第21章

"Oncemoreletusbegyoutobecalm，mydearboy。We’lltalkofallthisanothertime——Ishalldosowiththegreatestpleasure，forone，"saidtheolddignitary，withasmile。

IvanPetrovitchgruntedandtwistedroundinhischair。GeneralEpanchinmovednervously。Thelatter’schiefhadstartedaconversationwiththewifeofthedignitary，andtooknonoticewhateveroftheprince，buttheoldladyveryoftenglancedathim，andlistenedtowhathewassaying。

"No，Ihadbetterspeak，"continuedtheprince，withanewoutburstoffeverishemotion，andturningtowardstheoldmanwithanairofconfidentialtrustfulness。"Yesterday，AglayaIvanovnaforbademetotalk，andevenspecifiedtheparticularsubjectsImustnottouchupon——sheknowswellenoughthatIamoddwhenIgetuponthesematters。Iamnearlytwenty-sevenyearsold，andyetIknowIamlittlebetterthanachild。Ihavenorighttoexpressmyideas，andsaidsolongago。OnlyinMoscow，withRogojin，didIeverspeakabsolutelyfreely！HeandIreadPushkintogether——allhisworks。RogojinknewnothingofPushkin，hadnotevenheardhisname。IamalwaysafraidofspoilingagreatThoughtorIdeabymyabsurdmanner。Ihavenoeloquence，Iknow。Ialwaysmakethewronggestures——

inappropriategestures——andthereforeIdegradetheThought，andraisealaughinsteadofdoingmysubjectjustice。Ihavenosenseofproportioneither，andthatisthechiefthing。IknowitwouldbemuchbetterifIwerealwaystositstillandsaynothing。WhenIdoso，Iappeartobequiteasensiblesortofaperson，andwhat’smore，Ithinkaboutthings。ButnowImustspeak；itisbetterthatIshould。Ibegantospeakbecauseyoulookedsokindlyatme；youhavesuchabeautifulface。I

promisedAglayaIvanovnayesterdaythatIwouldnotspeakalltheevening。"

"Really？"saidtheoldman，smiling。

"But，attimes，Ican’thelpthinkingthatIam。wronginfeelingsoaboutit，youknow。Sincerityismoreimportantthanelocution，isn’tit？"

"Sometimes。"

"Iwanttoexplainalltoyou——everything——everything！IknowyouthinkmeUtopian，don’tyou——anidealist？Oh，no！I’mnot，indeed——myideasareallsosimple。Youdon’tbelieveme？Youaresmiling。Doyouknow，Iamsometimesverywicked——forIlosemyfaith？ThiseveningasIcamehere，Ithoughttomyself，’WhatshallItalkabout？HowamItobegin，sothattheymaybeabletounderstandpartially，atallevents？’HowafraidIwas——

dreadfullyafraid！Andyet，howCOULDIbeafraid——wasitnotshamefulofme？WasIafraidoffindingabottomlessabyssofemptyselfishness？Ah！that’swhyIamsohappyatthismoment，becauseIfindthereisnobottomlessabyssatall——butgood，healthymaterial，fulloflife。

"Itisnotsuchaverydreadfulcircumstancethatweareoddpeople，isit？Forwereallyareodd，youknow——careless，reckless，easilyweariedofanything。Wedon’tlookthoroughlyintomatters——don’tcaretounderstandthings。Wearealllikethis——youandI，andallofthem！Why，hereareyou，now——youarenotabitangrywithmeforcallingyouodd，’areyou？And，ifso，surelythereisgoodmaterialinyou？Doyouknow，I

sometimesthinkitisagoodthingtobeodd。Wecanforgiveoneanothermoreeasily，andbemorehumble。Noonecanbeginbybeingperfect——thereismuchonecannotunderstandinlifeatfirst。Inordertoattaintoperfection，onemustbeginbyfailingtounderstandmuch。Andifwetakeinknowledgetooquickly，weverylikelyarenottakingitinatall。Isayallthistoyou——youwhobythistimeunderstandsomuch——anddoubtlesshavefailedtounderstandsomuch，also。Iamnotafraidofyouanylonger。Youarenotangrythatamereboyshouldsaysuchwordstoyou，areyou？Ofcoursenot！Youknowhowtoforgetandtoforgive。Youarelaughing，IvanPetrovitch？

YouthinkIamachampionofotherclassesofpeople——thatIamTHEIRadvocate，ademocrat，andanoratorofEquality？"Theprincelaughedhysterically；hehadseveraltimesburstintotheselittle，shortnervouslaughs。"Oh，no——itisforyou，formyself，andforallofustogether，thatIamalarmed。Iamaprinceofanoldfamilymyself，andIamsittingamongmypeers；

andIamtalkinglikethisinthehopeofsavingusall；inthehopethatourclasswillnotdisappearaltogether——intothedarkness——unguessingitsdanger——blamingeverythingaroundit，andlosinggroundeveryday。Whyshouldwedisappearandgiveplacetoothers，whenwemaystill，ifwechoose，remaininthefrontrankandleadthebattle？Letusbeservants，thatwemaybecomelordsindueseason！"

Hetriedtogetuponhisfeetagain，buttheoldmanstillrestrainedhim，gazingathimwithincreasingperturbationashewenton。

"Listen——Iknowitisbestnottospeak！Itisbestsimplytogiveagoodexample——simplytobeginthework。Ihavedonethis——

Ihavebegun，and——and——oh！CANanyonebeunhappy，really？Oh！

whatdoesgriefmatter——whatdoesmisfortunematter，ifoneknowshowtobehappy？Doyouknow，Icannotunderstandhowanyonecanpassbyagreentree，andnotfeelhappyonlytolookatit！Howanyonecantalktoamanandnotfeelhappyinlovinghim！Oh，itismyownfaultthatIcannotexpressmyselfwellenough！ButtherearelovelythingsateverystepItake——thingswhicheventhemostmiserablemanmustrecognizeasbeautiful。Lookatalittlechild——lookatGod’sday-dawn——lookatthegrassgrowing——

lookattheeyesthatloveyou，astheygazebackintoyoureyes！"

Hehadrisen，andwasspeakingstandingup。Theoldgentlemanwaslookingathimnowinunconcealedalarm。LizabethaProkofievnawrungherhands。"Oh，myGod！"shecried。Shehadguessedthestateofthecasebeforeanyoneelse。

Aglayarushedquicklyuptohim，andwasjustintimetoreceivehiminherarms，andtohearwithdreadandhorrorthatawful，wildcryashefellwrithingtotheground。

Therehelayonthecarpet，andsomeonequicklyplacedacushionunderhishead。

Noonehadexpectedthis。

InaquarterofanhourorsoPrinceN。andEvgeniePavlovitchandtheolddignitarywerehardatworkendeavouringtorestoretheharmonyoftheevening，butitwasofnoavail，andverysoonaftertheguestsseparatedandwenttheirways。

Agreatdealofsympathywasexpressed；aconsiderableamountofadvicewasvolunteered；IvanPetrovitchexpressedhisopinionthattheyoungmanwas"aSlavophile，orsomethingofthatsort"；

butthatitwasnotadangerousdevelopment。Theolddignitarysaidnothing。

Trueenough，mostoftheguests，nextdayandthedayafter，werenotinverygoodhumour。IvanPetrovitchwasalittleoffended，butnotseriouslyso。GeneralEpanchin’schiefwasrathercooltowardshimforsomewhileaftertheoccurrence。Theolddignitary，aspatronofthefamily，tooktheopportunityofmurmuringsomekindofadmonitiontothegeneral，andadded，inflatteringterms，thathewasmostinterestedinAglaya’sfuture。

Hewasamanwhoreallydidpossessakindheart，althoughhisinterestintheprince，intheearlierpartoftheevening，wasdue，amongotherreasons，tothelatter’sconnectionwithNastasiaPhilipovna，accordingtopopularreport。Hehadheardagooddealofthisstoryhereandthere，andwasgreatlyinterestedinit，somuchsothathelongedtoaskfurtherquestionsaboutit。

PrincessBielokonski，asshedroveawayonthiseventfulevening，tookoccasiontosaytoLizabethaProkofievna:

"Well——he’sagoodmatch——andabadone；andifyouwantmyopinion，morebadthangood。Youcanseeforyourselfthemanisaninvalid。"

LizabethathereforedecidedthattheprincewasimpossibleasahusbandforAglaya；andduringtheensuingnightshemadeavowthatneverwhileshelivedshouldhemarryAglaya。Withthisresolvefirmlyimpresseduponhermind，sheawokenextday；butduringthemorning，afterherearlylunch，shefellintoaconditionofremarkableinconsistency。

Inreplytoaveryguardedquestionofhersisters’，Aglayahadansweredcoldly，butexceedinglyhaughtily:

"Ihavenevergivenhimmywordatall，norhaveIevercountedhimasmyfuturehusband——neverinmylife。Heisjustaslittletomeasalltherest。"

LizabethaProkofievnasuddenlyflaredup。

"Ididnotexpectthatofyou，Aglaya，"shesaid。"Heisanimpossiblehusbandforyou，——Iknowit；andthankGodthatweagreeuponthatpoint；butIdidnotexpecttohearsuchwordsfromyou。IthoughtIshouldhearaverydifferenttonefromyou。

Iwouldhaveturnedouteveryonewhowasintheroomlastnightandkepthim，——that’sthesortofmanheis，inmyopinion！"

Hereshesuddenlypaused，afraidofwhatshehadjustsaid。Butshelittleknewhowunfairshewastoherdaughteratthatmoment。ItwasallsettledinAglaya’smind。Shewasonlywaitingforthehourthatwouldbringthemattertoafinalclimax；andeveryhint，everycarelessprobingofherwound，didbutfurtherlacerateherheart。

VIII。

THISsamemorningdawnedfortheprincepregnantwithnolesspainfulpresentiments，——whichfacthisphysicalstatewas，ofcourse，quiteenoughtoaccountfor；buthewassoindefinablymelancholy，——hissadnesscouldnotattachitselftoanythinginparticular，andthistormentedhimmorethananythingelse。Ofcoursecertainfactsstoodbeforehim，clearandpainful，buthissadnesswentbeyondallthathecouldrememberorimagine；herealizedthathewaspowerlesstoconsolehimselfunaided。Littlebylittlehebegantodeveloptheexpectationthatthisdaysomethingimportant，somethingdecisive，wastohappentohim。

Hisattackofyesterdayhadbeenaslightone。Exceptingsomelittleheavinessintheheadandpaininthelimbs，hedidnotfeelanyparticulareffects。Hisbrainworkedallright，thoughhissoulwasheavywithinhim。

Heroselate，andimmediatelyuponwakingrememberedallaboutthepreviousevening；healsoremembered，thoughnotquitesoclearly，how，halfanhourafterhisfit，hehadbeencarriedhome。

HesoonheardthatamessengerfromtheEpanchins’hadalreadybeentoinquireafterhim。Athalf-pastelevenanotherarrived；

andthispleasedhim。

VeraLebedeffwasoneofthefirsttocometoseehimandofferherservices。Nosoonerdidshecatchsightofhimthansheburstintotears；butwhenhetriedtosoothehershebegantolaugh。

Hewasquitestruckbythegirl’sdeepsympathyforhim；heseizedherhandandkissedit。Veraflushedcrimson。

"Oh，don’t，don’t！"sheexclaimedinalarm，snatchingherhandaway。Shewenthastilyoutoftheroominastateofstrangeconfusion。

Lebedeffalsocametoseetheprince，inagreathurrytogetawaytothe"deceased，"ashecalledGeneralIvolgin，whowasalivestill，butveryill。Coliaalsoturnedup，andbeggedtheprinceforpity’ssaketotellhimallheknewabouthisfatherwhichhadbeenconcealedfromhimtillnow。Hesaidhehadfoundoutnearlyeverythingsinceyesterday；thepoorboywasinastateofdeepaffliction。Withallthesympathywhichhecouldbringintoplay，theprincetoldColiathewholestorywithoutreserve，detailingthefactsasclearlyashecould。ThetalestruckColialikeathunderbolt。Hecouldnotspeak。Helistenedsilently，andcriedsoftlytohimselfthewhile。Theprinceperceivedthatthiswasanimpressionwhichwouldlastforthewholeoftheboy’slife。Hemadehastetoexplainhisviewofthematter，andpointedoutthattheoldman’sapproachingdeathwasprobablybroughtonbyhorroratthethoughtofhisaction；andthatitwasnoteveryonewhowascapableofsuchafeeling。

Colia’seyesflashedashelistened。

"GaniaandVariaandPtitsinareaworthlesslot！Ishallnotquarrelwiththem；butfromthismomentourfeetshallnottravelthesameroad。Oh，prince，Ihavefeltmuchthatisquitenewtomesinceyesterday！Itisalessonforme。Ishallnowconsidermymotherasentirelymyresponsibility；thoughshemaybesafeenoughwithVaria。Still，meatanddrinkisnoteverything。"

Hejumpedupandhurriedoff，rememberingsuddenlythathewaswantedathisfather’sbedside；butbeforehewentoutoftheroomheinquiredhastilyaftertheprince’shealth，andreceivingthelatter’sreply，added:

"Isn’ttheresomethingelse，prince？Iheardyesterday，butI

havenorighttotalkaboutthis……Ifyoueverwantatruefriendandservant——neitheryounorIaresoveryhappy，arewe？——

cometome。Iwon’taskyouquestions，though。"

Heranoffandlefttheprincemoredejectedthanever。

Everyoneseemedtobespeakingprophetically，hintingatsomemisfortuneorsorrowtocome；theyhadalllookedathimasthoughtheyknewsomethingwhichhedidnotknow。Lebedeffhadaskedquestions，Coliahadhinted，andVerahadshedtears。Whatwasit？

Atlast，withasighofannoyance，hesaidtohimselfthatitwasnothingbuthisowncursedsicklysuspicion。Hisfacelightedupwithjoywhen，atabouttwoo’clock，heespiedtheEpanchinscomingalongtopayhimashortvisit，"justforaminute。"Theyreallyhadonlycomeforaminute。

LizabethaProkofievnahadannounced，directlyafterlunch，thattheywouldalltakeawalktogether。Theinformationwasgivenintheformofacommand，withoutexplanation，drilyandabruptly。

Allhadissuedforthinobediencetothemandate；thatis，thegirls，mamma，andPrinceS。LizabethaProkofievnawentoffinadirectionexactlycontrarytotheusualone，andallunderstoodverywellwhatshewasdrivingat，butheldtheirpeace，fearingtoirritatethegoodlady。She，asthoughanxioustoavoidanyconversation，walkedahead，silentandalone。AtlastAdelaidaremarkedthatitwasnouseracingalongatsuchapace，andthatshecouldnotkeepupwithhermother。

"Lookhere，"saidLizabethaProkofievna，turningroundsuddenly；

"wearepassinghishouse。WhateverAglayamaythink，andinspiteofanythingthatmayhappen，heisnotastrangertous；

besideswhich，heisillandinmisfortune。I，forone，shallcallinandseehim。Letanyonefollowmewhocaresto。"

Ofcourseeveryoneofthemfollowedher。

Theprincehastenedtoapologize，veryproperly，foryesterday’smishapwiththevase，andforthescenegenerally。

"Oh，that’snothing，"repliedLizabetha；"I’mnotsorryforthevase，I’msorryforyou。H’m！soyoucanseethattherewasa’scene，’canyou？Well，itdoesn’tmattermuch，foreveryonemustrealizenowthatitisimpossibletobehardonyou。Well，aurevoir。Iadviseyoutohaveawalk，andthengotosleepagainifyoucan。Comeinasusual，ifyoufeelinclined；andbeassured，onceforall，whateverhappens，andwhatevermayhavehappened，youshallalwaysremainthefriendofthefamily——mine，atallevents。Icananswerformyself。"

Inresponsetothischallengealltheotherschimedinandre-

echoedmamma’ssentiments。

Andsotheytooktheirdeparture；butinthishastyandkindlydesignedvisittherewashiddenafundofcrueltywhichLizabethaProkofievnaneverdreamedof。Inthewords"asusual，"andagaininheradded，"mine，atallevents，"thereseemedanominousknellofsomeeviltocome。

TheprincebegantothinkofAglaya。Shehadcertainlygivenhimawonderfulsmile，bothatcomingandagainatleave-taking，buthadnotsaidaword，notevenwhentheothersallprofessedtheirfriendshipforhim。Shehadlookedveryintentlyathim，butthatwasall。Herfacehadbeenpalerthanusual；shelookedasthoughshehadsleptbadly。

Theprincemadeuphismindthathewouldmakeapointofgoingthere"asusual，"tonight，andlookedfeverishlyathiswatch。

VeracameinthreeminutesaftertheEpanchinshadleft。"LefNicolaievitch，"shesaid，"AglayaIvanovnahasjustgivenmeamessageforyou。"

Theprincetrembled。

"Isitanote？"

"No，averbalmessage；shehadhardlytimeevenforthat。Shebegsyouearnestlynottogooutofthehouseforasinglemomentallto-day，untilseveno’clockintheevening。Itmayhavebeennine；Ididn’tquitehear。"

"But——but，whyisthis？Whatdoesitmean？"

"Idon’tknowatall；butshesaidIwastotellyouparticularly。"

"Didshesaythat？"

"Notthoseverywords。Sheonlyjusthadtimetowhisperasshewentby；butbythewayshelookedatmeIknewitwasimportant。

Shelookedatmeinawaythatmademyheartstopbeating。"

Theprinceaskedafewmorequestions，andthoughhelearnednothingelse，hebecamemoreandmoreagitated。

Leftalone，helaydownonthesofa，andbegantothink。

"Perhaps，"hethought，"someoneistobewiththemuntilninetonightandsheisafraidthatImaycomeandmakeafoolofmyselfagain，inpublic。"Sohespenthistimelongingfortheeveningandlookingathiswatch。Buttheclearing-upofthemysterycamelongbeforetheevening，andcameintheformofanewandagonizingriddle。

HalfanhouraftertheEpanchinshadgone，Hippolytearrived，sotiredthat，almostunconscious，hesankintoachair，andbrokeintosuchafitofcoughingthathecouldnotstop。Hecoughedtillthebloodcame。Hiseyesglittered，andtworedspotsonhischeeksgrewbrighterandbrighter。Theprincemurmuredsomethingtohim，butHippolyteonlysignedthathemustbeleftaloneforawhile，andsatsilent。Atlasthecametohimself。

"Iamoff，"hesaid，hoarsely，andwithdifficulty。

"ShallIseeyouhome？"askedtheprince，risingfromhisseat，butsuddenlystoppingshortasherememberedAglaya’sprohibitionagainstleavingthehouse。Hippolytelaughed。

"Idon’tmeanthatIamgoingtoleaveyourhouse，"hecontinued，stillgaspingandcoughing。"Onthecontrary，Ithoughtitabsolutelynecessarytocomeandseeyou；otherwiseIshouldnothavetroubledyou。Iamoffthere，youknow，andthistimeI

believe，seriously，thatIamoff！It’sallover。Ididnotcomehereforsympathy，believeme。Ilaydownthismorningatteno’clockwiththeintentionofnotrisingagainbeforethattime；

butIthoughtitoverandrosejustoncemoreinordertocomehere；fromwhichyoumaydeducethatIhadsomereasonforwishingtocome。"

"Itgrievesmetoseeyouso，Hippolyte。Whydidn’tyousendmeamessage？Iwouldhavecomeupandsavedyouthistrouble。"

"Well，well！Enough！You’vepitiedme，andthat’sallthatgoodmannersexact。Iforgot，howareyou？"

"I’mallright；yesterdayIwasalittle——"

"Iknow，Iheard；thechinavasecaughtit！I’msorryIwasn’tthere。I’vecomeaboutsomethingimportant。InthefirstplaceI

had，thepleasureofseeingGavrilaArdalionovitchandAglayaIvanovnaenjoyingarendezvousonthegreenbenchinthepark。I

wasastonishedtoseewhatafoolamancanlook。IremarkeduponthefacttoAglayaIvanovnawhenhehadgone。Idon’tthinkanythingeversurprisesyou，prince！"addedHippolyte，gazingincredulouslyattheprince’scalmdemeanour。"Tobeastonishedbynothingisasign，theysay，ofagreatintellect。Inmyopinionitwouldserveequallywellasasignofgreatfoolishness。Iamnothintingaboutyou；pardonme！Iamveryunfortunatetodayinmyexpressions。

"Iknewye