第11章

Towhichtheabbotreplied，lookingatthechamberlain——

“Thatthecanonsinhibitedandforbadehimthustoengagehisword。“

“Behold，mydearfather，“saidthechamberlain，“thejewelleroftheCourtwhohasconceivedagreatloveforabondswomanbelongingtoyourabbey，andIrequestyou，inconsiderationofmyobligingyouinanysuchdesireasyoumaywishtoseeaccomplished，toemancipatethismaid。“

“Whichisshe？”askedtheabbotofthecitizen。

“HernameisTiennette，“answeredthesilversmith，timidly。

“Ho！ho！”saidthegoodoldHugon，smiling。“Theanglerhascaughtusagoodfish！Thisisagravebusiness，andIknownothowtodecidebymyself。“

“Iknow，myfather，whatthosewordsmean，“saidthatchamberlain，knittinghisbrows。

“Finesir，“saidtheabbot，“knowyouwhatthismaidisworth？”

TheabbotorderedTiennettetobefetched，tellinghisclerktodressherinherfinestclothes，andtomakeherlookasniceaspossible。

“Yourloveisindanger，“saidthatchamberlaintothesilversmith，pullinghimononeside。“Dismissthisfantasy。Youcanmeetanywhere，evenatCourt，withwomenofwealth，youngandpretty，whowouldwillinglymarryyou。Forthis，ifneedbe，thekingwouldassistyoubygivingyousometitle，whichincourseoftimewouldenableyoutofoundagoodfamily。Areyousufficientlywellfurnishedwithcrownstobecomethefounderofanobleline？”

“Iknownot，monseigneur，“repliedAnseau。“Ihaveputmoneyby。“

“Thenseeifyoucannotbuythemanumissionofthismaid。Iknowthemonks。Withthemmoneydoeseverything。“

“Monseigneur，“saidthesilversmithtotheabbot，comingtowardshim，“youhavethechargeandofficerepresentingherebelowthegoodnessofGod，whoisoftenclementtowardsus，andhasinfinitetreasuresofmercyforoursorrows。Now，Iwillrememberyoueacheveningandeachmorninginmyprayers，andneverforgetthatIreceivedmyhappinessatyourhands，ifyouaidmetogainthismaidinlawfulwedlock，withoutkeepinginservitudethechildrenbornofthisunion。AndforthisIwillmakeyouareceptaclefortheHolyEucharist，soelaborate，sorichwithgold，preciousstonesandwingedangels，thatnoothershallbelikeitinallChristendom。Itshallremainunique，itshalldazzleyoureyesight，andshallbesofarthegloryofyouraltar，thatthepeopleofthetownsandforeignnoblesshallrushtoit，somagnificentshallitbe。“

“Myson，“repliedtheabbot“haveyoulostyoursenses？Ifyouaresoresolvedtohavethiswenchforalegalwife，yourgoodsandyourpersonbelongtotheChapteroftheabbey。“

“Yes，monseigneur，Iampassionatelyinlovewiththisgirl，andmoretouchedwithhermiseryandherChristianheartthanevenwithherperfections；butIam，“saidhe，withtearsinhiseyes，“stillmoreastonishedatyourharshness，andIsayitalthoughIknowthatmyfateisinyourhands。Yes，monseigneur，Iknowthelaw；andifmygoodsfalltoyourdomain，ifIbecomeabondsman，ifIlosemyhouseandmycitizenship，Iwillstillkeepthatengine，gainedbymylaboursandmystudies，onwhichliesthere，“criedhe，strikinghisforehead“inaplaceofwhichnoone，saveGod，canbelordbutmyself。Andyourwholeabbeycouldnotpayforthespecialcreationswhichproceedtherefrom。Youmayhavemybody，mywife，mychildren，butnothingshallgetyoumyengine；nay，noteventorture，seeingthatIamstrongerthanironishard，andmorepatientthansorrowisgreat。“

Sosaying，thesilversmith，enragedbythecalmnessoftheabbot，whoseemedresolvedtoacquirefortheabbeythegoodman\'sdoubloons，broughtdownhisfistuponanoakenchairandshivereditintofragments，foritsplitasundertheblowofamace。

“Behold，monseigneur，whatkindofservantyouwillhave，andofanartificerofthingsdivineyouwillmakeamerecart-horse。“

“Myson，“repliedtheabbot，“youhavewrongfullybrokenmychair，andlightlyjudgedmymind。Thiswenchbelongstotheabbeyandnottome。

Iamthefaithfulservantoftherightsandcustomsofthisgloriousmonastery；althoughImightgrantthiswomanlicensetobearfreechildren，IamresponsibleforthistoGodandtotheabbey。Now，sincetherewashereanaltar，bondsmenandmonks，/idest/，fromtimeimmemorial，therehasneveroccurredthecaseofacitizenbecomingthepropertyoftheabbeybymarriagewithabondswoman。Now，therefore，isthereneedtoexercisetheright，andtomakeuseofitsothatitwouldnotbelost，weakened，wornout，orfallenintodisuse，whichwouldoccasionathousanddifficulties。AndthisisofhigheradvantagetotheStateandtotheabbeythanyourstones，howeverbeautifultheybe，seeingthatwehavetreasurewherewithtobuyrarejewels，andthatnotreasurecanestablishcustomsandlaws。

Icallupontheking\'schamberlaintobearwitnesstotheinfinitepainswhichhismajestytakeseverydaytofightfortheestablishmentofhisorders。“

“Thatistoclosemymouth，“saidthechamberlain。

Thesilversmith，whowasnotagreatscholar，remainedthoughtful。

ThencameTiennette，cleanasanewpin，herhairraisedup，dressedinarobeofwhitewoolwithabluesash，withtinyshoesandwhitestockings；infact，soroyallybeautiful，sonobleinherbearingwasshe，thatthesilversmithwaspetrifiedwithecstasy，andthechamberlainconfessedhehadneverseensoperfectacreature。

Thinkingtherewastoomuchdangerinthissightforthepoorjeweller，heledhimintothetown，andbeggedhimtothinknofurtheroftheaffair，sincetheabbeywasnotlikelytoliberatesogoodabaitforthecitizensandnoblesoftheParisianstream。Infact，theChapterletthepoorloverknowthatifhemarriedthisgirlhemustresolvetoyielduphisgoodsandhishousetotheabbey，considerhimselfabondsman，bothheandthechildrenoftheaforesaidmarriage；although，byaspecialgrace，theabbeywouldlethimhishouseontheconditionofhisgivinganinventoryofhisfurnitureandpayingayearlyrent，andcomingduringeightdaystoliveinashedadjoiningthedomain，thusperforminganactofservice。Thesilversmith，towhomeveryonespokeofthecupidityofthemonks，sawclearlythattheabbotwouldincommutablymaintainthisorder，andhissoulwasfilledwithdespair。Atonetimehedeterminedtoburndownthemonastery；atanother，heproposedtoluretheabbotintoaplacewherehecouldtormenthimuntilhehadsignedacharterforTiennette\'sliberation；infactathousandideaspossessedhisbrain，andasquicklyevaporated。Butaftermuchlamentationhedeterminedtocarryoffthegirl，andflywithherintoherasureplacefromwhichnothingcoulddrawhim，andmadehispreparationsaccordingly；foronceoutofthekingdom，hisfriendsorthekingcouldbettertacklethemonksandbringthemtoreason。Thegoodmancounted，however，withouthisabbot，forgoingtothemeadows，hefoundTiennettenomorethere，andlearnedthatshewasconfinedintheabbey，andwithmuchrigour，thattogetatheritwouldbenecessarytolaysiegetothemonastery。ThenMasterAnseaupassedhistimeintears，complaints，andlamentations；andallthecity，thetownspeople，andhousewives，talkedofhisadventure，thenoiseofwhichwassogreat，thatthekingsentfortheoldabbottocourt，anddemandedofhimwhyhedidnotyieldunderthecircumstancestothegreatloveofthesilversmith，andwhyhedidnotputintopracticeChristiancharity。

“Because，monseigneur，“repliedthepriest，“allrightsareknittogetherlikethepiecesofacoatofmail，andifonemakesdefault，allfail。Ifthisgirlwastakenfromusagainstourwish，andifthecustomwerenotobserved，yoursubjectswouldsoontakeoffyourcrown，andraiseupinvariousplacesviolenceandsedition，inordertoabolishthetaxesandimpoststhatweighuponthepopulace。“

Theking\'smouthwasclosed。Everyonewaseagertoknowtheendofthisadventure。SogreatwasthecuriositythatcertainlordswageredthattheTouranianwoulddesistfromhislove，andtheladieswageredtothecontrary。Thesilversmithhavingcomplainedtothequeenthatthemonkshadhiddenhiswell-belovedfromhissight，shefoundthedeeddetestableandhorrible；andinconsequenceofhercommandstothelordabbotitwaspermittedtotheTouraniantogoeverydayintotheparlouroftheabbey，wherecameTiennette，butunderthecontrolofanoldmonk，andshealwayscameattiredingreatsplendourlikealady。Thetwolovershadnootherlicensethantoseeeachother，andtospeaktoeachother，withoutbeingabletosnatchthesmallestatomofpleasure，andalwaysgrewtheirlovemorepowerful。

OnedayTiennettediscoursedthuswithherlover——“Mydearlord，I

havedeterminedtomakeyouagiftofmylife，inordertorelieveyoursuffering，andinthiswise；ininformingmyselfconcerningeverythingIhavefoundameanstosetasidetherightsoftheabbey，andtogiveyouallthejoyyouhopeforfrommyfruition。“

“Theecclesiasticaljudgehasruledthatasyoubecomeabondsmanonlybyaccession，andbecauseyouwerenotbornabondsman，yourservitudewillceasewiththecausethatmakesyouaserf。Now，ifyoulovememorethanallelse，loseyourgoodstopurchaseourhappiness，andespouseme。Thenwhenyouhavehadyourwillofme，whenyouhavehuggedmeandembracedmetoyourheart\'scontent，beforeIhaveoffspringwillIvoluntarilykillmyself，andthusyoubecomefreeagain；atleastyouwillhavethekingonyourside，who，itissaid，wishesyouwell。Andwithoutdoubt，GodwillpardonmethatIcausemyowndeath，inordertodelivermylordspouse。“

“MydearTiennette，“criedthejeweller，“itisfinished——Iwillbeabondsman，andthouwiltlivetomakemyhappinessaslongasmydays。

Inthycompany，thehardestchainswillweighbutlightly，andlittleshallIreckthewantofgold，whenallmyrichesareinthyheart，andmyonlypleasureinthysweetbody。IplacemyselfinthehandsofSt。Eloi，willdeigninthismiserytolookuponuswithpityingeyes，andguardusfromallevils。NowIshallgohencetoascrivenertohavethedeedsandcontractsdrawnup。Atleast，dearflowerofmydays，thoushaltbegorgeouslyattired，wellhoused，andservedlikeaqueenduringthylifetime，sincethelordabbotleavesmetheearningsofmyprofession。“

Tiennette，cryingandlaughing，triedtoputoffhergoodfortuneandwishedtodie，ratherthanreducetoslaveryafreeman；butthegoodAnseauwhisperedsuchsoftwordstoher，andthreatenedsofirmlytofollowhertothetomb，thatsheagreedtothesaidmarriage，thinkingthatshecouldalwaysfreeherselfafterhavingtastedthepleasuresoflove。

WhenthesubmissionoftheTouranianbecameknowninthetown，andthatforhissweetheartheyieldeduphiswealthandhisliberty，everyonewishedtoseehim。Theladiesofthecourtencumberedthemselveswithjewels，inordertospeakwithhim，andtherefelluponhimasfromthecloudswomenenoughtomakeupforthetimehehadbeenwithoutthem；butifanyofthemapproachedTiennetteinbeauty，nonehadherheart。Tobebrief，whenthehourofslaveryandlovewasathand，Anseauremoldedallofhisgoldintoaroyalcrown，inwhichhefixedallhispearlsanddiamonds，andwentsecretlytothequeen，andgaveittoher，saying，“Madame，Iknownothowtodisposeofmyfortune，whichyouherebehold。Tomorroweverythingthatisfoundinmyhousewillbethepropertyofthecursedmonks，whohavehadnopityonme。Thendeign，madame，toacceptthis。Itisaslightreturnforthejoywhich，throughyou，IhaveexperiencedinseeingherIlove；fornosumofmoneyisworthoneofherglances。I

donotknowwhatwillbecomeofme，butifonedaymychildrenaredelivered，Irelyuponyourqueenlygenerosity。“

“Wellsaid，goodman，“criedtheking。“TheabbeywillonedayneedmyaidandIwillnotlosetheremembranceofthis。“

TherewasavastcrowdattheabbeyforthenuptialsofTiennette，towhomthequeenpresentedthebridaldress，andtowhomthekinggrantedalicencetoweareverydaygoldenringsinherears。WhenthecharmingpaircamefromtheabbeytothehouseofAnseau(nowserf)

overagainstSt。Leu，thereweretorchesatthewindowstoseethempass，andadoublelineinthestreets，asthoughitwerearoyalentry。Thepoorhusbandhadmadehimselfacollarofgold，whichheworeonhisleftarmintokenofhisbelongingtotheabbeyofSt。

Germain。Butinspiteofhisservitudethepeoplecriedout，“Noel！

Noel！”astoanewcrownedking。Andthegoodmanbowedtothemgracefully，happyasalover，andjoyfulatthehomagewhicheveryonerenderedtothegraceandmodestyofTiennette。ThenthegoodTouranianfoundgreenboughsandvioletsincrownsinhishonour；andtheprincipalinhabitantsofthequarterwereallthere，whoasagreathonour，playedmusictohim，andcriedtohim，“Youwillalwaysbeanoblemaninspiteoftheabbey。“Youmaybesurethatthehappypairindulgedanamorousconflicttotheirhearts\'content；thatthegoodman\'sblowswerevigorous；andthathissweetheart，likeagoodcountrymaiden，wasofanaturetoreturnthem。Thustheylivedtogetherawholemonth，happyasthedoves，whoinspringtimebuildtheirnesttwigbytwig。Tiennettewasdelightedwiththebeautifulhouseandthecustomers，whocameandwentawayastonishedather。

Thismonthofflowerspast，therecameoneday，withgreatpomp，thegoodoldAbbotHugon，theirlordandmaster，whoenteredthehouse，whichthenbelongednotthejewellerbuttotheChapter，andsaidtothetwospouses：——

“Mychildren，youarereleased，freeandquitofeverything；andI

shouldtellyouthatfromthefirstIwasmuchstruckwiththelovewhichunitedyouonetotheother。Therightsoftheabbeyoncerecognised，Iwas，sofarasIwasconcerned，determinedtorestoreyoutoperfectenjoyment，afterhavingprovedyourloyaltybythetestofGod。Andthismanumissionwillcostyounothing。“Havingthussaid，hegavethemeachalittletapwithhishandonthecheek。Andtheyfellabouthiskneesweepingtearsofjoyforsuchgoodreasons。TheTouranianinformedthepeopleoftheneighbourhood，whopickedupinthestreetthelargesse，andreceivedthepredictionsofthegoodAbbottHugon。

Thenitwaswithgreathonour，MasterAnseauheldthereinsofhismule，sofarasthegateofBussy。Duringthejourneythejeweller，whohadtakenabagofsilver，threwthepiecestothepoorandsuffering，crying，“Largesse，largessetoGod！Godsaveandguardtheabbot！LonglivethegoodLordHugon！”Andreturningtohishouseheregaledhisfriends，andhadfreshweddingfestivities，whichlastedafortnight。YoucanimaginethattheabbotwasreproachedbytheChapter，forhisclemencyinopeningthedoorforsuchgoodpreytoescape，sothatwhenayearafterthegoodmanHugonfellill，hispriortoldhimthatitwasapunishmentfromHeavenbecausehehadneglectedthesacredinterestsoftheChapterandofGod。

“IfIhavejudgedthatmanaright，“saidtheabbot，“hewillnotforgetwhatheowesus。“

Infact，thisdayhappeningbychancetobetheanniversaryofthemarriage，amonkcametoannouncethatthesilversmithsupplicatedhisbenefactortoreceivehim。Soonheenteredtheroomwheretheabbotwas，andspreadoutbeforehimtwomarvellousshrines，whichsincethattimenoworkmanhassurpassed，inanyportionoftheChristianworld，andwhichwerenamed“VowofaSteadfastLove。“Thesetwotreasuresare，aseveryoneknows，placedontheprincipalaltarofthechurch，andareesteemedasaninestimablework，forthesilversmithhadspentthereinallhiswealth。Nevertheless，thiswealth，farfromemptyinghispurse，filleditfulltooverflowing，becausesorapidlyincreasedhisfameandhisfortunethathewasabletobuyapatentofnobilityandlands，andhefoundedthehouseofAnseau，whichhassincebeenheldingreathonourinfairTouraine。

ThisteachesustohavealwaysrecoursetoGodandthesaintsinalltheundertakingsoflife，tobesteadfastinallthings，and，aboveall，thatagreatlovetriumphsovereverything，whichisanoldsentence；buttheauthorhasrewrittenitbecauseitisamostpleasantone。

CONCERNINGAPROVOSTWHODIDNOTRECOGNISETHINGS

InthegoodtownofBourges，atthetimewhenthatlordthekingdisportedhimselfthere，whoafterwardsabandonedhissearchafterpleasuretoconquerthekingdom，anddidindeedconquerit，livedthereaprovost，entrustedbyhimwiththemaintenanceoforder，andcalledtheprovost-royal。Fromwhichcame，undertheglorioussonofthesaidking，theofficeofprovostofthehotel，inwhichbehavedratherharshlymylordTristanofMere，ofwhomthesetalesoftmakemention，althoughhewasbynomeansamerryfellow。Igivethisinformationtothefriendswhopilferfromoldmanuscriptstomanufacturenewones，andIshowtherebyhowlearnedtheseTalesreallyare，withoutappearingtobeso。Verywell，then，thisprovostwasnamedPicotorPicault，ofwhichsomemadepicotin，picoter，andpicoree；bysomePitotorPitaut，fromwhichcomes/pitance/；byothersinLanguedoc，Pichotfromwhichcomesnothingcomesworthknowing；bythesePetiotorPetiet；bythosePetitotandPetinault，orPetiniaud，whichwasthemasonicappellation；butatBourgeshewascalledPetit，anamewhichwaseventuallyadoptedbythefamily，whichhasmultipliedexceedingly，foreverywhereyoufind“/desPetits/，“

andsohewillbecalledPetitinthisnarrative。Ihavegiventhisetymologyinordertothrowalightonourlanguage，andshowhowourcitizenshavefinishedbyacquiringnames。Butenoughofscience。

Thissaidprovost，whohadasmanynamesastherewereprovincesintowhichthecourtwent，wasinrealityalittlebitofaman，whosemotherhadgivenhimsostrangeahide，thatwhenhewantedtolaughheusedtostretchhischeekslikeacowmakingwater，andthissmileatcourtwascalledtheprovost\'ssmile。Onedaytheking，hearingthisproverbialexpressionusedbycertainlords，saidjokingly——

“Youareinerror，gentlemen，Petitdoesnotlaugh，he\'sshortofskinbelowthemouth。“

ButwithhisforcedlaughPetitwasallthemoresuitedtohisoccupationofwatchingandcatchingevil-doers。Infact，hewasworthwhathecost。Forallmalice，hewasabitofacuckold，forallvice，hewenttovespers，forallwisdomheobeyedGod，whenitwasconvenient；foralljoyhehadawifeinhishouse；andforallchangeinhisjoyhelookedforamantohang，andwhenhewasaskedtofindoneheneverfailedtomeethim；butwhenhewasbetweenthesheetshenevertroubledhimselfaboutthieves。CanyoufindinallChristendomamorevirtuousprovost？No！Allprovostshangtoolittle，ortoomuch，whilethisonejusthangedasmuchaswasnecessarytobeaprovost。

Thisgoodfellowhadforhiswifeinlegitimatemarriage，andmuchtotheastonishmentofeveryone，theprettiestlittlewomaninBourges。

Soitwasthatoften，whileonhisroadtotheexecution，hewouldaskGodthesamequestionasseveralothersinthetowndid——namely，whyhe，Petit，hethesheriff，hetheprovostroyal，hadtohimself，Petit，provostroyalandsheriff，awifesoexquisitelyshapely，saiddoweredwithcharms，thatadonkeyseeingherpassbywouldbraywithdelight。TothisGodvouchsafednoreply，anddoubtlesshadhisreasons。Buttheslanderoustonguesofthetownrepliedforhim，thattheyoungladywasbynomeansamaidenwhenshebecamethewifeofPetit。Otherssaidshedidnotkeepheraffectionssolelyforhim。Thewagsanswered，thatdonkeysoftengetintofinestables。Everyonehadtauntsreadywhichwouldhavemadeanicelittlecollectionhadanyonegatheredthemtogether。Fromthem，however，itisnecessarytotakenearlyfour-fourths，seeingthatPetit\'swifewasavirtuouswoman，whohadaloverforpleasureandahusbandforduty。Howmanywerethereinthetownascarefuloftheirheartsandmouths？Ifyoucanpointoutonetome，I\'llgiveyouakickorahalf-penny，whicheveryoulike。Youwillfindsomewhohaveneitherhusbandnorlover。

Certainfemaleshavealoverandnohusband。Uglywomenhaveahusbandandnolover。Buttomeetwithawomanwho，havingonehusbandandonelover，keepstothedeucewithouttryingforthetrey，thereisthemiracle，yousee，yougreenhorns，blockheads，anddolts！Nowthen，putthetruecharacterofthisvirtuouswomanonthetabletsofyourmemory，goyourways，andletmegomine。

ThegoodMadamePetitwasnotoneofthoseladieswhoarealwaysonthemove，runninghitherandthither，can\'tkeepstillamoment，buttrotabout，worrying，hurrying，chattering，andclattering，andhadnothinginthemtokeepthemsteady，butaresolightthattheyrunafteragastriczephyrasaftertheirquintessence。No；onthecontrary，shewasagoodhousewife，alwayssittinginherchairorsleepinginherbed，readyasacandlestick，waitingforherloverwhenherhusbandwentout，receivingthehusbandwhentheloverhadgone。Thisdearwomanneverthoughtofdressingherselfonlytoannoyandmakeotherwivesjealous。Pish！Shehadfoundabetteruseforthemerrytimeofyouth，andputlifeintoherjointsinordertomakethebestuseofit。Nowyouknowtheprovostandhisgoodwife。

Theprovost\'slieutenantindutiesmatrimonial，dutieswhicharesoheavythatittakestwomentoexecutethem，wasanoblelord，alandowner，whodislikedthekingexceedingly。Youmustbearthisinmind，becauseitisoneoftheprincipalpointsofthestory。TheConstable，whowasathoroughScotchgentleman，hadseenbychancePetit\'swife，andwishedtohavealittleconversationwithhercomfortably，towardsthemorning，justthetimetotellhisbeads，whichwasChristianlyhonest，orhonestlyChristian，inordertoarguewithherconcerningthethingsofscienceorthescienceofthings。

Thinkingherselfquitelearnedenough，MadamePetit，whowas，ashasbeenstated，avirtuous，wise，andhonestwife，refusedtolistentothesaidconstable。Aftercertainarguments，reasonings，tricksandmessages，whichwereofnoavail，hesworebyhisgreatblack/coquedouille/thathewouldripupthegallantalthoughhewasamanofmark。Buthesworenothingaboutthelady。ThisdenotesagoodFrenchman，forinsuchadilemmatherearecertainoffendedpersonswhowouldupsetthewholebusinessofthreepersonsbykillingfour。

Theconstablewageredhisbigblack/coquedouille/beforethekingandtheladyofSorel，whowereplayingcardsbeforesupper；andhismajestywaswellpleased，becausehewouldberelievedofthisnoble，thatdispleasedhim，andthatwithoutcostinghimaThankYou。

“Andhowwillyoumanagetheaffair？”saidMadamedeSoreltohim，withasmile。

“Oh，oh！”repliedtheconstable。“Youmaybesure，madame，Idonotwishtolosemybigblackcoquedouille。“

“Whatwas，then，thisgreatcoquedouille？”

“Ha，ha！Thispointisshroudedindarknesstoadegreethatwouldmakeyouruinyoureyesinancientbooks；butitwascertainlysomethingofgreatimportance。Nevertheless，letusputonourspectacles，andsearchitout。/Douille/signifiesinBrittany，agirl，and/coque/meansacook\'sfryingpan。FromthiswordhascomeintoFrancethatof/coquin/——aknavewhoeats，licks，laps，sucks，andfrittershismoneyaway，andgetsintostews；isalwaysinhotwater，andeatsupeverything，leadsanidlelife，anddoingthis，becomeswicked，becomespoor，andthatinciteshimtostealorbeg。

Fromthisitmaybeconcludedbythelearnedthatthegreatcoquedouillewasahouseholdutensilintheshapeofakettleusedforcookingthings。“

“Well，“continuedtheconstable，whowastheSieurofRichmond，“I

willhavethehusbandorderedtogointothecountryforadayandanight，toarrestcertainpeasantssuspectedofplottingtreacherouslywiththeEnglish。Thereuponmytwopigeons，believingtheirmanabsent，willbeasmerryassoldiersoffduty；and，ifacertainthingtakesplace，Iwillletloosetheprovost，sendinghim，intheking\'sname，tosearchthehousewherethecouplewillbe，inorderthathemayslayourfriend，whopretendstohavethisgoodcordelieralltohimself。“

“Whatdoesthismean？”saidtheLadyofBeaute。

“Friar……fryer……an/equivoque/，“answeredtheking，smiling。

“Cometosupper，“saidMadameAgnes。“Youarebadmen，whowithonewordinsultboththecitizens\'wivesandaholyorder。“

Now，foralongtime，MadamePetithadlongedtohaveanightofliberty，duringwhichshemightvisitthehouseofthesaidnoble，whereshecouldmakeasmuchnoiseassheliked，withoutwakingtheneighbours，becauseattheprovost\'shouseshewasafraidofbeingoverheard，andhadtocontentherselfwellwiththepilferingsoflove，littletastes，andnibbles，daringatthemostonlytotrot，whilewhatshedesiredwasasmartgallop。Onthemorrow，therefore，thelady\'s-maidwentoffaboutmiddaytotheyounglord\'shouse，andtoldthelover——fromwhomshereceivedmanypresents，andthereforeinnowaydislikedhim——thathemightmakehispreparationsforpleasure，andforsupper，forthathemightrelyupontheprovost\'sbetterhalfbeingwithhimintheeveningbothhungryandthirsty。

“Good！”saidhe。“TellyourmistressIwillnotstintherinanythingshedesires。“

Thepagesofthecunningconstable，whowerewatchingthehouse，seeingthegallantprepareforhisgallantries，andsetouttheflagonsandthemeats，wentandinformedtheirmasterthateverythinghadhappenedashewished。Hearingthis，thegoodconstablerubbedhishandsthinkinghownicelytheprovostwouldcatchthepair。Heinstantlysentwordtohim，thatbytheking\'sexpresscommandshewastoreturntotown，inorderthathemightseizeatthesaidlord\'shouseanEnglishnobleman，withwhomhewasvehementlysuspectedtobearrangingaplotofdiabolicaldarkness。Butbeforeheputthisorderintoexecution，hewastocometotheking\'shotel，inorderthathemightunderstandthecourtesytobeexercisedinthiscase。Theprovost，joyousatthechanceofspeakingtotheking，usedsuchdiligencethathewasintownjustatthattimewhenthetwoloversweresingingthefirstnoteoftheireveninghymn。Thelordofcuckoldomanditssurroundinglands，whoisastrangelord，managedthingssowell，thatmadamewasonlyconversingwithherlordloveratthetimethatherlordspousewastalkingtotheconstableandtheking；atwhichhewaspleased，andsowashiswife——acaseofconcordrareinmatrimony。

“Iwassayingtomonseigneur，“saidtheconstabletotheprovost，asheenteredtheking\'sapartment，“thateverymaninthekingdomhasarighttokillhiswifeandherloverifhefindstheminanactofinfidelity。Buthismajesty，whoisclement，arguesthathehasonlyarighttokilltheman，andnotthewoman。Nowwhatwouldyoudo，Mr。

Provost，ifbychanceyoufoundagentlemantakingastrollinthatfairmeadowofwhichlaws，humananddivine，enjoinyoualonetocultivatetheverdure？”

“Iwouldkilleverything，“saidtheprovost；“Iwouldscrunchthefivehundredthousanddevilsofnature，flowerandseed，andsendthemflying，thepipsandapples，thegrassandthemeadow，thewomanandtheman。“

“Youwouldbeinthewrong，“saidtheking。“ThatiscontrarytothelawsoftheChurchandoftheState；oftheState，becauseyoumightdeprivemeofasubject；oftheChurch，becauseyouwouldbesendinganinnocenttolimbounshriven。“

“Sire，Iadmireyourprofoundwisdom，andIclearlyperceiveyoutobethecentreofalljustice。“

“Wecanthenonlykilltheknight——Amen，“saidconstable，“Killthehorseman。Nowgoquicklytothehouseofthesuspectedlord，butwithoutlettingyourselfbebamboozled，donotforgetwhatisduetohisposition。“

Theprovost，believinghewouldcertainlybeChancellorofFranceifheproperlyacquittedhimselfofthetask，wentfromthecastleintothetown，tookhismen，arrivedatthenobleman\'sresidence，arrangedhispeopleoutside，placedguardsatallthedoors，openednoiselesslybyorderoftheking，climbsthestairs，askstheservantsinwhichroomtheirmasteris，putsthemunderarrest，goesupalone，andknocksatthedooroftheroomwherethetwoloversaretiltinginlove\'stournament，andsaystothem——

“Open，inthenameofourlordtheking！”

Theladyrecognisedherhusband\'svoice，andcouldnotrepressasmile，thinkingthatshehadnotwaitedfortheking\'sorderstodowhatshehaddone。Butafterlaughtercameterror。Herlovertookhiscloak，threwitoverhim，andcametothedoor。There，notknowingthathislifewasinperil，hedeclaredthathebelongedtothecourtandtotheking\'shousehold。

“Bah！”saidtheprovost。“Ihaveastrictorderfromtheking；andunderpainofbeingtreatedasarebel，youareboundinstantlytoreceiveme。“

Thenthelordwentouttohim，stillholdingthedoor。

“Whatdoyouwanthere？”

“Anenemyofourlordtheking，whomwecommandyoutodeliverintoourhands，otherwiseyoumustfollowmewithhimtothecastle。“

This，thoughtthelover，isapieceoftreacheryonthepartoftheconstable，whosepropositionmydearmistresstreatedwithscorn。Wemustgetoutofthisscrapeinsomeway。Thenturningtowardstheprovost，hewentdoubleorquitsontherisk，reasoningthuswiththecuckold：——

“Myfriend，youknowthatIconsideryoubutasgallantamanasitispossibleforaprovosttobeinthedischargeofhisduty。Now，canI

haveconfidenceinyou？Ihaveherewithmethefairestladyofthecourt。AsforEnglishmen，Ihavenotsufficientofonetomakethebreakfastoftheconstable，M。deRichmond，whosendsyouhere。Thisis(tobecandidwithyou)theresultofabetmadebetweenmyselfandtheconstable，whosharesitwiththeKing。Bothhavewageredthattheyknowwhoistheladyofmyheart；andIhavewageredtothecontrary。NoonemorethanmyselfhatestheEnglish，whotookmyestatesinPiccadilly。Isitnotaknavishtricktoputjusticeinmotionagainstme？Ho！Ho！mylordconstable，achamberlainisworthtwoofyou，andIwillbeatyouyet。MydearPetit，Igiveyoupermissiontosearchbynightandbyday，everynookandcrannyofmyhouse。Butcomeinherealone，searchmyroom，turnthebedover，dowhatyoulike。Onlyallowmetocoverwithaclothorahandkerchiefthisfairlady，whoisatpresentinthecostumeofanarchangel，inorderthatyoumaynotknowtowhathusbandshebelongs。“

“Willingly，“saidtheprovost。“ButIamanoldbird，noteasilycaughtwithchaff，andwouldliketobesurethatitisreallyaladyofthecourt，andnotanEnglishman，fortheseEnglishhavefleshaswhiteandsoftaswomen，andIknowitwell，becauseI\'vehangedsomanyofthem。“

“Wellthen，“saidthelord，“seeingofwhatcrimeIamsuspected，fromwhichIamboundtofreemyself，Iwillgoandaskmylady-lovetoconsentforamomenttoabandonhermodesty。Sheistoofondofmetorefusetosavemefromreproach。Iwillbeghertoturnherselfoverandshowyouaphysiognomy，whichwillinnowaycompromiseher，andwillbesufficienttoenableyoutorecogniseanoblewoman，althoughshewillbeinasenseupsidedown。“

“Allright，“saidtheprovost。

Theladyhavingheardeveryword，hadfoldedupallherclothes，andputthemunderthebolster，hadtakenoffherchemise，thatherhusbandshouldnotrecogniseit，hadtwistedherheadupinasheet，andhadbroughttolightthecarnalconvexitieswhichcommencedwhereherspinefinished。

“Comein，myfriend，“saidthelord。

Theprovostlookedupthechimney，openedthecupboard，theclothes\'

chest，feltunderthebed，inthesheets，andeverywhere。Thenhebegantostudywhatwasonthebed。

“Mylord，“saidhe，regardinghislegitimateappurtenances，“IhaveseenyoungEnglishladswithbackslikethat。Youmustforgivemedoingmyduty，butImustseeotherwise。“

“Whatdoyoucallotherwise？”saidthelord。

“Well，theotherphysiognomy，or，ifyoupreferit，thephysiognomyoftheother。“

“Thenyouwillallowmadametocoverherselfandarrangeonlytoshowyousufficienttoconvinceyou，“saidthelover，knowingthattheladyhadamarkortwoeasytorecognise。“Turnyourbackamoment，sothatmydearladymaysatisfypropriety。“

Thewifesmiledatherlover，kissedhimforhisdexterity，arrangingherselfcunningly；andthehusbandseeinginfullthatwhichthejadehadneverlethimseebefore，wasquiteconvincedthatnoEnglishpersoncouldbethusfashionedwithoutbeingacharmingEnglishwoman。

“Yes，mylord，“hewhisperedintheearofhislieutenant，“thisiscertainlyaladyofthecourt，becausethetowns-womenareneithersowellformednorsocharming。“

Thenthehousebeingthoroughlysearched，andnoEnglishmanfound，theprovostreturned，astheconstablehadtoldhim，totheking\'sresidence。

“Isheslain？”saidtheconstable。

“Who？”

“Hewhograftedhornsuponyourforehead。“

“Ionlysawaladyinhiscouch，whoseemedtobegreatlyenjoyingherselfwithhim。“

“You，withyourowneyes，sawthiswoman，cursedcuckold，andyoudidnotkillyourrival？”

“Itwasnotacommonwoman，butaladyofthecourt。“

“Yousawher？”

“Andverifiedherinbothcases。“

“Whatdoyoumeanbythosewords？”criedtheking，whowasburstingwithlaughter。

“Isay，withalltherespectduetoyourMajesty，thatIhaveverifiedtheoverandtheunder。“

“Youdonot，then，knowthephysiognomiesofyourownwife，youoldfoolwithoutmemory！Youdeservetobehanged。“

“Iholdthosefeaturesofmywifeintoogreatrespecttogazeuponthem。Besidessheissomodestthatshewoulddieratherthanexposeanatomofherbody。“

“True，“saidtheking；“itwasnotmadetobeshown。“

“Oldcoquedouille！thatwasyourwife，“saidtheconstable。

“Mylordconstable，sheisasleep，poorgirl！”

“Quick，quick，then！Tohorse！Letusbeoff，andifshebeinyourhouseI\'llforgiveyou。“

Thentheconstable，followedbytheprovost，wenttothelatter\'shouseinlesstimethanitwouldhavetakenabeggartoemptythepoor-box。

“Hullo！there，hi！”

Hearingthenoisemadebythemen，whichthreatenedtobringthewallsabouttheirears，themaid-servantopenedthedoor，yawningandstretchingherarms。Theconstableandtheprovostrushedintotheroom，where，withgreatdifficulty，theysucceededinwakingthelady，whopretendedtobeterrified，andwassosoundlyasleepthathereyeswerefullofgum。Atthistheprovostwasingreatglee，sayingtotheconstablethatsomeonehadcertainlydeceivedhim，thathiswifewasavirtuouswoman，andwasmoreastonishedthananyofthemattheseproceedings。Theconstableturnedonhisheelanddeparted。Thegoodprovostbegandirectlytoundresstogettobedearly，sincethisadventurehadbroughthisgoodwifetohismemory。Whenhewasharnessinghimself，andwasknockingoffhisnethergarments，madame，stillastonished，saidtohim——

“Oh，mydearhusband，whatisthemeaningofallthisuproar——thisconstableandhispages，andwhydidhecometoseeifIwasasleep？

Isittobehenceforwardpartofaconstable\'sdutytolookafterour……“

“Idonotknow，“saidtheprovost，interruptingher，totellherwhathadhappenedtohim。

“Andyousawwithoutmypermissionaladyofthecourt！Ha！ha！heu！

heu！hein！”

Thenshebegantomoan，toweep，andtocryinsuchadeplorablemannerandsoloudly，thatherlordwasquiteaghast。

“What\'sthematter，mydarling？Whatisit？Whatdoyouwant？”

“Ah！Youwon\'tlovemeanymoreareafterseeinghowbeautifulcourtladiesare！”

“Nonsense，mychild！Theyaregreatladies。Idon\'tmindtellingyouinconfidence；theyaregreatladiesineveryrespect。“

“Well，“saidshe，“amInicer？”

“Ah，“saidhe，“inagreatmeasure。Yes！”

“Theyhave，then，greathappiness，“saidshe，sighing，“whenIhavesomuchwithsolittlebeauty。“

Thereupontheprovosttriedabetterargumenttoarguewithhisgoodwife，andarguedsowellthatshefinishedbyallowingherselftobeconvincedthatHeavenhasordainedthatmuchpleasuremaybeobtainedfromsmallthings。

ThisshowsusthatnothingherebelowcanprevailagainsttheChurchofCuckolds。

ABOUTTHEMONKAMADOR，WHOWASAGLORIOUSABBOTOFTURPENAY

Onedaythatitwasdrizzlingwithrain——atimewhentheladiesremaingleefullyathome，becausetheylovethedamp，andcanhaveattheirapronstringsthemenwhoarenotdisagreeabletothem——thequeenwasinherchamber，atthecastleofAmboise，againstthewindowcurtains。

There，seatedinherchair，shewasworkingatapieceoftapestrytoamuseherself，butwasusingherneedleheedlessly，watchingtherainfallintotheLoire，andwaslostinthought，whereherladieswerefollowingherexample。Thekingwasarguingwiththoseofhiscourtwhohadaccompaniedhimfromthechapel——foritwasaquestionofreturningtodominicalvespers。Hisarguments，statements，andreasoningsfinished，helookedatthequeen，sawthatshewasmelancholy，sawthattheladiesweremelancholyalso，andnotedthefactthattheywereallacquaintedwiththemysteriesofmatrimony。

“DidInotseetheAbbotofTurpenayherejustnow？”saidhe。

Hearingthesewords，thereadvancedtowardsthekingthemonk，who，byhisconstantpetitions，renderedhimselfsoobnoxioustoLouistheEleventh，thatthatmonarchseriouslycommandedhisprovost-royaltoremovehimfromhissight；andithasbeenrelatedinthefirstvolumeoftheseTales，howthemonkwassavedthroughthemistakeofSieurTristan。Themonkwasatthistimeamanwhosequalitieshadgrownrapidly，somuchsothathiswithadcommunicatedajovialhuetohisface。Hewasagreatfavouritewiththeladies，whocrammedhimwithwine，confectioneries，anddaintydishesatthedinners，suppers，andmerry-makings，towhichtheyinvitedhim，becauseeveryhostlikesthosecheerfulguestsofGodwithnimblejaws，whosayasmanywordsastheyputawaytit-bits。Thisabbotwasaperniciousfellow，whowouldrelatetotheladiesmanyamerrytale，atwhichtheywereonlyoffendedwhentheyhadheardthem；since，tojudgethem，thingsmustbeheard。

“Myreverendfather，“saidtheking，“beholdthetwilighthour，inwhichearsfemininemayberegaledwithcertainpleasantstories，fortheladiescanlaughwithoutblushing，orblushwithoutlaughing，asitsuitsthembest。Giveusagoodstory——aregularmonk\'sstory。I

shalllistentoit，i\'faith，withpleasure，becauseIwanttobeamused，andsodotheladies。“

“Weonlysubmittothis，inordertopleaseyourlordship，“saidthequeen；“becauseourgoodfriendtheabbotgoesalittletoofar。“

“Then，“repliedtheking，turningtowardsthemonk，“readussomeChristianadmonition，holyfather，toamusemadame。“

“Sire，mysightisweak，andthedayisclosing。“

“Giveusastory，then，thatstopsatthegirdle。“

“Ah，sire！”saidthemonk，smiling，“theoneIamthinkingofstopsthere；butitcommencesatthefeet。“

Thelordspresentmadesuchgallantremonstrancesandsupplicationstothequeenandherladies，that，likethegoodBretonnethatshewas，shegavethemonkagentlesmile，andsaid——

“Asyouwill，myfather；butyoumustanswertoGodforoursins。“

“Willingly，madame；ifitbeyourpleasuretotakemine，youwillbeagainer。“

Everyonelaughed，andsodidqueen。Thekingwentandsatbyhisdearwife，wellbelovedbyhim，aseveryoneknows。Thecourtiersreceivedpermissiontobeseated——theoldcourtiers，ofcourse，understood；fortheyoungonesstood，bytheladies\'permission，besidetheirchairs，tolaughatthesametimeastheydid。ThentheAbbotofTurpenaygracefullydeliveredhimselfofthefollowingtale，theriskypassagesofwhichhegaveinalow，soft，flute-likevoice：——

Aboutahundredyearsagoattheleast，thereoccurredgreatquarrelsinChristendombecausethereweretwopopesatRome，eachonepretendingtobelegitimatelyelected，whichcausedgreatannoyancetothemonasteries，abbeys，andbishoprics，since，inordertoberecognisedbyasmanyaspossible，eachofthetwopopesgrantedtitlesandrightstoeachadherent，thewhichmadedoubleownerseverywhere。Underthesecircumstances，themonasteriesandabbeysthatwereatwarwiththeirneighbourswouldnotrecogniseboththepopes，andfoundthemselvesmuchembarrassedbytheother，whoalwaysgavetheverdicttotheenemiesoftheChapter。Thiswickedschismbroughtaboutconsiderablemischief，andprovedabundantlythaterrorisworseinChristianitythantheadulteryoftheChurch。

Nowatthistime，whenthedevilwasmakinghavocamongourpossessions，themostillustriousabbeyofTurpenay，ofwhichIamatpresenttheunworthyruler，hadaheavytrialonconcerningthesettlementsofcertainrightswiththeredoubtableSiredeCande，anidolatrousinfidel，arelapsedheretic，andmostwickedlord。Thisdevil，sentuponearthintheshapeofanobleman，was，totellthetruth，agoodsoldier，wellreceivedatcourt，andafriendoftheSieurBureaudelaRiviere；whowasapersontowhomthekingwasexceedinglypartial——KingCharlestheFifth，ofgloriousmemory。

BeneaththeshelterofthefavourofthisSieurdelaRiviere，LordofCandedidexactlyashepleasedinthevalleyoftheIndre，whereheusedtobemasterofeverything，fromMontbazontoUsse。Youmaybesurethathisneighbourswereterriblyafraidofhim，andtosavetheirskullslethimhavehisway。Theywould，however，havepreferredhimunderthegroundtoaboveit，andheartilywishedhimbadluck；

buthetroubledhimselflittleaboutthat。Inthewholevalleythenobleabbeyaloneshowedfighttothisdemon，forithasalwaysbeenadoctrineoftheChurchtotakeintoherlaptheweakandsuffering，anduseeveryefforttoprotecttheoppressed，especiallythosewhoserightsandprivilegesaremenaced。

Forthisreasonthisroughwarriorhatedmonksexceedingly，especiallythoseofTurpenay，whowouldnotallowthemselvestoberobbedoftheirrightseitherbyforceorstratagem。Hewaswellpleasedattheecclesiasticalschism，andwaitedthedecisionofourabbey，concerningwhichpopetheyshouldchoose，topillagethem，beingquitereadytorecognisetheonetowhomtheabbotofTurpenayshouldrefusehisobedience。Sincehisreturntohiscastle，itwashiscustomtotormentandannoythepriestswhomheencountereduponhisdomainsinsuchamanner，thatapoormonk，surprisedbyhimonhisprivateroad，whichwasbythewater-side，perceivednoothermethodofsafetythentothrowhimselfintotheriver，where，byaspecialmiracleoftheAlmighty，whomthegoodmanferventlyinvoked，hisgownfloatedhimontheIndre，andhemadehiswaycomfortablytotheotherside，whichheattainedinfullviewofthelordofCande，whowasnotashamedtoenjoytheterrorsofaservantofGod。Nowyouseeofwhatstuffthishorridmanwasmade。Theabbot，towhomatthattime，thecareofourgloriousabbeywascommitted，ledamostholylife，andprayedtoGodwithdevotion；buthewouldhavesavedhisownsoultentimes，ofsuchgoodqualitywashisreligion，beforefindingachancetosavetheabbeyitselffromtheclutchesofthiswretch。Althoughhewasveryperplexed，andsawtheevilhourathand，herelieduponGodforsuccour，sayingthathewouldneverallowthepropertyoftheChurchtobetouched，andthatHewhohadraisedupthePrincessJudithfortheHebrews，andQueenLucretiafortheRomans，wouldkeephismostillustriousabbeyofTurpenay，andindulgedinotherequallysapientremarks。Buthismonks，who——toourshameIconfessit——wereunbelievers，reproachedhimwithhishappy-go-luckywayoflookingatthings，anddeclaredthat，tobringthechariotofProvidencetotherescueintime，alltheoxenintheprovincewouldhavetobeyokedit；thatthetrumpetsofJerichowerenolongermadeinanyportionoftheworld；thatGodwasdisgustedwithHiscreation，andwouldhavenothingmoretodowithit：inshort，athousandandonethingsthatweredoubtsandcontumeliesagainstGod。

AtthisdesperatejuncturethereroseupamonknamedAmador。Thisnamehadbeengivenhimbywayofajoke，sincehispersonofferedaperfectportraitofthefalsegodAegipan。Hewaslikehim，stronginthestomach；likehim，hadcrookedlegs；armshairyasthoseofasaddler，abackmadetocarryawallet，afaceasredasthephizofadrunkard，glisteningeyes，atangledbeard，washairyfaced，andsopuffedoutwithfatandmeatthatyouwouldhavefanciedhiminaninterestingcondition。Youmaybesurethathesunghismatinsonthestepsofthewine-cellar，andsaidhisvespersinthevineyardsofLord。Hewasasfondofhisbedasabeggarwithsores，andwouldgoaboutthevalleyfuddling，faddling，blessingthebridals，pluckingthegrapes，andgivingthemtothegirlstotaste，inspiteoftheprohibitionoftheabbot。Infact，hewasapilferer，aloiterer，andabadsoldieroftheecclesiasticalmilitia，ofwhomnobodyintheabbeytookanynotice，butlethimdoashelikedfrommotivesofChristiancharity，thinkinghimmad。

Amador，knowingthatitwasaquestionoftheruinoftheAbbey，inwhichhewasassnugasabuginarug，putuphisbristles，tooknoticeofthisandofthat，wentintoeachofthecells，listenedintherefectory，shiveredinhisshoes，anddeclaredthathewouldattempttosavetheabbey。Hetookcognisanceofthecontestedpoints，receivedfromtheabbotpermissiontopostponethecase，andwaspromisedbythewholeChaptertheOfficeofsub-priorifhesucceededinputtinganendtothelitigation。Thenhesetoffacrossthecountry，heedlessofthecrueltyandill-treatmentoftheSieurdeCande，sayingthathehadthatwithinhisgownwhichwouldsubduehim。

Hewenthiswaywithnothingbutthesaidgownforhisviaticum：buttheninitwasenoughfattofeedadwarf。Heselectedtogotothechateau，adaywhenitrainedhardenoughtofillthetubsofallthehousewives，andarrivedwithoutmeetingasoul，insightofCande，andlookinglikeadrowneddog，steppedbravelyintothecourtyard，andtookshelterunderasty-rooftowaituntilthefuryoftheelementshadcalmeddown，andplacedhimselfboldlyinfrontoftheroomwheretheownerofthechateaushouldbe。Aservantperceivinghimwhilelayingthesupper，tookpityonhim，andtoldhimtomakehimselfscarce，otherwisehismasterwouldgivehimahorsewhipping，justtoopentheconversation，andaskedhimwhatmadehimsoboldastoenterahousewheremonkswerehatedmorethanaredleper。

“Ah！”saidAmador，“IamonmywaytoTours，sentthitherbymylordabbot。IfthelordofCandewerenotsobitteragainstthepoorservantofGod，Ishouldnotbekeptduringsuchadelugeinthecourtyard，butinthehouse。Ihopethathewillfindmercyinhishourofneed。“

Theservantreportedthesewordstohismaster，whoatfirstwishedtohavethemonkthrownintothebigtroughofthecastleamongtheotherfilth。ButtheladyofCande，whohadgreatauthorityoverherspouse，andwasrespectedbyhim，becausethroughherheexpectedalargeinheritance，andbecauseshewasalittletyrannical，reprimandedhim，saying，thatitwaspossiblethismonkwasaChristian；thatinsuchweatherthieveswouldsuccouranofficerofjustice；that，besides，itwasnecessarytotreathimwelltofindouttowhatdecisionthebrethrenofTurpenayhadcomewithregardtotheschismbusiness，andthatheradvicewasputanendbykindnessandnotbyforcetothedifficultiesarisenbetweentheabbeyandthedomainofCande，becausenolordsincethecomingofChristhadeverbeenstrongerthantheChurch，andthatsoonerorlatertheabbeywouldruinthecastle；

finally，shegaveutterancetoathousandwisearguments，suchasladiesuseintheheightofthestormsoflife，whentheyhavehadaboutenoughofthem。Amador\'sfacewassopiteous，hisappearancesowretched，andsoopentobanter，thatthelord，saddenedbytheweather，conceivedtheideaofenjoyingajokeathisexpense，tormentinghim，playingtricksonhim，andofgivinghimalivelyrecollectionofhisreceptionatthechateau。Thenthisgentleman，whohadsecretrelationswithhiswife\'smaid，sentthisgirl，whowascalledPerrotte，toputanendtohisill-willtowardsthelucklessAmador。Assoonastheplothadbeenarrangedbetweenthem，thewench，whohatedmonks，inordertopleasehermaster，wenttothemonk，whowasstandingunderthepigsty，assumingacourteousdemeanourinorderthebettertopleasehim，said——

“Holyfather，themasterofthehouseisashamedtoseeaservantofGodoutintherainwhenthereisroomforhimindoors，agoodfireinthechimney，andatablespread。Iinviteyouinhisnameandthatoftheladyofthehousetostepin。“

“Ithanktheladyandlord，notfortheirhospitalitywhichisaChristianthing，butforhavingsentasanambassadortome，apoorsinner，anangelofsuchdelicatebeautythatIfancyIseetheVirginoverouraltar。“

Sayingwhich，Amadorraisedhisnoseintheair，andsalutedwiththetwoflakesoffirethatsparkledinhisbrighteyestheprettymaidservant，whothoughthimneithersouglynorsofoul，norsobestial；when，followingPerrotteupthesteps，Amadorreceivedonthenose，cheeks，andotherportionsofhisfaceaslashofthewhip，whichmadehimseeallthelightsoftheMagnificat，sowellwasthedoseadministeredbytheSieurdeCande，who，busychasteninghisgreyhoundspretendednotseethemonk。HerequestedAmadortopardonhimthisaccident，andranafterthedogswhohadcausedthemischieftohisguest。Thelaughingservant，whoknewwhatwascoming，haddexterouslykeptoutoftheway。Noticingthisbusiness，AmadorsuspectedtherelationsofPerrotteandthechevalier，concerningwhomitispossiblethatthelassesofthevalleyhadalreadywhisperedsomethingintohisear。OfthepeoplewhowerethenintheroomnotonemaderoomforthemanofGod，whoremainedrightinthedraughtbetweenthedoorandthewindow，wherehestoodfreezinguntilthemomentwhentheSieurdeCande，hiswife，andhisagedsister，MademoiselledeCande，whohadthechargeoftheyoungheiressofthehouse，agedaboutsixteenyears，cameandsatintheirchairsattheheadofthetable，farfromthecommonpeople，accordingtotheoldcustomusualamongthelordsoftheperiod，muchtotheirdiscredit。

TheSieurdeCande，payingnoattentiontothemonk，lethimsitattheextremeendofthetable，inacorner，wheretwomischievousladshadorderstosqueezeandelbowhim。Indeedthesefellowsworriedhisfeet，hisbody，andhisarmslikerealtorturers，pouredwhitewineintohisgobletforwater，inordertofuddlehim，andthebettertoamusethemselveswithhim；buttheymadehimdrinksevenlargejugfulswithoutmakingbelch，breakwind，sweatorsnort，whichhorrifiedthemexceedingly，especiallyashiseyeremainedasclearascrystal。

Encouraged，however，byaglancefromtheirlord，theystillkeptthrowing，whilebowingtohim，gravyintohisbeard，andwipingitdryinamannertoteareveryhairofitout。Thevarletwhoservedacaudlebaptisedhisheadwithit，andtookcaretolettheburningliquortrickledownpoorAmador\'sbackbone。Allthisagonyheenduredwithmeekness，becausethespiritofGodwasinhim，andalsothehopeoffinishingthelitigationbyholdingoutinthecastle。

Nevertheless，themischievouslotburstoutintosuchroarsoflaughteratthewarmbaptismgivenbythecook\'sladtothesoakedmonk，eventhebutlermakingjokesathisexpense，thattheladyofCandewascompelledtonoticewhatwasgoingonattheendofthetable。ThensheperceivedAmador，whohadalookofsublimeresignationuponhisface，andwasendeavouringtogetsomethingoutofthebigbeefbonesthathadbeenputuponhispewterplatter。Atthismomentthepoormonk，whohadadministeredadexterousblowoftheknifetoabiguglybone，tookitintohishairyhands，snappeditintwo，suckedthewarmmarrowoutofit，andfounditgood。

“Truly，“saidshetoherself，“Godhasputgreatstrengthintothismonk！”

Atthesametimesheseriouslyforbadethepages，servants，andotherstotormentthepoorman，towhomoutofmockerytheyhadjustgivensomerottenapplesandmaggotynuts。He，perceivingthattheoldladyandhercharge，theladyandtheservantshadseenhimmanoeuvringthebone，pushedbackedhissleeve，showedthepowerfulmusclesofhisarm，placednutsnearhiswristonthebifurcationoftheveins，andcrushedthemonebyonebypressingthemwiththepalmofhishandsovigorouslythattheyappearedlikeripemedlars。Healsocrunchedthembetweenhisteeth，whiteastheteethofadog，husk，shell，fruit，andall，ofwhichhemadeinasecondamashwhichheswallowedlikehoney。Hecrushedthembetweentwofingers，whichheusedlikescissorstocutthemintwowithoutamoment\'shesitation。

Youmaybesurethatthewomenweresilent，thatthemenbelievedthedeviltobeinthemonk；andhaditnotbeenforhiswifeandthedarknessofthenight，theSieurdeCande，havingthefearofGodbeforehiseyes，wouldhavekickedhimoutofthehouse。Everyonedeclaredthatthemonkwasamancapableofthrowingthecastleintothemoat。Therefore，assoonaseveryonehadwipedhismouth，mylordtookcaretoimprisonthisdevil，whosestrengthwasterribletobehold，andhadhimconductedtoawretchedlittleclosetwherePerrottehadarrangedhermachineinordertoannoyhimduringthenight。Thetom-catsoftheneighbourhoodhadbeenrequestedtocomeandconfesstohim，invitedtotellhimtheirsinsinembryotowardsthetabbieswhoattractedtheiraffections，andalsothelittlepigsforwhomfinelumpsoftripehadbeenplacedunderthebedinordertopreventthembecomingmonks，ofwhichtheywereverydesirous，bydisgustingthemwiththestyleoflibera，whichthemonkwouldsingtothem。AteverymovementofpoorAmador，whowouldfindshorthorse-

hairinthesheets，hewouldbringdowncoldwaterontothebed，andathousandothertrickswerearranged，suchareusuallypractisedincastles。Everyonewenttobedinexpectationofthenocturnalrevelsofthemonk，certainthattheywouldnotbedisappointed，sincehehadbeenlodgedunderthetilesatthetopofalittletower，theguardofthedoorofwhichwascommittedtodogswhohowledforabitofhim。

Inordertoascertainwhatlanguagetheconversationswiththecatsandpigswouldbecarriedon，theSirecametostaywithhisdearPerrotte，whosleptinthenextroom。

Assoonashefoundhimselfthustreated，Amadordrewfromhisbagaknife，anddexterouslyextricatedhimself。Thenhebegantolisteninordertofindoutthewaysoftheplace，andheardthemasterofthehouselaughingwithhismaid-servant。Suspectingtheirmanoeuvres，hewaitedtillthemomentwhentheladyofthehouseshouldbealoneinbed，andmadehiswayintoherroomwithbarefeet，inorderthathissandalsshouldnotbeinhissecrets。Heappearedtoherbythelightofthelampinthemannerinwhichmonksgenerallyappearduringthenight——thatis，inamarvellousstate，whichthelaityfinditdifficultlongtosustain；andthethingisaneffectofthefrock，whichmagnifieseverything。Thenhavingletherseethathewasallamonk，hemadethefollowinglittlespeech——

“Know，madame，thatIamsentbyJesusandtheVirginMarytowarnyoutoputanendtotheimproperperversitieswhicharetakingplace——totheinjuryofyourvirtue，whichistreacherouslydeprivedofyourhusband\'sbestattention，whichhelavishesuponyourmaid。Whatistheuseofbeingaladyiftheseigneurialduesarereceivedelsewhere。Accordingtothis，yourservantistheladyandyouaretheservant。Arenotallthejoysbestoweduponherduetoyou？YouwillfindthemallamassedinourHolyChurch，whichistheconsolationoftheafflicted。Beholdinmethemessenger，readytopaythesedebtsifyoudonotrenouncethem。“

Sayingthis，thegoodmonkgentlyloosenedhisgirdleinwhichhewasincommoded，somuchdidheappearaffectedbythesightofthosebeautieswhichtheSieurdeCandedisdained。

“Ifyouspeaktruly，myfather，Iwillsubmittoyourguidance，“saidshe，springinglightlyoutofbed。“Youareforsure，amessengerofGod，becauseyouhavebeeninasingledaythatwhichIhadnotnoticedhereforalongtime。“

Thenshewent，accompaniedbyAmador，whoseholyrobeshedidnotfailtorunherhandover，andwassostruckwhenshefounditreal，thatshehopedtofindherhusbandguilty；andindeedsheheardhimtalkingaboutthemonkinherservant\'sbed。Perceivingthisfelony，shewentintoafuriousrageandopenedhermouthtoresolveitintowords——

whichistheusualmethodofwomen——andwishedtokickupthedevil\'sdelightbeforehandingthegirlovertojustice。ButAmadortoldherthatitwouldbemoresensibletoavengeherselffirst，andcryoutafterwards。

“Avengemequickly，then，myfather，“saidshe，“thatImaybegintocryout。“

Thereuponthemonkavengedhermostmonasticallywithagoodandamplevengeance，thatsheindulgedinasadrunkardwhoputshislipstothebungholeofabarrel；forwhenaladyavengesherself，sheshouldgetdrunkwithvengeance，ornottasteitatall。Andthechatelainewasrevengedtothatdegreethatshecouldnotmove；sincenothingagitates，takesawaythebreath，andexhausts，likeangerandvengeance。Butalthoughshewereavenged，anddoublyandtreblyavenged，yetwouldshenotforgive，inorderthatshemightreservetherightofavengingherselfwiththemonk，nowhere，nowthere。

Perceivingthisloveforvengeance，Amadorpromisedtoaidherinitaslongasherirelasted，forheinformedherthatheknewinhisqualityofamonk，constrainedtomeditatelongonthenatureofthings，aninfinitenumberofmodes，methods，andmannersofpracticingrevenge。

ThenhepointedouttohercanonicallywhataChristianthingitistorevengeoneself，becauseallthroughtheHolyScripturesGoddeclaresHimself，aboveallthings，tobeaGodofvengeance；andmoreover，demonstratestous，byhisestablishmentintheinfernalregions，howroyallydivineathingvengeanceis，sinceHisvengeanceiseternal。

Fromwhichitfollowed，thatwomenwithmonksoughttorevengethemselves，underpainofnotbeingChristiansandfaithfulservantsofcelestialdoctrines。

Thisdogmapleasedtheladymuch，andsheconfessedthatshehadneverunderstoodthecommandmentsoftheChurch，andinvitedherwell-

belovedmonktoenlightenherthoroughlyconcerningthem。Thenthechatelaine，whosevitalspiritshadbeenexcitedbythevengeancewhichhadrefreshedthem，wentintotheroomwherethejadewasamusingherself，andbychancefoundherwithherhandwhereshe，thechatelaine，oftenhadhereye——likethemerchantshaveontheirmostpreciousarticles，inordertoseethattheywerenotstolen。Theywere——accordingtoPresidentLizet，whenhewasinamerrymood——acoupletakeninflagrantdelectation，andlookeddumbfounded，sheepishandfoolish。Thesightthatmethereyesdispleasedtheladybeyondthepowerofwordstoexpress，asitappearedbyherdiscourse，ofwhichtoroughnesswassimilartothatofthewaterofabigpondwhenthesluice-gateswereopened。Itwasasermoninthreeheads，accompaniedwithmusicofahighgamut，variedintones，withmanysharpsamongthekeys。

“Outuponvirtue！mylord；I\'vehadmyshareofit。Youhaveshownmethatreligioninconjugalfaithisanabuse；thisisthenthereasonthatIhavenoson。Howmanychildrenhaveyouconsignedtothiscommonoven，thispoor-box，thisbottomlessalms-purse，thisleper\'sporringer，thetruecemeteryoftheHouseofCande？IwillknowifI

amchildlessfromaconstitutionaldefect，orthroughyourfault。I

willhavehandsomecavaliers，inorderthatImayhaveanheir。Youcangetthebastards，Ithelegitimatechildren。“

“Mydear，“saidthebewilderedlord，“don\'tshoutso。“

“But，“repliedthelady，“Iwillshout，andshouttomakemyselfheard，heardbythearchbishop，heardbythelegate，bytheking，bymybrothers，whowillavengethisinfamyforme。“

“Donotdishonouryourhusband！”

“Thisisdishonourthen？Youareright；but，mylord，itisnotbroughtaboutbyyou，butbythishussy，whomIwillhavesewnupinasack，andthrownintotheIndre；thusyourdishonourwillbewashedaway。Hi！there，“shecalledout。

“Silence，madame！”saidthesire，asshamefacedasablindman\'sdog；

becausethisgreatwarrior，soreadytokillothers，waslikeachildinthehandsofhiswife，astateofaffairstowhichsoldiersareaccustomed，becauseinthemliesthestrengthandisfoundallthedullcarnalityofmatter；while，onthecontrary，inwomanisasubtlespiritandascintillationofperfumedflamethatlightsupparadiseanddazzlesthemale。Thisisthereasonthatcertainwomengoverntheirhusbands，becausemindisthemasterofmatter。

(Atthistheladiesbegantolaugh，asdidalsotheking)。

“Iwillnotbesilent，“saidtheladyofCande(saidtheabbot，continuinghistale)；“Ihavebeentoogrosslyoutraged。This，then，istherewardofthewealththatIbroughtyou，andofmyvirtuousconduct！DidIeverrefusetoobeyyouevenduringLent，andonfastdays？AmIsocoldastofreezethesun？DoyouthinkthatIembracebyforce，fromduty，orpurekindnessofheart！AmItoohallowedforyoutotouch？AmIaholyshrine？Wasthereneedofapapalbrieftokissme？God\'struth！haveyouhadsomuchofmethatyouaretired？

AmInottoyourtaste？Docharmingwenchesknowmorethanladies？Ha！

perhapsitisso，sinceshehasletyouworkinthefieldwithoutsowing。Teachmethebusiness；IwillpracticeitwiththosewhomI

takeintomyservice，foritissettledthatIamfree。Thatisasweshouldbe。Yoursocietywaswearisome，andthelittlepleasureI

derivedfromitcostmetoodear。ThankGod！Iamquitofyouandyourwhims，becauseIintendtoretiretoamonastery。“……Shemeanttosayaconvent，butthisavengingmonkhadpervertedhertongue。

“AndIshallbemorecomfortableinthismonasterywithmydaughter，thaninthisplaceofabominablewickedness。Youcaninheritfromyourwench。Ha，ha！ThefineladyofCande！Lookather！”

“Whatisthematter？”saidAmador，appearingsuddenlyuponthescene。

“Thematteris，myfather，“repliedshe，“thatmywrongscryaloudforvengeance。Tobeginwith，Ishallhavethistrollopthrownintotheriver，sewnupinasack，forhavingdivertedtheseedoftheHouseofCandefromitsproperchannel。Itwillbesavingthehangmanajob。

FortherestIwill——“

“Abandonyouranger，mydaughter，“saidthemonk。“ItiscommandedusbytheChurchtoforgivethosewhotrespassagainstus，ifwewouldfindfavourinthesideofHeaven，becauseyoupardonthosewhoalsopardonothers。Godavengeshimselfeternallyonthosewhohaveavengedthemselves，butkeepsinHisparadisethosewhohavepardoned。Fromthatcomesthejubilee，whichisadayofgreatrejoicing，becausealldebtsandoffencesareforgiven。Thusitisasourceofhappinesstopardon。Pardon！Pardon！Topardonisamostholywork。PardonMonseigneurdeCande，whowillblessyouforyourgraciousclemency，andwillhenceforthloveyoumuch；Thisforgivenesswillrestoretoyoutheflowerofyouth；andbelieve，mydearsweetyounglady，thatforgivenessisincertaincasesthebestmeansofvengeance。Pardonyourmaid-servant，whowillprayheavenforyou。ThusGod，supplicatedbyall，willhaveyouinHiskeeping，andwillblessyouwithmalelineageforthispardon。“

Thussaying，themonktookthehandofthesire，placeditinthatofthelady，andadded——

“Goandtalkoverthepardon。“

Andthenhewhisperedintothehusband\'searsthissageadvice——

“Mylord，useyourbestargument，andyouwillsilenceherwithit，becauseawoman\'smouthitisonlyfullofwordswhensheisemptyelsewhere。Arguecontinually，andthusyouwillalwayshavetheupperhandofyourwife。“

“BythebodyoftheJupiter！There\'sgoodinthismonkafterall，“

saidtheseigneur，ashewentout。

AssoonasAmadorfoundhimselfalonewithPerrottehespoketoher，asfollows——

“Youaretoblame，mydear，forhavingwishedtotormentapoorservantofGod；thereforeareyounowtheobjectofcelestialwrath，whichwillfalluponyou。Towhateverplaceyouflyitwillalwaysfollowyou，willseizeuponyouineverylimb，evenafteryourdeath，andwillcookyoulikeapastyintheovenofhell，whereyouwillsimmereternally，andeverydayyouwillreceivesevenhundredthousandmillionlashesofthewhip，fortheoneIreceivedthroughyou。“

“Ah！holyFather，“saidthewench，castingherselfatthemonk\'sfeet，“youalonecansaveme，forinyourgownIshouldbeshelteredfromtheangerofGod。“

Sayingthis，sheraisedtherobetoplaceherselfbeneathit，andexclaimed——

“Bymyfaith！monksarebetterthanknights。“

“Bythesulphurofthedevil！Youarenotacquaintedwiththemonks？”

“No，“saidPerrotte。

“Andyoudon\'tknowtheservicethatmonkssingwithoutsayingaword？”

“No。“