下载辰思小说免费APP
Thenightcame,andsuddenlythecompanywasthere。Iwaswonderingwithmyselfwhether,nightafternight,theywouldthusgoondancingtoalleternity,andwhetherIshouldnotonedayhavetojointhembecauseofmystiff—neckedness,whentheeyesofthechildrencameopen,andtheysprangtotheirfeet,wideawake。
Immediatelyeveryonecaughtholdofadancer,andawaytheywent,boundingandskipping。Thespectresseemedtoseeandwelcomethem:
perhapstheyknewallabouttheLittleOnes,fortheyhadthemselveslongbeenontheirwaybacktochildhood！Anyhow,theirinnocentgambolsmust,Ithought,bringrefreshmenttowearysoulswho,theirpresenttakenfromthemandtheirfuturedark,hadnolifesavetheshadowoftheirvanishedpast。Manyamerrybutneverarudeprankdidthechildrenplay;andiftheydidattimescauseamomentaryjarintherhythmofthedance,thepoorspectres,whohadnothingtosmilewithal,atleastmanifestednoannoyance。
Justerethemorningbegantobreak,Istartedtoseetheskeleton—princessinthedoorway,hereyesopenandglowing,thefearfulspotblackonherside。Shestoodforamoment,thencameglidingin,asifshewouldjointhedance。Isprangtomyfeet。
Acryofrepugnantfearbrokefromthechildren,andthelightsvanished。Butthelowmoonlookedin,andIsawthemclingingtoeachother。Theghostsweregone——atleasttheywerenolongervisible。Theprincesstoohaddisappeared。IdartedtothespotwhereIhadlefther:shelaywithhereyesclosed,asifshehadnevermoved。Ireturnedtothehall。TheLittleOneswerealreadyonthefloor,composingthemselvestosleep。
Thenextmorning,aswestarted,wespied,alittlewayfromus,twoskeletonsmovingaboutinathicket。TheLittleOnesbroketheirranks,andrantothem。Ifollowed;and,althoughnowwalkingatease,withoutsplintorligature,IwasabletorecognisethepairIhadbeforeseeninthatneighbourhood。Thechildrenatoncemadefriendswiththem,layingholdoftheirarms,andstrokingthebonesoftheirlongfingers;anditwasplainthepoorcreaturestooktheirattentionskindly。Thetwoseemedonexcellenttermswitheachother。Theircommondeprivationhaddrawnthemtogether！
thelossofeverythinghadbeenthebeginningofanewlifetothem！
Perceivingthattheyhadgatheredhandfulsofherbs,andwerelookingformore——presumablytorubtheirboneswith,forinwhatotherwaycouldnourishmentreachtheirsystemsorudimentary？——theLittleOnes,havingkeenlyexaminedthosetheyheld,gatheredofthesamesorts,andfilledthehandstheskeletonsheldouttoreceivethem。Thentheybidthemgoodbye,promisingtocomeandseethemagain,andresumedtheirjourney,sayingtoeachothertheyhadnotknownthereweresuchnicepeoplelivinginthesameforest。
Whenwecametothenest—village,Iremainedthereanightwiththem,toseethemresettled;forLonastilllookedlikeonejustdead,andthereseemednoneedofhaste。
Theprincesshadeatennothing,andhereyesremainedshut:fearingshemightdieerewereachedtheendofourjourney,Iwenttoherinthenight,andlaidmybarearmuponherlips。ShebitintoitsofiercelythatIcriedout。HowIgotawayfromherIdonotknow,butIcametomyselflyingbeyondherreach。Itwasthenmorning,andimmediatelyIsetaboutourdeparture。
ChoosingtwelveLittleOnes,notofthebiggestandstrongest,butofthesweetestandmerriest,Imountedthemonsixelephants,andtooktwomoreofthewiseCLUMSIES,asthechildrencalledthem,tobeartheprincess。IstillrodeLona\'shorse,andcarriedherbodywraptinhercloakbeforeme。AsnearlyasIcouldjudgeItookthedirectway,acrosstheleftbranchoftheriver—bed,totheHouseofBitterness,whereIhopedtolearnhowbesttocrossthebroaderandrougherbranch,andhowtoavoidthebasinofmonsters:
Idreadedtheformerfortheelephants,thelatterforthechildren。
Ihadoneterriblenightontheway——thethird,passedinthedesertbetweenthetwobranchesofthedeadriver。
Wehadstoppedtheelephantsinashelteredplace,andtherelettheprincessslipdownbetweenthem,tolieonthesanduntilthemorning。Sheseemedquitedead,butIdidnotthinkshewas。I
laidmyselfalittlewayfromher,withthebodyofLonabymyotherside,thustokeepwatchatonceoverthedeadandthedangerous。
Themoonwashalf—waydownthewest,apale,thoughtfulmoon,mottlingthedesertwithshadows。Ofasuddenshewaseclipsed,remainingvisible,butsendingforthnolight:athick,diaphanousfilmcoveredherpatientbeauty,andshelookedtroubled。Thefilmsweptalittleaside,andIsawtheedgeofitagainstherclearness——thejaggedoutlineofabat—likewing,tornandhooked。
Cameacoldwindwithaburningsting——andLilithwasuponme。Herhandswerestillbound,butwithherteethshepulledfrommyshoulderthecloakLonamadeforme,andfixedtheminmyflesh。I
layasoneparalysed。
Alreadytheverylifeseemedflowingfrommeintoher,whenI
remembered,andstruckheronthehand。Sheraisedherheadwithagurglingshriek,andIfelthershiver。Iflungherfromme,andsprangtomyfeet。
Shewasonherknees,androckedherselftoandfro。Asecondblastofhot—stingingcoldenvelopedus;themoonshoneoutclear,andI
sawherface——gauntandghastly,besmearedwithred。
"Down,devil！"Icried。
"Whereareyoutakingme？"sheasked,withthevoiceofadullechofromasepulchre。
"Toyourfirsthusband,"Ianswered。
"Hewillkillme！"shemoaned。
"Atleasthewilltakeyouoffmyhands！"
"Givememydaughter,"shesuddenlyscreamed,grindingherteeth。
"Never！Yourdoomisuponyouatlast！"
"Loosemyhandsforpity\'ssake！"shegroaned。"Iamintorture。
Thecordsaresunkinmyflesh。"
"Idarenot。Liedown！"Isaid。
Shethrewherselfonthegroundlikealog。
Therestofthenightpassedinpeace,andinthemorningsheagainseemeddead。
BeforeeveningwecameinsightoftheHouseofBitterness,andthenextmomentoneoftheelephantscamealongsideofmyhorse。
"Please,king,youarenotgoingtothatplace？"whisperedtheLittleOnewhorodeonhisneck。
"IndeedIam！Wearegoingtostaythenightthere,"Ianswered。
"Oh,please,don\'t！Thatmustbewherethecat—womanlives！"
"Ifyouhadeverseenher,youwouldnotcallherbythatname！"
"Nobodyeverseesher:shehaslostherface！Herheadisbackandsideallround。"
"Shehidesherfacefromdull,discontentedpeople！——Whotaughtyoutocallherthecat—woman？"
"Iheardthebadgiantscallherso。"
"Whatdidtheysayabouther？"
"Thatshehadclawstohertoes。"
"Itisnottrue。Iknowthelady。Ispentanightatherhouse。"
"ButsheMAYhaveclawstohertoes！Youmightseeherfeet,andherclawsbefoldedupinsidetheircushions！"
"ThenperhapsyouthinkthatIhaveclawstomytoes？"
"Oh,no;thatcan\'tbe！youaregood！"
"Thegiantsmighthavetoldyouso！"Ipursued。
"Weshouldn\'tbelievethemaboutyou！"
"Arethegiantsgood？"
"No;theylovelying。"
"Thenwhydoyoubelievethemabouther？Iknowtheladyisgood;
shecannothaveclaws。"
"Pleasehowdoyouknowsheisgood？"
"HowdoyouknowIamgood？"
Irodeon,whilehewaitedforhiscompanions,andtoldthemwhatIhadsaid。
Theyhastenedafterme,andwhentheycameup,——
"IwouldnottakeyoutoherhouseifIdidnotbelievehergood,"
Isaid。
"Weknowyouwouldnot,"theyanswered。
"IfIweretodosomethingthatfrightenedyou——whatwouldyousay？"
"Thebeastsfrightenedussometimesatfirst,buttheyneverhurtus！"answeredone。
"Thatwasbeforeweknewthem！"addedanother。
"Justso！"Ianswered。"Whenyouseethewomaninthatcottage,youwillknowthatsheisgood。Youmaywonderatwhatshedoes,butshewillalwaysbegood。Iknowherbetterthanyouknowme。Shewillnothurtyou,——orifshedoes,————"
"Ah,youarenotsureaboutit,kingdear！YouthinksheMAYhurtus！"
"Iamsureshewillneverbeunkindtoyou,evenifshedohurtyou！"
Theyweresilentforawhile。
"I\'mnotafraidofbeinghurt——alittle！——agooddeal！"criedOdu。
"ButIshouldnotlikescratchesinthedark！Thegiantssaythecat—womanhasclaw—feetalloverherhouse！"
"Iamtakingtheprincesstoher,"Isaid。
"Why？"
"Becausesheisherfriend。"
"Howcanshebegoodthen？"
"LittleTumbledownisafriendoftheprincess,"Ianswered;"soisLuva:Isawthemboth,morethanonce,tryingtofeedherwithgrapes！"
"LittleTumbledownisgood！Luvaisverygood！"
"Thatiswhytheyareherfriends。"
"Willthecat—woman——Imeanthewomanthatisn\'tthecat—woman,andhasnoclawstohertoes——givehergrapes？"
"Sheismorelikelytogiveherscratches！"
"Why？——Yousaysheisherfriend！"
"Thatisjustwhy。——Afriendisonewhogivesuswhatweneed,andtheprincessissorelyinneedofaterriblescratching。"
Theyweresilentagain。
"Ifanyofyouareafraid,"Isaid,"youmaygohome;Ishallnotpreventyou。ButIcannottakeonewithmewhobelievesthegiantsratherthanme,oronewhowillcallagoodladythecat—woman！"
"Please,king,"saidone,"I\'msoafraidofbeingafraid！"
"Myboy,"Ianswered,"thereisnoharminbeingafraid。TheonlyharmisindoingwhatFeartellsyou。Fearisnotyourmaster！
Laughinhisfaceandhewillrunaway。"
"Theresheis——inthedoorwaitingforus！"criedone,andputhishandsoverhiseyes。
"Howuglysheis！"criedanother,anddidthesame。
"Youdonotseeher,"Isaid;"herfaceiscovered！"
"Shehasnoface！"theyanswered。
"Shehasaverybeautifulface。Isawitonce。——ItisindeedasbeautifulasLona\'s！"Iaddedwithasigh。
"Thenwhatmakesherhideit？"
"IthinkIknow:——anyhow,shehassomegoodreasonforit！"
"Idon\'tlikethecat—woman！sheisfrightful！"
"Youcannotlike,andyououghtnottodislikewhatyouhaveneverseen。——Oncemore,youmustnotcallherthecat—woman！"
"Whatarewetocallherthen,please？"
"LadyMara。"
"Thatisaprettyname！"saidagirl;"Iwillcallher`ladyMara\';
thenperhapsshewillshowmeherbeautifulface！"
Mara,drestandmuffledinwhite,wasindeedstandinginthedoorwaytoreceiveus。
"Atlast！"shesaid。"Lilith\'shourhasbeenlongontheway,butitiscome！Everythingcomes。ThousandsofyearshaveIwaited——andnotinvain！"
Shecametome,tookmytreasurefrommyarms,carrieditintothehouse,andreturning,tooktheprincess。Lilithshuddered,butmadenoresistance。Thebeastslaydownbythedoor。Wefollowedourhostess,theLittleOneslookingverygrave。Shelaidtheprincessonaroughsettleatonesideoftheroom,unboundher,andturnedtous。
"Mr。Vane,"shesaid,"andyou,LittleOnes,Ithankyou！Thiswomanwouldnotyieldtogentlermeasures;hardermusthavetheirturn。ImustdowhatIcantomakeherrepent！"
Thepitiful—heartedLittleOnesbegantosobsorely。
"Willyouhurtherverymuch,ladyMara？"saidthegirlIhavejustmentioned,puttingherwarmlittlehandinmine。
"Yes;IamafraidImust;Ifearshewillmakeme！"answeredMara。
"Itwouldbecrueltohurthertoolittle。Itwouldhavealltobedoneagain,onlyworse。"
"MayIstopwithher？"
"No,mychild。Shelovesnoone,thereforeshecannotbeWITHanyone。ThereisOnewhowillbewithher,butshewillnotbewithHim。"
"Willtheshadowthatcamedownthehillbewithher？"
"ThegreatShadowwillbeinher,Ifear,buthecannotbeWITHher,orwithanyone。ShewillknowIambesideher,butthatwillnotcomforther。"
"Willyouscratchherverydeep？"askedOdu,goingnear,andputtinghishandinhers。"Please,don\'tmaketheredjuicecome！"
Shecaughthimup,turnedherbacktotherestofus,drewthemufflingdownfromherface,andheldhimatarms\'lengththathemightseeher。
Asifhisfacehadbeenamirror,Isawinitwhathesaw。Foronemomenthestared,hislittlemouthopen;thenadivinewonderaroseinhiscountenance,andswiftlychangedtointensedelight。
Foraminutehegazedentranced,thenshesethimdown。Yetamomenthestoodlookingupather,lostincontemplation——thenrantouswiththefaceofaprophetthatknowsablisshecannottell。
Mararearrangedhermufflings,andturnedtotheotherchildren。
"Youmusteatanddrinkbeforeyougotosleep,"shesaid;"youhavehadalongjourney！"
Shesetthebreadofherhousebeforethem,andajugofcoldwater。
Theyhadneverseenbreadbefore,andthiswashardanddry,buttheyateitwithoutsignofdistaste。Theyhadneverseenwaterbefore,buttheydrankwithoutdemur,oneaftertheotherlookingupfromthedraughtwithafaceofgladastonishment。Thensheledawaythesmallest,andtherestwenttroopingafterher。Withherowngentlehands,theytoldme,sheputthemtobedonthefloorofthegarret。
CHAPTERXXXIX
THATNIGHT
Theirnightwasatroubledone,andtheybroughtastrangereportofitintotheday。Whetherthefearoftheirsleepcameoutintotheirwaking,ortheirwakingfearsankwiththemintotheirdreams,awakeorasleeptheywereneveratrestfromit。Allnightsomethingseemedgoingoninthehouse——somethingsilent,somethingterrible,somethingtheywerenottoknow。Neverasoundawoke;thedarknesswasonewiththesilence,andthesilencewastheterror。
Once,afrightfulwindfilledthehouse,andshookitsinside,theysaid,sothatitquiveredandtrembledlikeahorseshakinghimself;
butitwasasilentwindthatmadenotevenamoanintheirchamber,andpassedawaylikeasoundlesssob。
Theyfellasleep。Buttheywokeagainwithagreatstart。Theythoughtthehousewasfillingwithwatersuchastheyhadbeendrinking。Itcamefrombelow,andswelledupuntilthegarretwasfullofittotheveryroof。Butitmadenomoresoundthanthewind,andwhenitsankaway,theyfellasleepdryandwarm。
Thenexttimetheywoke,alltheair,theysaid,insideandout,wasfullofcats。Theyswarmed——upanddown,alongandacross,everywhereabouttheroom。Theyfelttheirclawstryingtogetthroughthenight—gownsladyMarahadputonthem,buttheycouldnot;andinthemorningnotoneofthemhadascratch。Throughthedarksuddenly,cametheonlysoundtheyheardthenightlong——thefar—offhowlofthehugegreat—grandmother—catinthedesert:shemusthavebeencallingherlittleones,theythought,forthatinstantthecatsstopped,andallwasstill。Oncemoretheyfellfastasleep,anddidnotwaketillthesunwasrising。
Suchwastheaccountthechildrengaveoftheirexperiences。ButIwaswiththeveiledwomanandtheprincessallthroughthenight:
somethingofwhattookplaceIsaw;muchIonlyfelt;andtherewasmorewhicheyecouldnotsee,andheartonlycouldinameasureunderstand。
AssoonasMaralefttheroomwiththechildren,myeyesfellonthewhiteleopardess:Ithoughtwehadleftherbehindus,butthereshewas,coweringinacorner。Apparentlyshewasinmortalterrorofwhatshemightsee。Alampstoodonthehighchimney—piece,andsometimestheroomseemedfulloflamp—shadows,sometimesofcloudyforms。Theprincesslayonthesettlebythewall,andseemednevertohavemovedhandorfoot。Itwasafearsomewaiting。
WhenMarareturned,shedrewthesettlewithLilithuponittothemiddleoftheroom,thensatdownoppositeme,attheothersideofthehearth。Betweenusburnedasmallfire。
Somethingterriblewasonitsway！Thecloudypresencesflickeredandshook。Asilverycreaturelikeaslowwormcamecrawlingoutfromamongthem,slowlycrossedtheclayfloor,andcreptintothefire。Wesatmotionless。Thesomethingcamenearer。
Butthehourspassed,midnightdrewnigh,andtherewasnochange。
Thenightwasverystill。Notasoundbrokethesilence,notarustlefromthefire,notacrackfromboardorbeam。NowandagainIfeltasortofheave,butwhetherintheearthorintheairorinthewatersundertheearth,whetherinmyownbodyorinmysoul——whetheritwasanywhere,Icouldnottell。Adreadsenseofjudgmentwasuponme。ButIwasnotafraid,forIhadceasedtocareforaughtsavethethingthatmustbedone。
Suddenlyitwasmidnight。Themuffledwomanrose,turnedtowardthesettle,andslowlyunwoundthelongswathesthathidherface:
theydroppedontheground,andshesteppedoverthem。Thefeetoftheprincessweretowardthehearth;Marawenttoherhead,andturning,stoodbehindit。ThenIsawherface。Itwaslovelybeyondspeech——whiteandsad,heart—and—soulsad,butnotunhappy,andIknewitnevercouldbeunhappy。Greattearswererunningdownhercheeks:shewipedthemawaywithherrobe;hercountenancegrewverystill,andsheweptnomore。Butforthepityineverylineofherexpression,shewouldhaveseemedsevere。Shelaidherhandontheheadoftheprincess——onthehairthatgrewlowontheforehead,andstooping,breathedonthesallowbrow。Thebodyshuddered。
"Willyouturnawayfromthewickedthingsyouhavebeendoingsolong？"saidMaragently。
Theprincessdidnotanswer。Maraputthequestionagain,inthesamesoft,invitingtone。
Stilltherewasnosignofhearing。Shespokethewordsathirdtime。
Thentheseemingcorpseopeneditsmouthandanswered,itswordsappearingtoframethemselvesofsomethingelsethansound。——I
cannotshapethethingfurther:soundstheywerenot,yettheywerewordstome。
"Iwillnot,"shesaid。"Iwillbemyselfandnotanother！"
"Alas,youareanothernow,notyourself！Willyounotbeyourrealself？"
"IwillbewhatImeanmyselfnow。"
"Ifyouwererestored,wouldyounotmakewhatamendsyoucouldforthemiseryyouhavecaused？"
"Iwoulddoaftermynature。"
"Youdonotknowit:yournatureisgood,andyoudoevil！"
"IwilldoasmySelfpleases——asmySelfdesires。"
"YouwilldoastheShadow,overshadowingyourSelfinclinesyou？"
"IwilldowhatIwilltodo。"
"Youhavekilledyourdaughter,Lilith！"
"Ihavekilledthousands。Sheismyown！"
"Shewasneveryoursasyouareanother\'s。"
"Iamnotanother\'s;Iammyown,andmydaughterismine。"
"Then,alas,yourhouriscome！"
"Icarenot。IamwhatIam;noonecantakefrommemyself！"
"YouarenottheSelfyouimagine。"
"SolongasIfeelmyselfwhatitpleasesmetothinkmyself,Icarenot。IamcontenttobetomyselfwhatIwouldbe。WhatIchoosetoseemtomyselfmakesmewhatIam。Myownthoughtmakesmeme;
myownthoughtofmyselfisme。Anothershallnotmakeme！"
"Butanotherhasmadeyou,andcancompelyoutoseewhatyouhavemadeyourself。Youwillnotbeablemuchlongertolooktoyourselfanythingbutwhatheseesyou！Youwillnotmuchlongerhavesatisfactioninthethoughtofyourself。Atthismomentyouareawareofthecomingchange！"
"Nooneevermademe。IdefythatPowertounmakemefromafreewoman！Youarehisslave,andIdefyyou！Youmaybeabletotortureme——Idonotknow,butyoushallnotcompelmetoanythingagainstmywill！"
"Suchacompulsionwouldbewithoutvalue。Butthereisalightthatgoesdeeperthanthewill,alightthatlightsupthedarknessbehindit:thatlightcanchangeyourwill,canmakeittrulyyoursandnotanother\'s——nottheShadow\'s。Intothecreatedcanpouritselfthecreatingwill,andsoredeemit！"
"Thatlightshallnotenterme:Ihateit！——Begone,slave！"
"Iamnoslave,forIlovethatlight,andwillwiththedeeperwillwhichcreatedmine。Thereisnoslavebutthecreaturethatwillsagainstitscreator。Whoisaslavebutherwhocries,`Iamfree,\'yetcannotceasetoexist！"
"Youspeakfoolishnessfromacoweringheart！Youimaginemegivenovertoyou:Idefyyou！Iholdmyselfagainstyou！WhatIchoosetobe,youcannotchange。Iwillnotbewhatyouthinkme——whatyousayIam！"
"Iamsorry:youmustsuffer！"
"Butbefree！"
"Shealoneisfreewhowouldmakefree;shelovesnotfreedomwhowouldenslave:sheisherselfaslave。Everylife,everywill,everyheartthatcamewithinyourken,youhavesoughttosubdue:
youaretheslaveofeveryslaveyouhavemade——suchaslavethatyoudonotknowit！——Seeyourownself！"
Shetookherhandfromtheheadoftheprincess,andwenttwobackwardpacesfromher。
Asoundlesspresenceasofroaringflamepossessedthehouse——
thesame,Ipresume,thatwastothechildrenasilentwind。
InvoluntarilyIturnedtothehearth:itsfirewasastillsmallmovelessglow。ButIsawtheworm—thingcomecreepingout,white—hot,vividasincandescentsilver,theliveheartofessentialfire。Alongtheflooritcrawledtowardthesettle,goingveryslow。Yetmoreslowlyitcreptuponit,andlaiditself,asunwillingtogofurther,atthefeetoftheprincess。Iroseandstolenearer。Marastoodmotionless,asonethatwaitsaneventforeknown。Theshiningthingcrawledontoabarebonyfoot:itshowednosuffering,neitherwasthesettlescorchedwherethewormhadlain。Slowly,veryslowly,itcreptalongherrobeuntilitreachedherbosom,whereitdisappearedamongthefolds。
Thefaceoftheprincesslaystonilycalm,theeyelidsclosedasoverdeadeyes;andforsomeminutesnothingfollowed。Atlength,onthedry,parchment—likeskin,begantoappeardropsasofthefinestdew:inamomenttheywereaslargeasseed—pearls,rantogether,andbegantopourdowninstreams。Idartedforwardtosnatchthewormfromthepoorwitheredbosom,andcrushitwithmyfoot。ButMara,MotherofSorrow,steppedbetween,anddrewasidetheclosededgesoftherobe:noserpentwasthere——nosearingtrail;
thecreaturehadpassedinbythecentreoftheblackspot,andwaspiercingthroughthejointsandmarrowtothethoughtsandintentsoftheheart。Theprincessgaveonewrithing,contortedshudder,andIknewthewormwasinhersecretchamber。
"Sheisseeingherself！"saidMara;andlayingherhandonmyarm,shedrewmethreepacesfromthesettle。
Ofasuddentheprincessbentherbodyupwardinanarch,thensprangtothefloor,andstooderect。Thehorrorinherfacemademetremblelesthereyesshouldopen,andthesightofthemoverwhelmme。Herbosomheavedandsank,butnobreathissued。Herhairhunganddripped;thenitstoodoutfromherheadandemittedsparks;
againhungdown,andpouredthesweatofhertortureonthefloor。
Iwouldhavethrownmyarmsabouther,butMarastoppedme。
"Youcannotgonearher,"shesaid。"Sheisfarawayfromus,afarinthehellofherself—consciousness。Thecentralfireoftheuniverseisradiatingintohertheknowledgeofgoodandevil,theknowledgeofwhatsheis。Sheseesatlastthegoodsheisnot,theevilsheis。Sheknowsthatsheisherselfthefireinwhichsheisburning,butshedoesnotknowthattheLightofLifeistheheartofthatfire。Hertormentisthatsheiswhatsheis。Donotfearforher;sheisnotforsaken。Nogentlerwaytohelpherwasleft。Waitandwatch。"
Itmayhavebeenfiveminutesorfiveyearsthatshestoodthus——I
cannottell;butatlastsheflungherselfonherface。
Marawenttoher,andstoodlookingdownuponher。Largetearsfellfromhereyesonthewomanwhohadneverwept,andwouldnotweep。
"Willyouchangeyourway？"shesaidatlength。
"Whydidhemakemesuch？"gaspedLilith。"Iwouldhavemademyself——oh,sodifferent！IamgladitwashethatmademeandnotImyself！HealoneistoblameforwhatIam！NeverwouldIhavemadesuchaworthlessthing！HemeantmesuchthatImightknowitandbemiserable！Iwillnotbemadeanylonger！"
"Unmakeyourself,then,"saidMara。
"Alas,Icannot！Youknowit,andmockme！HowoftenhaveInotagonisedtocease,butthetyrantkeepsmebeing！Icursehim！——Nowlethimkillme！"
Thewordscameinjetsasfromadyingfountain。
"Hadhenotmadeyou,"saidMara,gentlyandslowly,"youcouldnotevenhatehim。Buthedidnotmakeyousuch。Youhavemadeyourselfwhatyouare。——Beofbettercheer:hecanremakeyou。"
"Iwillnotberemade！"
"Hewillnotchangeyou;hewillonlyrestoreyoutowhatyouwere。"
"Iwillnotbeaughtofhismaking。"
"Areyounotwillingtohavethatsetrightwhichyouhavesetwrong？"
Shelaysilent;hersufferingseemedabated。
"Ifyouarewilling,putyourselfagainonthesettle。"
"Iwillnot,"sheanswered,forcingthewordsthroughherclenchedteeth。
Awindseemedtowakeinsidethehouse,blowingwithoutsoundorimpact;andawaterbegantorisethathadnolapinitsripples,nosobinitsswell。Itwascold,butitdidnotbenumb。Unseenandnoiselessitcame。Itsmotenosenseinme,yetIknewitrising。Isawitliftatlastandfloather。Gentlyitboreher,unabletoresist,andleftratherthanlaidheronthesettle。Thenitsankswiftlyaway。
Thestrifeofthought,accusingandexcusing,beganafresh,andgatheredfierceness。ThesoulofLilithlaynakedtothetortureofpureinterpenetratinginwardlight。Shebegantomoan,andsighdeepsighs,thenmurmurasholdingcolloquywithadividualself:
herqueendomwasnolongerwhole;itwasdividedagainstitself。
Onemomentshewouldexultasoverherworstenemy,andweep;thenextshewouldwritheasintheembraceofafriendwhomhersoulhated,andlaughlikeademon。Atlengthshebeganwhatseemedataleaboutherself,inalanguagesostrange,andinformssoshadowy,thatIcouldbuthereandthereunderstandalittle。YetthelanguageseemedtheprimevalshapeofoneIknewwell,andtheformstobelongtodreamswhichhadoncebeenmine,butrefusedtoberecalled。ThetaleappearednowandthentotouchuponthingsthatAdamhadreadfromthedispartedmanuscript,andoftentomakeallusiontoinfluencesandforces——vicestoo,Icouldnothelpsuspecting——withwhichIwasunacquainted。
Sheceased,andagaincamethehorrorinherhair,thesparklingandflowingalternate。IsentabeseechinglooktoMara。
