第4章

ItcarriesonanextensivetradeinstovesandhollowwarewiththeWestandSouth，anditsflouringmillshaveadailycapacityofmorethan2，000barrels。

AzaleaAdairseemedtoreflect。

“Ihaveneverthoughtofitthatway，“shesaid，withakindofsincereintensitythatseemedtobelongtoher。“Isn”titinthestill，quietplacesthatthingsdohappen？IfancythatwhenGodbegantocreatetheearthonthefirstMondaymorningonecouldhaveleanedoutone”swindowandheardthedropsofmudsplashingfromHistrowelasHebuiltuptheeverlastinghills。Whatdidthenoisiestprojectintheworld——ImeanthebuildingoftheTowerofBable——resultinfinally？ApageandahalfofEsperantointhe_NorthAmericanReview_。”

“Ofcourse，“saidIplatitudinously，“humannatureisthesameeverywhere；butthereismorecolor——er——moredramaandmovementand——er——romanceinsomecitiesthaninothers。”

“Onthesurface，“saidAzaleaAdair。“Ihavetraveledmanytimesaroundtheworldinagoldenairshipwaftedontwowings——printanddreams。Ihaveseen(ononeofmyimaginarytours)theSultanofTurkeybowstringwithhisownhandsoneofhiswiveswhohaduncoveredherfaceinpublic。IhaveseenamaninNashvilletearuphistheatreticketsbecausehiswifewasgoingoutwithherfacecovered——withricepowder。InSanFrancisco”sChinatownIsawtheslavegirlSingYeedippedslowly，inchbyinch，inboilingalmondoiltomakeherswearshewouldneverseeherAmericanloveragain。Shegaveinwhentheboilingoilhadreachedthreeinchesaboveherknee。AtaeuchrepartyinEastNashvilletheothernightIsawKittyMorgancutdeadbysevenofherschoolmatesandlifelongfriendsbecauseshehadmarriedahousepainter。Theboilingoilwassizzlingashighasherheart；butIwishyoucouldhaveseenthefinelittlesmilethatshecarriedfromtabletotable。Oh，yes，itisahumdrumtown。Justafewmilesofredbrickhousesandmudandlumberyards。”

Someoneknockedhollowlyatthebackofthehouse。AzaleaAdairbreathedasoftapologyandwenttoinvestigatethesound。Shecamebackinthreeminuteswithbrightenedeyes，afaintflushonhercheeks，andtenyearsliftedfromhershoulders。

“Youmusthaveacupofteabeforeyougo，“shesaid，“andasugarcake。”

Shereachedandshookalittleironbell。InshuffledasmallNegrogirlabouttwelve，barefoot，notverytidy，gloweringatmewiththumbinmouthandbulgingeyes。

AzleaAdairopenedatiny，wornpurseanddrewoutadollarbill，adollarbillwiththeupperright-handcornermissing，tornintwopieces，andpastedtogetheragainwithastripofbluetissuepaper。

ItwasoneofthebillsIhadgiventhepiraticalNegro——therewasnodoubtaboutit。

“GouptoMr。Baker”sstoreonthecorner，Impy，“shesaid，handingthegirlthedollarbill，“andgetaquarterofapoundoftea——thekindhealwayssendsme——andtencentsworthofsugarcakes。Now，hurry。Thesupplyofteainthehousehappenstobeexhausted，“sheexplainedtome。

Impyleftbythebackway。Beforethescrapeofherhard，barefeethaddiedawayonthebackporch，awildshriek——Iwassureitwashers——filledthehollowhouse。Thenthedeep，grufftonesofanangryman”svoicemingledwiththegirl”sfurthersquealsandunintelligiblewords。

AzaleaAdairrosewithoutsurpriseoremotionanddisappeared。

FortwominutesIheardthehoarserumbleoftheman”svoice；thensometinglikeanoathandaslightscuffle，andshereturnedcalmlytoherchair。

“Thisisaroomyhouse，“shesaid，“andIhaveatenantforpartofit。Iamsorrytohavetorescindmyinvitationtotea。ItwasimpossibletogetthekindIalwaysuseatthestore。Perhapsto-

morrow，Mr。Bakerwillbeabletosupplyme。”

IwassurethatImpyhadnothadtimetoleavethehouse。I

inquiredconcerningstreet-carlinesandtookmyleave。AfterIwaswellonmywayIrememberedthatIhadnotlearnedAzaleaAdair”sname。Butto-morrowwoulddo。

ThatsamedayIstartedinonthecourseofiniquitythatthisuneventfulcityforceduponme。Iwasinthetownonlytwodays，butinthattimeImanagedtolieshamelesslybytelegraph，andtobeanaccomplice——afterthefact，ifthatisthecorrectlegalterm——toamurder。

AsIroundedthecornernearestmyhoteltheAfritecoachmanoftheploychromatic，nonpareilcoatseizedme，swungopenthedungeonydoorofhisperipateticsarcophagus，flirtedhisfeatherdusterandbeganhisritual：“Steprightin，boss。Carriageisclean——jus”gotbackfromafuneral。Fiftycentstoany”

Andthenheknewmeandgrinnedbroadly。“”Scuseme，boss；youisdegen”l”manwhatridoutwithmedismawnin”。Thankyoukindly，suh。”

“Iamgoingoutto861againto-morrowafternoonatthree，“saidI，“andifyouwillbehere，I”llletyoudriveme。SoyouknowMissAdair？“Iconcluded，thinkingofmydollarbill。

“Ibelongedtoherfather，JudgeAdair，suh，“hereplied。

“Ijudgethatsheisprettypoor，“Isaid。“Shehasn”tmuchmoneytospeakof，hasshe？“

ForaninstantIlookedagainatthefiercecountenanceofKingCettiwayo，andthenhechangedbacktoanextortionateoldNegrohackdriver。

“Sheain”tgwinetostarve，suh，“hesaidslowly。“Shehasreso”ces，suh；shehasreso”ces。”

“Ishallpayyoufiftycentsforthetrip，“saidI。

“Datispuffecklycorrect，suh，“heansweredhumbly。“Ijus”_had_

tohavedattwodollarsdismawnin”，boss。”

Iwenttothehotelandliedbyelectricity。Iwiredthemagazine：

“A。Adairholdsoutforeightcentsaword。”

Theanswerthatcamebackwas：“Giveittoherquickyouduffer。”

Justbeforedinner“Major“WentworthCaswellboredownuponmewiththegreetingsofalong-lostfriend。IhaveseenfewmenwhomIhavesoinstantaneouslyhated，andofwhomitwassodifficulttoberid。Iwasstandingatthebarwhenheinvadedme；

thereforeIcouldnotwavethewhiteribboninhisface。Iwouldhavepaidgladlyforthedrinks，hoping，thereby，toescapeanother；

buthewasoneofthosedespicable，roaring，advertisingbibberswhomusthavebrassbandsandfireworksattenduponeverycentthattheywasteintheirfollies。

Withanairofproducingmillionshedrewtwoone-dollarbillsfromapocketanddashedoneofthemuponthebar。Ilookedoncemoreatthedollarbillwiththeupperright-handcornermissing，tornthroughthemiddle，andpatchedwithastripofbluetissuepaper。Itwasmydollarbillagain。Itcouldhavebeennoother。

Iwentuptomyroom。Thedrizzleandthemonotonyofadreary，eventlessSoutherntownhadmademetiredandlistless。I

rememberthatjustbeforeIwenttobedImentallydisposedofthemysteriousdollarbill(whichmighthaveformedtheclewtoatremendouslyfinedetectivestoryofSanFrancisco)bysayingtomyselfsleepily：“SeemsasifalotofpeoplehereownstockintheHack-Driver”sTrust。Paysdividendspromptly，too。

Wonderif”ThenIfellasleep。

KingCettiwayowasathispostthenextday，andrattledmybonesoverthestonesoutto861。HewastowaitandrattlemebackagainwhenIwasready。

AzaleaAdairlookedpalerandcleanerandfrailerthanshehadlookedonthedaybefore。Aftershehadsignedthecontractateightcentsperwordshegrewstillpalerandbegantoslipoutofherchair。WhitoutmuchtroubleImanagedtogetherupontheantediluvianhorsehairsofaandthenIranouttothesidewalkandyelledtothecoffee-coloredPiratetobringadoctor。WithawisdomthatIhadnotexpectedinhim，heabandonedhisteamandstruckoffupthestreetafoot，realizingthevalueofspeed。Intenminuteshereturnedwithagrave，gray-hairedandcapablemanofmedicine。Inafewwords(worthmuchlessthaneightcentseach)

Iexplainedtohimmypresenceinthehollowhouseofmystery。Hebowedwithstatelyunderstanding，andturnedtotheoldNegro。

“UncleCaesar，“hesaidcalmly，“RunuptomyhouseandaskMissLucytogiveyouacreampitcherfulloffreshmilkandhalfatumblerofportwine。Andhurryback。Don”tdrive——run。I

wantyoutogetbacksometimethisweek。”

ItoccurredtomethatDr。Merrimanalsofeltadistrustastothespeedingpowersoftheland-pirate”ssteeds。AfterUncleCaesarwasgone，lumberingly，butswiftly，upthestreet，thedoctorlookedmeoverwithgreatpolitenessandasmuchcarefulcalculationuntilhehaddecidedthatImightdo。

“Itisonlyacaseofinsufficientnutrition，“hesaid。“Inotherwords，theresultofpoverty，pride，andstarvation。Mrs。Caswellhasmanydevotedfriendswhowouldbegladtoaidher，butshewillacceptnothingexceptfromthatoldNegro，UncleCaesar，whowasonceownedbyherfamily。”

“Mrs。Caswell！“saidI，insurprise。AndthenIlookedatthecontractandsawthatshehadsignedit“AzaleaAdairCaswell。”

“IthoughtshewasMissAdair，“Isaid。

“Marriedtoadrunken，worthlessloafer，sir，“saidthedoctor。

“Itissaidthatherobsherevenofthesmallsumsthatheroldservantcontributestowardhersupport。”

WhenthemilkandwinehadbeenbroughtthedoctorsoonrevivedAzaleaAdair。Shesatupandtalkedofthebeautyoftheautumnleavesthatweretheninseason，andtheirheightofcolor。Shereferredlightlytoherfaintingseizureastheoutcomeofanoldpalpitationoftheheart。Impyfannedherasshelayonthesofa。

Thedoctorwasdueelsewhere，andIfollowedhimtothedoor。I

toldhimthatitwaswithinmypowerandintentionstomakeareasonableadvanceofmoneytoAzaleaAdaironfuturecontributionstothemagazine，andheseemedpleased。

“Bytheway，“hesaid，“perhapsyouwouldliketoknowthatyouhavehadroyaltyforacoachman。OldCaesar”sgrandfatherwasakinginCongo。Caesarhimselfhasroyalways，asyoumayhaveobserved。”

AsthedoctorwasmovingoffIheardUncleCaesar”svoiceinside：

“Didhegetbofeofdemtwodollarsfromyou，Mis”Zalea？“

“Yes，Caesar，“IheardAzaleaAdairanswerweakly。AndthenI

wentinandconcludedbusinessnegotiationswithourcontributor。

Iassumedtheresponsibilityofadvancingfiftydollars，puttingitasanecessaryformalityinbindingourbargain。AndthenUncleCaesardrovemebacktothehotel。

HereendsallofthestoryasfarasIcantestifyasawitness。Therestmustbeonlybarestatementsoffacts。

Ataboutsixo”clockIwentoutforastroll。UncleCaesarwasathiscorner。Hethrewopenthedoorofhiscarriage，flourishedhisdusterandbeganhisdepressingformula：“Steprightin，suh。

Fiftycentstoanywhereinthecity——hack”spufficklyclean，suh——

jus”gotbackfromafuneral”

Andthenherecognizedme。Ithinkhiseyesightwasgettingbad。

Hiscoathadtakenonafewmorefadedshadesofcolor，thetwinestringsweremorefrayedandragged，thelastremainingbutton——

thebuttonofyellowhorn——wasgone。AmotleydescendantofkingswasUncleCaesar！

AbouttwohourslaterIsawanexcitedcrowdbesiegingthefrontofadrugstore。Inadesertwherenothinghappensthiswasmanna；soIedgedmywayinside。OnanextemporizedcouchofemptyboxesandchairswasstretchedthemortalcorporealityofMajorWentworthCaswell。Adoctorwastestinghimfortheimmortalingredient。Hisdecisionwasthatitwasconspicuousbyitsabsence。

TheerstwhileMajorhadbeenfounddeadonadarkstreetandbroughtbycuriousandennuiedcitizenstothedrugstore。Thelatehumanbeinghadbeenengagedinterrificbattle——thedetailsshowedthat。Loaferandreprobatethoughhehadbeen，hehadbeenalsoawarrior。Buthehadlost。Hishandswereyetclinchedsotightlythathisfingerswouldnotbeopened。Thegentlecitizenswhohadknowhimstoodaboutandsearchedtheirvocabulariestofindsomegoodwords，ifitwerepossible，tospeakofhim。

Onekind-lookingmansaid，aftermuchthought：“When”Cas”wasaboutfo”teenhewasoneofthebestspellersinschool。”

WhileIstoodtherethefingersoftherighthandof“themanthatwas“whichhungdownthesideofawhitepinebox，relaxed，anddroppedsomethingatmyfeet。Icovereditwithonefootquietly，andalittlelateronIpickeditupandpocketedit。Ireasonedthatinhislaststrugglehishandmusthaveseizedthatobjectunwittinglyandhelditinadeathgrip。

Atthehotelthatnightthemaintopicofconversation，withthepossibleexceptionsofpoliticsandprohibition，wasthedemiseofMajorCaswell。Iheardonemansaytoagroupoflisteners：

“Inmyopinion，gentlemen，Caswellwasmurderedbysommeoftheseno-accountniggersforhismoney。Hehadfiftydollarsthisafternoonwhichheshowedtoseveralgentlemeninthehotel。Whenhewasfoundthemoneywasnotonhisperson。”

Ileftthecitythenextmorningatnine，andasthetrainwascrossingthebridgeovertheCumberlandRiverItookoutofmypocketayellowhornovercoatbuttonthesizeofafifty-centpiece，withfrayedendsofcoarsetwinehangingfromit，andcastitoutofthewindowintotheslow，muddywatersbelow。

_Iwonderwhat”sdoinginBuffalo！_

XIV

PSYCHEANDTHEPSKYSCRAPER

Ifyouareaphilosopheryoucandothisthing：youcangotothetopofahighbuilding，lookdownuponyourfellow-men300feetbelow，anddespisethemasinsects。Liketheirresponsibleblackwaterbugsonsummerponds，theycrawlandcircleandhustleaboutidioticallywithoutaimorpurpose。Theydonotevenmovewiththeadmirableintelligenceofants，forantsalwaysknowwhentheyaregoinghome。Theantisofalowlystation，buthewilloftenreachhomeandgethisslippersonwhileyouareleftatyourelevatedstation。

Man，then，tothehousetoppedphilosopher，appearstobebutacreeping，contemptiblebeetle。Brokers，poets，millionaires，bootblacks，beauties，hod-carriersandpoliticiansbecomelittleblackspecksdodgingbiggerblackspecksinstreetsnowiderthanyourthumb。

Fromthishighviewthecityitselfbecomesdegradedtoanunintelligiblemassofdistortedbuildingsandimpossibleperspectives；thereveredoceanisaduckpond；theearthitselfalostgolfball。Alltheminutiaeoflifearegone。

Thephilosophergazesintotheinfiniteheavensabovehim，andallowshissoultoexpandtotheinfluenceofhisnewview。HefeelsthatheistheheirtoEternityandthechildofTime。Space，too，shouldbehisbytherightofhisimmortalheritage，andhethrillsatthethoughtthatsomedayhiskindshalltraversetheosemysteriousaerialroadsbetweenplanetandplanet。ThetinyworldbeneathhisfeetuponwhichthistoweringstructureofsteelrestsasaspeckofdustuponaHimalayanmountain——itisbutoneofacountlessnumberofsuchwhirlingatoms。Whataretheambitions，theachievements，thepaltryconquestsandlovesofthoserestlessblackinsectsbelowcomparedwiththesereneandawfulimmensityoftheuniversethatliesaboveandaroundtheirinsignificantcity？

Itisguaranteedthatthephilosopherwillhavethesethoughts。

Theyhavebeenexpresslycompiledfromthephilosophiesoftheworldandsetdownwiththeproperinterrogationpointattheendofthemtorepresenttheinvariablemusingsofdeepthinkersonhighplaces。Andwhenthephilosophertakestheelevatordownhismindisbroader，hisheartisatpeace，andhisconceptionofthecosmogonyofcreationisaswideasthebuckleofOrion”ssummerbelt。

ButifyournamehappenedtobeDaisy，andyouworkedinanEighthAvenuecandystoreandlivedinalittlecoldhallbedroom，fivefeetbyeight，andearned$6perweek，andateten-centlunchesandwerenineteenyearsold，andgotupat6：30andworkedtill9，andneverhadstudiedphilosophy，maybethingswouldn”tlookthatwaytoyoufromthetopofaskyscraper。

TwosighedforthehandofDaisy，theunphilosophical。OnewasJoe，whokeptthesmalleststoreinNewYork。Itwasaboutthesizeofatool-boxoftheD。P。W。，andwasstucklikeaswallow”snestagainstacornerofadown-townskyscraper。Itsstockconsistedoffruit，candies，newspapers，songbooks，cigarettes，andlemonadeinseason。WhensternwintershookhiscongealedlocksandJoehadtomovehimselfandthefruitinside，therewasexactlyroominthestorefortheproprietor，hiswares，astovethesizeofavinegarcruet，andonecustomer。

Joewasnotofthenationthatkeepsusforeverinafurorewithfuguesandfruit。HewasacapableAmericanyouthwhowaslayingbymoney，andwantedDaisytohelphimspendit。Threetimeshehadaskedher。

“Igotmoneysavedup，Daisy，“washislovesong；“andyouknowhowbadIwantyou。Thatstoreofmineain”tverybig，but”

“Oh，ain”tit？“wouldbetheantiphonyoftheunphilosophicalone。

“Why，IheardWanamaker”swastryingtogetyoutosubletpartofyourfloorspacetothemfornextyear。”

DaisypassedJoe”scornereverymorningandevening。

“Hello，Two-by-Four！“washerusualgreeting。“Seemstomeyourstorelooksemptier。Youmusthavesoldapackofchewinggum。”

Ain”tmuchroominhere，sure，“Joewouldanswer，withhisslowgrin，“exceptforyou，Daise。Meandthestorearewaitin”foryouwheneveryou”lltakeus。Don”tyouthinkyoumightbeforelong？“

“Store！“——afinescornwasexpressedbyDaisy”suptiltednose——

“sardinebox！Waitin”forme，yousay？Gee！you”dhavetothrowoutaboutahundredpoundsofcandybeforeIcouldgetinsideofit，Joe。”

“Iwouldn”tmindanevenswaplikethat，“saidJoe，complimentary。

Daisy”sexistencewaslimitedineveryway。Shehadtowalksidewaysbetweenthecounterandtheshelvesinthecandystore。

Inherownhallbedroomcozinesshadbeencarriedclosetocohesiveness。ThewallsweresoneartooneanotherthatthepaperonthemmadeaperfectBabelofnoise。Shecouldlightthegaswithonehandandclosethedoorwiththeotherwithouttakinghereyesoffthereflectionofherbrownpompadourinthemirror。ShehadJoe”spictureinagiltframeonthedresser，andsometimes——buthernextthoughtwouldalwaysbeofJoe”sfunnylittlestoretackedlikeasoapboxtothecornerofthatgreatbuilding，andawaywouldgohersentimentinabreezeoflaughter。

Daisy”sothersuitorfollowedJoebyseveralmonths。Hecametoboardinthehousewhereshelived。HisnamewasDabster，andhewasaphilosopher。Thoughyoung，attainmentsstoodoutuponhimlikecontinentallabelsonaPassaic(N。J。)suit-case。

Knowledgehehadkidnappedfromcyclopediasandhandbooksofusefulinformation；butasforwisdom，whenshepassedhewasleftsnifflingintheroadwithoutsomuchasthenumberofhermotorcar。Hecouldandwouldtellyoutheproportionofwaterandmuscle-makingpropertiesofpeasandveal，theshortestverseintheBible，thenumberofpoundsofshinglenailsrequiredtofasten256shingleslaidfourinchestotheweather，thepopulationofKankakee，Ill。，thetheoriesofSpinoza，thenameofMr。H。McKayTwombly”ssecondhallfootman，thelengthoftheHoosacTunnel，thebesttimetosetahen，thesalaryoftherailwaypost-officemessengerbetweenDriftwoodandRedBankFurnace，Pa。，andthenumberofbonesintheforelegofacat。

TheweightoflearningwasnohandicaptoDabster。Hisstatisticswerethesprigsofparsleywithwhichhegarnishedthefeastofsmalltalkthathewouldsetbeforeyouifheconceivedthattobeyourtaste。Andagainheusedthemasbreastworksinforagingattheboardinghouse。Firingatyouavolleyoffiguresconcerningtheweightofalinealfootofbar-iron5x23/4inches，andtheaverageannualrainfallatFortSnelling，Minn。，hewouldtransfixwithhisforkthebestpieceofchickenonthedishwhileyouweretryingtorallysufficientlytoaskhimweaklywhydoesahencrosstheroad。

Thus，brightlyarmed，andfurtherequippedwithameasureofgoodlooks，ofahair-oily，shopping-district-at-three-in-the-afternoonkind，itseemsthatJoe，oftheLilliputianemporium，hadarivalworthyofhissteel。

ButJoecarriednosteel。Therewouldn”thavebeenroominhisstoretodrawitifhehad。

OneSaturdayafternoon，aboutfouro”clock，DaisyandMr。DabsterstoppedbeforeJoe”sbooth。Dabsterworeasilkhat，and——well，Daisywasawoman，andthathathadnochancetogetbackinitsboxuntilJoehadseenit。Astickofpineapplechewinggumwastheostensibleobjectofthecall。Joesupplieditthroughtheopensideofhisstore。Hedidnotpaleorfalteratsightofthehat。

“Mr。Dabster”sgoingtotakemeontopofthebuildingtoobservetheview，“saidDaisy，aftershehadintroducedheradmirers。“I

neverwasonaskyscraper。Iguessitmustbeawfullyniceandfunnyupthere。”

“H”m！“saidJoe。

“Thepanorama，“saidMr。Dabster，“exposedtothegazefromthetopofaloftybuildingisnotonlysublime，butinstructive。MissDaisyhasadecidedpleasureinstoreforher。”

“It”swindyupthere，too，aswellashere，“saidJoe。“Areyoudressedwarmenough，Daise？“

“Surething！I”malllined，“saidDaisy，smilingslylyathiscloudedbrow。“Youlookjustlikeamummyinacase，Joe。Ain”tyoujustputinaninvoiceofapintofpeanutsoranotherapple？Yourstocklooksawfulover-stocked。”

Daisygiggledatherfavoritejoke；andJoehadtosmilewithher。

“Yourquartersaresomewhatlimited，Mr——er——er，“remarkedDabster，“incomparisonwiththesizeofthisbuilding。I

understandtheareaofitssidetobeabout340by100feet。

ThatwouldmakeyouoccupyaproportionatespaceasifhalfofBeloochistanwereplaceduponaterritoryaslargeastheUnitedStateseastoftheRockyMountains，withtheProvinceofOntarioandBelgiumadded。”

“Isthatso，sport？“saidJoe，genially。“YouareWeisenheimeronfigures，allright。Howmanysquarepoundsofbaledhaydoyouthinkajackasscouldeatifhestoppedbrayin”longenoughtokeepstillaminuteandfiveeighths？“

AfewminuteslaterDaisyandMr。Dabstersteppedfromanelevatortothetopflooroftheskyscraper。Thenupashort，steepstairwayandoutupontheroof。Dabsterledhertotheparapetsoshecouldlookdownattheblackdotsmovinginthestreetbelow。

“Whatarethey？“sheasked，trembling。Shehadneverbeforebeenonaheightlikethisbefore。

AndthenDabstermustneedsplaythephilosopheronthetower，andconducthersoulforthtomeettheimmensityofspace。

“Bipeds，“hesaid，solemnly。“Seewhattheybecomeevenatthesmallelevationof340feet——merecrawlinginsectsgoingtoandfroatrandom。”

“Oh，theyain”tanythingofthekind，“exclaimedDaisy，suddenly——

“they”refolks！Isawanautomobile。Oh，gee！arewethathighup？“

“Walkoverthisway，“saidDabster。

Heshowedherthegreatcitylyinglikeanorderlyarrayoftoysfarbelow，starredhereandthere，earlyasitwas，bythefirstbeaconlightsofthewinterafternoon。Andthenthebayandseatothesouthandeastvanishingmysteriouslyintothesky。

“Idon”tlikeit，“declaredDaisy，withtroubledblueeyes。“Saywegodown。”

Butthephilosopherwasnottobedeniedhisopportunity。Hewouldletherbeholdthegrandeurofhismind，thehalf-nelsonhehadontheinfinite，andthememoryhehadforstatistics。AndthenshewouldnevermorebecontenttobuychewinggumaatthesmalleststoreinNewYork。Andsohebegantoprateofthesmallnessofhumanaffairs，andhowthatevensoslightaremovalfromearthmademanandhisworkslooklikeonetenthpartofadollarthricecomputed。AndthatoneshouldconsiderthesiderealsystemandthemaximsofEpictetusandbecomforted。

“Youdon”tcarrymewithyou，“saidDaisy。“Say，Ithinkit”sawfultobeupsohighthatfolkslooklikefleas。OneofthemwesawmighthavebeenJoe。Why，Jiminy！wemightaswellbeinNewJersey！Say，I”mafraiduphere！“

Thephilosophersmiledfatuously。

“Theearth，“saidhe，“isitselfonlyasagrainofwheatinspace。

Lookupthere。”

Daisygazedupwardapprehensively。Theshortdaywasspentandthestarswerecomingoutabove。

“Yonderstar，“saidDabster，“isVenus，theeveningstar。Sheis66，000，000milesfromthesun。”

“Fudge！“saidDaisy，withabriefflashofspirit，“wheredoyouthinkIcomefrom——Brooklyn？SusiePrice，inourstore——herbrothersentheratickettogotoSanFrancisco——that”sonlythreethousandmiles。”

Thephilosophersmiledindulgently。

“Ourworld，“hesaid，“is91，000，000milesfromthesun。Thereareeighteenstarsofthefirstmagnitudethatare211，000timesfurtherfromusthanthesunis。Ifoneofthemshouldbeextinguisheditwouldbethreeyearsbeforewewouldseeitslightgoout。Therearesixthousandstarsofthesixthmagnitude。Ittakesthirty-sixyearsforthelightofoneofthemtoreachtheearth。Withaneighteen-foottelescopewecansee43，000，000

stars，includingthoseofthethirteenthmagnitude，whoselighttakes2，700yearstoreachus。Eachofthesestars”

“You”relyin”，“criedDaisy，angrily。“You”retryin”toscareme。

Andyouhave；Iwanttogodown！“

Shestampedherfoot。

“Arcturus”beganthephilosopher，soothingly，buthewasinterruptedbyademonstrationoutofthevastnessofthenaturethathewasendeavoringtoportraywithhismemoryinsteadofhisheart。Fortotheheart-expounderofnaturethestarsweresetinthefirmamentexpresslytogivesoftlighttoloverswanderinghappilybeneaththem；andifyoustandtiptoesomeSeptembernightwithyoursweetheartonyourarmyoucanalmosttouchthemwithyourhand。Threeyearsfortheirlighttoreachus，indeed！

Outofthewestleapedameteor，lightingtheroofoftheskyscraperalmosttomidday。Itsfieryparabolawaslimnedagainsttheskytowardtheeast。Ithissedasitwent，andDaisyscreamed。

“Takemedown，“shecried，vehemently，“you——youmentalarithmetic！“

Dabstergothertotheelevator，andinsideofit。Shewaswild-

eyed，andsheshudderedwhentheexpressmadeitsdebilitatingdrop。

Outsidetherevolvingdooroftheskyscraperthephilosopherlosther。Shevanished；andhestood，bewildered，withoutfiguresorstatisticstoaidhim。

Joehadalullintrade，andbysquirmingamonghisstocksucceededinlightingacigaretteandgettingonecoldfootagainsttheattenuatedstove。

Thedoorwasburstopen，andDaisy，laughing，crying，scatteringfruitandcandies，tumbledintohisarms。

“Oh，Joe，I”vebeenupontheskyscraper。Ain”titcozyandwarmandhomelikeinhere！I”mreadyforyou，Joe，wheneveryouwantme。”

XV

ABIRDOFBAGDAD

WithoutadoubtmuchofthespiritandgeniusoftheCaliphHarunAlRashiddescendedtotheMargraveAugustMichaelvonPaulsenQuigg。

Quigg”srestaurantisinFourthAvenue——thatstreetthatthecityseemstohaveforgotteninitsgrowth。FourthAvenue——bornandbredintheBowery——staggersnorthwardfullofgoodresolutions。

WhereitcrossesFourteenthStreetitstrutsforabriefmomentproudlyintheglareofthemuseumsandcheaptheatres。Itmayyetbecomeafitmateforitshigh-bornsisterboulevardtothewest，oritsroaring，polyglot，broad-waistedcousintotheeast。ItpassesUnionSquare；andherethehoofsofthedrayhorsesseemtothunderinunison，recallingthetreadofmarchinghosts——Hooray！Butnowcomethesilentandterriblemountains——buildingssquareasforts，highastheclouds，shuttingoutthesky，wherethousandsofslavesbendoverdesksallday。Onthegroundfloorsareonlylittlefruitshopsandlaundriesandbookshops，whereyouseecopiesof“Littell”sLivingAge“andG。W。M。Reynold”snovelsinthewindows。

Andnext——poorFourthAvenue！——thestreetglidesintoamediaevalsolitude。Oneachsideareshopsdevotedto“Antiques。”

Letussayitisnight。Meninrustyarmorstandinthewindowsandmenacethehurryingcarswithraised，rustyirongauntlets。

Hauberksandhelms，blunderbusses，Cromwellianbreastplates，matchlocks，creeses，andtheswordsanddaggersofanarmyofdead-and-gonegallantsgleamdullyintheghostlylight。Hereandtherefromacornersaloon(litwithJack-o”-lanternsorphosphorus)，staggerforthshuddering，home-boundcitizens，nervedbythetankardswithintotheirfearsomejourneyadownthateldrichavenuelinedwiththebloodstainedweaponsofthefightingdead。Whatstreetcouldliveinclosedbythesemortuaryrelics，andtrodbythesespectralcitizensinwhosesunkenheartsscarceonegoodwhooportra-la-laremained？

NotFourthAvenue。NotafterthetinselbutenliveninggloriesoftheLittleRialto——notaftertheechoingdrum-beatsofUnionSquare。

Thereneedbenotears，ladiesandgentlemen；”tisbutthesuicideofastreet。WithashriekandacrashFourthAvenuedivesheadlongintothetunnelatThirty-fourthandisneverseenagain。

Nearthesadsceneofthethoroughfare”sdissolutionstoodthemodestrestaurantofQuigg。Itstandsthereyetifyoucaretoviewitscrumblingred-brickfront，itsshowwindowheapedwithoranges，tomatoes，layercakes，pies，cannedasparagus——itspapier-m^ach”elobsterandtwoMaltesekittensasleeponabunchoflettuce——ifyoucaretositatoneofthelittletablesuponwhoseclothhasbeentracedintheyellowestofcoffeestainsthetrailoftheJapaneseadvance——tosittherewithoneeyeonyourumbrellaandtheotheruponthebogusbottlefromwhichyoudropthecounterfeitsaucefoisteduponusbythecursedcharlatanwhoassumestobeourdearoldlordandfriend，the“NoblemaninIndia。”

Quigg”stitlecamethroughhismother。OneofherancestorswasaMargravineofSaxony。HisfatherwasaTammanybrave。OnaccountofthedilutionofhisheredityhefoundthathecouldneitherbecomeareigningpotentatenorgetajobintheCityHall。Soheopenedarestaurant。Hewasamanfullofthoughtandreading。

Thebusinessgavehimaliving，thoughhegaveitlittleattention。

Onesideofhishousebequeathedtohimapoeticandromanticadventure。Theotherhavehimtherestlessspiritthatmadehimseekadventure。BydayhewasQuigg，therestaurateur。BynighthewastheMargrave——theCaliph——thePrinceofBohemia——goingaboutthecityinsearchoftheodd，themysterious，theinexplicable，therecondite。

Onenightat9，atwhichhourtherestaurantclosed，Quiggsetforthuponhisquest。Therewasaminglingoftheforeign，themilitaryandtheartisticinhisappearanceashebuttonedhiscoathighupunderhisshort-trimmedbrownandgraybeardandturnedwestwardtowardthemorecentrallifeconduitsofthecity。Inhispockethehadstoredanassortmentofcards，writtenupon，withoutwhichheneverstirredoutofdoors。Eachofthosecardswasgoodathisownrestaurantforitsfacevalue。Somecalledsimplyforabowlofsouporsandwichesandcoffee；othersentitledtheirbearertoone，two，threeormoredaysoffullmeals；afewwereforsingleregularmeals；averyfewwere，ineffect，mealticketsgoodforaweek。

OfrichesandpowerMargraveQuigghadnone；buthehadaCaliph”sheart——itmaybeforgivenhimifhisheadfellshortofthemeasureofHarunAlRashid”s。PerhapssomeofthegoldpiecesinBagdadhadputlesswarmthandhopeintothecomplainantsamongthebazaarsthanhadQuigg”sbeefstewamongthefishermenandone-eyedcalendersofManhattan。

Continuinghisprogressinsearchofromancetodiverthim，orofdistressthathemightaid，Quiggbecameawareofafast-

gatheringcrowdthatwhoopedandfoughtandeddiedatacornerofBroadwayandthecrosstownstreetthathewastraversing。

Hurryingtothespothebeheldayoungmanofanexceedinglymelancholyandpreoccupieddemeanorengagedinthepastimeofcastingsilvermoneyfromhispocketsinthemiddleofthestreet。Witheachmotionofthegenerousone”shandthecrowdhuddleduponthefallinglargessewithyellsofjoy。Trafficwassuspended。Apolicmaninthecentreofthemobstoopedoftentothegroundasheurgedtheblockaderstomoveon。

TheMargravesawataglancethatherewasfoodforhishungerafterknowledgeconcerningabnormalworkingofthehumanheart。

Hemadehiswayswiftlytotheyoungman”ssideandtookhisarm。

“Comewithmeatonce，“hesaid，inthelowbutcommandingvoicethathiswaitershadlearnedtofear。

“Pinched，“remarkedtheyoungman，lookingupathimwithexpressionlesseyes。“Pinchedbyapainlessdentist。Takemeaway，flatty，andgivemegas。Somelayeggsandsomelaynone。

Whenisahen？“

Stilldeeplyseizedbysomeinwardgrief，buttractable，heallowedQuiggtoleadhimawayanddownthestreettoalittlepark。

There，seatedonabench，heuponwhomacornerofthegreatCaliph”smantlehasdescended，spakewithkindnessanddiscretion，seekingtoknowwhatevilhadcomeupontheother，disturbinghissoulanddrivinghimtosuchill-consideredandruinouswasteofhissubstanceandstores。

“IwasdoingtheMonteCristoactasadaptedbyPompton，N。J。，wasn”tI？“askedtheyoungman。

“Youwerethrowingsmallcoinsintothestreetforthepeopletoscrambleafter，“saidtheMargrave。

“That”sit。Youbuyallthebeeryoucanhold，andthenyouthrowchickenfeedto——Oh，cursethatwordchicken，andhens，feathers，roosters，eggs，andeverythingconnectedwithit！“

“Youngsir，“saidtheMargravekindly，butwithdignity，“thoughI

donotaskyourconfidence，Iinviteit。IknowtheworldandI

knowhumanity。Manismystudy，thoughIdonoteyehimasthescientisteyesabeetleorasthephilanthropistgazesattheobjectsofhisbounty——throughaveiloftheoryandignorance。Itismypleasureanddistractiontointerestmyselfinthepeculiarandcomplicatedmisfortunesthatlifeinagreatcityvisitsuponmyfellow-men。Youmaybefamiliarwiththehistoryofthatgloriousandimmortalruler，theCaliphHarunAlRashid，whosewiseandbeneficentexcursionsamonghispeopleinthecityofBagdadsecuredhimtheprivilegeofrelievingsomuchoftheirdistress。

InmyhumblewayIwalkinhisfootsteps。Iseekforromanceandadventureincitystreets——notinruinedcastlesorincrumblingpalaces。Tomethegreatestmarvelsofmagicarethosethattakeplaceinmen”sheartswhenacteduponbythefuriousanddiverseforcesofacrowdedpopulation。InyourstrangebehaviorthiseveningIfancyastorylurks。Ireadinyouractsomethingdeeperthanthewantonwastefulnessofaspendthrift。Iobserveinyourcountenancethecertaintracesofconsuminggriefordespair。I

repeat——Iinviteyourconfidence。Iamnotwithoutsomepowertoalleviateandadvise。Willyounottrustme？“

“Gee，howyoutalk！“exclaimedtheyoungman，agleamofadmirationsupplantingforamomentthedullsadnessofhiseyes。“You”vegottheAstorLibraryskinnedtoasynopsisofprecedingchapters。

ImindthatoldTurkyouspeakof。Iread”TheArabianNights”

whenIwasakid。HewasakindofBillDeveryandCharlieSchwabrolledintoone。But，say，youmightwaveenchanteddishragsandmakecopperbottlessmokeupcoongiantsallnightwithoutevertouchingme。Mycasewon”tyieldtothatkindoftreatment。”

“IfIcouldhearyourstory，“saidtheMargrave，withhislofty，serioussmile。

“I”llspielitinaboutninewords，“saidtheyoungman，withadeepsigh，“butIdon”tthinkyoucanhelpmeany。Unlessyou”reapeachatguessingit”sbacktotheBosphorousforyouonyourmagiclinoleum。”

THESTORYOFTHEYOUNGMANANDTHEHARNESSMAKER”SRIDDLE

“IworkinHildebrant”ssaddleandharnessshopdowninGrantStreet。I”veworkedtherefiveyears。Iget$18aweek。That”senoughtomarryon，ain”tit？Well，I”mnotgoingtogetmarried。

OldHildebrantisoneofthesefunnyDutchmen——youknowthekind——alwaysgettingoffbumjokes。He”sgotaboutamillionriddlesandthingsthathefakedfromRogersBrothers”great-

grandfather。BillWatsonworksthere，too。MeandBillhavetostandforthemchestnutsdayafterday。Whydowedoit？Well，jobsain”ttobepickedoffeveryAnheuserbush——Andthenthere”sLaura。

“What？Theoldman”sdaughter。Comesintheshopeveryday。

Aboutnineteen，andthepictureoftheblondethatsitsonthepalisadesoftheRhineandcharmstheclam-diggersintothesurf。

Hairthecolorofstrawmatting，andeyesasblackandshinyasthebestharnessblacking——thinkofthat！

“Me？well，it”seithermeorBillWatson。Shetreatsusbothequal。

Billisalltothepsychopathicabouther；andme？——well，yousawmeplatingtheroadbedoftheGreatMaroonWaywithsilverto-

night。ThatwasonaccountofLaura。Iwasspiflicated，YourHighness，andIwotnotofwhatIwouldst。

“How？Why，oldHildebrandtsaytomeandBillthisafternoon：”Boys，oneriddlehaveIforyougehabthaben。Ayoungmanwhocannotriddlesantworten，heisnotsogoodbybusinessforeinfamilytoprovide——isnotthat——hein？”Andhehandsusariddle——

aconundrum，somecallsit——andhechucklesinteriorlyandgivesbothofustillto-morrowmorningtoworkouttheanswertoit。

Andhesayswhicheverofusguessesthereparteeendofitgoestohishouseo”Wednesdaynighttohisdaughter”sbirthdayparty。

AnditmeansLauraforwhicheverofusgoes，forshe”snaturallyachingforahusband，andit”seithermeorBillWatson，foroldHildebrantlikesusboth，andwantshertomarrysomebodythat”llcarryonthebusinessafterhe”sstitchedhislastpairoftraces。

“Theriddle？Why，itwasthis：”Whatkindofahenlaysthelongest？Thinkofthat！Whatkindofahenlaysthelongest？

Ain”titlikeaDutchmantoriskaman”shappinessonafoolpropositionlikethat？Now，what”stheuse？WhatIdon”tknowabouthenswouldfillseveralincubators。Yousayyou”regivingimitationsoftheoldArabguythatgaveaway——librariesinBagdad。

Well，now，canyouwhistleupafairythat”llsolvethishenquery，ornot？“

WhentheyoungmanceasedtheMargravearoseandpacedtoandfrobytheparkbenchforseveralminutes。Finallyhesatagain，andsaid，ingraveandimpressivetones：

“Imustconfess，sir，thatduringtheeightyearsthatIhavespentinsearchofadventureandinrelievingdistressIhaveneverencounteredamoreinterestingoramoreperplexingcase。IfearthatIhaveoverlookedhensinmyresearchesandobservations。Astotheirhabits，theirtimesandmanneroflaying，theirmanyvarietiesandcross-breedings，theirspanoflife，their”

“Oh，don”tmakeanIbsendramaofit！“interruptedtheyoungman，flippantly。“Riddles——especiallyoldHildebrant”sriddles——don”thavetobeworkedoutseriously。TheyarelightthemessuchasSimFordandHarryThurstonPeckliketohandle。But，somehow，Ican”tstrikejusttheanswer。BillWatsonmay，andhemaynot。

To-morrowwilltell。Well，YourMajesty，I”mgladanyhowthatyoubuttedinandwhiledthetimeaway。IguessMr。AlRashidhimselfwouldhavebouncedbackifoneofhisconstituentshadconductedhimupagainstthisriddle。I”llsaygoodnight。Peacefo”yours，andwhat-you-may-call-itsofAllah。”

TheMargrave，stillwithagloomyair，heldouthishand。

“Icannotexppressmyregret，“hesaid，sadly。“NeverbeforehaveIfoundmyselfunabletoassistinsomeway。”Whatkindofahenlaysthelongest？Itisabafflingproblem。Thereisahen，I

believe，calledthePlymouthRockthat”

“Cutitout，“saidtheyoungman。“TheCaliphtradeisamightyseriousone。Idon”tsupposeyou”devenseeanythingfunnyinapreacher”sdefenseofJohnD。Rockefeller。Well，goodnight，YourNibs。”

FromhabittheMargravebegantofumbleinhispockets。Hedrewforthacardandhandedittotheyoungman。

“Domethefavortoacceptthis，anyhow，“hesaid。“Thetimemaycomewhenitmightbeofusetoyou。”

“Thanks！“saidtheyoungman，pocketingitcarelessly。“MynameisSimmons。”

******

Shametohimwhowouldhintthatthereader”sinterestshallaltogetherpursuetheMargraveAugustMichaelvonPaulsenQuigg。Iamindeedastrayifmyhandfailinkeepingthewaywheremyperuser”sheartwouldfollow。Thenletus，onthemorrow，peepquicklyinatthedoorofHildebrant，harnessmaker。

Hildebrant”s200poundsreposedonabench，silverbucklingarawleathermartingale。

BillWatsoncameinfirst。

“Vell，“saidHildebrant，shakingalloverwiththevileconceitofthejoke-maker，“hafyouguessedhim？”Vatkindofahenlaysderlongest？”“

“Er——why，Ithinkso，“saidBill，rubbingaservilechin。“Ithinkso，Mr。Hildebrant——theonethatlivesthelongest——Isthatright？“

“Nein！“saidHildebrant，shakinghisheadviolently。“Youhafnotguessedderanswer。”

Billpassedonanddonnedabed-tickapronandbachelorhood。

IncametheyoungmanoftheArabianNight”sfiasco——pale，melancholy，hopeless。

“Vell，“saidHildebrant，“hafyouguessedhim？”Vatkindofahenlaysderlongest？”“

Simmonsregardedhimwithdullsavageryinhiseye。Shouldhecursethismountainofpernicioushumor——cursehimanddie？

Whyshould——ButtherewasLaura。

Dogged，speechless，hethrusthishandsintohiscoatpocketsandstood。HishandencounteredthestrangetouchoftheMargrave”scard。Hedrewitoutandlookedatit，asmenabouttobehangedlookatacrawlingfly。TherewaswrittenonitinQuigg”sbold，roundhand：“Goodforoneroastchickentobearer。”

Simmonslookedupwithaflashingeye。

“Adeadone！“saidhe。

“Goot！“roaredHildebrant，rockingthetablewithgiantglee。“Dotisright！Yougomeatminehouseat8o”clocktoderparty。”

XVI

COMPLIMENTSOFTHESEASON

TherearenomoreChristmasstoriestowrite。Fictionisexhausted；

andnewspaperitems，thenextbest，aremanufacturedbycleveryoungjournalistswhohavemarriedearlyandhaveanengaginglypessimisticviewoflife。Therefore，forseasonablediversion，wearereducedtoveryquestionablesources——factsandphilosophy。

Wewillbeginwith——whicheveryouchoosetocallit。

Childrenarepestilentiallittleanimalswithwhichwehavetocopeunderabewilderingvarietyofconditions。Especiallywhenchildishsorrowsoverwhelmthemareweputtoourwits”end。Weexhaustourpaltrystoreofconsolation；andthenbeatthem，sobbing，tosleep。Thenwegrovelinthedustofamillionyears，andaskGodwhy。Thuswecalloutoftherat-trap。Asforthechildren，nooneunderstandsthemexceptoldmaids，hunchbacks，andshepherddogs。

NowcomesthefactsinthecaseoftheRag-Doll，theTatterdemalion，andtheTwenty-fifthofDecember。

OnthetenthofthatmonththeChildoftheMillionairelostherrag-doll。ThereweremanyservantsintheMillionaire”spalaceontheHudson，andtheseransackedthehouseandgrounds，butwithoutfindingthelosttreasure。Thechildwasagirloffive，andoneofthoseperverselittlebeaststhatoftenwoundthesensibilitiesofwealthyparentsbyfixingtheiraffectionsuponsomevulgar，inexpensivetoyinsteadofupondiamond-studdedautomobilesandponyphaetons。

TheChildgrievedsorelyandtruly，athinginexplicabletotheMillionaire，towhomtherag-dollmarketwasaboutasinterestingasBayStateGas；andtotheLady，theChild”smother，whowasallform——thatis，nearlyall，asyoushallsee。

TheChildcriedinconsolably，andgrewhollow-eyed，knock-kneed，spindling，andcorykilvertyinmanyotherrespects。TheMillionairesmiledandtappedhiscoffersconfidently。ThepickoftheoutputoftheFrenchandGermantoymakerswasrushedbyspecialdeliverytothemansion；butRachelrefusedtobecomforted。Shewasweepingforherragchild，andwasforahighprotectivetariffagainstallforeignfoolishness。Thendoctorswiththefinestbedsidemannersandstop-watcheswerecalledin。Onebyonetheychatteredfutilelyaboutpeptomanganateofironandseavoyagesandhypophosphitesuntiltheirstop-watchesshowedthatBillRenderedwasunderthewireforshoworplace。Then，asmen，theyadvisedthattherag-dollbefoundassoonaspossibleandrestoredtoitsmourningparent。TheChildsniffedattherapeutics，chewedathumb，andwailedforherBetsy。AndallthistimecablegramswerecomingfromSantaClaussayingthathewouldsoonbehereandenjoiningustoshowatrueChristianspiritandletuponthepool-roomsandtontinepoliciesandplatoonsystemslongenoughtogivehimawelcome。EverywherethespiritofChristmaswasdiffusingitself。

Thebankswererefusingloans，thepawn-brokershaddoubledtheirgangofhelpers，peoplebumpedyourshinsonthestreetswithredsleds，ThomasandJeremiahbubbledbeforeyouonthebarswhileyouwaitedononefoot，holly-wreathsofhospitalitywerehunginwindowsofthestores，theywhohad”emweregettingtheirfurs。Youhardlyknewwhichwasthebestbetinballs——three，high，moth，orsnow。

Itwasnotimeatwhichtolosetherag-dolloryourheart。

IfDoctorWatson”sinvestigatingfriendhadbeencalledintosolvethismysteriousdisappearancehemighthaveobservedontheMillionaire”swallacopyof“TheVampire。”Thatwouldhavequicklysuggested，byinduction，“Aragandaboneandahankofhair。”“Flip，“aScotchterrier，nexttotherag-dollintheChild”sheart，friskedthroughthehalls。Thehankofhair！Aha！X，theunfoundquantity，representedtherag-doll。But，thebone？Well，whendogsfindbonesthey——Done！ItwereaneasyandafruitfultasktoexamineFlip”sforefeet。Look，Watson！Earth——driedearthbetweenthetoes。Ofcourse，thedog——butSherlockwasnotthere。

Thereforeitdevolves。Buttopographyandarchitecturemustintervene。

TheMillionaire”spalaceoccupiedalordlyspace。Infrontofitwasalawnclose-mowedasaSouthIrelandman”sfacetwodaysafterashave。Atonesideofit，andfrontingonanotherstreetwasapleasuancetrimmedtoaleaf，andthegarageandstables。TheScotchpuphadravishedtherag-dollfromthenursery，draggedittoacornerofthelawn，dugahole，andburieditafterthemannerofcarelessundertakers。Thereyouhavethemysterysolved，andnocheckstowriteforthehypodermicalwizardoffi”-punnotestotosstothesergeant。Thenlet”sgetdowntotheheartofthething，tiresomereaders——theChristmasheartofthething。

Fuzzywasdrunk——notriotouslyorhelplesslyorloquaciously，asyouorImightget，butdecently，appropriately，andinoffensively，asbecomesagentlemandownonhisluck。

Fuzzywasasoldierofmisfortune。Theroad，thehaystack，theparkbench，thekitchendoor，thebitterroundofeleemosynarybeds-with-shower-bath-attachment，thepettypickingsandignoblygarneredlargesseofgreatcities——theseformedthechaptersofhishistory。

Fuzzywalkedtowardtheriver，downthestreetthatboundedonesideoftheMillionaire”shouseandgrounds。HesawalegofBetsy，thelostrag-doll，protruding，likethecluetoaLilliputianmurdermystery，fromitsuntimelygraveinacornerofthefence。

Hedraggedforththemaltreatedinfant，tuckeditunderhisarm，andwentonhiswaycrooningaroadsongofhisbrethrrenthatnodollthathasbeenbroughtuptotheshelteredlifeshouldhear。

WellforBetsythatshehadnoears。Andwellthatshehadnoeyessaveunseeingcirclesofblack；forthefacesofFuzzyandtheScotchterrierwerethoseofbrothers，andtheheartofnorag-dollcouldwithstandtwicetobecomethepreyofsuchfearsomemonsters。

Thoughyoumaynotknowit，Grogan”ssaloonstandsneartheriverandnearthefootofthestreetdownwhichFuzzytraveled。InGrogan”s，Christmascheerwasalreadyrampant。

Fuzzyenteredwithhisdoll。HefanciedthatasamummeratthefeastofSaturnhemightearnafewdropsfromthewassailcup。

HesetBetsyonthebarandaddressedherloudlyandhumorously，seasoninghisspeechwithexaggeratedcomplimentsandendearments，asoneentertaininghisladyfriend。Theloafersandbibbersaroundcaughtthefarceofit，androared。ThebartendergaveFuzzyadrink。Oh，manyofuscarryrag-dolls。

“Oneforthelady？“suggestedFuzzyimpudently，andtuckedanothercontributiontoArtbeneathhiswaistcoat。

HebegantoseepossibilitiesinBetsy。Hisfirst-nighthadbeenasuccess。Visionsofavaudevillecircuitabouttowndawneduponhim。

Inagroupnearthestovesat“Pigeon“McCarthy，BlackRiley，and“One-ear“Mike，wellandunfavorablyknowninthetoughshoestringdistrictthatblackenedtheleftbankoftheriver。Theypassedanewspaperbackandforthamongthemselves。Theitemthateachsolidandbluntforefingerpointedoutwasanadvertisementheaded“OneHundredDollarsReward。”Toearnitonemustreturntherag-dolllost，strayed，orstolenfromtheMillionaire”smansion。

Itseemedthatgriefstillravaged，unchecked，inthebosomofthetoofaithfulChild。Flip，theterrier，caperedandshookhisabsurdwhiskerbeforeher，powerlesstodistract。ShewailedforherBetsyinthefacesofwalking，talking，mama-ing，andeye-closingFrenchMabellesandViolettes。Theadvertisementwasalastresort。

BlackRileycamefrombehindthestoveandapproachedFuzzyinhisone-sidedparabolicway。

TheChristmasmummer，flushedwithsuccess，hadtuckedBetsyunderhisarm，andwasabouttodeparttothefillingofimpromptudateselsewhere。

“Say，”Bo，“saidBlackRileytohim，“wheredidyoucopoutdatdoll？“

“Thisdoll？“askedFuzzy，touchingBetsywithhisforefingertobesurethatshewastheonereferredto。hisdollwaspresentedtomebytheEmperorofBeloochistan。IhavesevenhundredothersinmycountryhomeinNewport。Thisdoll”

“Cheesethefunnybusiness，“saidRiley。“Youswipeditorpickeditupatdehouseondehillwhere——butneverminddat。Youwanttotakefiftycentsforderags，andtakeitquick。Mebrother”skidathomemightbewantin”toplaywidit。Hey——what？“

Heproducedthecoin。

Fuzzylaughedagurgling，insolent，alcoholiclaughinhisface。

GototheofficeofSarahBernhardt”smanagerandproposetohimthatshebereleasedfromanight”sperformancetoentertaintheTackytownLyceumandLiteraryCoterie。YouwillheartheduplicateofFuzzy”slaugh。

BlackRileygaugedFuzzyquicklywithhisblueberryeyeasawrestlerdoes。HishandwasitchingtoplaytheRomanandwresttheragSabinefromtheextemporaneousmerry-andrewwhowasentertaininganangelunaware。Butherefrained。Fuzzywasfatandsolidandbig。Threeinchesofwell-nourishedcorporeity，defendedfromthewinterwindsbydingylinen，intervenedbetweenhisvestandtrousers。Countlesssmall，circularwrinklesrunningaroundhiscoat-sleevesandkneesguaranteedthequalityofhisboneandmuscle。Hissmall，blueeyes，bathedinthemoistureofaltruismandwooziness，lookeduponyoukindly，yetwithoutabashment。Hewaswhiskerly，whiskyly，fleshilyformidable。So，BlackRileytemporized。

“Wot”llyoutakeforit，den？“heasked。

“Money，“saidFuzzy，withhuskyfirmness，“cannotbuyher。”

Hewasintoxicatedwiththeartist”sfirstsweetcupofattainment。

Tosetafaded-blue，earth-stainedrag-dollonabar，toholdmimicconversewithit，andtofindhisheartleapingwiththesenseofplauditsearnedandhisthroatscorchingwithfreelibationspouredinhishonor——couldbasecoinbuyhimfromsuchachievements？YouwillperceivethatFuzzyhadthetemperament。

Fuzzywalkedoutwiththegaitofatrainedsea-lioninsearchofothercaf”estoconquer。

Thoughtheduskoftwilightwashardlyyetapparent，lightswerebeginningtospanglethecitylikepop-cornburstinginadeepskillet。ChristmasEve，impatientlyexpected，waspeepingoverthebrinkofthehour。Millionshadpreparedforitscelebration。

Townswouldbepaintedred。You，yourself，haveheardthehornsanddodgedthecapersoftheSaturnalians。

“Pigeon“McCarthy，BlackRiley，and“One-ear“MikeheldahastyconverseoutsideGrogan”s。Theywerenarrow-chested，pallidstriplings，notfightersintheopen，butmoredangerousintheirwaysofwarfarethanthemostterribleofTurks。Fuzzy，inapitchedbattle，couldhaveeatenthethreeofthem。Inago-as-you-

pleaseencounterhewasalreadydoomed。

TheyovertookhimjustasheandBetsywereenteringCostigan”sCasino。Theydeflectedhim，andshovedthenewspaperunderhisnose。Fuzzycouldread——andmore。

“Boys，“saidhe，“youarecertainlydamntruefriends。Givemeaweektothinkitover。”

Thesoulofarealartistisquenchedwithdifficulty。

Theboyscarefullypointedouttohimthatadvertisementsweresoulless，andthatthedeficienciesofthedaymightnotbesuppliedbythemorrow。

“Acoolhundred，“saidFuzzythoughtfullyandmushily。

“Booys，“saidhe，“youaretruefriends。I”llgoupandclaimthereward。Theshowbusinessisnotwhatitusedtobe。”

Nightwasfallingmoresurely。ThethreetaggedathissidestothefootoftheriseonwhichstoodtheMillionaire”shouse。ThereFuzzyturneduponthemacrimoniously。

“Youareapackofputty-facedbeagle-hounds，“heroared。“Goaway。”

Theywentaway——alittleway。

In“Pigeon“McCarthy”spocketwasasectionofone-inchgas-pipeeightincheslong。Inoneendofitandinthemiddleofitwasaleadplug。One-halfofitwaspackedtightwithsolder。BlackRileycarriedaslung-shot，beingaconventionalthug。“One-ear“

Mikerelieduponapairofbrassknucks——anheirloominthefamily。

“Whyfetchandcarry，“saidBlackRiley，“whensomeonewilldoitforye？Lethimbringitouttous。Hey——what？“

“Wecanchuckhimintheriver，“said“Pigeon“McCarthy，“withastonetiedtohisfeet。”

“Youseguysmakemetired，“said“One-ear“Mikesadly。“Ain”tprogresseverappealedtononeofyez？Sprinklealittlegasolineon”im，anddrop”imontheDrive——well？“

FuzzyenteredtheMillionaire”sgateandzigzaggedtowardthesoftlyglowingentranceofthemansion。Thethreegoblinscameuptothegateandlingered——oneoneachsideofit，onebeyondtheroadway。Theyfingeredtheircoldmetalandleather，confident。

Fuzzyrangthedoor-bell，smilingfoolishlyanddreamily。Anatavisticinstrinctpromptedhimtoreachforthebuttonofhisrightglove。Butheworenogloves；sohislefthanddropped，embarrassed。

TheparticularmenialwhosedutyitwastoopendoorstosilksandlacesshiedatfirstsightofFuzzy。Butasecondglancetookinhispassport，hiscardofadmission，hissuretyofwelcome——thelostrag-dollofthedaughterofthehousedanglingunderhisarm。

Fuzzywasadmittedintoagreathall，dimwiththeglowfromunseenlights。ThehirelingwentawayandreturnedwithamaidandtheChild。Thedollwasrestoredtothemourningone。Sheclaspedherlostdarlingtoherbreast；andthen，withtheinordinateselfishnessandcandorofchildhood，stampedherfootandwhinedhatredandfearoftheodiousbeingwhohadrescuedherfromthedepthsofsorrowanddespair。Fuzzywriggledhimselfintoaningratiatoryattitudeandessayedtheidioticsmileandblatteringsmalltalkthatissupposedtocharmthebuddingintellectoftheyoung。TheChildbawled，andwasdraggedaway，huggingherBetsyclose。

TherecametheSecretary，pale，poised，polished，glidinginpumps，andworshippingpompandceremony。HecountedoutintoFuzzy”shandtenten-dollarbills；thendroppedhiseyeuponthedoor，transferredittoJames，itscustodian，indicatedtheobnoxiousearneroftherewardwiththeother，andallowedhispumpstowafthimawaytosecretarialregions。

JamesgatheredFuzzywithhisowncommandingopticandswepthimasfarasthefrontdoor。

Whenthemoneytouchedfuzzy”sdingypalmhisfirstinstinctwastotaketohisheels；butasecondthoughtrestrainedhimfromthatblunderofetiquette。Itwashis；ithadbeengivenhim。It——and，oh，whatanelysiumitopenedtothegazeofhismind”seye！Hehadtumbledtothefootoftheladder；hewashungry，homeless，friendless，ragged，cold，drifting；andheheldinhishandthekeytoaparadiseofthemud-honeythathecraved。Thefairydollhadwavedawandwithherrag-stuffedhand；andnowwhereverhemightgotheenchantedpalaceswithshiningfoot-restsandmagicredfluidsingleamingglasswarewouldbeopentohim。

HefollowedJamestothedoor。

Hepausedthereastheflunkydrewopenthegreatmahoganyportalforhimtopassintothevestibule。

Beyondthewrought-irongatesinthedarkhighwayBlackRileyandhistwopalscasuallystrolled，fingeringundertheircoatstheinevitablyfatalweaponsthatweretomaketherewardoftherag-dolltheirs。

FuzzystoppedattheMillionaire”sdoorandbethoughthimself。

Likelittlesprigsofmistletoeonadeadtree，certainlivinggreenthoughtsandmemoriesbegantodecoratehisconfusedmind。Hewasquitedrunk，mindyou，andthepresentwasbeginningtofade。Thosewreathsaandfestoonsofhollywiththeirscarletberriesmakingthegreathallgay——wherehadheseensuchthingsbefore？Somewherehehadknownpolishedfloorsandodorsoffreshflowersinwinter，and——andsomeonewassingingasonginthehousethathethoughthehadheardbefore。Someonesingingandplayingaharp。Ofcourse，itwasChristmas——Fuzzythoughhemusthavebeenprettydrunktohaveoverlookedthat。

Andthenhewentoutofthepresent，andtherecamebacktohimoutofsomeimpossible，vanished，andirrevocablepastalittle，pure-white，transient，forgottenghost——thespiritof_noblessoblige_。Uponagentlemancertainthingsdevolve。

Jamesopenedtheouterdoor。Astreamoflightwentdownthegraveledwalktotheirongate。BlackRiley，McCarthy，and“One-ear“Mikesaw，andcarelesslydrewtheirsinistercordoncloseraboutthegate。

WithamoreimperiousgesturethanJames”smasterhadeverusedorcouldeveruse，Fuzzycompelledthemenialtoclosethedoor。

Uponagentlemancertainthingsdevolve。EspeciallyattheChristmasseason。

“Itiscust——customary，“hesaidtoJames，theflustered，“whenagentlemancallsonChristmasEvetopassthecomplimentsoftheseasonwiththeladyofthehouse。Youund”stand？IshallnotmoveshteptillIpasscompl”mentsseasonwithladythehouse。

Und”stand？“

Therewasanargument。Jameslost。Fuzzyraisedhisvoiceandsentitthroughthehouseunpleasantly。Ididnotsayhewasagentleman。Hewassimplyatrampbeingvisitedbyaghost。

Asterlingsilverbellrang。Jameswentbacktoanswerit，leavingFuzzyinthehall。Jamesexplainedsomewheretosomeone。

ThenhecameandconductedFuzzyintothelibrary。

Theladyenteredamomentlater。ShewasmorebeautifulandholythananypicturethatFuzzyhadseen。Shesmiled，andsaidsomethingaboutadoll。Fuzzydidn”tunderstandthat；herememberednothingaboutadoll。

Afootmanbroughtintwosmallglassesofsparklingwineonastampedsterling-silverwaiter。TheLadytookone。TheotherwashandedtoFuzzy。

Ashisfingersclosedontheslenderglassstemhisdisabilitiesdroppedfromhimforonebriefmoment。Hestraightenedhimself；

andTime，sodisobligingtomostofus，turnedbackwardtoaccomodateFuzzy。

ForgottenChristmasghostswhiterthanthefalsebeardsofthemostopulentKrisKringlewererisinginthefumesofGrogan”swhisky。WhathadtheMillionaire”smansiontodowithalong，wainscotedVirginiahall，wheretheridersweregroupedaroundasilverpunch-bowl，drinkingtheancienttoastoftheHouse？Andwhyshouldthepatterofthecabhorses”hoofsonthefrozenstreetbeinanywiserelatedtothesoundofthesaddledhuntersstampingundertheshelterofthewestveranda？AndwhathadFuzzytodowithanyofit？

TheLady，lookingathimoverherglass，lethercondescendingsmilefadeawaylikeafalsedawn。Hereyesturnedserious。ShesawsomethingbeneaththeragsandScotchterrierwhiskersthatshedidnotunderstand。Butitdidnotmatter。

Fuzzyliftedhisglassandsmiledvacantly。

“P-pardon，lady，“hesaid，“butcouldn”tleavewithoutexchangin”

comp”mentssheasonwithladyth”house。”Gainstprinc”plesgen”lemandosho。”

AndthenhebegantheancientsalutationthatwasatraditionintheHousewhenmenworelacerufflesandpowder。

“Theblessingsofanotheryear”

Fuzzy”smemoryfailedhim。TheLadyprompted：

“——Beuponthishearth。”

“——Theguest”stammeredFuzzy。

“——Anduponherwho”continuedtheLady，withaleadingsmile。

“Oh，cutitout，“saidFuzzy，ill-manneredly。“Ican”tremember。

Drinkhearty。”

Fuzzyhadshothisarrow。Theydrank。TheLadysmiledagainthesmileofhercaste。Jamesenvelopedandre-conductedhimtowardthefrontdoor。Theharpmusicstillsoftlydriftedthroughthehouse。

Outside，BlackRileybreathedonhiscoldhandsandhuggedthegate。

“Iwonder，“saidtheLadytoherself，musing，“who——butthereweresomanywhocame。Iwonderwhethermemoryisacurseorablessingtothemaftertheyhavefallensolow。”

Fuzzyandhisescortwerenearlyatthedoor。TheLadycalled：

“James！“

Jamesstalkedbackobsequiously，leavingFuzzywaitingunsteadily，withhisbriefsparkofthedivinefiregone。

Outside，BlackRileystampedhiscoldfeetandgotafirmergriponhissectionofgas-pipe。

“Youwillconductthisgentleman，“saidthelady，“Downstairs。

ThentellLouistogetouttheMercedesandtakehimtowhateverplacehewishestogo。”

XVII

ANIGHTINNEWARABIA

ThegreatcityofBagdad-on-the-Subwayiscaliph-ridden。Itspalaces，bazaars，khans，andbywaysarethrongedwithAlRashidsindiversdisguises，seekingdiversionandvictimsfortheirunbridledgenerosity。Youcanscarcelyfindapoorbeggarwhomtheyarewillingtoletenjoyhisspoilsunsuccored，norawreckedunfortunateuponwhomtheywillnotreshowerthemeansoffreshmisfortune。Youwillhardlyfindanywhereahungryonewhohasnothadtheopportunitytotightenhisbeltingiftlibraries，norapoorpunditwhohasnotblushedattheholidaybasketofcelery-

crownedturkeyforcedresoundinglythroughhisdoorbytheeleemosynarypress。

Sothen，fearfullythroughtheHarun-hauntedstreetscreeptheone-eyedcalenders，theLittleHunchbackandtheBarber”sSixthBrother，hopingtoescapetheministrationsoftherovinghordeofcaliphoidsultans。

EntertainmentformanyArabiannightsmightbehadfromthehistoriesofthosewhohaveescapedthelargesseofthearmyofCommandersoftheFaithful。UntildawnyoumightsitontheenchantedrugandlistentosuchstoriesasaretoldofthepowerfulgenieRoc-Ef-El-ErwhosenttheFortyThievestosoakuptheoilplantofAliBaba；ofthegoodCaliphKar-Neg-Ghe，whogaveawaypalaces；oftheSevenVoyagesofSailbad，theSinner，whofrequentedwoodenexcursionsteamersamongtheislands；oftheFishermanandtheBottle；oftheBarmecides”Boardinghouse；ofAladdin”srisetowealthbymeansofhisWonderfulGasmeter。

Butnow，therebeingtensultanstooneSheherazade，sheisheldtoovaluabletobeinfearofthebowstring。Inconsequencetheartofnarrativelanguishes。And，asthelessercaliphsarehuntingthehappypoorandtheresignedunfortunatefromcovertocoverinordertoheapuponthemstrangemerciesandmysteriousbenefits，toooftencomesthereportfromArabianheadquartersthatthecaptiverefused“totalk。”

Thisreticence，then，intheactorswhoperformthesadcomediesoftheirphilanthropy-scourgedworld，must，inadegree，accountfortheshortcomingsofthispainfullygleanedtale，whichshallbecalledTHESTORYOFTHECALIPHWHOALLEVIATEDHISCONSCIENCE

OldJacobSpragginsmixedforhimselfsomeScotchandlithiawaterathis$1，200oaksideboard。Inspirationmusthaveresultedfromitsimbibition，forimmediatelyafterwardhestruckthequarteredoaksoundlywithhisfistandshoutedtotheemptydiningroom：

“Bythecokeovensofhell，itmustbethattenthousanddollars！

IfIcangetthatsquared，it”lldothetrick。”

Thus，bythecommonestartificeofthetrade，havinggainedyourinterest，theactionofthestorywillnowbesuspended，leavingyougrumpilytoconsiderasortofdullbiographybeginningfifteenyearsbefore。

WhenoldJacobwasyoungJacobhewasabreakerboyinaPennsylvaniacoalmine。Idon”tknowwhatabreakerboyis；buthisoccupationseemstobestandingbyacoaldumpwithawanlookandadinner-pailtohavehispicturetakenformagazinearticles。Anyhow，Jacobwasone。But，insteadofdyingofoverworkatnine，andleavinghishelplessparentsandbrothersatthemercyoftheunionstrikers”

reservefund，hehitcheduphisgalluses，putadollarortwoinasidepropositionnowandthen，andatforty-fivewasworth$20，000，000。

Therenow！it”sover。Hardlyhadtimetoyawn，didyou？I”veseenbiographiesthat——butletusdissemble。

IwantyoutoconsiderJacobSpraggins，Esq。，afterhehadarrivedattheseventhstageofhiscareer。Thestagesmeantare，first，humbleorigin；second，deservedpromotion；third，stockholder；

fourth，capitalist；fifth，trustmagnate；sixth，richmalefactor；

seventh，caliph；eighth，_x_。Theeighthstageshallbelefttothehighermathematics。

Atfifty-fiveJacobretiredfromactivebusiness。Theincomeofaczarwasstillrollinginonhimfromcoal，iron，realestate，oil，railroads，manufactories，andcorporations，butnoneofittouchedJacob”shandsinarawstate。Itwasasterilizedincrement，carefullycleanedanddustedandfumigateduntilitarrivedatitsultimatestageofuntainted，spotlesschecksinthewhitefingersofhisprivatesecretary。Jacobbuiltathree-million-dollarpalaceonacornerlotfrontingonNabobAvenue，cityofNewBagdad，andbegantofeelthemantleofthelateH。A。Rashiddescendinguponhim。EventuallyJacobslippedthemantleunderhiscollar，tieditinaneatfour-in-hand，andbecamealicensedharrierofourMesopotamianproletariat。

Whenaman”sincomebecomessolargethatthebutcheractuallysendshimthekindofsteakheorders，hebeginstothinkabouthissoul”ssalvation。Now，thevariousstagesorclassesofrichmenmustnotbeforgotten。Thecapitalistcantellyoutoadollartheamountofhiswealth。Thetrustmagnate“estimates“it。TherichmalefactorhandsyouacigaranddeniesthathehasboughttheP。

D。&Q。ThecaliphmerelysmilesandtalksaboutHammersteinandthemusicallasses。Thereisarecordoftremendousaltercationatbreakfastina“Where-to-Dine-Well“tavernbetweenamagnateandhiswife，theriftwithinthelootbeingthatthewifecalculatedtheirfortuneatafigure$3，000，000higherthandidherfuture_divorc”e_。Oh，well，I，myself，heardasimilarquarrelbetweenamanandhiswifebecausehefoundfiftycentslessinhispocketsthanhethoughthehad。Afterall，weareallhuman——CountTolstoi，R。Fitzsimmons，PeterPan，andtherestofus。

Don”tloseheartbecausethestoryseemstobedegeneratingintoasortofmoralessayforintellectualreaders。

Therewillbedialogueandstagebusinessprettysoon。

WhenJacobfirstbegantocomparetheeyesofneedleswiththecamelsintheZoohedecideduponorganizedcharity。HehadhissecretarysendacheckforonemilliontotheUniversalBenevolentAssociationoftheGlobe。Youmayhavelookeddownthroughagratinginfrontofadecayedwarehouseforanickelthatyouhaddroppedthrough。Butthatisneitherherenorthere。TheAssociationacknowledgedreceiptofhisfavorofthe24thult。withenclosureasstated。Separatedbyadoubleline，butstillmightyclosetothematterunderthecaptionof“OdditiesoftheDay”sNews“inaneveningpaper，JacobSpragginsreadthatone“JasperSpargyous“had“donated$100，000totheU。B。A。ofG。”Acamelmayhaveastomachforeachdayintheweek；butIdarenotventuretoaccordhimwhiskers，forfearoftheGreatDispleasureatWashington；butifhehavewhiskers，surelynotoneofthemwillseemtohavebeeninsertedintheeyeofaneedlebythateffortofthatrichmantoentertheK。ofH。Therightisreservedtorejectanyandallbids；signed，S。Peter，secretaryandgatekeeper。

Next，Jacobselectedthebestendowedcollegehecouldscareupandpresenteditwitha$200，000laboratory。Thecollegedidnotmaintainascientificcourse，butitacceptedthemoneyandbuiltanelaboratelavatoryinstead，whichwasnodiversionoffundssofarasJacobeverdiscovered。

ThefacultymetandinvitedJacobtocomeoverandtakehisABC

degree。Beforesendingtheinvitationtheysmiled，cutouttheC，addedtheproperpunctuationmarks，andallwaswell。

Whilewalkingonthecampusbeforebeingcappedandgowned，Jacobsawtwoprofessorsstrollingnearby。Theirvoices，longadaptedtoindooracoustics，undesignedlyreachedhisear。

“Theregoesthelatest_chevalierd”industrie_，“saidoneofthem，“tobuyasleepingpowderfromus。Hegetshisdegreeto-morrow。”

“_Inforoconscientai_，“saidtheother。“Let”s”eave”arfabrickat”im。”

JacobignoredtheLatin，butthebrickpleasantrywasnottoohardforhim。Therewasnomandragorainthehonorarydraughtoflearningthathehadbought。ThatwasbeforethepassageofthePureFoodandDrugsAct。

Jacobweariedofphilanthropyonalargescale。

“IfIcouldseefolksmadehappier，“hesaidtohimself”IfIcouldsee”emmyselfandhear”emexpresstheirgratitudeforwhatIdonefor”emitwouldmakemefeelbetter。Thisdonatin”fundstoinstitutionsandsocietiesisaboutassatisfactoryasdroppingmoneyintoabrokenslotmachine。”

SoJacobfollowedhisnose，whichledhimthroughunsweptstreetstothehomesofthepoorest。

“Theverything！“saidJacob。“Iwillchartertworiversteamboats，packthemfulloftheseunfortunatechildrenand——saytenthousanddollsanddrumsandathousandfreezersoficecream，andgivethemadelightfuloutinguptheSound。TheseabreezesonthattripoughttoblowthetaintoffsomeofthismoneythatkeepscominginfasterthanIcanworkitoffmymind。”