywithonyone。”Meanwildeverythinkwentonveryagreeablebetwigstmeandmydefiancedbride。WhenwecamebacktotownIkemishndMr。ShowerythegreatHoctioneartolookoutforatownmaushingsootableforagentofmyqualaty。IgotfromtheEraldHoffis(nottheMawningErald——no，no，I’mnotsuchaMoughastogoTHEREforackritinfamation)anaccountofmyfamly，myharmsandpedigry。”IhorderedinLongHacre，threesplendidequipidges，onwhichmyarmsandmyadordwife’swasdrawn&quartered；andIgotportricksofmeandherpayntedbythesellabratedMr。Shalloon，beingresolvedtobethegentlemaninallthings，andknowingthatmycharacterasamanoffashnwasn’tcompleatunlessIsattothatdixtinguishedHartist。MylikenisIpresentedtoHangelina。It’snotconsideredflattring——andthoughSHEpartedwithit，asyouwillhear，mightywillingly，there’sONEyounglady(athousandtimeshandsomer)thatvaluesitasthehappleofherhi。”Wouldanymanbeleavethatthispicturewassoaldatmysaleforaboutatwenty-fifthpartofwhatitcostme？ItwasboughtinbyMaryhann，though:’OdearJeames，’saysshe，often(kissingofit&

pressingittoherart)，’itisn’tansumenoughforyou，andhasn’tgotyourangellicksmileandtheigspreshnofyourdeardeari’s。’”Hangelina’spicturwaskindlypresentedtomebyCountessB。，hermamma，thoughofcoarseIpaidforit。Itwasengravedforthe’BookofBewty’thesameyear。”WithsuchaperfusionofringlitsIshouldscarcelyhaveknownher——buttheands，feat，andi’s，wasverylike。Shewaspaintedinagitarsupposedtobesingingoneofmylittlemelladies；andherbrotherSouthdown，whoisoneoftheNewEnglandpoits，wrotethefolleringstanzysabouther:——”LINESUPONMYSISTER’SPORTRAIT。”BYTHELORDSOUTHDOWN。”ThecastletowersofBareacresarefairuponthelea，WherethecliffsofbonnyDiddlesexriseupfromoutthesea:

Istooduponthedonjonkeepandview’dthecountryo’er，IsawthelandsofBareacresforfiftymilesormore。

Istooduponthedonjonkeep——itisasacredplace，——

Wherefloatedforeighthundredyearsthebannerofmyrace；

Argent，adextersinople，andgulesanazurefield，Therene’erwasnoblercognizanceonknightlywarrior’sshield。”ThefirsttimeEnglandsawtheshield’twasroundaNormanneck，OnboardashipfromValery，KingWilliamwasondeck。

ANormanlancethecolorswore，inHastings’fatalfray——

St。WillibaldforBareacres！’twasdoublegulesthatday！

OHeavenandsweetSt。Willibald！inmanyabattlesinceAloyal-heartedBareacreshasriddenbyhisPrince！

AtAcrewithPlantagenet，withEdwardatPoitiers，ThepennonoftheBareacreswasforemostonthespears！”’Twaspleasantinthebattle-shocktohearourwar-cryringing:

Ograntme，sweetSt。Willibald，tolistentosuchsinging！

Threehundredsteel-cladgentlemen，wedrovethefoebeforeus，AndthirtyscoreofBritishbowskepttwangingtothechorus！

Oknights，mynobleancestors！andshallIneverhearSaintWillibaldforBareacresthroughbattleringingclear？

I’dcutmeoffthisstrongrighthandasinglehourtoride，AndstrikeablowforBareacres，myfathers，atyourside！”Dashdown，dashdown，yonMandolin，belovedsistermine！

Thoseblushinglipsmayneversingthegloriesofourline:

Ourancientcastlesechototheclumsyfeetofchurls，ThespinningJennyhousesinthemansionofourEarls。

Singnot，singnot，myAngeline！indayssobaseandvile，’Tweresinfultobehappy，’tweresacrilegetosmile。

I’llhiemetomylonelyhall，andbyitscheerlesshobI’llmuseonotherdays，andwish——andwishIwere——ASNOB。””AllyoungHengland，I’mtold，considersthepoimbewtifle。

They’realwayswritingaboutbattleaxisandshivvlery，theseyoungchaps；buttheideerofSouthdowninashootofarmer，andhiscuttinhoffhis’strongrighthand，’israythertoogood；thefellerisabout5fithi，——asrickettyasababby，withavaistlikeagal；andthoughhemayhavetheartandcurridgeofaBengaltyger，I’dbackmysmallestcab-boytolickhim，——thatis，ifIAD

acab-boy。Butio！MYcab-daysisover。”BestillmyhagnizingArt！InowamabouttohunfoaldthedarkpaygesoftheIstryofmylife！””Myfriends！you’veseenmeither2inthefullkerearofFortn，prawsprusbutnothoverprowdofmyprawsperraty；notdizzythoughmountedonthehaypixofGoodLuck——feastinghallthegreat(liketheGoodOldHenglishGentinthesong，whichhehasbeenmymoddleandigsamplethroughlife)，butnotforgittingthesmall——No，mybeayviortomygranmotheratHealingshowsthat。Ibotheranewdonkeycart(whattheFrenchcallacart-blansh)andahandsomesetofpeggsforangingupherlinning，andtreatedHuncleBilltoanewshootofclose，whichheorderedinSt。Jeames’sStreet，muchtotheestonishmentofmySnyderthere，namelyanolliffgreenvelvyteenjackitandsmalclose，andacrimsnplushweskoatwithglas-buttns。ThesepintsofgenarawsatyinmydisposishnInevershouldhaveeludedto，buttoshowthatIamnaturallyofanoblesort，andhavethatkindofgalliantcarridgewhichisequeltoeithergoodorbadforting。”Whatwasthesubstnsofmylastchapter？Inthateverythinkwasprepayredformymarridge——theconsentoftheparentsofmyHangelinawasgaynd，thelovelygalherselfwasready(asI

thought)tobeledtoHiming’shalter——thetroosowashordered——theweddingdressiswerebeingphittedhon——aweddinkakeweighinghalfatunnwasagettnreddybyMesursGunterofBuckleySquare；therewassuchanaccountforShantillyandHonitonlacesaswouldhavestaggerdhennyboddy(IknowtheydidtheCommissionerwhenIcamehupformyStiffikit)，andhasforInjar-shawlsIbawtadozensichfineonesasneverwasgivenaway——nonotbyHissInesstheInjanPrinsJuggernautTygore。Thejuils(apearlanddimindshoot)werefromtheestablishmintofMysursStorrandMortimer。Thehoney-

moonIintendedtopassinacontinentleexcussion，andwasintreatyfortheouseatHalberd-gate(hopsitMr。Hudson’s)asmytown-house。IwaitedtocumcludetheputchisuntletheShare-

Markitwhichwasraytherdeprest(oingIthinknotsomuchtotheataxofthemisrableTimesastotheprodidjusflamsoftheMorningErald)wasrestoredtoitselthytoan。Iwasn’tgointopartwithscripwhichwas20primmiumat2or3:andbeinconfidntthattheMarkitwouldrally，hadboughtverylargelyforthetwoorthreenewaccounts。”ThiswillexplanetothoseunfortnighttraydsmentowombIgayvordersforalargeigstentowitwasthatIcouldn’tpaytheiraccounts。Iamthesoalofonour——butnogentcanpaywhenhehasnomoney——it’snotMYfaultifthatoldscrewLadyBareacrescabbidgedthreehundredyardsoflace，andkepback4ofthebiggestdimindsandsevenofthelargistInjarShawls——it’snotMY

faultifthetradespeopledidngittheirgoodsback，andthatLadyB。declaredtheywereLOST。Ibegantheworldafreshwiththecloseonmyback，andthirteenandsixinmoney，concealingnothink，givingupheverythink，Onistandundismayed，andthoughbeat，withpluckinmestill，andreadytobeginagin。”Well——itwasthedaybeforethatapintedformyUnium。The’Ringdove’steamerwaslyingatDoverreadytocarryushoff。TheBridleapartmincehadbeenhorderedatSaltHill，andsubsquintlyatBalongsurMare——theverytableclothwaslaidfortheweddnbrexfstinIllStreet，andtheBride’sRightReverendHuncle，theLordBishopofBullocksmithy，hadarrivedtosellabraytourunium。

Allthepaperswerefullofit。Crowdsofthefashnableworldwenttoseethetrooso，andadmiretheCarridgesinLongHacre。Ourtravlengcharrat(lightbloolinedwithpinksatting，andvermilliumandgooldweals)wasthehadmarationofallforquietellygns。Weweretotravelonly4，viz。me，mylady，myvally，andMaryHannasfamdyshambertomyHangelina。Farfromoposingourmatch，thisworthygalhadquitegivnintoitoflate，andlaughtandjoakt，andenjoydourplansforthefewterigseedinkly。”I’dleftmylovelyBrideverygaythenightbefore——avingamultachewdofbisnisson，andStockbrokers’andbankers’accountstosettle:atsettreyatsettrey。ItwaslaytbeforeIgottheseinhorder:mysleapwasfeavrish，asmostmensiswhentheyaregoingtobemarridortobehanged。Itookmychocklitinbedaboutone:

trideonmyweddingclose，andfoundasushlethattheybecamemeexeedingly。”Onethingdistubbedmymind——twowesktshadbeensenthome。A

blush-whitesattingandgold，andakinarycoloredtabbinetimbrideredinsilver:whichshouldIwearonthehospiciousday？

Thishadgitatedandperplextmeagooddeal。IdetumminedtogodowntoHillStreetandcumsulttheLadywhosewishiswerehenceforthtobemyHALLINALL；andwearwhicheverSHEphixton。