第11章

believeyoucandowhatloverscannotdo,——makeothersfeelastheydo,——andthatiswhatIcallbeinganartist.Youwrite?Youareapoet?"

"Ohdear,no,"hesaidwithasmile,halfofreliefandhalfofnaivesuperiority,"I\'maprosewriter——onadailynewspaper."

Tohissurpriseshewasnotdisconcerted;ratheralookofanimationlitupherfaceasshesaidbrightly,"Oh,then,youcanofcoursesatisfymycuriosityaboutsomething.YouknowtheroadfromSanFranciscototheCliffHouse.Exceptfortheviewofthesea-lionswhenonegetsthereit\'sstupid;mybrothersaysit\'slikealltheSanFranciscoexcursions,——adustydrivewithajulepattheendofit.Well,onedaywewerecomingbackfromadrivethere,andwhenwewerebeginningtowindalongthebrowofthatdreadfulstaringLoneMountainCemetery,IsaidIwouldgetoutandwalk,andavoidtheobtrusiveglitterofthosetombstonesrisingbeforemealltheway.Ipushedopenalittlegateandpassedin.

Onceamongthesefunerealshrubsandcoldstatuesquelilieseverythingwaschanged;Isawthestaringtombstonesnolonger,for,likethem,Iseemedtobealwaysfacingthesea.Theroadhadvanished;everythinghadvanishedbuttheendlesswasteofoceanbelowme,andthelastslopeofrockandsand.Itseemedtobethefittestplaceforacemetery,——thisendofthecrumblingearth,——

thisbeginningoftheeternalsea.There!don\'tthinkthatideamyown,orthatIthoughtofitthen.No,——Ireaditallafterwards,andthat\'swhyI\'mtellingyouthis."

Shecouldnothelpsmilingathisnowattentiveface,andwenton:

"SomedaysafterwardsIgotholdofanewspaperfourorsixmonthsold,andtherewasadescriptionofallthatIthoughtIhadseenandfelt,——onlyfarmorebeautifulandtouching,asyoushallsee,forIcutitoutofthepaperandhavekeptit.Itseemedtomethatitmustbesomepersonalexperience,——asifthewriterhadfollowedsomedearfriendthere,——althoughitwaswiththeunostentationandindefinitenessoftrueanddelicatefeeling.ItimpressedmesomuchthatIwentbacktheretwiceorthrice,andalwaysseemedtomovetotherhythmofthatbeautifulfuneralmarch——andIamafraid,beingawoman,thatIwanderedaroundamongthegravesasthoughIcouldfindoutwhoitwasthathadbeensungsosweetly,andifitweremanorwoman.I\'vegotithere,"shesaid,takingadaintyivoryporte-monnaiefromherpocketandpickingoutwithtwoslimfinger-tipsafoldedslipofnewspaper;

"andIthoughtthatmaybeyoumightrecognizethestyleofthewriter,andperhapsknowsomethingofhishistory.ForIbelievehehasone.There!thatisonlyapartofthearticle,ofcourse,butitisthepartthatinterestedme.Justreadfromthere,"shepointed,leaningpartlyoverhisshouldersothathersoftbreathstirredhishair,"totheend;itisn\'tlong."

Inthefilmthatseemedtocomeacrosshiseyes,suddenlytheprintappearedblurredandindistinct.Butheknewthatshehadputintohishandsomethinghehadwrittenafterthedeathofhiswife;

somethingspontaneousandimpulsive,whenherlossstillfilledhisdaysandnightsandalmostunconsciouslyswayedhispen.Herememberedthathiseyeshadbeenasdimwhenhewroteit——andnow——

handedtohimbythissmiling,well-to-dowoman,hewasasshockedatfirstasifhehadsuddenlyfoundherreadinghisprivateletters.Thiswasfollowedbyasuddensenseofshamethathehadeverthuspubliclybaredhisfeelings,andthenbytheillogicalbutirresistibleconvictionthatitwasfalseandstupid.Thefewphrasesshehadpointedoutappearedascheapandhollowrhetoricamidthesurroundingsoftheirsocialtete-a-teteovertheluncheon-table.Therewassmalldangerthatthisheadywineofwoman\'spraisewouldmakehimbetrayhimself;therewasnosignofgratifiedauthorshipinhisvoiceashequietlylaiddownthepaperandsaiddryly:"IamafraidIcan\'thelpyou.Youknowitmaybepurelyfanciful."

"Idon\'tthinkso,"saidMrs.Ashwoodthoughtfully."Atthesametimeitdoesn\'tstrikemeasaveryabidinggriefforthatveryreason.It\'sTOOsympathetic.Itstrikesmethatitmightbethefirstgriefofsomeonetooyoungtobeinuredtosorroworexperiencedenoughtoacceptitasthecommonlot.Butlikeallyouthfulimpressionsitisverysincereandtruewhileitlasts.I

don\'tknowwhetheronegetsanythingmorerealwhenonegetsolder."

Withaninsincerityhecouldnotaccountfor,henowfeltinclinedtodefendhisprevioussentiment,althoughallthewhileconsciousofacertaincharminhiscompanion\'sgracefulskepticism.Hehadinhistruthfulnessandindependencehithertoalwaysbeenquitefreefromthatfeebleadmirationofcynicismwhichattackstheintellectuallyweakandimmature,andhispresentpredilectionmayhavebeenduemoretohercharmingpersonality.Shewasnotatalllikehissisters;shehadnoneofClementina\'scoldabstraction,andnoneofEuphemia\'ssharpanddemonstrativeeffusiveness.Andinhissecretconsciousnessofherflatteringforeknowledgeofhim,withherassurancethatbeforetheyhadevermethehadunwittinglyinfluencedher,hebegantofeelmoreathisease.Hisfaircompanionalso,intheequallysecretknowledgeshehadacquiredofhishistory,feltassecureasifshehadbeenformallyintroduced.

Nobodycouldfindfaultwithherforshowingcivilitytotheostensiblesonofherhost;itwasnotnecessarythatsheshouldbeawareoftheirfamilydifferences.Therewasacharmtoointheirenforcedisolation,inwhatwastheexceptionalsolitudeofthelittlehotelthatday,andtheseclusionoftheirtablebythewindowofthedining-room,whichgaveacharmingdomesticitytotheirrepast.Fromtimetotimetheyglanceddownthelonelycanyon,losingitselfintheafternoonshadow.NeverthelessMrs.

Ashwood\'spreoccupationwithNaturedidnotprecludeahumancuriositytohearsomethingmoreofJohnMilton\'squarrelwithhisfather.Therewascertainlynothingoftheprodigalsonabouthim;

therewasnoprecociousevilknowledgeinhisfrankeyes;norecordofexcessesinhishealthy,freshcomplexion;nounwholesomeordisturbedtastesinwhatshehadseenofhisruralpreferencesandunderstandingofnaturalbeauty.Tohaveattemptedanydirectquestioningthatwouldhaverevealedhisnameandidentitywouldhaveobligedhertospeakofherselfashisfather\'sguest.Shebeganindirectly;hehadsaidhehadbeenareporter,andhewasstillachroniclerofthisstrangelife.Hehadofcourseheardofmanycasesoffamilyfeudsandestrangements?HerbrotherhadtoldherofsomedreadfulvendettashehadknownintheSouthwest,andhowwholefamilieshadbeendivided.Sinceshehadbeenhereshehadheardofoddcasesofbrothersmeetingaccidentallyafterlongandunaccountedseparations;ofhusbandssuddenlyconfrontedwithwivestheyhaddeserted;offathersencounteringdiscardedsons!

JohnMilton\'sfacebetrayednouneasyconsciousness.Ifanythingitwasbeginningtoglowwithaboyishadmirationofthegraceandintelligenceofthefairspeaker,thatwasperhapsheightenedbyanassumptionofhalfcoquettishdiscomfiture.

"Youarelaughingatme!"shesaidfinally."Butinhumanandselfishasthesestoriesmayseem,andsometimesare,Ibelievethatthesecuriousestrangementsandseparationsoftencomefromsomefatalweaknessoftemperamentthatmightbestrengthened,orsometrivialmisunderstandingthatcouldbeexplained.Itisseparationthatmakesthemseemirrevocableonlybecausetheyareinexplicable,andavaguememoryalwaysseemsmoreterriblethanadefiniteone.Factsmaybeforgivenandforgotten,butmysterieshauntonealways.Ibelievethereareweak,sensitivepeoplewhodreadtoputtheirwrongsintoshape;thosearethekindwhosulk,andwhenyouaddseparationtosulking,reconciliationbecomesimpossible.Iknewaverysingularcaseofthatkindonce.Ifyoulike,I\'lltellittoyou.Maybeyouwillbeable,someday,toweaveitintooneofyourwritings.Andit\'squitetrue."

ItishardlynecessarytosaythatJohnMiltonhadnotbeentouchedbyanypersonalsignificanceinhiscompanion\'sspeech,whatevershemayhaveintended;anditisequallytruethatwhethershehadpresentlyforgottenherpurpose,orhadbecomesuddenlyinterestedinherownconversation,herfacegrewmoreanimated,hermannermoreconfidential,andsomethingoftheyouthfulenthusiasmshehadshowninthemountainseemedtocomebacktoher.

"ImightsayithappenedanywhereandcallthepeopleM.orN.,butitreallydidoccurinmyownfamily,andalthoughIwasmuchyoungeratthetimeitimpressedmeverystrongly.Mycousin,whohadbeenmyplaymate,wasanorphan,andhadbeenintrustedtothecareofmyfather,whowashisguardian.Hewasalwaysacleverboy,butsingularlysensitiveandquicktotakeoffense.Perhapsitwasbecausethelittlepropertyhisfatherhadleftmadehimpartlydependentonmyfather,andthatIwasrich,butheseemedtofeelthedisparityinourpositions.Iwastooyoungtounderstandit;Ithinkitexistedonlyinhisimagination,forI

believeweweretreatedalike.ButIrememberthathewasfullofvaguethreatsofrunningawayandgoingtosea,andthatitwaspartofhisweaktemperamenttoterrifymewithhisextravagantconfidences.Iwasalwaysfrightenedwhen,afteroneofthosescenes,hewouldpackhisvaliseorperhapsonlytieupafewthingsinahandkerchief,asintheadvertisementpicturesoftherunawayslaves,anddeclarethatwewouldneverlayeyesuponhimagain.AtfirstIneversawtheridiculousnessofallthis,——forI

oughttohavetoldyouthathewasaratherdelicateandtimidboy,andquiteunfittedforaroughlifeoranyexposure,——butothersdid,andonedayIlaughedathimandtoldhimhewasafraid.I

shallneverforgettheexpressionofhisfaceandneverforgivemyselfforit.Hewentaway,——buthereturnedthenextday!Hethreatenedoncetocommitsuicide,lefthisclothesonthebankoftheriver,andcamehomeinanothersuitofclotheshehadtakenwithhim.WhenIwassentabroadtoschoolIlostsightofhim;

whenIreturnedhewasatcollege,apparentlyunchanged.Whenhecamehomeforvacation,farfromhavingbeensubduedbycontactwithstrangers,itseemedthathisunhappysensitivenesshadbeenonlyintensifiedbytheridiculeofhisfellows.Hehadevenacquiredamostridiculoustheoryaboutthedegradingeffectsofcivilization,andwantedtogobacktoastateofbarbarism.Hesaidthewildernesswastheonlytruehomeofman.Myfather,insteadofbearingwithwhatIbelievewashisinfirmity,drylyofferedhimthemeanstotryhisexperiment.HestartedforsomeplaceinTexas,sayingwewouldneverhearfromhimagain.Amonthafterhewroteformoremoney.Myfatherrepliedratherimpatiently,Isuppose,——Ineverknewexactlywhathewrote.Thatwassomeyearsago.Hehadtoldthetruthatlast,forweneverheardfromhimagain."

ItistobefearedthatJohnMiltonwasfollowingtheanimatedlipsandeyesofthefairspeakerratherthanherstory.Perhapsthatwasthereasonwhyhesaid,"Mayhenothavebeenadisappointedman?"

"Idon\'tunderstand,"shesaidsimply.

"Perhaps,"saidJohnMiltonwithaboyishblush,"youmayhaveunconsciouslyraisedhopesinhisheart——and"——

"Ishouldhardlyattempttointerestachroniclerofadventurelikeyouinsuchaverycommonplace,every-daystyleofromance,"shesaid,withalittleimpatience,"evenifmyvanitycompelledmetomakesuchconfidencestoastranger.No,——itwasnothingquiteasvulgarasthat.And,"sheaddedquickly,withaplayfullyamusedsmileasshesawtheyoungfellow\'sevidentdistress,"Ishouldhaveprobablyheardfromhimagain.Thosestoriesalwaysendinthatway."

"Andyouthink?"——saidJohnMilton.

"Ithink,"saidMrs.Ashwoodslowly,"thatheactuallydidcommitsuicide——oreffacedhimselfinsomeway,justasfirmlyasI

believehemighthavebeensavedbyjudicioustreatment.Otherwiseweshouldhaveheardfromhim.You\'llsaythat\'sonlyawoman\'sreasoning——butIthinkourperceptionsareofteninstinctive,andI

knewhischaracter."

Stillfollowingtheplayofherdelicatefeaturesintoaromanceofhisownweaving,theimaginativeyoungreporterwhohadseensomuchfromtheheightsofRussianHillsaidearnestly,"ThenIhaveyourpermissiontousethismaterialatanyfuturetime?"

"Yes,"saidtheladysmilingly.

"AndyouwillnotmindifIshouldtakesomelibertieswiththetext?"

"Imustofcourseleavesomethingtoyourartistictaste.Butyouwillletmeseeit?"

Therewerevoicesoutsidenow,breakingthesilenceoftheveranda.

Theyhadbeensopreoccupiedasnottonoticethearrivalofahorseman.Stepscamealongthepassage;thelandlordreturned.

Mrs.Ashwoodturnedquicklytowardshim.

"Mr.Grant,ofyourparty,ma\'am,tofetchyou."

Shesawanunmistakablechangeinheryoungfriend\'smobileface.

"Iwillbereadyinamoment,"shesaidtothelandlord.Then,turningtoJohnMilton,thearch-hypocritesaidsweetly:"MybrothermusthaveknowninstinctivelythatIwasingoodhands,ashedidn\'tcome.ButIamsorry,forIshouldhavesolikedtointroducehimtoyou——althoughbytheway,"withabrightsmile,"I

don\'tthinkyouhaveyettoldmeyourname.IknowIcouldn\'thaveFORGOTTENit."

"Harcourt,"saidJohnMilton,withahalf-embarrassedlaugh.

"Butyoumustcomeandseeme,Mr——Mr.Harcourt,"shesaid,producingacardfromacasealreadyinherfingers,"atmyhotel,andletmybrotherthankyouthereforyourkindnessandgallantrytoastranger.Ishallbehereafewweekslongerbeforewegosouthtolookforaplacewheremybrothercanwinter.DOcomeandseeme,althoughIcannotintroduceyoutoanythingasrealandbeautifulaswhatYOUhaveshownmeto-day.Good-by,Mr.Harcourt;

Iwon\'ttroubleyoutocomedownandboreyourselfwithmyescort\'squestionsandcongratulations."

Shebentherheadandallowedhersofteyestorestuponhiswithagraciousnessthatwasbeyondherspeech,pulledherveiloverhereyesagain,withaprettysuggestionthatshehadnofurtheruseforthem,andtakingherriding-skirtlightlyinherhandseemedtoglidefromtheroom.

OnherwaytoSanMateo,whereitappearedthedisorganizedpartyhadprolongedtheirvisittoacceptaninvitationtodinewithalocalmagnate,shewaspleasantlyconversationalwiththeslightlyabstractedGrant.Shewassosorrytohavegiventhemallthistroubleandanxiety!Ofcoursesheoughttohavewaitedattheforkoftheroad,butshehadneverdoubtedbutshecouldrejointhempresentlyonthemainroad.ShewasgladthatMissEuphemia\'srunawayhorsehadbeenstoppedwithoutaccident;itwouldhavebeendreadfulifanythinghadhappenedtoHER;Mr.Harcourtseemedsowrappedupinhisgirls.Itwasapitytheyneverhadason——Ah?

Indeed!Thentherewasason?So——andfatherandsonhadquarreled?Thatwassosad.Andforsometriflingcause,nodoubt?

"Ibelievehemarriedthehousemaid,"saidGrantgrimly."Becareful!——Allowme."

"It\'snouse!"saidMrs.Ashwood,flushingwithpinkimpatience,assherecoveredherseat,whichasuddenboltofhermustanghadimperiled,"Ireallycan\'tmakeoutthetricksofthisbeast!

Thankyou,"sheadded,withasweetsmile,"butIthinkIcanmanagehimnow.Ican\'tseewhyhestopped.I\'llbemorecareful.

Youweresayingthesonwasmarried——surelynotthatboy!"

"Boy!"echoedGrant."Thenyouknow?"——

"Imeanofcoursehemustbeaboy——theyallgrewuphere——anditwasonlyfiveorsixyearsagothattheirparentsemigrated,"sheretortedalittleimpatiently."Andwhataboutthiscreature?"

"Yourhorse?"

"YouknowImeanthewomanhemarried.Ofcourseshewasolderthanhe——andcaughthim?"

"Ithinktherewasayearortwodifference,"saidGrantquietly.

"Yes,butyourgallantrykeepsyoufromtellingthetruth;whichisthatthewomen,incasesofthiskind,aremucholderandmoreexperienced."

"Arethey?Well,perhapssheis,NOW.Sheisdead."

Mrs.Ashwoodwalkedherhorse."Poorthing,"shesaid.Thenasuddenideatookpossessionofherandbroughtafilmtohereyes.

"Howlongago?"sheaskedinalowvoice.

"Aboutsixorsevenmonths,Ithink.Ibelievetherewasababywhodiedtoo."

Shecontinuedtowalkherhorseslowly,strokingitscurvedneck.

"Ithinkit\'sperfectlyshameful!"shesaidsuddenly.

"Notsobadasthat,Mrs.Ashwood,surely.Thegirlmayhavelovedhim——andhe"——

"YouknowperfectlywhatImean,Mr.Grant.Ispeakoftheconductofthemotherandfatherandthosetwosisters!"

Grantslightlyelevatedhiseyebrows."Butyouforget,Mrs.

Ashwood.ItwasyoungHarcourtandhiswife\'sownact.Theypreferredtotaketheirownpathandkeepit."

"Ithink,"saidMrs.Ashwoodauthoritatively,"thattheideaofleavingthosetwounfortunatechildrentosufferandstruggleonalone——outthere——onthesandhillsofSanFrancisco——wassimplydisgraceful!"

Laterthateveningshewasunreasonablyannoyedtofindthatherbrother,Mr.JohnShipley,hadtakenadvantageoftheabsenceofGranttopaymarkedattentiontoClementina,andhadevenprevaileduponthatimperiousgoddesstoaccompanyhimafterdinneronamoonlightstrollupontheverandaandterracesofLosPajaros.

NeverthelesssheseemedtorecoverherspiritsenoughtotalkvolublyofthebeautifulsceneryshehaddiscoveredinherlateperilousabandonmentinthewildsoftheCoastRange;toaverherintentiontovisititagain;tospeakofitinaseverelypracticalwayasofferingafarbettersiteforthecottagesoftheyoungmarriedcouplesjustbeginninglifethantheoutskirtsoftownsorthebleaksandhillsofSanFrancisco;andthencebygracefuldegreesintoadissertationuponpopularfallaciesinregardtohastymarriages,andthemistakenideaofsomeparentsinnotacceptingtheinevitableandmakingthebestofit.ShestillfoundtimetoenterintoanappreciativeandexhaustivecriticismupontheliteratureandjournalisticenterpriseofthePacificCoastwiththeproprietorofthe"Pioneer,"andtocausethatgentlemantodeclarethatwhateverpeoplemightsayaboutrichandfashionableEasternwomen,thatMrs.Ashwood\'sheadwasaboutaslevelasitwaspretty.

Thenextmorningfoundhermorethoughtfulandsubdued,andwhenherbrothercameuponhersittingontheveranda,whilethepartywerepreparingtoreturn,shewasreadinganewspaperslipthatshehadtakenfromherporte-monnaie,withafacethatwaspartlyshadowed.

"Whathaveyoustruckthere,Conny?"saidherbrothergayly."Itlookstooseriousforarecipe."

"SomethingIshouldlikeyoutoreadsometime,Jack,"shesaid,liftingherlasheswithaslighttimidity,"ifyouwouldtakethetrouble.Ireallywonderhowitwouldimpressyou."

"Passitover,"saidJackShipleygood-humoredly,withhiscigarbetweenhislips."I\'lltakeitnow."

Shehandedhimtheslipandturnedpartlyaway;hetookit,glancedatitsideways,turneditover,andsuddenlyhislookgrewconcentrated,andhetookthecigarfromhislips.