第23章

CHAPTER74

’IAMDISGRACEDANDSHAMED。’

SoonafterthecommencementoftheSessionArthurFletcherbecameaconstantvisitorinManchesterSquare，diningwiththeoldbarristeralmostconstantlyonSundays，andnotunfrequentlyonotherdayswhentheHouseandhisgeneralengagementswouldpermitit。BetweenhimandEmily’sfathertherewasnosecretandnomisunderstanding。MrWhartonquiteunderstoodthattheyoungmemberofParliamentwasearnestlypurposedtomarryhisdaughter，andFletcherwassureofalltheassistanceandsupportwhichMrWhartoncouldgivehim。ThenameofLopezwasveryrarelyusedbetweenthem。Ithadbeentacitlyagreedthattherewasnoneedthatitshouldbementioned。Themanhadcomelikeadestroyingangelbetweenthemandtheirfondesthopes。Neithercouldeverbewhathewouldhavebeenhadthemanneverappearedtodestroytheirhappiness。Butthemanhadgoneaway，notwithoutatragedythatwasappalling——andeachthoughtthat，asregardedhim，heandthepersoninwhomtheywereinterestedcouldbetaughttoseemtoforgethim。’Itisnotlove，’saidthefather，’butafeelingofshame。’ArthurFletchershookhishead，notquiteagreeingwiththis。Itwasnotthathefearedthatshelovedthememoryofherlatehusband。Suchlovewas，hethought，impossible。Buttherewas，hebelieved，somethingmorethanthefeelingwhichherfatherdescribedasshame。Therewaspridealso——adeterminationinherownbosomnottoconfessthefaultshehadmadeingivingherselftohimwhomshemustnowthinktohavebeensomuchtheleastworthyofhertwosuitors。

’HerfortunewillnotbewhatIoncepromisedyou，’saidtheoldmanplaintively。

’IdonotrememberthatIeveraskedyouastoherfortune，’

Arthurreplied。

’Certainlynot。IfyouhadIwouldnothavetoldyou。ButasI

namedasum，itisrightthatIshouldexplaintoyouthatthatmansucceededinlesseningitbysixorseventhousandpounds。’

’Ifthatwereall！’

’AndIhavepromisedSirAluredthatEverett，ashisheir，shouldhavetheuseofaconsiderableportionofhissharewithoutwaitingformydeath。ItisoddthattheoneofmychildrenfromwhomIcertainlyexpectedthegreatertroubleshouldhavefallensoentirelyonhisfeet。andthattheother。well，letushopeforthebest。EverettseemstohavetakenupwithWhartonasthoughitbelongedtohimalready。AndEmily——！Well，mydearboy，letushopethatitmaycomerightyet。Youarenotdrinkingyourwine。Yes，——passthebottle。I’llhaveanotherbeforeIgoupstairs。’

InthiswaythetimewentbytillEmilyreturnedtotown。TheMinistryhadjustthenresigned，butIthinkthat’thisgreatreactionarysuccess，’asitwascalledbythewriterinthePeople’sBanner，affectedonememberoftheLowerHousemuchlessthanthereturntoLondonofMrsLopez。ArthurFletcherhaddeterminedthathewouldrenewhissuitassoonasayearshouldhaveexpiredsincethetragedywhichhadmadehisloveawidow——

andthatyearhadnowpassedaway。Hehadknownthedaywell，——

ashadshe，whenshepassedthemorningweepinginherownroomatWharton。Nowhequestionedhimselfwhetherayearwouldsuffice，——whetherbothinmercytoherandwithaviewofrealizinghisownhopesheshouldgivehersomelongertimeforrecovery。Buthehadtoldhimselfthatitshouldbedoneattheendofayear，andashehadallowednoonetotalkhimoutofhisword，soneithercouldhebeuntruetoithimself。Butitbecametohimadeepmatterofbusiness，aquestionofgreatdifficulty，howheshouldarrangethenecessaryinterview，——

whetherheshouldpleadhiscasewithherattheirfirstmeeting，orwhetherhehadbetterallowhertobecomeaccustomedtohispresenceinthehouse。Hismotherhadattemptedtoridiculehim，becausehewas，asshesaid，afraidofawoman。HewellrememberedthathehadneverbeenafraidofEmilyWhartonwhentheyhadbeenquiteyoung，——littlemorethanaboyandgirltogether。Thenhehadtoldherofhisloveoverandoveragain，andhadfoundalmostacomfortableluxuryinurginghertosayaword，whichshehadneverindeedsaid，butwhichprobablyinthosedayshestillhopedshewouldsay。Andoccasionallyhehadfeignedtobeangrywithher，andhadtemptedherontolittlequarrelswithaboyishideathataquickreconciliationwouldperhapsthrowherintohisarms。Butnowitseemedtohimthatanagehadpassedsincethosedays。Hislovehadcertainlynotfaded。Therehadneverbeenamomentwhenthathadbeenonthewing。Butnowtheazureplumageofhislovehadbecomegreyasthewingsofadove，andthegorgeousnessofhisdreamshadsoberedintohopesandfearswhichwereaconstantburdentohisheart。Therewastimeenough，stilltimeenoughforhappinessifshewouldyield——andtimeenoughforthedullpressureofunsatisfiedaspirationsshouldshepersistinherrefusal。

Atlasthesawher，almostbyaccident，andthatmeetingcertainlywasnotfitforthepurposeofhissuit。HecalledatStoneBuildingsthedayafterherarrival，andfoundheratherfather’schambers。Shehadcometherekeepingsomeappointmentwithhim，andcertainlyhadnotexpectedtomeetherlover。Hewasconfusedandhardlyabletosayawordtoaccountforhispresence，butshegreetedhimwithalmostsisterlyaffection，sayingsomewordofLongbarnsandhisfamily，tellinghimhowEverett，toAlured’sgreatdelight，hadbeensworninasamagistratefortheCounty，andhowatthelasthuntmeetingJohnFletcherhadbeenaskedtotaketheCountyhoundsbecauseLordWeoblyatseventy-fivehaddeclaredhimselftobeunableanylongertorideasamasterofhoundsoughttoride。AllthesethingsArthurhadofcourseheard，suchnewsbeingtooimportanttobekeptlongfromhim。butonnoneofthesesubjectshadhemuchtosay。Hestutteredandstammered，andquicklywentaway——

not，however，beforehehadpromisedtocometodineasusualonthenextSunday，andnotwithoutobservingthattheanniversaryofthatfataldayofreleasehaddonesomethingtolightenthesombreloadofmourningwhichthewidowhadhithertoworn。

Yes——hewoulddinethereontheSunday，buthowwoulditbewithhimthen？MrWhartonneverwentoutofthehouseonaSundayevening，andcouldhardlybeexpectedtoleavehisowndrawing-roomforthesakeofgivingaloveranopportunity。No——

hemustwaittillthateveningshouldhavepassed，andthenmaketheoccasionforhimselfasbesthemight。TheSundaycameandthedinnerwaseaten，andafterdinnertherewasasinglebottleofportandthesinglebottleofclaret。’Howdoyouthinksheislooking？’askedthefather。’Shewasaspaleasdeathbeforewegotherdownintothecountry。’

’Uponmyword，sir，’saidhe，’I’vehardlylookedather。Itisnotamatteroflooksnow，asitusedtobe。Ithasgotbeyondthat。ItisnotthatIamindifferenttoseeingaprettyface，orthatIhavenolongeranopinionofmyownaboutawoman’sfigure。Buttheregrowsup，Ithink，alongingwhichalmostkillsthatconsideration。’

’Tomesheisasbeautifulasever，’saidthefatherproudly。

Fletcherdidmanage，wheninthedrawing-roomtotalkforawhileaboutJohnandthehounds，andthenwentaway，havingresolvedthathewouldcomeagainontheverynextday。Surelyshewouldnotgiveanorderthatheshouldbedeniedadmittance。Shehadbeentoocalm，tooeven，toconfidentofherselfforthat。Yes——

hewouldcomeandtellherplainlywhathehadtosay。Hewouldtellitwithallthesolemnityofwhichhewascapable，withafewwords，andthosethestrongestofwhichhecoulduse。

Shouldsherefusehim——ashealmostknewthatshewouldatfirst，——thenhewouldtellherofherfatherandofthewishesofalltheirjointfriends。’Nothing，’hewouldsaytoher，’nothingbutpersonaldislikecanjustifyyouinrefusingtohealmanywounds。’Ashefixedonthesewordshefailedtorememberhowlittleprobableitisthatalovershouldeverbeabletousethephraseswhichhearranges。

OntheMondayhecame，andaskedforMrsLopez，slurringoverthewordasbesthecould。Thebutlersaidhismistresswasathome。

Sincethedeathofthemanhehadsothoroughlydespised，theoldservanthadnevercalledherMrsLopez。Arthurwasshownupstairs，andfoundtheladyhesought，——buthefoundMrsRobyalso。ItmayberememberedthatMrsRoby，afterthetragedy，hadbeenrefusedadmittanceintoMrWharton’shouse。Sincethattherehadbeensomecorrespondence，andafeelinghadprevailedthatthewomanwasnottobequarrelledwithforever。’Ididnotdoit，papa，becauseofher，’Emilysaidwithsomescorn，andthatscornhadprocuredMrsRoby’spardon。Shewasnowmakingamorningcall，andsuitingherconversationtotheblackdressofherniece。Arthurwashorrifiedatseeingher。MrsRobyhadalwaysbeentohimodious，notonlyasapersonalenemybutasavulgarwoman。He，atanyrate，attributedonheragreatpartoftheevilthathadbeendone，feelingsurethathadtherebeennohouseroundthecorner，EmilyWhartonwouldneverhavebecomeMrsLopez。Asitwashewasforcedtoshakehandswithher，andforcedtolistentothefunerealtoneinwhichMrsRobyaskedhimifhedidnotthinkthatMrsLopezlookedmuchimprovedsincehersojourninHertfordshire。Heshrankatthesound，andthen，inorderthatitmightnotberepeated，tookoccasiontoshowthathewasallowedtocallhisearlyplaymatebyherChristianname。

MrsRoby，thinkingthatsheoughttocheckhim，remarkedthatMrsLopez’sreturnwasagreatthingforMrWharton。ThereuponArthurFletcherseizedhishatofftheground，wishedthembothgood-bye，andhurriedoutoftheroom。’WhataveryoddmannerhehastakenupsincehebecameaMemberofParliament，’saidMrsRoby。

Emilywassilentforamoment，andthenwithaneffort，——withintensepain，——shesaidawordortwowhichshethoughthadbetterbeatoncespoken。’Hewentbecausehedoesnotliketohearthatname。’

’Goodgracious！’

’Andpapadoesnotlikeit。Don’tsayawordaboutit，aunt。

praydon’t，——butcallmeEmily。’

’Areyougoingtobeashamedofyourname？’

’Nevermind，aunt。Ifyouthinkitwrong，youmuststayaway——

butIwillnothavepapawounded。’

’Oh——ifMrWhartonwishesit——ofcourse。’ThateveningMrsRobytoldDickRoby，herhusband，whatanoldfoolMrWhartonwas。

Thenextdayquiteearly，Fletcherwasagainatthehouseandwasagainadmittedupstairs。Thebutler，nodoubt，knewwellenoughwhyhecame，andalsoknewthatthepurportofhiscominghadatanyratethesanctionofMrWharton。Theroomwasemptywhenhewasshownintoit，butshecametohimverysoon。’Iwentawayyesterdayratherabruptly，’hesaid。’Ihopeyoudidnotthinkmerude。’

’Ohno。’

’Yourauntwashere，andIhadsomethingIwishedtosaybutcouldnotsayitverywellbeforeher。’

’Iknewthatshehaddrivenyouaway。YouandAuntHarrietwerenevergreatfriends。’

’Never——butIwillforgivehereverything。IwillforgivealltheinjuriesthathavebeendonemeifyouwillnowdoasIaskyou。’

Ofcoursesheknewwhatitwashewasabouttoask。WhenhehadleftheratLongbarnswithoutsayingawordofhislove，withoutgivingherahintwherebyshemightallowherselftothinkthatheintendedtorenewhissuit，thenshehadweptbecauseitwasso。Thoughherresolutionhadbeenquitefirmastothedutywhichwasincumbentonherofremaininginherdesolateconditionofalmostnamelesswidowhood，yetshehadbeenunabletorefrainfrombittertearsbecausehealsohadseemedtoseethatsuchwasherduty。Butnowagain，knowingthattherequestwascoming，feelingoncemoreconfidentoftheconstancyofhislove，shewasurgentwithherselfastothatheavyduty。Shewouldbewomanly，deadtoallshame，almostinhuman，wereshetoallowherselfagaintoindulgeinloveafterallthehavocshehadmade。Shehadbeenlittlemorethanabridewhenthathusband，forwhomshehadoftenbeenforcedtoblush，hadbeendrivenbytheweightofhismisfortunesanddisgracestodestroyhimself！Bythemarriageshehadmadeshehadoverwhelmedherwholefamilywithdishonour。Shehaddoneitwithapersistencyofperverseself-

willwhichsheherselfcouldnotnowlookbackonwithoutwonderandhorror。She，too，shouldhavediedaswellashe——onlythatdeathhadnotbenwithinthecompassofherpowersasofhis。Howthecouldsheforgetitall，andwipeitawayfromhermind，asshewouldfiguresfromaslatewithawettowel？Howcoulditbefitthatsheshouldagainbeabridewithsuchaspectreofahusbandhauntinghermemory？Shehadknownthattherequestwastobemadewhenhetookhissuddendeparture。Shehadknownitwell，whenjustnowtheservanttoldherthatMrFletcherwasinthedrawing-roombelow。Butshewasquitecertainoftheanswershemustmake。’IshouldbesorryyoushouldaskmeanythingIcannotdo，’shesaidinaverylowvoice。

’IwillaskyounothingforwhichIhavenotyourfather’ssanction。’

’Thetimehasgoneby，Arthur，inwhichImightwellhavebeenguidedbymyfather。Therecomesatimewhenpersonalfeelingsmustbestrongerthanafather’sauthority。Papacannotseemewithmyowneyes，hecannotunderstandwhatIfeel。Itissimplythis，——thathewouldhavemetobeotherthanIam。ButIamwhatIhavemademyself。’

’Youhavenotheardmeasyet。Youwillhearme？’

’Oh，yes。’

’IhavelovedyoueversinceIwasaboy。’Hepausedasthoughheexpectedthatshewouldmakesomeanswertothis。butofcoursetherewasnothingshecouldsay。’Ihavebeentruetoyousinceweweretogetheralmostaschildren。’

’Itisyournaturetobetrue。’

’Inthismatter，atanyrate。Ishallneverchange。Ineverforamomenthadadoubtaboutmylove。ThereneverhasbeenanyoneelsewhomIhaveventuredtocomparewithyou。Thencamethatgreattrouble。Emily，youmustletmespeakfreelythisonce，assomuch，tomeatleast，dependsonit。’

’Saywhatyouwill，Arthur。Donotwoundmemorethanyoucanhelp。’

’GodknowshowwillinglyIwouldhealeverywoundwithoutawordifitcouldbedone。Idon’tknowwhetheryoueverthoughtwhatIsufferedwhenhecameamongusandrobbedme，——well，Iwillnotsayrobbedmeofyourlove，becauseitwasnotmine——buttookawaywithhimthatwhichIhadbeentryingtowin。’

’Ididnotthinkamanwouldfeellikethat。’

’Whyshouldn’tamanfeelaswellasawoman？Ihadsetmyheartonhavingyouformywife。Cananydesirebenearertoamanthanthat？Thenhecame。Well，dearest，surelyImaysaythathewasnotworthyofyou。’

’Wewereneitherofusworthy，’shesaid。

’Ineednottellyouthatweallgrieved。ItseemedtousdowninHertfordshireasthoughablackcloudhadcomeuponus。Wecouldnotspeakofyou，noryetcouldwebealtogethersilent。’

’Ofcourseyoucondemnedme，——asanoutcast。’

’DidIwritetoyouasthoughyouwereanoutcast？DidItreatyouwhenIsawyouasanoutcast？WhenIcometoyouto-day，isthatproofthatIthinkyoutobeanoutcast？Ihaveneverdeceivedyou，Emily。’

’Never。’

’ThenyouwillbelievemewhenIsaythatthroughitallnotonewordofreproachorcontumelyhaseverpassedmylipsinregardtoyou。ThatyoushouldhavegivenyourselftoonewhomIcouldthinkworthyofyou，was，ofcourse，agreatsorrow。Hadhebeenaprinceofmenitwouldhaveofcoursebeenasorrowtome。HowitwentwithyouduringyourmarriedlifeIwillnotask。’

’Iwasunhappy。IwouldtellyoueverythingifIcould。Iwasveryunhappy。’

’Thencame——theend。’Shewasnowweepingwithherfaceburiedinherhandkerchief。’IwouldspareyouifIknewhow，buttherearesomethingswhichmustbesaid。’

’No——no。Iwillbearitall——fromyou。’

’Well！Hissuccesshadnotlessenedmylove。ThoughthenI

couldhavenohope，——thoughyouwereutterlyremovedfromme，——

allthatcouldnotchangeme。Thereitwas，——asthoughmyarmormyleghadbeentakenfromme。Itwasbadtolivewithoutanarmoraleg，buttherewasnohelp。Iwentonwithmylifeandtriednottolooklikeawhippedcur——thoughJohnfromtimetotimewouldtellmethatIfailed。Butnow——nowthatisagainallchanged，——whatwouldyouhavemedonow？Itmaybethatafterallmylimbmayberestoredtome，thatImaybeagainasothermenare，whole，andsound，andhappy——sohappy！WhenitmaypossiblybewithinmyreachamInottolookformyhappiness？’Hepaused，butsheweptonwithoutspeakingaword。

’TherearethosewhowillsaythatIshouldwaittillallthesesignsofwoehavebeenlaidaside。ButwhyshouldIwait？Therehascomeagreatblotonyourlife，andisitnotwellthatitshouldbecoveredasquicklyaspossible？’

’Itcanneverbecovered。’

’Youmeanthatitcanneverbeforgotten。Nodoubttherearepassagesinourlifewhichwecannotforget，thoughweburytheminthedeepestsilence。Allthiscanneverbedrivenoutofyourmemory，——norfrommine。Butitneednotthereforeblackenourlives。Insuchaconditionweshouldnotberuledbywhattheworldthinks。’

’Notatall。Icarenothingforwhattheworldthinks。Iambelowallthat。ItiswhatIthinkofmyself，——ofmyself。’

’Willyouthinkofnooneelse？Areanyofyourthoughtsforme，——orforyourfather？’

’Ohyes——formyfather。’

’Ineedhardlytellyouwhathewishes。Youmustknowhowyoucanbestgivehimbackthecomforthehaslost。’

’But，Arthur，evenforhimIcannotdoeverything。’

’Thereisonequestiontobeasked，’hesaid，risingfromherfeetandstandingbeforeher——’butone。andwhatyoudoshoulddependentirelyontheanswerwhichyoumaybeabletrulymaketothat。’

Thishesaidsosolemnlythathestartledher。

’Whatquestion，Arthur？’

’Doyouloveme？’Tothisquestionatthemomentshecouldmakenoreply。’OfcourseIknowthatyoudidnotlovemewhenyoumarriedhim。’

’Loveisnotallofonekind。’

’YouknowwhatloveImean。Youdidnotlovemethen。Youcouldnothavelovedme，——though，perhaps，IthoughtIhaddeservedyourlove。Butlovewillchangeandmemorywillsometimesbringbackoldfancieswhentheworldhasbeensternandhard。WhenwewereveryyoungIthinkyoulovedme。DoyouremembersevenyearsagoatLongbarns，whentheypartedusandsentmeaway，because，——

becauseweweresoyoung？Theydidnottellusthen，butIthinkyouknew。IknowthatIknew，andwentnightoswearthatI

woulddrownmyself。Youlovedmethen，Emily。’

’Iwasachildthen。’

’Nowyouarenotachild。Doyoulovemenow，——to-day？Ifso，givemeyourhand，andthepastbeburiedinsilence。Allthishascomeandgone，andhasnearlymadeusold。Butthereislifebeforeusyet，andifyouaret