第1章

MikeFlannery，theWestcoteagentoftheInterurbanExpressCompany，leanedoverthecounteroftheexpressofficeandshookhisfist。Mr。

Morehouse，angryandred，stoodontheothersideofthecounter，tremblingwithrage。Theargumenthadbeenlongandheated，andatlastMr。Morehousehadtalkedhimselfspeechless。Thecauseofthetroublestoodonthecounterbetweenthetwomen。Itwasasoapboxacrossthetopofwhichwerenailedanumberofstrips，formingaroughbutserviceablecage。Inittwospottedguinea-pigsweregreedilyeatinglettuceleaves。

"Doasyouloike，then！"shoutedFlannery，"payforthiman\'takethim，ordon\'tpayforthimandleavethimbe。Rulesisrules，MistherMorehouse，an\'MikeFlannery\'snotgoin\'tobecalleddownferbreakin\'ofthim。"

"But，youeverlastinglystupididiot！"shoutedMr。Morehouse，madlyshakingaflimsyprintedbookbeneaththeagent\'snose，"can\'tyoureadithere-inyourownplainprintedrates？\'Pets，domestic，FranklintoWestcote，ifproperlyboxed，twenty-fivecentseach。\'"Hethrewthebookonthecounterindisgust。"Whatmoredoyouwant？Aren\'ttheypets？

Aren\'ttheydomestic？Aren\'ttheyproperlyboxed？What？"

Heturnedandwalkedbackandforthrapidly；frowningferociously。

SuddenlyheturnedtoFlannery，andforcinghisvoicetoanartificialcalmnessspokeslowlybutwithintensesarcasm。

"Pets，"hesaid"P-e-t-s！Twenty-fivecentseach。Therearetwoofthem。

One！Two！Twotimestwenty-fivearefifty！Canyouunderstandthat？I

offeryoufiftycents。"

Flanneryreachedforthebook。Heranhishandthroughthepagesandstoppedatpagesixtyfour。

"An\'Idon\'ttakefiftycints，"hewhisperedinmockery。"Here\'stheruleforut。\'Whintheagintbeinannydoubtregardin\'whichoftworatesappliestoashipment，heshallchargethelarger。Thecon-sign-eymayfileaclaimfortheovercharge。\'Inthiscase，MistherMorehouse，Ibeindoubt。Petsthimanimalsmaybe，an\'domestictheybe，butpigsI\'mblamesuretheydobe，an\'merulessaysplainasthenoseonyerface，\'PigsFranklintoWestcote，thirtycintseach。\'An\'MisterMorehouse，bymearithmeticalknowledgetwotimesthurtycomestosixtycints。"

Mr。Morehouseshookhisheadsavagely。"Nonsense！"heshouted，"confoundednonsense，Itellyou！Why，youpoorignorantforeigner，thatrulemeanscommonpigs，domesticpigs，notguineapigs！"

Flannerywasstubborn。

"Pigsispigs，"hedeclaredfirmly。"Guinea-pigs，ordagopigsorIrishpigsisallthesametotheInterurbanExpressCompanyan\'toMikeFlannery。Th\'nationalityofthepigcreatesnodifferentialityintherate，MistherMorehouse！\'TwouldbethesamewastheyDutchpigsorRooshunpigs。MikeFlannery，"headded，"isheretotindtotheexprissbusinessandnottohouldconversationwiddagopigsinsivinteenlanguagesfertodiscoverbetheyChineseorTipperarybybirthan\'

nativity。"

Mr。Morehousehesitated。Hebithislipandthenflungouthisarmswildly。

"Verywell！"heshouted，"youshallhearofthis！Yourpresidentshallhearofthis！Itisanoutrage！Ihaveofferedyoufiftycents。Yourefuseit！Keepthepigsuntilyouarereadytotakethefiftycents，but，byGeorge，sir，ifonehairofthosepigs\'headsisharmedIwillhavethelawonyou！"

Heturnedandstalkedout，slammingthedoor。Flannerycarefullyliftedthesoapboxfromthecounterandplaceditinacorner。Hewasnotworried。Hefeltthepeacethatcomestoafaithfulservantwhohasdonehisdutyanddoneitwell。

Mr。Morehousewenthomeraging。Hisboy，whohadbeenawaitingtheguinea-pigs，knewbetterthantoaskhimforthem。Hewasanormalboyandthereforealwayshadaguiltyconsciencewhenhisfatherwasangry。Sotheboyslippedquietlyaroundthehouse。Thereisnothingsosoothingtoaguiltyconscienceastobeoutofthepathoftheavenger。Mr。Morehousestormedintothehouse。"Where\'stheink？"heshoutedathiswifeassoonashisfootwasacrossthedoorsill。

Mrs。Morehousejumped，guiltily。Sheneverusedink。Shehadnotseentheink。，normovedtheink，northoughtoftheink，butherhusband\'stoneconvictedheroftheguiltofhavingborneandrearedaboy，andsheknewthatwheneverherhusbandwantedanythinginaloudvoicetheboyhadbeenatit。

"I\'llfindSammy，"shesaidmeekly。

WhentheinkwasfoundMr。Morehousewroterapidly，andhereadthecompletedletterandsmiledatriumphantsmile。

"ThatwillsettlethatcrazyIrishman！"heexclaimed。"Whentheygetthatletterhewillhuntanotherjob，allright！"

AweeklaterMr。MorehousereceivedalongofficialenvelopewiththecardoftheInterurbanExpressCompanyintheupperleftcorner。Hetoreitopeneagerlyanddrewoutasheetofpaper。AtthetopitborethenumberA6754。Theletterwasshort。"Subject——Rateonguinea-pigs，"itsaid，"Dr。

Sir——Weareinreceiptofyourletterregardingrateonguinea-pigsbetweenFranklinandWestcoteaddressedtothepresidentofthiscompany。

AllclaimsforoverchargeshouldbeaddressedtotheClaimsDepartment。"

Mr。MorehousewrotetotheClaimsDepartment。Hewrotesixpagesofchoicesarcasm，vituperationandargument，andsentthemtotheClaimsDepartment。

AfewweekslaterhereceivedareplyfromtheClaimsDepartment。Attachedtoitwashislastletter。

"Dr。Sir，"saidthereply。"Yourletterofthe16thinst。，addressedtothisDepartment，subjectrateonguinea-pigsfromFranklintoWestcote，ree\'d。WehavetakenupthematterwithouragentatWestcote，andhisreplyisattachedherewith。Heinformsusthatyourefusedtoreceivetheconsignmentortopaythecharges。Youhavethereforenoclaimagainstthiscompany，andyourletterregardingtheproperrateontheconsignmentshouldbeaddressedtoourTariffDepartment。"

Mr。MorehousewrotetotheTariffDepartment。Hestatedhiscaseclearly，andgavehisargumentsinfull，quotingapageortwofromtheencyclopediatoprovethatguinea-pigswerenotcommonpigs。

Withthecarethatcharacterizescorporationswhentheyaresystematicallyconducted，Mr。Morehouse\'sletterwasnumbered，O。K\'d，andstartedthroughtheregularchannels。Duplicatecopiesofthebilloflading，manifest，Flannery\'sreceiptforthepackageandseveralotherpertinentpaperswerepinnedtotheletter，andtheywerepassedtotheheadoftheTariffDepartment。

TheheadoftheTariffDepartmentputhisfeetonhisdeskandyawned。Helookedthroughthepaperscarelessly。

"MissKane，"hesaidtohisstenographer，"takethisletter。\'Agent，Westcote，N。J。Pleaseadvisewhyconsignmentreferredtoinattachedpaperswasrefuseddomesticpetrates。"\'

MissKanemadeaseriesofcurvesandanglesonhernotebookandwaitedwithpencilpoised。Theheadofthedepartmentlookedatthepapersagain。

"Huh！guinea-pigs！"hesaid。"Probablystarvedtodeathbythistime！Addthistothatletter：\'Giveconditionofconsignmentatpresent。\'"

Hetossedthepapersontothestenographer\'sdesk，tookhisfeetfromhisowndeskandwentouttolunch。

WhenMikeFlanneryreceivedtheletterhescratchedhishead。