第4章

Forthemostpartthesurfaceofthehillswasnaked-dryandcomposedofsandandrock。Ourwayfollowedthesand-bottomsbetweenthehills。Andthesand-bottomswerebare，saveforspotsofscrub，withhereandthereshorttuftsofdryandwitheredgrass。

Watertherewasnone，norsignofwater，exceptforwashedgulliesthattoldofancientandtorrentialrains。

Myfatherwastheonlyonewhohadhorsestohiswagon。Thewagonswentinsinglefile，andasthetrainwoundandcurvedIsawthattheotherwagonsweredrawnbyoxen。Threeorfouryokeofoxenstrainedandpulledweaklyateachwagon，andbesidethem，inthedeepsand，walkedmenwithox-goads，whoproddedtheunwillingbeastsalong。OnacurveIcountedthewagonsaheadandbehind。I

knewthattherewerefortyofthem，includingourown；foroftenI

hadcountedthembefore。AndasIcountedthemnow，asachildwilltowhileawaytedium，theywereallthere，fortyofthem，allcanvas-topped，bigandmassive，crudelyfashioned，pitchingandlurching，grindingandjarringoversandandsage-brushandrock。

Torightandleftofus，scatteredalongthetrain，rodeadozenorfifteenmenandyouthsonhorses。Acrosstheirpommelswerelong-

barrelledrifles。WheneveranyofthemdrewneartoourwagonI

couldseethattheirfaces，underthedust，weredrawnandanxiouslikemyfather’s。Andmyfather，likethem，hadalong-barrelledrifleclosetohandashedrove。

Also，tooneside，limpedascoreormoreoffoot-sore，yoke-galled，skeletonoxen，thateverpausedtonipattheoccasionaltuftsofwitheredgrass，andthateverwereproddedonbythetired-facedyouthswhoherdedthem。Sometimesoneoranotheroftheseoxenwouldpauseandlow，andsuchlowingseemedasominousasallelseaboutme。

Far，farawayIhaveamemoryofhavinglived，asmallerlad，bythetree-linedbanksofastream。Andasthewagonjoltsalong，andI

swayontheseatwithmyfather，Icontinuallyreturnanddwelluponthatpleasantwaterflowingbetweenthetrees。IhaveasensethatforaninterminableperiodIhavelivedinawagonandtravelledon，everon，withthispresentcompany。

Butstrongestofalluponmeiswhatisstronguponallthecompany，namely，asenseofdriftingtodoom。Ourwaywaslikeafuneralmarch。Neverdidalaugharise。NeverdidIhearahappytoneofvoice。Neitherpeacenoreasemarchedwithus。Thefacesofthemenandyouthswhooutrodethetrainweregrim，set，hopeless。AndaswetoiledthroughtheluriddustofsunsetoftenIscannedmyfather’sfaceinvainquestofsomemessageofcheer。Iwillnotsaythatmyfather’sface，inallitsdustyhaggardness，washopeless。Itwasdogged，andoh！sogrimandanxious，mostanxious。

Athrillseemedtorunalongthetrain。Myfather’sheadwentup。

Sodidmine。Andourhorsesraisedtheirwearyheads，scentedtheairwithlong-drawnsnorts，andforthenoncepulledwillingly。Thehorsesoftheoutridersquickenedtheirpace。Andasfortheherdofscarecrowoxen，itbrokeintoaforthrightgallop。Itwasalmostludicrous。Thepoorbrutesweresoclumsyintheirweaknessandhaste。Theyweregallopingskeletonsdrapedinmangyhide，andtheyout-distancedtheboyswhoherdedthem。Butthiswasonlyforatime。Thentheyfellbacktoawalk，aquick，eager，shambling，sore-footedwalk；andtheynolongerwereluredasidebythedrybunch-grass。

"Whatisit？"mymotheraskedfromwithinthewagon。

"Water，"wasmyfather’sreply。"ItmustbeNephi。"

Andmymother:"ThankGod！Andperhapstheywillsellusfood。"

AndintoNephi，throughblood-reddust，withgrindandgrateandjoltandjar，ourgreatwagonsrolled。Adozenscattereddwellingsorshantiescomposedtheplace。Thelandscapewasmuchthesameasthatthroughwhichwehadpassed。Therewerenotrees，onlyscrubgrowthsandsandybareness。Buthereweresignsoftilledfields，withhereandthereafence。Alsotherewaswater。Downthestreamrannocurrent。Thebed，however，wasdamp，withnowandagainawater-holeintowhichthelooseoxenandthesaddle-horsesstampedandplungedtheirmuzzlestotheeyes。Here，too，grewanoccasionalsmallwillow。

"ThatmustbeBillBlack’smilltheytoldusabout，"myfathersaid，pointingoutabuildingtomymother，whoseanxiousnesshaddrawnhertopeeroutoverourshoulders。

Anoldman，withbuckskinshirtandlong，matted，sunburnthair，rodebacktoourwagonandtalkedwithfather。Thesignalwasgiven，andtheheadwagonsofthetrainbegantodeployinacircle。

Thegroundfavouredtheevolution，and，fromlongpractice，itwasaccomplishedwithoutahitch，sothatwhenthefortywagonswerefinallyhaltedtheyformedacircle。Allwasbustleandorderlyconfusion。Manywomen，alltired-facedanddustylikemymother，emergedfromthewagons。Alsopouredforthaveryhordeofchildren。Theremusthavebeenatleastfiftychildren，anditseemedIknewthemalloflongtime；andtherewereatleasttwoscoreofwomen。Thesewentaboutthepreparationsforcookingsupper。

Whilesomeofthemenchoppedsage-brushandwechildrencarriedittothefiresthatwerekindling，othermenunyokedtheoxenandletthemstampedeforwater。Nextthemen，inbigsquads，movedthewagonssnuglyintoplace。Thetongueofeachwagonwasontheinsideofthecircle，and，frontandrear，eachwagonwasinsolidcontactwiththenextwagonbeforeandbehind。Thegreatbrakeswerelockedfast；but，notcontentwiththis，thewheelsofallthewagonswereconnectedwithchains。Thiswasnothingnewtouschildren。Itwasthetroublesignofacampinhostilecountry。

Onewagononlywasleftoutofthecircle，soastoformagatetothecorral。Lateron，asweknew，erethecampslept，theanimalswouldbedriveninside，andthegate-wagonwouldbechainedliketheothersinplace。Inthemeanwhile，andforhours，theanimalswouldbeherdedbymenandboystowhatscantgrasstheycouldfind。

Whilethecamp-makingwentonmyfather，withseveralothersofthemen，includingtheoldmanwiththelong，sunburnthair，wentawayonfootinthedirectionofthemill。Irememberthatallofus，men，women，andeventhechildren，pausedtowatchthemdepart；anditseemedtheirerrandwasofgraveimport。

Whiletheywereawayothermen，strangers，inhabitantsofdesertNephi，cameintocampandstalkedabout。Theywerewhitemen，likeus，buttheywerehard-faced，stern-faced，sombre，andtheyseemedangrywithallourcompany。Badfeelingwasintheair，andtheysaidthingscalculatedtorousethetempersofourmen。Butthewarningwentoutfromthewomen，andwaspassedoneverywheretoourmenandyouths，thattheremustbenowords。

Oneofthestrangerscametoourfire，wheremymotherwasalone，cooking。Ihadjustcomeupwithanarmfulofsage-brush，andI

stoppedtolistenandtostareattheintruder，whomIhated，becauseitwasintheairtohate，becauseIknewthateverylastpersoninourcompanyhatedthesestrangerswhowerewhite-skinnedlikeusandbecauseofwhomwehadbeencompelledtomakeourcampinacircle。

Thisstrangeratourfirehadblueeyes，hardandcoldandpiercing。

Hishairwassandy。Hisfacewasshaventothechin，andfromunderthechin，coveringtheneckandextendingtotheears，sproutedasandyfringeofwhiskerswell-streakedwithgray。Motherdidnotgreethim，nordidhegreether。Hestoodandgloweredatherforsometime，heclearedhisthroatandsaidwithasneer:

"WishtyouwasbackinMissourirightnowIbet。"

Isawmothertightenherlipsinself-controleresheanswered:

"WearefromArkansas。"

"Iguessyougotgoodreasonstodenywhereyoucomefrom，"henextsaid，"youthatdrovetheLord’speoplefromMissouri。"

Mothermadenoreply。

"……Seein’，"hewenton，afterthepauseaccordedher，"asyou’renowcomin’a-whinin’an’a-beggin’breadatourhandsthatyoupersecuted。"

Whereupon，andinstantly，childthatIwas，Iknewanger，theold，red，intolerantwrath，everunrestrainableandunsubduable。

"Youlie！"Ipipedup。"Weain’tMissourians。Weain’twhinin’。

An’weain’tbeggars。Wegotthemoneytobuy。"

"Shutup，Jesse！"mymothercried，landingthebackofherhandstinginglyonmymouth。Andthen，tothestranger，"Goawayandlettheboyalone。"

"I’llshootyoufulloflead，youdamnedMormon！"Iscreamedandsobbedathim，tooquickformymotherthistime，anddancingawayaroundthefirefromtheback-sweepofherhand。

Asforthemanhimself，myconducthadnotdisturbedhimintheslightest。IwaspreparedforIknewnotwhatviolentvisitationfromthisterriblestranger，andIwatchedhimwarilywhileheconsideredmewiththeutmostgravity。

Atlasthespoke，andhespokesolemnly，withsolemnshakingofthehead，asifdeliveringajudgment。

"Likefatherslikesons，"hesaid。"Theyounggenerationisasbadastheelder。Thewholebreedisunregenerateanddamned。Thereisnosavingit，theyoungortheold。Thereisnoatonement。NoteventhebloodofChristcanwipeoutitsiniquities。"

"DamnedMormon！"wasallIcouldsobathim。"DamnedMormon！

DamnedMormon！DamnedMormon！"

AndIcontinuedtodamnhimandtodancearoundthefirebeforemymother’savenginghand，untilhestrodeaway。

Whenmyfather，andthemenwhohadaccompaniedhim，returned，camp-

workceased，whileallcrowdedanxiouslyabouthim。Heshookhishead。

"Theywillnotsell？"somewomandemanded。

Againheshookhishead。

Amanspokeup，ablue-eyed，blond-whiskeredgiantofthirty，whoabruptlypressedhiswayintothecentreofthecrowd。

"Theysaytheyhaveflourandprovisionsforthreeyears，Captain，"

hesaid。"Theyhavealwayssoldtotheimmigrationbefore。Andnowtheywon’tsell。Anditain’tourquarrel。Theirquarrel’swiththegovernment，an’they’retakin’itoutonus。Itain’tright，Captain。Itain’tright，Isay，uswithourwomenan’children，an’

Californiamonthsaway，wintercomin’on，an’nothin’butdesertinbetween。Weain’tgotthegrubtofacethedesert。"

Hebrokeoffforamomenttoaddressthewholecrowd。

"Why，you-alldon’tknowwhatdesertis。Thisaroundhereain’tdesert。Itellyouit’sparadise，andheavenlypasture，an’flowin’

withmilkan’honeyalongsidewhatwe’regoin’toface。"

"Itellyou，Captain，wegottogetflourfirst。Iftheywon’tsellit，thenwemustjustupan’takeit。"

Manyofthemenandwomenbegancryingoutinapproval，butmyfatherhushedthembyholdinguphishand。

"Iagreewitheverythingyousay，Hamilton，"hebegan。

Butthecriesnowdrownedhisvoice，andheagainhelduphishand。

"Exceptonethingyouforgottotakeintoaccount，Hamilton——athingthatyouandallofusmusttakeintoaccount。BrighamYounghasdeclaredmartiallaw，andBrighamYounghasanarmy。WecouldwipeoutNephiintheshakeofalamb’stailandtakealltheprovisionswecancarry。Butwewouldn’tcarrythemveryfar。Brigham’sSaintswouldbedownuponusandwewouldbewipedoutinanothershakeofalamb’stail。Youknowit。Iknowit。Weallknowit。"

Hiswordscarriedconvictiontolistenersalreadyconvinced。Whathehadtoldthemwasoldnews。Theyhadmerelyforgottenitinaflurryofexcitementanddesperateneed。

"NobodywillfightquickerforwhatisrightthanIwill，"fathercontinued。"Butitjusthappenswecan’taffordtofightnow。Ifeveraructionstartswehaven’tachance。Andwe’veallgotourwomenandchildrentorecollect。We’vegottobepeaceableatanyprice，andputupwithwhateverdirtisheapedonus。"

"Butwhatwillwedowiththedesertcoming？"criedawomanwhonursedababeatherbreast。

"There’sseveralsettlementsbeforewecometothedesert，"fatheranswered。"Fillmore’ssixtymilessouth。ThencomesCornCreek。

AndBeaver’sanotherfiftymiles。NextisParowan。Thenit’stwentymilestoCedarCity。ThefartherwegetawayfromSaltLakethemorelikelythey’llsellusprovisions。"

"Andiftheywon’t？"thesamewomanpersisted。

"Thenwe’requitofthem，"saidmyfather。"CedarCityisthelastsettlement。We’llhavetogoon，that’sall，andthankourstarswearequitofthem。Twodays’journeybeyondisgoodpasture，andwater。TheycallitMountainMeadows。Nobodylivesthere，andthat’stheplacewe’llrestourcattleandfeedthemupbeforewetacklethedesert。Maybewecanshootsomemeat。Andiftheworstcomestotheworst，we’llkeepgoingaslongaswecan，thenabandonthewagons，packwhatwecanonouranimals，andmakethelaststagesonfoot。Wecaneatourcattleaswegoalong。ItwouldbebettertoarriveinCaliforniawithoutaragtoourbacksthantoleaveourboneshere；andleavethemwewillifwestartaruction。"

Withfinalreiteratedwarningsagainstviolenceofspeechoract，theimpromptumeetingbrokeup。Iwasslowinfallingasleepthatnight。MyrageagainsttheMormonhadleftmybraininsuchatinglethatIwasstillawakewhenmyfathercrawledintothewagonafteralastroundofthenight-watch。TheythoughtIslept，butI

heardmotheraskhimifhethoughtthattheMormonswouldletusdepartpeacefullyfromtheirland。Hisfacewasturnedasidefromherashebusiedhimselfwithpullingoffaboot，whileheansweredherwithheartyconfidencethathewassuretheMormonswouldletusgoifnoneofourowncompanystartedtrouble。

ButIsawhisfaceatthatmomentinthelightofasmalltallowdip，andinitwasnoneoftheconfidencethatwasinhisvoice。SoitwasthatIfellasleep，oppressedbythedirefatethatseemedtooverhangus，andponderinguponBrighamYoungwhobulkedinmychildimaginationasafearful，malignantbeing，averydevilwithhornsandtailandall。

AndIawoketotheoldpainofthejacketinsolitary。Aboutmewerethecustomaryfour:WardenAtherton，CaptainJamie，DoctorJackson，andAlHutchins。Icrackedmyfacewithmywilledsmile，andstrugglednottolosecontrolundertheexquisitetormentofreturningcirculation。Idrankthewatertheyheldtome，wavedasidetheprofferedbread，andrefusedtospeak。Iclosedmyeyesandstrovetowinbacktothechain-lockedwagon-circleatNephi。

ButsolongasmyvisitorsstoodaboutmeandtalkedIcouldnotescape。

OnesnatchofconversationIcouldnottearmyselfawayfromhearing。

"Justasyesterday，"DoctorJacksonsaid。"Nochangeonewayortheother。"

"Thenhecangoonstandingit？"WardenAthertonqueried。

"Withoutaquiver。Thenexttwenty-fourhoursaseasyasthelast。

He’sawooz，Itellyou，aperfectwooz。IfIdidn’tknowitwasimpossible，I’dsayhewasdoped。"

"Iknowhisdope，"saidtheWarden。"It’sthatcursedwillofhis。

I’dbet，ifhemadeuphismind，thathecouldwalkbarefootacrossred-hotstones，likethoseKanakapriestsfromtheSouthSeas。"

Nowperhapsitwastheword"priests"thatIcarriedawaywithmethroughthedarknessofanotherflightintime。Perhapsitwasthecue。Moreprobablyitwasamerecoincidence。AtanyrateIawoke，lyinguponaroughrockyfloor，andfoundmyselfonmyback，myarmscrossedinsuchfashionthateachelbowrestedinthepalmoftheoppositehand。AsIlaythere，eyesclosed，halfawake，IrubbedmyelbowswithmypalmsandfoundthatIwasrubbingprodigiouscalluses。Therewasnosurpriseinthis。Iacceptedthecallusesasoflongtimeandamatterofcourse。

Iopenedmyeyes。Myshelterwasasmallcave，nomorethanthreefeetinheightandadozeninlength。Itwasveryhotinthecave。

Perspirationnoduledtheentiresurfaceofmybody。Nowandagainseveralnodulescoalescedandformedtinyrivulets。Iworenoclothingsaveafilthyragaboutthemiddle。Myskinwasburnedtoamahoganybrown。Iwasverythin，andIcontemplatedmythinnesswithastrangesortofpride，asifitwereanachievementtobesothin。EspeciallywasIenamouredofmypainfullyprominentribs。

Theverysightofthehollowsbetweenthemgavemeasenseofsolemnelation，or，rather，touseabetterword，ofsanctification。

Mykneeswerecallusedlikemyelbows。Iwasverydirty。Mybeard，evidentlyonceblond，butnowadirt-stainedandstreakybrown，sweptmymidriffinatangledmass。Mylonghair，similarlystainedandtangled，wasallaboutmyshoulders，whilewispsofitcontinuallystrayedinthewayofmyvisionsothatsometimesIwascompelledtobrushitasidewithmyhands。Forthemostpart，however，Icontentedmyselfwithpeeringthroughitlikeawildanimalfromathicket。

Justatthetunnel-likemouthofmydimcavethedayreareditselfinawallofblindingsunshine。AfteratimeIcrawledtotheentrance，and，forthesakeofgreaterdiscomfort，laydownintheburningsunshineonanarrowledgeofrock。Itpositivelybakedme，thatterriblesun，andthemoreithurtmethemoreIdelightedinit，orinmyselfrather，inthatIwasthusthemasterofmyfleshandsuperiortoitsclaimsandremonstrances。WhenIfoundundermeaparticularlysharp，butnottoosharp，rock-projection，Igroundmybodyuponthepointofit，rowelledmyfleshinaveryecstasyofmasteryandofpurification。

Itwasastagnantdayofheat。NotabreathofairmovedovertherivervalleyonwhichIsometimesgazed。Hundredsoffeetbeneathmethewideriverransluggishly。Thefarthershorewasflatandsandyandstretchedawaytothehorizon。Abovethewaterwerescatteredclumpsofpalm-trees。

Onmyside，eatenintoacurvebytheriver，werelofty，crumblingcliffs。Fartheralongthecurve，inplainviewfrommyeyrie，carvedoutofthelivingrock，werefourcolossalfigures。Itwasthestatureofamantotheiranklejoints。Thefourcolossisat，withhandsrestingonknees，witharmscrumbledquiteaway，andgazedoutupontheriver。Atleastthreeofthemsogazed。Ofthefourthallthatremainedwerethelowerlimbstothekneesandthehugehandsrestingontheknees。Atthefeetofthisone，ridiculouslysmall，crouchedasphinx；yetthissphinxwastallerthanI。

Ilookeduponthesecarvenimageswithcontempt，andspatasI

looked。Iknewnotwhattheywere，whetherforgottengodsorunrememberedkings。Buttometheywererepresentativeofthevanityofearth-menandearth-aspirations。

Andoverallthiscurveofriverandsweepofwaterandwidesandsbeyondarchedaskyofachingbrassunfleckedbythetiniestcloud。

ThehourspassedwhileIroastedinthesun。Often，forquitedecentintervals，Iforgotmyheatandpainindreamsandvisionsandinmemories。AllthisIknew——crumblingcolossiandriverandsandandsunandbrazensky——wastopassawayinthetwinklingofaneye。Atanymomentthetrumpsofthearchangelsmightsound，thestarsfalloutofthesky，theheavensrollupasascroll，andtheLordGodofallcomewithhishostsforthefinaljudgment。

Ah，IknewitsoprofoundlythatIwasreadyforsuchsublimeevent。

ThatwaswhyIwashereinragsandfilthandwretchedness。Iwasmeekandlowly，andIdespisedthefrailneedsandpassionsoftheflesh。AndIthoughtwithcontempt，andwithacertainsatisfaction，ofthefarcitiesoftheplainIhadknown，allunheeding，intheirpompandlust，ofthelastdaysonearathand。

Well，theywouldseesoonenough，buttoolateforthem。AndI

shouldsee。ButIwasready。AndtotheircriesandlamentationswouldIarise，rebornandglorious，andtakemywell-earnedandrightfulplaceintheCityofGod。

Attimes，betweendreamsandvisionsinwhichIwasverilyandbeforemytimeintheCityofGod，Iconnedoverinmymindolddiscussionsandcontroversies。Yes，Novatuswasrightinhiscontentionthatpenitentapostatesshouldneveragainbereceivedintothechurches。Also，therewasnodoubtthatSabellianismwasconceivedofthedevil。SowasConstantine，thearch-fiend，thedevil’srighthand。

ContinuallyIreturnedtocontemplationofthenatureoftheunityofGod，andwentoverandoverthecontentionsofNoetus，theSyrian。Better，however，didIlikethecontentionsofmybelovedteacher，Arius。Truly，ifhumanreasoncoulddetermineanythingatall，theremusthavebeenatime，intheverynatureofsonship，whentheSondidnotexist。InthenatureofsonshiptheremusthavebeenatimewhentheSoncommencedtoexist。Afathermustbeolderthanhisson。ToholdotherwisewereablasphemyandabelittlementofGod。

AndIrememberedbacktomyyoungdayswhenIhadsatatthefeetofArius，whohadbeenapresbyterofthecityofAlexandria，andwhohadbeenrobbedofthebishopricbytheblasphemousandhereticalAlexander。AlexandertheSabellianite，thatiswhathewas，andhisfeethadfastholdofhell。

Yes，IhadbeentotheCouncilofNicea，andseenitavoidtheissue。AndIrememberedwhentheEmperorConstantinehadbanishedAriusforhisuprightness。AndIrememberedwhenConstantinerepentedforreasonsofstateandpolicyandcommandedAlexander——

theotherAlexander，thricecursed，BishopofConstantinople——toreceiveAriusintocommuniononthemorrow。AndthatverynightdidnotAriusdieinthestreet？TheysaiditwasaviolentsicknessvisiteduponhiminanswertoAlexander’sprayertoGod。ButI

said，andsosaidallweArians，thattheviolentsicknesswasduetoapoison，andthatthepoisonwasduetoAlexanderhimself，BishopofConstantinopleanddevil’spoisoner。

AndhereIgroundmybodybackandforthonthesharpstones，andmutteredaloud，drunkwithconviction:

"LettheJewsandPagansmock。Letthemtriumph，fortheirtimeisshort。Andforthemtherewillbenotimeaftertime。"

Italkedtomyselfaloudagreatdealonthatrockyshelfoverlookingtheriver。Iwasfeverish，andonoccasionIdranksparinglyofwaterfromastinkinggoatskin。ThisgoatskinIkepthanginginthesunthatthestenchoftheskinmightincreaseandthattheremightbenorefreshmentofcoolnessinthewater。Foodtherewas，lyinginthedirtonmycave-floor——afewrootsandachunkofmouldybarley-cake；andhungryIwas，althoughIdidnoteat。

AllIdidthatblessed，livelongdaywastosweatandswelterinthesun，mortifymyleanfleshupontherock，gazeoutofthedesolation，resurrectoldmemories，dreamdreams，andmuttermyconvictionsaloud。

Andwhenthesunset，intheswifttwilightItookalastlookattheworldsosoontopass。AboutthefeetofthecolossiIcouldmakeoutthecreepingformsofbeaststhatlairedintheonceproudworksofmen。AndtothesnarlsofthebeastsIcrawledintomyhole，and，mutteringanddozing，visioningfeveredfanciesandprayingthatthelastdaycomequickly，Iebbeddownintothedarknessofsleep。

Consciousnesscamebacktomeinsolitary，withthequartetoftorturersaboutme。

"BlasphemousandhereticalWardenofSanQuentinwhosefeethavefastholdofhell，"Igibed，afterIhaddrunkdeepofthewatertheyheldtomylips。"Letthejailersandthetrustiestriumph。

Theirtimeisshort，andforthemthereisnotimeaftertime。"

"He’soutofhishead，"WardenAthertonaffirmed。

"He’sputtingitoveronyou，"wasDoctorJackson’ssurerjudgment。

"Butherefusesfood，"CaptainJamieprotested。

"Huh，hecouldfastfortydaysandnothurthimself，"thedoctoranswered。

"AndIhave，"Isaid，"andfortynightsaswell。Domethefavourtotightenthejacketandthengetoutofhere。"

Theheadtrustytriedtoinserthisforefingerinsidethelacing。

"Youcouldn’tgetaquarterofaninchofslackwithblockandtackle，"heassuredthem。

"Haveyouanycomplainttomake，Standing？"theWardenasked。

"Yes，"wasmyreply。"Ontwocounts。"

"Whatarethey？"

"First，"Isaid，"thejacketisabominablyloose。Hutchinsisanass。Hecouldgetafootofslackifhewanted。"

"Whatistheothercount？"WardenAthertonasked。

"Thatyouareconceivedofthedevil，Warden。"

CaptainJamieandDoctorJacksontittered，andtheWarden，withasnort，ledthewayoutofmycell。

Leftalone，IstrovetogointothedarkandgainbacktothewagoncircleatNephi。Iwasinterestedtoknowtheoutcomeofthatdoomeddriftingofourfortygreatwagonsacrossadesolateandhostileland，andIwasnotatallinterestedinwhatcameofthemangyhermitwithhisrock-roweledribsandstinkingwater-skin。

AndIgainedback，neithertoNephinortheNile，butto-

ButhereImustpauseinthenarrative，myreader，inordertoexplainafewthingsandmakethewholemattereasiertoyourcomprehension。Thisisnecessary，becausemytimeisshortinwhichtocompletemyjacket-memoirs。Inalittlewhile，inaverylittlewhile，theyaregoingtotakemeoutandhangme。DidIhavethefulltimeofathousandlifetimes，Icouldnotcompletethelastdetailsofmyjacketexperiences。WhereforeImustbriefenthenarrative。

Firstofall，Bergsonisright。Lifecannotbeexplainedinintellectualterms。AsConfuciussaidlongago:"Whenwearesoignorantoflife，canweknowdeath？"Andignorantoflifewetrulyarewhenwecannotexplainitintermsoftheunderstanding。Weknowlifeonlyphenomenally，asasavagemayknowadynamo；butweknownothingoflifenoumenonally，nothingofthenatureoftheintrinsicstuffoflife。

Secondly，Marinettiiswrongwhenheclaimsthatmatteristheonlymysteryandtheonlyreality。Isayandasyou，myreader，realize，Ispeakwithauthority——Isaythatmatteristheonlyillusion。

Comtecalledtheworld，whichistantamounttomatter，thegreatfetich，andIagreewithComte。

Itislifethatistherealityandthemystery。Lifeisvastlydifferentfrommerechemicmatterfluxinginhighmodesofnotion。

Lifepersists。Lifeisthethreadoffirethatpersiststhroughallthemodesofmatter。Iknow。Iamlife。Ihavelivedtenthousandgenerations。Ihavelivedmillionsofyears。Ihavepossessedmanybodies。I，thepossessorofthesemanybodies，havepersisted。I

amlife。Iamtheunquenchedsparkeverflashingandastonishingthefaceoftime，everworkingmywillandwreakingmypassiononthecloddyaggregatesofmatter，calledbodies，whichIhavetransientlyinhabited。

Forlookyou。Thisfingerofmine，soquickwithsensation，sosubtletofeel，sodelicateinitsmultifariousdexterities，sofirmandstrongtocrookandbendorstiffenbymeansofcunningleverages——thisfingerisnotI。Cutitoff。Ilive。Thebodyismutilated。Iamnotmutilated。ThespiritthatisIiswhole。

Verywell。Cutoffallmyfingers。IamI。Thespiritisentire。

Cutoffbothhands。Cutoffbotharmsattheshoulder-sockets。Cutoffbothlegsatthehip-sockets。AndI，theunconquerableandindestructibleI，survive。AmIanythelessforthesemutilations，forthesesubtractionsoftheflesh？Certainlynot。Clipmyhair。

Shavefrommewithsharprazorsmylips，mynose，myears——ay，andtearouttheeyesofmebytheroots；andthere，mewedinthatfeaturelessskullthatisattachedtoahackedandmangledtorso，thereinthatcellofthechemicflesh，willstillbeI，unmutilated，undiminished。

Oh，theheartstillbeats。Verywell。Cutouttheheart，or，better，flingtheflesh-remnantintoamachineofathousandbladesandmakemincemeatofit——andI，I，don’tyouunderstand，allthespiritandthemysteryandthevitalfireandlifeofme，amoffandaway。Ihavenotperished。Onlythebodyhasperished，andthebodyisnotI。

IbelieveColoneldeRochaswascorrectwhenheassertedthatunderthecompulsionofhiswillhesentthegirlJosephine，whileshewasinhypnotictrance，backthroughtheeighteenyearsshehadlived，backthroughthesilenceandthedarkereshehadbeenborn，backtothelightofapreviouslivingwhenshewasabed-riddenoldman，theex-artilleryman，Jean-ClaudeBourdon。AndIbelievethatColoneldeRochasdidtrulyhypnotizethisresurrectedshadeoftheoldmanand，bycompulsionofwill，sendhimbackthroughtheseventyyearsofhislife，backintothedarkandthroughthedarkintothelightofdaywhenhehadbeenthewickedoldwoman，PhilomeneCarteron。

Already，haveInotshownyou，myreader，thatinprevioustimes，inhabitingvariouscloddyaggregatesofmatter，IhavebeenCountGuillaumedeSainte-Maure，amangyandnamelesshermitofEgypt，andtheboyJesse，whosefatherwascaptainoffortywagonsinthegreatwestwardemigration。And，also，amInotnow，asIwritetheselines，DarrellSanding，undersentenceofdeathinFolsomPrisonandonetimeprofessorofagronomyintheCollegeofAgricultureoftheUniversityofCalifornia？

Matteristhegreatillusion。Thatis，mattermanifestsitselfinform，andformisapparitional。Where，now，arethecrumblingrock-

cliffsofoldEgyptwhereonceIlairedmelikeawildbeastwhileI

dreamedoftheCityofGod？Where，now，isthebodyofGuillaumedeSainte-Maurethatwasthrustthroughonthemoonlitgrasssolongagobytheflame-headedGuydeVillehardouin？Where，now，arethefortygreatwagonsinthecircleatNephi，andallthemenandwomenandchildrenandleancattlethatshelteredinsidethatcircle？Allsuchthingsnolongerare，fortheywereforms，manifestationsoffluxingmattereretheymeltedintothefluxagain。Theyhavepassedandarenot。

Andnowmyargumentbecomesplain。Thespiritistherealitythatendures。Iamspirit，andIendure。I，DarrellStanding，thetenantofmanyfleshlytenements，shallwriteafewmorelinesofthesememoirsandthenpassonmyway。Theformofmethatismybodywillfallapartwhenithasbeensufficientlyhangedbytheneck，andofitnaughtwillremaininalltheworldofmatter。Intheworldofspiritthememoryofitwillremain。Matterhasnomemory，becauseitsformsareevanescent，andwhatisengravedonitsformsperisheswiththeforms。

OnewordmoreereIreturntomynarrative。InallmyjourneysthroughthedarkintootherlivesthathavebeenmineIhaveneverbeenabletoguideanyjourneytoaparticulardestination。ThusmanynewexperiencesofoldliveswereminebeforeeverIchancedtoreturntotheboyJesseatNephi。Possibly，alltold，IhavelivedoverJesse’sexperiencesascoreoftimes，sometimestakinguphiscareerwhenhewasquitesmallintheArkansassettlements，andatleastadozentimescarryingonpastthepointwhereIlefthimatNephi。Itwereawasteoftimetodetailthewholeofit；andso，withoutprejudicetotheverityofmyaccount，Ishallskipmuchthatisvagueandtortuousandrepetitional，andgivethefactsasI

haveassembledthemoutofthevarioustimes，inwholeandpart，asIrelivedthem。

CHAPTERXIII

LongbeforedaylightthecampatNephiwasastir。Thecattleweredrivenouttowaterandpasture。Whilethemenunchainedthewheelsanddrewthewagonsapartandclearforyokingin，thewomencookedfortybreakfastsoverfortyfires。Thechildren，inthechillofdawn，clusteredaboutthefires，sharingplaces，hereandthere，withthelastreliefofthenight-watchwaitingsleepilyforcoffee。

Itrequirestimetogetalargetrainsuchasoursunderway，foritsspeedisthespeedoftheslowest。SothesunwasanhourhighandthedaywasalreadyuncomfortablyhotwhenwerolledoutofNephiandonintothesandybarrens。Noinhabitantoftheplacesawusoff。Allchosetoremainindoors，thusmakingourdepartureasominousastheyhadmadeourarrivalthenightbefore。

Againitwaslonghoursofparchingheatandbitingdust，sage-brushandsand，andalandaccursed。Nodwellingsofmen，neithercattlenorfences，noranysignofhumankind，didweencounterallthatday；andatnightwemadeourwagon-circlebesideanemptystream，inthedampsandofwhichwedugmanyholesthatfilledslowlywithwaterseepage。

Oursubsequentjourneyisalwaysabrokenexperiencetome。Wemadecampsomanytimes，alwayswiththewagonsdrawnincircle，thattomychildmindawearylongtimepassedafterNephi。Butalways，stronguponallofus，wasthatsenseofdriftingtoanimpendingandcertaindoom。

Weaveragedaboutfifteenmilesaday。Iknow，formyfatherhadsaiditwassixtymilestoFillmore，thenextMormonsettlement，andwemadethreecampsontheway。Thismeantfourdaysoftravel。

FromNephitothelastcampofwhichIhaveanymemorywemusthavetakentwoweeksoralittleless。

AtFillmoretheinhabitantswerehostile，asallhadbeensinceSaltLake。Theylaughedatuswhenwetriedtobuyfood，andwerenotabovetauntinguswithbeingMissourians。

Whenweenteredtheplace，hitchedbeforethelargesthouseofthedozenhousesthatcomposedthesettlementweretwosaddle-horses，dusty，streakedwithsweat，anddrooping。TheoldmanIhavementioned，theonewithlong，sunburnthairandbuckskinshirtandwhoseemedasortofaideorlieutenanttofather，rodeclosetoourwagonandindicatedthejadedsaddle-animalswithacockofhishead。

"Notsparin’horseflesh，Captain，"hemutteredinalowvoice。"An’

whatinthenameofSamHillaretheyhard-ridingforifitain’tforus？"

Butmyfatherhadalreadynotedtheconditionofthetwoanimals，andmyeagereyeshadseenhim。AndIhadseenhiseyesflash，hislipstighten，andhaggardlinesformforamomentonhisdustyface。

Thatwasall。ButIputtwoandtwotogether，andknewthatthetwotiredsaddle-horseswerejustonemoreaddedtouchofominousnesstothesituation。

"Iguessthey’rekeepinganeyeonus，Laban，"wasmyfather’ssolecomment。

ItwasatFillmorethatIsawamanthatIwastoseeagain。Hewasatall，broad-shoulderedman，welloninmiddleage，withalltheevidenceofgoodhealthandimmensestrength——strengthnotaloneofbodybutofwill。UnlikemostmenIwasaccustomedtoaboutme，hewassmooth-shaven。Severaldays’growthofbeardshowedthathewasalreadywell-grayed。Hismouthwasunusuallywide，withthinlipstightlycompressedasifhehadlostmanyofhisfrontteeth。Hisnosewaslarge，square，andthick。Sowashisfacesquare，widebetweenthecheekbones，underhungwithmassivejaws，andtoppedwithabroad，intelligentforehead。Andtheeyes，rathersmall，alittlemorethanthewidthofaneyeapart，werethebluestblueIhadeverseen。

Itwasattheflour-millatFillmorethatIfirstsawthisman。

Father，withseveralofourcompany，hadgonetheretotrytobuyflour，andI，disobeyingmymotherinmycuriositytoseemoreofourenemies，hadtaggedalongunperceived。Thismanwasoneoffourorfivewhostoodinagroupwiththemillerduringtheinterview。

"Youseenthatsmooth-facedoldcuss？"Labansaidtofather，afterwehadgotoutsideandwerereturningtocamp。

Fathernodded。

"Well，that’sLee，"Labancontinued。"Iseen’minSaltLake。He’saregularson-of-a-gun。Gotnineteenwivesandfiftychildren，theyallsay。An’he’srankcrazyonreligion。Now，what’shefollowin’

usupforthroughthisGod-forsakencountry？"

Ourweary，doomeddriftingwenton。Thelittlesettlements，whereverwaterandsoilpermitted，werefromtwentytofiftymilesapart。Betweenstretchedthebarrennessofsandandalkalianddrought。Andateverysettlementourpeacefulattemptstobuyfoodwerevain。Theydeniedusharshly，andwantedtoknowwhoofushadsoldthemfoodwhenwedrovethemfromMissouri。ItwasuselessonourparttotellthemwewerefromArkansas。FromArkansaswetrulywere，buttheyinsistedonourbeingMissourians。

AtBeaver，fivedays’journeysouthfromFillmore，wesawLeeagain。

Andagainwesawhard-riddenhorsestetheredbeforethehouses。ButwedidnotseeLeeatParowan。

CedarCitywasthelastsettlement。Laban，whohadriddenonahead，camebackandreportedtofather。Hisfirstnewswassignificant。

"IseenthatLeeskedaddlingoutasIridin，Captain。An’there’smoremen-folkan’horsesinCedarCitythanthesizeoftheplace’dwarrant。"

Butwehadnotroubleatthesettlement。Beyondrefusingtosellusfood，theyleftustoourselves。Thewomenandchildrenstayedinthehouses，andthoughsomeofthemenappearedinsighttheydidnot，asonformeroccasions，enterourcampandtauntus。

ItwasatCedarCitythattheWainwrightbabydied。IrememberMrs。

WainwrightweepingandpleadingwithLabantotrytogetsomecow’smilk。

"Itmaysavethebaby’slife，"shesaid。"Andthey’vegotcow’smilk。Isawfreshcowswithmyowneyes。Goon，please，Laban。Itwon’thurtyoutotry。Theycanonlyrefuse。Buttheywon’t。Tellthemit’sforababy，aweelittlebaby。Mormonwomenhavemother’shearts。Theycouldn’trefuseacupofmilkforaweelittlebaby。"

AndLabantried。But，ashetoldfatherafterward，hedidnotgettoseeanyMormonwomen。HesawonlytheMormonmen，whoturnedhimaway。

ThiswasthelastMormonoutpost。Beyondlaythevastdesert，with，ontheothersideofit，thedreamland，ay，themythland，ofCalifornia。AsourwagonsrolledoutoftheplaceintheearlymorningI，sittingbesidemyfatheronthedriver’sseat，sawLabangiveexpressiontohisfeelings。Wehadgoneperhapshalfamile，andweretoppingalowrisethatwouldsinkCedarCityfromview，whenLabanturnedhishorsearound，haltedit，andstoodupinthestirrups。Wherehehadhaltedwasanew-madegrave，andIknewitfortheWainwrightbaby’s——notthefirstofourgravessincewehadcrossedtheWasatchmountains。

Hewasaweirdfigureofaman。Agedandlean，long-faced，hollow-

checked，withmatted，sunburnthairthatfellbelowtheshouldersofhisbuckskinshirt，hisfacewasdistortedwithhatredandhelplessrage。Holdinghislongrifleinhisbridle-hand，heshookhisfreefistatCedarCity。

"God’scurseonallofyou！"hecriedout。"Onyourchildren，andonyourbabesunborn。Maydroughtdestroyyourcrops。Mayyoueatsandseasonedwiththevenomofrattlesnakes。Maythesweetwaterofyourspringsturntobitteralkali。May……"

Herehiswordsbecameindistinctasourwagonsrattledon；buthisheavingshouldersandbrandishingfistattestedthathehadonlybeguntolaythecurse。Thatheexpressedthegeneralfeelinginourtrainwasevidencedbythemanywomenwholeanedfromthewagons，thrustingoutgauntforearmsandshakingbony，labour-

malformedfistsatthelastofMormondom。Aman，whowalkedinthesandandgoadedtheoxenofthewagonbehindours，laughedandwavedhisgoad。Itwasunusual，thatlaugh，fortherehadbeennolaughterinourtrainformanydays。

"Give’mhell，Laban，"heencouraged。"Them’smysentiments。"

AndasourtrainrolledonIcontinuedtolookbackatLaban，standinginhisstirrupsbythebaby’sgrave。Trulyhewasaweirdfigure，withhislonghair，hismoccasins，andfringedleggings。Sooldandweather-beatenwashisbuckskinshirtthatraggedfilaments，hereandthere，showedwhereproudfringesoncehadbeen。Hewasamanofflyingtatters。Iremember，athiswaist，dangleddirtytuftsofhairthat，farbackinthejourney，afterashowerofrain，werewonttoshowglossyblack。TheseIknewwereIndianscalps，andthesightofthemalwaysthrilledme。

"Itwilldohimgood，"fathercommended，moretohimselfthantome。

"I’vebeenlookingfordaysforhimtoblowup。"

"Iwishhe’dgobackandtakeacoupleofscalps，"Ivolunteered。

Myfatherregardedmequizzically。

"Don’tliketheMormons，eh，son？"

Ishookmyheadandfeltmyselfswellingwiththeinarticulatehatethatpossessedme。

"WhenIgrowup，"Isaid，afteraminute，"I’mgoin’gunningforthem。"

"You，Jesse！"camemymother’svoicefrominsidethewagon。"Shutyourmouthinstanter。"Andtomyfather:"Yououghttobeashamedlettingtheboytalkonlikethat。"

Twodays’journeybroughtustoMountainMeadows，andhere，wellbeyondthelastsettlement，forthefirsttimewedidnotformthewagon-circle。Thewagonswereroughlyinacircle，butthereweremanygaps，andthewheelswerenotchained。Preparationsweremadetostopaweek。Thecattlemustberestedfortherealdesert，thoughthiswasdesertenoughinallseeming。Thesamelowhillsofsandwereaboutus，butsparselycoveredwithscrubbrush。Theflatwassandy，buttherewassomegrass——morethanwehadencounteredinmanydays。Notmorethanahundredfeetfromcampwasaweakspringthatbarelysuppliedhumanneeds。Butfartheralongthebottomvariousotherweakspringsemergedfromthehillsides，anditwasatthesethatthecattlewatered。

Wemadecampearlythatday，and，becauseoftheprogrammetostayaweek，therewasageneraloverhaulingofsoiledclothesbythewomen，whoplannedtostartwashingonthemorrow。Everybodyworkedtillnightfall。Whilesomeofthemenmendedharnessothersrepairedtheframesandironworkofthewagons。Themwasmuchheatingandhammeringofironandtighteningofboltsandnuts。AndIremembercominguponLaban，sittingcross-leggedintheshadeofawagonandsewingawaytillnightfallonanewpairofmoccasins。Hewastheonlymaninourtrainwhoworemoccasinsandbuckskin，andI

haveanimpressionthathehadnotbelongedtoourcompanywhenitleftArkansas。Also，hehadneitherwife，norfamily，norwagonofhisown。Allhepossessedwashishorse，hisrifle，theclotheshestoodupin，andacoupleofblanketsthatwerehauledintheMasonwagon。

Nextmorningitwasthatourdoomfell。Twodays’journeybeyondthelastMormonoutpost，knowingthatnoIndianswereaboutandapprehendingnothingfromtheIndiansonanycount，forthefirsttimewehadnotchainedourwagonsinthesolidcircle，placedguardsonthecattle，norsetanight-watch。

Myawakeningwaslikeanightmare。Itcameasasuddenblastofsound。Iwasonlystupidlyawakeforthefirstmomentsanddidnothingexcepttotrytoanalyzeandidentifythevariousnoisesthatwenttocomposetheblastthatcontinuedwithoutletup。I

couldhearnearanddistantexplosionsofrifles，shoutsandcursesofmen，womenscreaming，andchildrenbawling。ThenIcouldmakeoutthethudsandsquealsofbulletsthathitwoodandironinthewheelsandunder-constructionofthewagon。Whoeveritwasthatwasshooting，theaimwastoolow。WhenIstartedtorise，mymother，evidentlyjustintheactofdressing，pressedmedownwithherhand。Father，alreadyupandabout，atthisstageeruptedintothewagon。

"Outofit！"heshouted。"Quick！Totheground！"

Hewastednotime。Withahook-likeclutchthatwasalmostablow，soswiftwasit，heflungmebodilyoutoftherearendofthewagon。Ihadbarelytimetocrawloutfromunderwhenfather，mother，andthebabycamedownpell-mellwhereIhadbeen。

"Here，Jesse！"fathershoutedtome，andIjoinedhiminscoopingoutsandbehindtheshelterofawagon-wheel。Weworkedbare-handedandwildly。Motherjoinedin。

"Goaheadandmakeitdeeper，Jesse，"fatherordered，Hestoodupandrushedawayinthegraylight，shoutingcommandsasheran。(Ihadlearnedbynowmysurname。IwasJesseFancher。MyfatherwasCaptainFancher)。

"Liedown！"Icouldhearhim。"Getbehindthewagonwheelsandburrowinthesand！Familymen，getthewomenandchildrenoutofthewagons！Holdyourfire！Nomoreshooting！Holdyourfireandbereadyfortherushwhenitcomes！Singlemen，joinLabanattheright，Cochraneattheleft，andmeinthecentre！Don’tstandup！

Crawlforit！"

Butnorushcame。Foraquarterofanhourtheheavyandirregularfiringcontinued。Ourdamagehadcomeinthefirstmomentsofsurprisewhenanumberoftheearly-risingmenwerecaughtexposedinthelightofthecampfirestheywerebuilding。TheIndians——forIndiansLabandeclaredthemtobe——hadattackedusfromtheopen，andwerelyingdownandfiringatus。Inthegrowinglightfathermadereadyforthem。HispositionwasneartowhereIlayintheburrowwithmothersothatIheardhimwhenhecriedout:

"Now！alltogether！"

Fromleft，right，andcentreourriflesloosedinavolley。Ihadpoppedmyheaduptosee，andIcouldmakeoutmorethanonestrickenIndian。Theirfireimmediatelyceased，andIcouldseethemscamperingbackonfootacrosstheopen，draggingtheirdeadandwoundedwiththem。

Allwasworkwithusontheinstant。Whilethewagonswerebeingdraggedandchainedintothecirclewithtonguesinside——Isawwomenandlittleboysandgirlsflingingtheirstrengthonthewheelspokestohelp——wetooktollofourlosses。First，andgravestofall，ourlastanimalhadbeenrunoff。Next，lyingaboutthefirestheyhadbeenbuilding，weresevenofourmen。Fourweredead，andthreeweredying。Othermen，wounded，werebeingcaredforbythewomen。LittleRishHardacrehadbeenstruckinthearmbyaheavyball。Hewasnomorethansix，andIrememberlookingonwithmouthagapewhilehismotherheldhimonherlapandhisfathersetaboutbandagingthewound。LittleRishhadstoppedcrying。Icouldseethetearsonhischeekswhilehestaredwonderinglyatasliverofbrokenbonestickingoutofhisforearm。

GrannyWhitewasfounddeadintheFoxwellwagon。Shewasafatandhelplessoldwomanwhoneverdidanythingbutsitdownallthetimeandsmokeapipe。ShewasthemotherofAbbyFoxwell。AndMrs。

Granthadbeenkilled。Herhusbandsatbesideherbody。Hewasveryquiet。Therewerenotearsinhiseyes。Hejustsatthere，hisrifleacrosshisknees，andeverybodylefthimalone。

Underfather’sdirectionsthecompanywasworkinglikesomanybeavers。Themendugabigriflepitinthecentreofthecorral，formingabreastworkoutofthedisplacedsand。Intothispitthewomendraggedbedding，food，andallsortsofnecessariesfromthewagons。Allthechildrenhelped。Therewasnowhimpering，andlittleornoexcitement。Therewasworktobedone，andallofuswerefolksborntowork。

Thebigriflepitwasforthewomenandchildren。Underthewagons，completelyaroundthecircle，ashallowtrenchwasdugandanearthworkthrownup。Thiswasforthefightingmen。

Labanreturnedfromascout。HereportedthattheIndianshadwithdrawnthematterofhalfamile，andwereholdingapowwow。

Alsohehadseenthemcarrysixoftheirnumberoffthefield，threeofwhich，hesaid，weredeaders。

Fromtimetotime，duringthemorningofthatfirstday，weobservedcloudsofdustthatadvertisedthemovementsofconsiderablebodiesofmountedmen。Thesecloudsofdustcametowardus，hemmingusinonallsides。Butwesawnolivingcreature。Onecloudofdirtonlymovedawayfromus。Itwasalargecloud，andeverybodysaiditwasourcattlebeingdrivenoff。AndourfortygreatwagonsthathadrolledovertheRockiesandhalfacrossthecontinentstoodinahelplesscircle。Withoutcattletheycouldrollnofarther。

AtnoonLabancameinfromanotherscout。HehadseenfreshIndiansarrivingfromthesouth，showingthatwewerebeingclosedin。Itwasatthistimethatwesawadozenwhitemenrideoutonthecrestofalowhilltotheeastandlookdownonus。

"Thatsettlesit，"Labansaidtofather。"TheIndianshavebeenputuptoit。"

"They’rewhitelikeus，"IheardAbbyFoxwellcomplaintomother。

"Whydon’ttheycomeintous？"

"Theyain’twhites，"Ipipedup，withawaryeyefortheswoopofmother’shand。"They’reMormons。"

Thatnight，afterdark，threeofouryoungmenstoleoutofcamp。I

sawthemgo。TheywereWillAden，AbelMilliken，andTimothyGrant。

"TheyareheadingforCedarCitytogethelp，"fathertoldmotherwhilehewassnatchingahastybiteofsupper。

Mothershookherhead。

"There’splentyofMormonswithincallingdistanceofcamp，"shesaid。"Iftheywon’thelp，andtheyhaven’tshownanysigns，thentheCedarCityoneswon’teither。"

"ButtherearegoodMormonsandbadMormons——"fatherbegan。

"Wehaven’tfoundanygoodonessofar，"sheshuthimoff。

NotuntilmorningdidIhearofthereturnofAbelMillikenandTimothyGrant，butIwasnotlonginlearning。Thewholecampwasdowncastbyreasonoftheirreport。Thethreehadgoneonlyafewmileswhentheywerechallengedbywhitemen。AssoonasWillAdenspokeup，tellingthattheywerefromtheFancherCompany，goingtoCedarCityforhelp，hewasshotdown。MillikenandGrantescapedbackwiththenews，andthenewssettledthelasthopeintheheartsofourcompany。ThewhiteswerebehindtheIndians，andthedoomsolongapprehendedwasuponus。

Thismorningoftheseconddayourmen，goingforwater，werefiredupon。Thespringwasonlyahundredfeetoutsideourcircle，butthewaytoitwascommandedbytheIndianswhonowoccupiedthelowhilltotheeast。Itwascloserange，forthehillcouldnothavebeenmorethanfifteenrodsaway。ButtheIndianswerenotgoodshots，evidently，forourmenbroughtinthewaterwithoutbeinghit。

Beyondanoccasionalshotintocampthemorningpassedquietly。Wehadsettleddownintheriflepit，and，beingusedtoroughliving，werecomfortableenough。Ofcourseitwasbadforthefamiliesofthosewhohadbeenkilled，andtherewasthetakingcareofthewounded。Iwasforeverstealingawayfrommotherinmyinsatiablecuriositytoseeeverythingthatwasgoingon，andImanagedtoseeprettymuchofeverything。Insidethecorral，tothesouthofthebigriflepit，themendugaholeandburiedthesevenmenandtwowomenalltogether。OnlyMrs。Hastings，whohadlostherhusbandandfather，mademuchtrouble。Shecriedandscreamedout，andittooktheotherwomenalongtimetoquiether。

OnthelowhilltotheeasttheIndianskeptupatremendouspowwowingandyelling。Butbeyondanoccasionalharmlessshottheydidnothing。

"What’sthematterwiththeornerycusses？"Labanimpatientlywantedtoknow。"Can’ttheymakeuptheirmindswhatthey’regoin’todo，an’thendoit？"

Itwashotinthecorralthatafternoon。Thesunblazeddownoutofacloudlesssky，andtherewasnowind。Themen，lyingwiththeirriflesinthetrenchunderthewagons，werepartlyshaded；butthebigriflepit，inwhichwereoverahundredwomenandchildren，wasexposedtothefullpowerofthesun。Here，too，werethewoundedmen，overwhomweerectedawningsofblankets。Itwascrowdedandstiflinginthepit，andIwasforeverstealingoutofittothefiring-line，andmakingagreatto-doatcarryingmessagesforfather。

Ourgravemistakehadbeeninnotformingthewagon-circlesoastoinclosethespring。Thishadbeenduetotheexcitementofthefirstattack，whenwedidnotknowhowquicklyitmightbefollowedbyasecondone。Andnowitwastoolate。Atfifteenrods’

distancefromtheIndianpositiononthehillwedidnotdareunchainourwagons。Insidethecorral，southofthegraves，weconstructedalatrine，and，northoftheriflepitinthecentre，acoupleofmenweretoldoffbyfathertodigawellforwater。

Inthemid-afternoonofthatday，whichwasthesecondday，wesawLeeagain。Hewasonfoot，crossingdiagonallyoverthemeadowtothenorth-westjustoutofrifle-shotfromus。Fatherhoistedoneofmother’ssheetsonacoupleofox-goadslashedtogether。Thiswasourwhiteflag。ButLeetooknonoticeofit，continuingonhisway。

Labanwasfortryingalongshotathim，butfatherstoppedhim，sayingthatitwasevidentthewhiteshadnotmadeuptheirmindswhattheyweregoingtodowithus，andthatashotatLeemighthurrythemintomakinguptheirmindsthewrongway。

"Here，Jesse，"fathersaidtome，tearingastripfromthesheetandfasteningittoanox-goad。"Takethisandgooutandtrytotalktothatman。Don’ttellhimanythingaboutwhat’shappenedtous。

Justtrytogethimtocomeinandtalkwithus。"

AsIstartedtoobey，mychestswellingwithprideinmymission，JedDunhamcriedoutthathewantedtogowithme。Jedwasaboutmyownage。

"Dunham，canyourboygoalongwithJesse？"fatheraskedJed’sfather。"Two’sbetterthanone。They’llkeepeachotheroutofmischief。"

SoJedandI，twoyoungstersofnine，wentoutunderthewhiteflagtotalkwiththeleaderofourenemies。ButLeewouldnottalk。

Whenhesawuscominghestartedtosneakaway。Wenevergotwithincallingdistanceofhim，andafterawhilehemusthavehiddeninthebrush；forweneverlaideyesonhimagain，andweknewhecouldn’thavegotclearaway。

JedandIbeatupthebrushforhundredsofyardsallaround。Theyhadn’ttoldushowlongweweretobegone，andsincetheIndiansdidnotfireonuswekeptongoing。Wewereawayovertwohours，thoughhadeitherofusbeenalonehewouldhavebeenbackinaquarterofthetime。ButJedwasboundtooutbraveme，andIwasequallyboundtooutbravehim。

Ourfoolishnesswasnotwithoutprofit。Wewalked，boldlyaboutunderourwhiteflag，andlearnedhowthoroughlyourcampwasbeleaguered。Tothesouthofourtrain，notmorethanhalfamileaway，wemadeoutalargeIndiancamp。Beyond，onthemeadow，wecouldseeIndianboysridinghardontheirhorses。

ThentherewastheIndianpositiononthehilltotheeast。Wemanagedtoclimbalowhillsoastolookintothisposition。JedandIspenthalfanhourtryingtocountthem，andconcluded，withmuchguessing，thattheremustbeatleastacoupleofhundred。

Also，wesawwhitemenwiththemanddoingagreatdealoftalking。

North-eastofourtrain，notmorethanfourhundredyardsfromit，wediscoveredalargecampofwhitesbehindalowriseofground。

Andbeyondwecouldseefiftyorsixtysaddle-horsesgrazing。Andamileorsoaway，tothenorth，wesawatinycloudofdustapproaching。JedandIwaiteduntilwesawasingleman，ridingfast，gallopintothecampofthewhites。

Whenwegotbackintothecorralthefirstthingthathappenedtomewasasmackfrommotherforhavingstayedawaysolong；butfatherpraisedJedandmewhenwegaveourreport。

"Watchforanattacknowmaybe，Captain，"AaronCochranesaidtofather。"Thatmantheboysseenhasridinforapurpose。ThewhitesareholdingtheIndianstilltheygetordersfromhigherup。

Maybethatmanbrungtheordersonewayortheother。Theyain’tsparinghorseflesh，that’sonethingsure。"

HalfanhourafterourreturnLabanattemptedascoutunderawhiteflag。ButhehadnotgonetwentyfeetoutsidethecirclewhentheIndiansopenedfireonhimandsenthimbackontherun。

JustbeforesundownIwasintheriflepitholdingthebaby，whilemotherwasspreadingtheblanketsforabed。Thereweresomanyofusthatwewerepackedandjammed。Solittleroomwastherethatmanyofthewomenthenightbeforehadsatupandsleptwiththeirheadsbowedontheirknees。Rightalongsideofme，sonearthatwhenhetossedhisarmsabouthestruckmeontheshoulder，SilasDunlapwasdying。Hehadbeenshotintheheadinthefirstattack，andalltheseconddaywasoutofhisheadandravingandsingingdoggerel。Oneofhissongs，thathesangoverandover，untilitmademotherfranticnervous，was:

"Saidthefirstlittledeviltothesecondlittledevil，’Givemesometobaccyfromyouroldtobaccybox。’

Saidthesecondlittledeviltothefirstlittledevil，’Stickclosetoyourmoneyandclosetoyourrocks，An’you’llalwayshavetobaccyinyouroldtobaccybox。’"

Iwassittingdirectlyalongsideofhim，holdingthebaby，whentheattackburstonus。Itwassundown，andIwasstaringwithallmyeyesatSilasDunlapwhowasjustinthefinalactofdying。Hiswife，Sarah，hadonehandrestingonhisforehead。BothsheandherAuntMarthawerecryingsoftly。Andthenitcame——explosionsandbulletsfromhundredsofrifles。Cleararoundfromeasttowest，bywayofthenorth，theyhadstrungoutinhalfacircleandwerepumpingleadinourposition。Everybodyintheriflepitflatteneddown。Lotsoftheyoungerchildrensetupa-squalling，anditkeptthewomenbusyhushingthem。Someofthewomenscreamedatfirst，butnotmany。

Thousandsofshotsmusthavenrainedinonusinthenextfewminutes。HowIwantedtocrawlouttothetrenchunderthewagonswhereourmenwerekeepingupasteadybutirregularfire！Eachwasshootingonhisownwheneverhesawamantopulltriggeron。Butmothersuspectedme，forshemademecrouchdownandkeeprightonholdingthebaby。

IwasjusttakingalookatSilasDunlap——hewasstillquivering——

whenthelittleCastletonbabywaskilled。DorothyCastleton，herselfonlyaboutten，washoldingit，sothatitwaskilledinherarms。Shewasnothurtatall。Iheardthemtalkingaboutit，andtheyconjecturedthatthebulletmusthavestruckhighononeofthewagonsandbeendeflecteddownintotheriflepit。Itwasjustanaccident，theysaid，andthatexceptforsuchaccidentsweweresafewherewewere。

WhenIlookedagainSilasDunlapwasdead，andIsuffereddistinctdisappointmentinbeingcheatedoutofwitnessingthatparticularevent。Ihadneverbeenluckyenoughtoseeamanactuallydiebeforemyeyes。

DorothyCastletongothystericsoverwhathadhappened，andyelledandscreamedforalongtimeandshesetMrs。Hastingsgoingagain。

AltogethersucharowwasraisedthatfathersentWattCummingscrawlingbacktoustofindoutwhatwasthematter。

Wellalongintotwilighttheheavyfiringceased，althoughtherewerescatteringshotsduringthenight。Twoofourmenwerewoundedinthissecondattack，andwerebroughtintotheriflepit。BillTylerwaskilledinstantly，andtheyburiedhim，SilasDunlap，andtheCastletonbaby，inthedarkalongsideoftheothers。

Allduringthenightmenrelievedoneanotheratsinkingthewelldeeper；buttheonlysignofwatertheygotwasdampsand。Someofthemenfetchedafewpailsofwaterfromthespring，butwerefiredupon，andtheygaveitupwhenJeremyHopkinshadhislefthandshotoffatthewrist。

Nextmorning，thethirdday，itwashotteranddryerthanever。Weawokethirsty，andtherewasnocooking。Sodrywereourmouthsthatwecouldnoteat。Itriedapieceofstalebreadmothergaveme，buthadtogiveitup。Thefiringroseandfell。Sometimestherewerehundredsshootingintothecamp。Atothertimescamelullsinwhichnotashotwasfired。Fatherwascontinuallycautioningourmennottowasteshotsbecausewewererunningshortofammunition。

Andallthetimethemenwentondiggingthewell。Itwassodeepthattheywerehoistingthesandupinbuckets。Themenwhohoistedwereexposed，andoneofthemwaswoundedintheshoulder。HewasPeterBromley，whodroveoxenfortheBloodgoodwagon，andhewasengagedtomarryJaneBloodgood。Shejumpedoutoftheriflepitandranrighttohimwhilethebulletswereflyingandledhimbackintoshelter。Aboutmiddaythewellcavedin，andtherewaslivelyworkdiggingoutthecouplewhowereburiedinthesand。AmosWentworthdidnotcometoforanhour。Afterthattheytimberedthewellwithbottomboardsfromthewagonsandwagontongues，andthediggingwenton。Butalltheycouldget，andtheyweretwentyfeetdown，wasdampsand。Thewaterwouldnotseep。

Bythistimetheconditionsintheriflepitwereterrible。Thechildrenwerecomplainingforwater，andthebabies，hoarsefrommuchcrying，wentoncrying。RobertCarr，anotherwoundedman，layabouttenfeetfrommotherandme。Hewasoutofhishead，andkeptthrashinghisarmsaboutandcallingforwater。Andsomeofthewomenwerealmostasbad，andkeptravingagainsttheMormonsandIndians。Someofthewomenprayedagreatdeal，andthethreegrownDemdikesisters，withtheirmother，sanggospelhymns。Otherwomengotdampsandthatwashoistedoutofthebottomofthewell，andpackeditagainstthebarebodiesofthebabiestotrytocoolandsoothethem。

ThetwoFairfaxbrotherscouldn’tstanditanylonger，and，withpailsintheirhands，crawledoutunderawagonandmadeadashforthespring。Gilesnevergothalfway，whenhewentdown。Rogermadeitthereandbackwithoutbeinghit。Hebroughttwopailspart-full，forsomesplashedoutwhenheran。Gilescrawledback，andwhentheyhelpedhimintotheriflepithewasbleedingatthemouthandcoughing。

Twopart-pailsofwatercouldnotgofaramongoverahundredofus，notcountingthe，men。Onlythebabies，andtheverylittlechildren，andthewoundedmen，gotany。Ididnotgetasip，althoughmotherdippedabitofclothintotheseveralspoonfulsshegotforthebabyandwipedmymouthout。Shedidnotevendothatforherself，forsheleftmethebitofdampragtochew。

Thesituationgrewunspeakablyworseintheafternoon。Thequietsunblazeddownthroughtheclearwindlessairandmadeafurnaceofourholeinthesand。AndallaboutusweretheexplosionsofriflesandyellsoftheIndians。Onlyonceinawhiledidfatherpermitasingleshotfromthetrench，andatthatonlybyourbestmarksmen，suchasLabanandTimothyGrant。Butasteadystreamofleadpouredintoourpositionallthetime。Therewerenomoredisastrousricochets，however；andourmeninthetrench，nolongerfiring，laylowandescapeddamage。Onlyfourwerewounded，andonlyoneofthemverybadly。

Fathercameinfromthetrenchduringalullinthefiring。Hesatforafewminutesalongsidemotherandmewithoutspeaking。Heseemedtobelisteningtoallthemoaningandcryingforwaterthatwasgoingup。Onceheclimbedoutoftheriflepitandwentovertoinvestigatethewell。Hebroughtbackonlydampsand，whichheplasteredthickonthechestandshouldersofRobertCarr。ThenhewenttowhereJedDunhamandhismotherwere，andsentforJed’sfathertocomeinfromthetrench。Socloselypackedwerewethatwhenanybodymovedaboutinsidetheriflepithehadtocrawlcarefullyoverthebodiesofthoselyingdown。

Afteratimefathercamecrawlingbacktous。

"Jesse，heasked，"areyouafraidoftheIndians？"

Ishookmyheademphatically，guessingthatIwastobeseatonanotherproudmission。

"AreyouafraidofthedamnedMormons？"

"NotofanydamnedMormon，"Ianswered，takingadvantageoftheopportunitytocurseourenemieswithoutfearoftheavengingbackofmother’shand。

Inotedthelittlesmilethatcurledhistiredlipsforthemomentwhenheheardmyreply。

"Well，then，Jesse，"hesaid，"willyougowithJedtothespringforwater？"

Iwasalleagerness。

"We’regoingtodressthetwoofyouupasgirls，"hecontinued，"sothatmaybetheywon’tfireonyou。"

IinsistedongoingasIwas，asamalehumanthatworepants；butI

surrenderedquicklyenoughwhenfathersuggestedthathewouldfindsomeotherboytodressupandgoalongwithJed。