第20章

Shewasdirtyandlazy，andlikedtololltherewhentravellerscame，tohearthementalk，butshehadasoftheart。Presentlyahandcameoutofthewindow，andapairofvelvetslipperstouchedhisshoulder，tinyslipperswithblackflowers。Hepulledthemoutofherhand。Onlyonewoman’sfeethadwornthem，heknewthat。

"Leftherelastsummerbyalady，"saidthegirl；"mightbetheoneyouarelookingfor。Neversawanyfeetsosmall。"

Gregoryroseandquestionedher。

Theymighthavecomeinawagonandspider，shecouldnottell。Butthegentlemanwasveryhandsome，tall，lovelyfigure，blueeyes，woreglovesalwayswhenhewentout。AnEnglishofficer，perhaps；noAfricander，certainly。

Gregorystoppedher。

Thelady？Well，shewaspretty，rather，thegirlsaid；verycold，dullair，silent。Theystayedfor，itmightbe，fivedays；sleptinthewingoveragainstthestoep；quarrelledsometimes，shethought——thelady。Shehadseeneverythingwhenshewentintowait。Onedaythegentlemantouchedherhair；shedrewbackfromhimasthoughhisfingerspoisonedher。Wenttotheotherendoftheroomifhecametositnearher。Walkedoutalone。Coldwifeforsuchahandsomehusband，thegirlthought；sheevidentlypitiedhim，hewassuchabeautifulman。Theywentawayearlyonemorning，how，orinwhichway，thegirlcouldnottell。

Gregoryinquiredoftheservants，butnothingmorewastobelearnt；sothenextmorninghesaddledhishorseandwenton。Atthefarmshecametothegoodoldoomsandtantesaskedhimtohavecoffee，andthelittleshoelesschildrenpeepedoutatthestrangerfrombehindovensandgables；butnoonehadseenwhatheaskedfor。Thiswayandthatherodetopickupthethreadhehaddropped，butthespiderandthewagon，thelittleladyandthehandsomegentleman，noonehadseen。Inthetownshefaredyetworse。

Onceindeedhopecametohim。Onthestoepofanhotelatwhichhestayedthenightinacertainlittlevillage，therewalkedagentleman，graveandkindly—looking。Itwasnothardtoopenconversationwithhimabouttheweather，andthen——Hadheeverseensuchandsuchpeople，agentlemanandalady，aspiderandwagon，arriveatthatplace？Thekindlygentlemanshookhishead。Whatwastheladylike，heinquired。

Gregorypainted。Hairlikesilkenfloss，smallmouth，underlipveryfullandpink，upperlippinkbutverythinandcurled；therewerefourwhitespotsonthenailofherrighthandforefinger，andhereyebrowswereverydelicatelycurved。

"Yes；andarose—budtingeinthecheeks；handslikelilies，andperfectlyseraphicsmile。"

"Thatisshe！thatisshe！"criedGregory。

Whoelsecoulditbe？Heaskedwhereshehadgoneto。Thegentlemanmostthoughtfullystrokedhisbeard。

Hewouldtrytoremember。Werenotherears——。Heresuchaviolentfitofcoughingseizedhimthatheranawayintothehouse。Anill—fedclerkandadirtybarmanstandinginthedoorwaylaughedaloud。Gregorywonderediftheycouldbelaughingatthegentleman’scough，andthenheheardsomeonelaughingintheroomintowhichthegentlemanhadgone。Hemustfollowhimandtrytolearnmore；buthesoonfoundthattherewasnothingmoretobelearntthere。PoorGregory！

Backwardandforward，backwardandforward，fromthedirtylittlehotelwherehehaddroppedthethread，tothisfarmandtothat，rodeGregory，tillhisheartwassickandtired。Thatfromthatspotthewagonmighthavegoneitsownwayandthespideranotherwasanideathatdidnotoccurtohim。Atlasthesawitwasnouselingeringinthatneighbourhood，andpressedon。

Onedaycomingtoalittletown，hishorsesknockedup，andheresolvedtorestthemthere。Thelittlehotelofthetownwasabrightandsunnyplace，likethejovialfaceofthecleanlittlewomanwhokeptit，andwhotrottedabouttalkingalways——talkingtothecustomersinthetaproom，andtothemaidsinthekitchen，andtothepassers—bywhenshecouldhailthemfromthewindows；talking，asgood—naturedwomenwithlargemouthsandsmallnosesalwaysdo，inseasonandout。

Therewasalittlefrontparlourinthehotel，keptforstrangerswhowantedtobealone。Gregorysattheretoeathisbreakfast，andthelandladydustedtheroomandtalkedofthegreatfindsattheDiamondFields，andthebadnessofmaid—servants，andtheshamefulconductoftheDutchparsoninthattowntotheEnglishinhabitants。Gregoryatehisbreakfastandlistenedtonothing。Hehadaskedhisonequestion，andhadhadhisanswer；nowshemighttalkon。

Presentlyadoorinthecorneropenedandawomancameout——aMozambiquer，witharedhandkerchieftwistedroundherhead。Shecarriedinherhandatray，withasliceoftoastcrumbledfine，andahalf—filledcupofcoffee，andaneggbrokenopen，butnoteaten。Herebonyfacegrinnedcomplacentlyassheshutthedoorsoftlyandsaid，"Goodmorning。"

Thelandladybegantotalktoher。

"Youarenotgoingtoleaveherreally，Ayah，areyou？"shesaid。"Themaidssayso；butI’msureyouwouldn’tdosuchathing。"

TheMozambiquergrinned。

"HusbandsaysImustgohome。"

"Butshehasn’tgotanyoneelse，andwon’thaveanyoneelse。Come，now，"

saidthelandlady，"I’venotimetobesittingalwaysinasickroom，notifIwaspaidanythingforit。"

TheMozambiqueronlyshowedherwhiteteethgood—naturedlyforanswer，andwentout，andthelandladyfollowedher。

Gregory，gladtobealone，watchedthesunshineasitcameoverthefuchsiasinthewindow，andranupanddownonthepanelleddoorinthecorner。TheMozambiquerhadcloseditlooselybehindher，andpresentlysomethingtoucheditinside。Itmovedalittle，thenitwasstill，thenmovedagain；thenthroughthegapasmallnoseappeared，andayellowearoverlappingoneeye；thenthewholeheadobtruded，placeditselfcriticallyononeside，wrinkleditsnosedisapprovinglyatGregory，andwithdrew。

Throughthehalf—opendoorcameafaintscentofvinegar，andtheroomwasdarkandstill。

Presentlythelandladycameback。

"Leftthedooropen，"shesaid，bustlingtoshutit；"butadarkywillbeadarky，andnevercarriesaheadonitsshoulderslikeotherfolks。Notill，Ihopesir？"shesaid，lookingatGregorywhenshehadshutthebedroomdoor。

"No，"saidGregory，"no。"

Thelandladybeganputtingthethingstogether。

"Who，"askedGregory，"isinthatroom？"

Gladtohavealittleinnocentpieceofgossiptorelate，andsomeonewillingtohearit，thelandladymadethemostofalittlestoryassheclearedthetable。Sixmonthsbeforealadyhadcomealonetothehotelinawagon，withonlyacolouredleaderanddriver。Eightdaysafteralittlebabyhadbeenborn。

IfGregorystoodupandlookedoutatthewindowhewouldseeabluegum—

treeinthegraveyard；closebyitwasalittlegrave。Thebabywasburiedthere。Atinything——onlylivedtwohours，andthemotherherselfalmostwentwithit。Afterawhileshewasbetter；butonedayshegotupoutofbed，dressedherselfwithoutsayingawordtoanyone，andwentout。Itwasadrizzlyday；alittletimeaftersomeonesawhersittingonthewetgroundunderthebluegum—tree，withtheraindrippingfromherhatandshawl。Theywenttofetchher，butshewouldnotcomeuntilshechose。

Whenshedid，shehadgonetobedandhadnotrisenagainfromit；neverwould，thedoctorsaid。

Shewasverypatient，poorthing。Whenyouwentintoaskherhowshewasshesaidalways"Better，"or"Nearlywell！"andlaystillinthedarkenedroom，andnevertroubledanyone。TheMozambiquertookcareofher，andshewouldnotallowanyoneelsetotouchher；wouldnotsomuchasallowanyoneelsetoseeherfootuncovered。Shewasstrangeinmanyways，butshepaidwell，poorthing；andnowtheMozambiquerwasgoing，andshewouldhavetotakeupwithsomeoneelse。

Thelandladyprattledonpleasantly，andnowcarriedawaythetraywiththebreakfastthings。WhenshewasgoneGregoryleanedhisheadonhishands，buthedidnotthinklong。

Beforedinnerhehadriddenoutofthetowntowhereonariseanumberoftransport—wagonswereoutspanned。TheDutchmandriverofonewonderedatthestranger’seagernesstofreehimselfofhishorses。Stolenperhaps；

butitwasworthhiswhiletobuythematsolowaprice。Sothehorseschangedmasters，andGregorywalkedoffwithhissaddlebagsslungacrosshisarm。Onceoutofsightofthewagonshestruckoutoftheroadandwalkedacrosstheveld，thedry，floweringgrasseswavingeverywhereabouthim；half—wayacrosstheplainhecametoadeepgullywhichtheraintorrentshadwashedout，butwhichwasnowdry。Gregorysprungdownintoitsredbed。Itwasasafeplace，andquiet。Whenhehadlookedabouthimhesatdownundertheshadeofanoverhangingbankandfannedhimselfwithhishat，fortheafternoonwashot，andhehadwalkedfast。Athisfeetthedustyantsranabout，andthehighredbankbeforehimwascoveredbyanetworkofrootsandfibreswashedbarebytherains。AbovehisheadrosetheclearblueAfricansky；athissidewerethesaddlebagsfullofwomen’sclothing。Gregorylookeduphalfplaintivelyintothebluesky。

"AmI，amIGregoryNazianzenRose？"hesaid。

Itwasalsostrange，hesittingthereinthatslootinthatup—countryplain！——strangeasthefantastic，changingshapesinasummercloud。Atlast，tiredout，hefellasleep，withhisheadagainstthebank。Whenhewoketheshadowhadstretchedacrossthesloot，andthesunwasontheedgeoftheplain。Nowhemustbeupanddoing。Hedrewfromhisbreastpocketalittlesixpennylooking—glass，andhungitononeoftherootsthatstuckoutfromthebank。Thenhedressedhimselfinoneoftheold—fashionedgownsandagreatpinked—outcollar。Thenhetookoutarazor。Tuftbytuftthesoftbrownbeardfelldownintothesand，andthelittleantstookittolinetheirnestswith。Thentheglassshowedafacesurroundedbyafrilledcap，whiteasawoman’s，withalittlemouth，averyshortupperlip，andarecedingchin。

Presentlyarathertallwoman’sfigurewasmakingitswayacrosstheveld。

Asitpassedahollowed—outantheapitkneltdown，andstuffedinthesaddlebagswiththeman’sclothing，closinguptheanthillwithbitsofgroundtolookasnaturalaspossible。Likeasinnerhidinghisdeedofsin，thehiderstartedonceandlookedround，butyettherewasnoonenearsaveameerkat，whohadliftedherselfoutofherholeandsatonherhindlegswatching。Hedidnotlikethatevensheshouldsee，andwhenheroseshedivedawayintoherhole。Thenhewalkedonleisurely，thattheduskmighthavereachedthevillagestreetsbeforehewalkedthere。Thefirsthousewasthesmith’s，andbeforetheopendoortwoidleurchinslolled。

Ashehurriedupthestreetinthegatheringgloomheheardthemlaughlongandloudlybehindhim。Heglancedroundfearingly，andwouldalmosthavefled，butthatthestrangeskirtsclungabouthislegs。Andafterallitwasonlyasparkthathadalightedontheheadofone，andnotthestrangefiguretheylaughedat。

Thedoorofthehotelstoodwideopen，andthelightfelloutintothestreet。Heknocked，andthelandladycame。Shepeeredouttolookforthecartthathadbroughtthetraveller；butGregory’sheartwasbravenowhewassonearthequietroom。Hetoldherhehadcomewiththetransportwagonsthatstoodoutsidethetown。

Hehadwalkedin，andwantedlodgingsforthenight。

Itwasadeliberatelie，gliblytold；hewouldhavetoldfifty，thoughtherecordingangelhadstoodinthenextroomwithhispendippedintheink。

Whatwasittohim？Herememberedthatshelaytheresayingalways："Iambetter。"

Thelandladyputhissupperinthelittleparlourwherehehadsatinthemorning。Whenitwasonthetableshesatdownintherocking—chair，asherfashionwastoknitandtalk，thatshemightgathernewsforhercustomersinthetaproom。Inthewhitefaceunderthequeer，deep—fringedcapshesawnothingofthemorning’straveller。Thenewcomerwascommunicative。Shewasanursebyprofession，shesaid；hadcometotheTransvaal，hearingthatgoodnurseswereneededthere。Shehadnotyetfoundwork。Thelandladydidnotperhapsknowwhethertherewouldbeanyforherinthattown？

Thelandladyputdownherknittingandsmoteherfathandstogether。

Ifitwasn’ttheveryfingerofGod’sprovidence，asthoughyousawithangingoutofthesky，shesaid。Herewasaladyillandneedinganewnursethatveryday，andnotabletogetonetohermind，andnow——well，ifitwasn’tenoughtoconvertalltheAtheistsandFreethinkersintheTransvaal，shedidn’tknow！

Thenthelandladyproceededtodetailfacts。

"I’msureyouwillsuither，"sheadded；"you’rejustthekind。Shehasheapsofmoneytopayyouwith；haseverythingthatmoneycanbuy。AndI

gotaletterwithacheckinitforfiftypoundstheotherdayfromsomeone，whosaysI’mtospenditforher，andnottoletherknow。Sheisasleepnow，butI’lltakeyouintolookather。"

Thelandladyopenedthedoorofthenextroom，andGregoryfollowedher。A

tablestoodnearthebed，andalampburninglowstoodonit；thebedwasagreatfour—posterwithwhitecurtains，andthequiltwasofrichcrimsonsatin。ButGregorystoodjustinsidethedoorwithhisheadbentlow，andsawnofurther。

"Comenearer！I’llturnthelampupabit，thatyoucanhavealookather。Aprettything，isn’tit？"saidthelandlady。

Nearthefootofthebedwasadentinthecrimsonquilt，andoutofitDoss’smallheadandbrighteyeslookedknowingly。

ThenGregorylookedupatwhatlayonthecushion。Alittlewhite，whiteface，transparentasanangel’swithaclothboundroundtheforehead，andwithsofthairtossedaboutonthepillow。

"Wehadtocutitoff，"saidthewoman，touchingitwithherforefinger。

"Softassilk，likeawaxdoll’s。"

ButGregory’sheartwasbleeding。

"Nevergetupagain，thedoctorsays，"saidthelandlady。

Gregoryutteredoneword。Inaninstantthebeautifuleyesopenedwidely，lookedroundtheroomandintothedarkcorners。

"Whoishere？WhomdidIhearspeak？"

Gregoryhadsunkbackbehindthecurtain；thelandladydrewitaside，andpulledhimforward。

"Onlythislady，ma’am——anursebyprofession。Sheiswillingtostayandtakecareofyou，ifyoucancometotermswithher。"

Lyndallraisedherselfonherelbow，andcastonekeenscrutinizingglanceoverhim。

"HaveIneverseenyoubefore？"sheasked。

"No。"

Shefellbackwearily。

"Perhapsyouwouldliketoarrangethetermsbetweenyourselves，"saidthelandlady。"Hereisachair。Iwillbebackpresently。"

Gregorysatdown，withbentheadandquickbreath。Shedidnotspeak，andlaywithhalf—closedeyes，seemingtohaveforgottenhim。

"Willyouturnthelampdownalittle？"shesaidatlast；"Icannotbearthelight。"

Thenhisheartgrewbraverintheshadow，andhespoke。Nursingwastohim，hesaid，hischosenlife’swork。Hewantednomoneyif——Shestoppedhim。

"ItakenoserviceforwhichIdonotpay，"shesaid。"WhatIgavetomylastnurseIwillgivetoyou；ifyoudonotlikeityoumaygo。"

AndGregorymutteredhumbly，hewouldtakeit。

Afterwardshetriedtoturnherself。Heliftedher！Ah！ashrunkenlittlebody，hecouldfeelitsweaknessashetouchedit。Hishandsweretohimglorifiedforwhattheyhaddone。

"Thankyou！thatissonice。Otherpeoplehurtmewhentheytouchme，"shesaid。"Thankyou！"Thenafteralittlewhilesherepeatedhumbly，"Thankyou；theyhurtmeso。"

Gregorysatdowntrembling。Hislittleewe—lamb，couldtheyhurther？

ThedoctorsaidofGregoryfourdaysafter，"SheisthemostexperiencednurseIevercameincontactwith。"

Gregory，standinginthepassage，hearditandlaughedinhisheart。Whatneedhadheofexperience？Experienceteachesusinamillenniumwhatpassionteachesusinanhour。AKafferstudiesallhislifethediscerningofdistantsounds；buthewillneverhearmystep，whenmylovehearsit，comingtoherwindowinthedarkovertheshortgrass。

AtfirstGregory’sheartwassorewhendaybydaythebodygrewlighter，andthemouthhefedtookless；butafterwardhegrewaccustomedtoit，andwashappy。Forpassionhasonecry，oneonly——"Oh，totouchthee，Beloved！"

InthatquietroomLyndalllayonthebedwiththedogatherfeet，andGregorysatinhisdarkcornerwatching。

Sheseldomslept，andthroughthoselong，longdaysshewouldliewatchingtheroundstreakofsunlightthatcamethroughtheknotintheshutter，orthemassivelion’spawonwhichthewardroberested。Whatthoughtswereinthoseeyes？Gregorywondered；hedarednotask。

SometimesDosswherehelayonherfeetwoulddreamthattheytwowereinthecart，tearingovertheveld，withtheblackhorsessnorting，andthewindintheirfaces；andhewouldstartupinhissleepandbarkaloud。

Thenawaking，hewouldlickhismistress’handalmostremorsefully，andslinkquietlydownintohisplace。

Gregorythoughtshehadnopain，shenevergroaned；onlysometimes，whenthelightwasnearher，hethoughthecouldseecontractionsaboutherlipsandeyebrows。

Hesleptonthesofaoutsideherdoor。

Onenighthethoughtheheardasound，and，openingitsoftly，helookedin。Shewascryingoutaloud，asifsheandherpainwerealoneintheworld。Thelightfellontheredquilt，andthelittlehandsthatwereclaspedoverthehead。Thewide—openeyeswerelookingup，andtheheavydropsfellslowlyfromthem。

"Icannotbearanymore，notanymore，"shesaidinadeepvoice。"Oh，God，God！haveInotborneinsilence？HaveInotenduredtheselong，longmonths？Butnow，now，oh，God，Icannot！"

Gregorykneltinthedoorwaylistening。

"Idonotaskforwisdom，nothumanlove，notwork，notknowledge，notforallthingsIhavelongedfor，"shecried；"onlyalittlefreedomfrompain！

Onlyonelittlehourwithoutpain！ThenIwillsufferagain。"

Shesatup，andbitthelittlehandGregoryloved。

Hecreptawaytothefrontdoor，andstoodlookingoutatthequietstarlight。Whenhecamebackshewaslyinginherusualposture，thequieteyeslookingatthelion’sclaw。Hecameclosetothebed。

"Youhavemuchpaintonight？"heaskedher。

"No，notmuch。"

"CanIdoanythingforyou？"

"No，nothing。"

Shestilldrewherlipstogether，andmotionedwithherfingerstowardthedogwholaysleepingatherfeet。Gregoryliftedhimandlaidhimatherside。ShemadeGregoryturnopenthebosomofhernightdress，thatthedogmightputhisblackmuzzlebetweenherbreasts。Shecrossedherarmsoverhim。Gregoryleftthemlyingtheretogether。

Nextday，whentheyaskedherhowshewas，sheanswered"Better。"

"Someoneoughttotellher，"saidthelandlady；"wecan’tlethersoulgooutintoeternitynotknowing，especiallywhenIdon’tthinkitwasallrightaboutthechild。Yououghttogoandtellher，doctor。"

So，thelittledoctor，edgedonandon，wentinatlast。Whenhecameoutoftheroomheshookhisfistinthelandlady’sface。

"Thenexttimeyouhaveanydevil’sworktodo，doityourself，"hesaid，andheshookhisfistinherfaceagain，andwentawayswearing。

WhenGregorywentintothebedroomheonlyfoundhermoved，herbodycurledup，anddrawnclosetothewall。Hedarednotdisturbher。Atlast，afteralongtime，sheturned。

"Bringmefood，"shesaid，"Iwanttoeat。Twoeggs，andtoast，andmeat——

twolargeslicesoftoast，please。"

Wondering，Gregorybroughtatraywithallthatshehadaskedfor。

"Sitmeup，andputitclosetome，"shesaid；"Iamgoingtoeatitall。"

Shetriedtodrawthethingsnearherwithherfingers，andre—arrangedtheplates。Shecutthetoastintolongstrips，brokeopenbotheggs，putatinymorselofbreadintoherownmouth，andfedthedogwithpiecesofmeatputintohisjawswithherfingers。

"Isittwelveo’clockyet？"shesaid；"IthinkIdonotgenerallyeatsoearly。Putitaway，please，carefully——no，donottakeitaway——onlyonthetable。WhentheclockstrikestwelveIwilleatit。"

Shelaydowntrembling。Afteralittlewhileshesaid：

"Givememyclothes。"

Helookedather。

"Yes；Iamgoingtodresstomorrow。Ishouldgetupnow，butitisratherlate。Putthemonthatchair。Mycollarsareinthelittlebox，mybootsbehindthedoor。"

Hereyesfollowedhimintentlyashecollectedthearticlesonebyone，andplacedthemonthechairasshedirected。

"Putitnearer，"shesaid，"Icannotseeit；"andshelaywatchingtheclothes，withherhandunderhercheek。

"Nowopentheshutterwide，"shesaid；"Iamgoingtoread。"

Theold，oldtonewasagaininthesweetvoice。Heobeyedher；andopenedtheshutter，andraisedherupamongthepillows。

"Nowbringmybookstome，"shesaid，motioningeagerlywithherfingers；

"thelargebook，andthereviewsandtheplays——Iwantthemall。"

Hepiledthemroundheronthebed；shedrewthemgreedilycloser，hereyesverybright，butherfaceaswhiteasamountainlily。

"Nowthebigoneoffthedrawers。No，youneednothelpmetoholdmybook，"shesaid；"Icanholditformyself。"

Gregorywentbacktohiscorner，andforalittletimetherestlessturningoverofleaveswastobeheard。

"Willyouopenthewindow，"shesaid，almostquerulously，"andthrowthisbookout？Itissoutterlyfoolish。Ithoughtitwasavaluablebook；butthewordsaremerelystrungtogether，theymakenosense。Yes——so！"shesaidwithapproval，seeinghimflingitoutintothestreet。"ImusthavebeenveryfoolishwhenIthoughtthatbookgood。"

Thensheturnedtoread，andleanedherlittleelbowsresolutelyonthegreatvolume，andknitherbrows。ThiswasShakespeare——itmustmeansomething。

"Iwishyouwouldtakeahandkerchiefandtieittightroundmyhead，itachesso。"

Hehadnotbeenlonginhisseatwhenhesawdropsfallfrombeneaththehandsthatshadedtheeyes，ontothepage。

"Iamnotaccustomedtosomuchlight，itmakesmyheadswimalittle，"shesaid。"Gooutandclosetheshutter。"

Whenhecameback，shelayshrivelledupamongthepillows。

Heheardnosoundofweeping，buttheshouldersshook。Hedarkenedtheroomcompletely。

WhenGregorywenttohissofathatnight，shetoldhimtowakeherearly；

shewouldbedressedbeforebreakfast。Nevertheless，whenmorningcame，shesaiditwasalittlecold，andlayalldaywatchingherclothesuponthechair。Stillshesentforheroxeninthecountry；theywouldstartonMondayandgodowntotheColony。

Intheafternoonshetoldhimtoopenthewindowwide，anddrawthebednearit。

Itwasaleadenafternoon，thedullrain—cloudsrestedclosetotheroofsofthehouses，andthelittlestreetwassilentanddeserted。Nowandthenagustofwindeddyingroundcaughtupthedriedleaves，whirledthemhitherandthitherunderthetrees，anddroppedthemagainintothegutter；

thenallwasquiet。Shelaylookingout。

Presentlythebellofthechurchbegantotoll，andupthevillagestreetcamealongprocession。Theywerecarryinganoldmantohislastresting—

place。Shefollowedthemwithhereyestilltheyturnedinamongthetreesatthegate。

"Whowasthat？"sheasked。

"Anoldman，"heanswered，"averyoldman；theysayhewasninety—four；

buthisnameIdonotknow。"