下载辰思小说免费APP
CONTENTS
THEINCONSIDERATEWAITER，J。M。BarrieTHEBLACKPOODLE，F。AnsteyTHATBRUTESIMMONS，ArthurMorrisonAROSEOFTHEGHETTO，I。ZangwillANIDYLOFLONDON，BeatriceHarradenTHEOMNIBUS，"Q"[Quiller-Couch]
THEHIREDBABY，MarieCorrelliTHEINCONSIDERATEWAITER
BY
J。M。BARRIE
FrequentlyIhavetoaskmyselfinthestreetforthenameofthemanIbowedtojustnow，andthen，beforeIcananswer，thewindofthefirstcornerblowshimfrommymemory。Ihaveatheory，however，thatthosepuzzlingfaces，whichpassbeforeIcanseewhocutthecoat，allbelongtoclubwaiters。
UntilWilliamforcedhisaffairsuponmethatwasallIdidknowoftheprivatelifeofwaiters，thoughIhavebeenintheclubfortwentyyears。Iwasevenunawarewhethertheysleptdownstairsorhadtheirownhomes;norhadItheinteresttoinquireofothermembers，northeytheknowledgetoinformme。Iholdthatthissortofpeopleshouldbefedandclothedandgivenairingandwivesandchildren，andIsubscribeyearly，Ibelieveforthesepurposes;buttocomeintocloserrelationwithwaitersisbadform;theyareclubfittings，andWilliamshouldhavekepthisdistresstohimself，ortakenitawayandpatchedituplikearentinoneofthechairs。Hisinconsideratenesshasbeenapairofspectaclestomeformonths。
Itisnotcorrecttastetoknowthenameofaclubwaiter，soImustapologiseforknowingWilliam’s，andstillmorefornotforgettingit。
If，again，tospeakofawaiterisbadform，tospeakbitterlyisthecomicdegreeofit。ButWilliamhasdisappointedmesorely。TherewereyearswhenIwoulddeferdiningseveralminutesthathemightwaitonme。Hispainstoreservethewindow-seatformewereperfectlysatisfactory。Iallowedhimprivileges，astosuggestdishes，andwouldgivehiminformation，asthatsomeonehadstartledmeinthereading-roombyslammingadoor。IhaveshownhimhowIcutmyfingerwithapieceofstring。Obviouslyhewasgratifiedbytheseattentions，usuallyrecommendingaliqueur;andIfancyhemusthaveunderstoodmysufferings，forheoftenlookedillhimself。Probablyhewasrheumatic，butIcannotsayforcertain，asIneverthoughtofasking，andhehadthesensetoseethattheknowledgewouldbeoffensivetome。
Inthesmoking-roomwehaveawaitersoindependentthatonce，whenhebroughtmeayellowchartreuse，andIsaidIhadorderedgreen，hereplied，"No，sir;yousaidyellow。"Williamcouldneverhavebeenguiltyofsucheffrontery。Inappearance，ofcourse，heismean，butI
cannomoredescribehimthanamilkmaidcoulddrawcows。Isupposewedistinguishonewaiterfromanothermuchaswepickourhatfromtherack。WecouldhaveplottedamurdersafelybeforeWilliam。Heneverpresumedtohaveanyopinionsofhisown。Whensuchwasmymoodheremainedsilent，andifIannouncedthatsomethingdivertinghadhappenedtomehelaughedbeforeItoldhimwhatitwas。Heturnedthetwinkleinhiseyeofforonatmybiddingasreadilyasifitwasthegas。Tomy"Suretobewetto-morrow，"hewouldreply，"Yes，sir;"andtoTrelawney’s"Itdoesn’tlooklikerain，"twominutesafterward，hewouldreply，"No，sir。"ItwasonememberwhosaidLightningRodwouldwintheDerbyandanotherwhosaidLightningRodhadnochance，butitwasWilliamwhoagreedwithboth。Hewaslikeacheroot，whichmaybesmokedfromeitherend。SousedwasItohimthat，hadhediedorgotanothersituation（orwhateveritissuchpersonsdowhentheydisappearfromtheclub），Ishouldprobablyhavetoldtheheadwaitertobringhimback，asIdislikedchanges。
ItwouldnotbecomemetoknowpreciselywhenIbegantothinkWilliamaningrate，butIdatehislapsefromtheeveningwhenhebroughtmeoysters。Idetestoysters，andnooneknewitbetterthanWilliam。Hehasagreedwithmethathecouldnotunderstandanygentleman’slikingthem。BetweenmeandacertainmemberwhosmackshislipstwelvetimestoadozenofthemWilliamknewIlikedascreentobeplaceduntilwehadreachedthesoup，andyethegavemetheoystersandtheothermanmysardine。BoththeothermemberandIquicklycalledforbrandyandtheheadwaiter。TodoWilliamjustice，heshook，butnevercanI
forgethisaudaciousexplanation："Begpardon，sir，butIwasthinkingofsomethingelse。"
InthesewordsWilliamhadflungoffthemask，andnowIknewhimforwhathewas。
ImustnotbeaccusedofbadformforlookingatWilliamonthefollowingevening。Whatpromptedmetodosowasnotpersonalinterestinhim，butadesiretoseewhetherIdarelethimwaitonmeagain。
So，recallingthatacasterwasoffachairyesterday，oneisentitledtomakesurethatitisonto-daybeforesittingdown。Iftheexpressionisnottoostrong，ImaysaythatIwastakenabackbyWilliam’smanner。Evenwhencrossingtheroomtotakemyordershelethisonehandplaynervouslywiththeother。Ihadtorepeat"Sardineontoast"twice，andinsteadofanswering"Yes，sir，"asifmyselectionofsardineontoastwasapersonalgratificationtohim，whichisthemanneroneexpectsofawaiter，heglancedattheclock，thenoutatthewindow，and，starting，asked，"Didyousaysardineontoast，sir？"
Itwastheheightofsummer，whenLondonsmellslikeachemist’sshop，andhewhohasthedinner-tableatthewindowneedsnocandlestoshowhimhisknifeandfork。Ilaybackatintervals，nowwatchingastarved-lookingwomansleeponadoor-step，andagaincomplainingoftheclubbananas。By-and-byIsawagirlofthecommonestkind，ill-
cladanddirty，asalltheseArabsare。Theirparentsshouldbecompelledtofeedandclothethemcomfortably，oratleasttokeepthemindoors，wheretheycannotoffendoureyes。Suchchildrenareforpushingasidewithone’sumbrella;butthisgirlInoticedbecauseshewasgazingattheclubwindows。ShehadstoodthusforperhapstenminuteswhenIbecameawarethatsomeonewasleaningovermetolookoutatthewindow。Iturnedround。ConceivemyindignationonseeingthattherudepersonwasWilliam。
"Howdareyou，William？"Isaid，sternly。Heseemednottohearme。
Letmetell，inthemeasuredwordsofonedescribingapastincident，whatthentookplace。Togetnearerthewindowhepressedheavilyonmyshoulder。
"William，youforgetyourself！"Isaid，meaning——asIseenow——thathehadforgottenme。
Iheardhimgulp，butnottomyreprimand。Hewasscanningthestreet。
Hishandschatteredonmyshoulder，and，pushinghimfromme，Isawthathismouthwasagape。
"Whatareyoulookingfor？"Iasked。
Hestaredatme，andthen，likeonewhohadatlastheardtheechoofmyquestion，seemedtobebroughtbacktotheclub。Heturnedhisfacefrommeforaninstant，andansweredshakily：
"Ibegyourpardon，sir！I——Ishouldn’thavedoneit。Arethebananastooripe，sir？"
Herecommendedthenuts，andawaitedmyverdictsoanxiouslywhileI
ateonethatIwasabouttospeakgraciously，whenIagainsawhiseyesdraghimtothewindow。
"William，"Isaid，mypatiencegivingwayatlast，"Idislikebeingwaitedonbyamelancholywaiter。"
"Yes，sir，"hereplied，tryingtosmile，andthenbrokeoutpassionately，"ForGod’ssake，sir，tellme，haveyouseenalittlegirlbookinginattheclubwindows？"
Hehadbeenagoodwaiteronce，andhisdistractedvisagewasspoilingmydinner。
"There，"Isaid，pointingtothegirl，andnodoubtwouldhaveaddedthathemustbringmecoffeeimmediately，hadhecontinuedtolisten。
Butalreadyhewasbeckoningtothechild。Ihavenottheleastinterestinher（indeed，ithadneverstruckmethatwaitershadprivateaffairs，andIstillthinkitapitythattheyshouldhave）;
butasIhappenedtobelookingoutatthewindowIcouldnotavoidseeingwhatoccurred。AssoonasthegirlsawWilliamsheranintothestreet，regardlessofvehicles，andnoddedthreetimestohim。Thenshedisappeared。
Ihavesaidthatshewasquiteacommonchild，withoutattractionofanysort，andyetitwasamazingthedifferenceshemadeinWilliam。
Hegaspedrelief，likeonewhohadbrokenthroughtheanxietythatchecksbreathing，andintohisfacetherecameasillylaughofhappiness。Ihaddinedwell，onthewhole，soIsaid：
"Iamgladtoseeyoucheerfulagain，William。"
ImeantthatIapprovedhischeerfulnessbecauseithelpedmydigestion，buthemustneedsthinkIwassympathisingwithhim。
"Thankyou，sir，"heanswered。"Oh，sir！whenshenoddedandIsawitwasallrightIcouldhavegonedownonmykneestoGod。"
Iwasasmuchhorrifiedasifhehaddroppedaplateonmytoes。EvenWilliam，disgracefullyemotionalashewasatthemoment，flungouthisarmstorecalltheshamefulwords。
"Coffee，William！"Isaid，sharply。
Isippedmycoffeeindignantly，foritwasplaintomethatWilliamhadsomethingonhismind。
"Youarenotvexedwithme，sir？"hehadthehardihoodtowhisper。
"Itwasaliberty，"Isaid。
"Iknow，sir;butIwasbesidemyself。"
"Thatwasalibertyalso。"
Hehesitated，andthenblurtedout：
"Itismywife，sir。She——"
Istoppedhimwithmyhand。William，whomIhadfavouredinsomanyways，wasamarriedman！ImighthaveguessedasmuchyearsbeforehadIeverreflectedaboutwaiters，forIknewvaguelythathisclassdidthissortofthing。Hisconfessionwasdistastefultome，andIsaidwarningly：
"Rememberwhereyouare，William。"
"Yes，sir;butyousee，sheissodelicate——"
"Delicate！Iforbidyourspeakingtomeonunpleasanttopics。"
"Yes，sir;beggingyourpardon。"
ItwascharacteristicofWilliamtobegmypardonandwithdrawhiswife，likesomeunsuccessfuldish，asifitstastewouldnotremaininthemouth。Ishallbechidedforquestioninghimfurtherabouthiswife，but，thoughdoubtlessanunusualstep，itwasonlybadformsuperficially，formymotivewasirreproachable。Iinquiredforhiswife，notbecauseIwasinterestedinherwelfare，butinthehopeofallayingmyirritation。SoIamentitledtoinvitethewayfarerwhohasbespatteredmewithmudtoscrapeitoff。
IdesiredtobetoldbyWilliamthatthegirl’ssignalsmeanthiswife’srecoverytohealth。Heshouldhaveseenthatsuchwasmywishandansweredaccordingly。But，withthebrutalinconsideratenessofhisclass，hesaid：
"Shehashadagoodday;butthedoctor，he——thedoctorisafeardsheisdying。"
AlreadyIrepentedmyquestions。Williamandhiswifeseemedinleagueagainstme，whentheymightsoeasilyhavechosensomeothermember。
"Pooh！thedoctor，"Isaid。
"Yes，sir，"heanswered。
"Haveyoubeenmarriedlong，William？"
"Eightyears，sir。Eightyearsagoshewas——I——Imindherwhen……
andnowthedoctorsays——"
Thefellowgapedatme。"Morecoffee，sir？"heasked。
"Whatisherailment？"
"Shewasalwaysoneofthedelicatekind，butfullofspirit，and——andyousee，shehashadababylately——"
"William！"
"Andshe——I——thedoctorisafeardshe’snotpickingup。"
"Ifeelsureshewillpickup。"
"Yes，sir？"
ItmusthavebeenthewineIhaddrunkthatmademetellhim：
"Iwasoncemarried，William。Mywife——itwasjustsuchacaseasyours。"
"Shedidnotgetbettersir？"
"No。"
Afterapausehesaid，"Thankyou，sir，"meaningforthesympathythatmademetellhimthat。Butitmusthavebeenthewine。
"Thatlittlegirlcomesherewithamessagefromyourwife？"
"Yes;ifshenodsthreetimesitmeansmywifeisalittlebetter。"
"Shenoddedthriceto-day。"
"Butsheistoldtodothattorelieveme，andmaybethosenodsdon’ttellthetruth。"
"Issheyourgirl？"
"No;wehavenonebutthebaby。Sheisaneighbour’s;shecomestwiceaday。"
"Itisheartlessofherparentsnottosendhereveryhour。"
"Butsheissixyearsold，"hesaid，"andhasahouseandtwosisterstolookafterinthedaytime，andadinnertocook。Gentlefolkdon’tunderstand。"
"Isupposeyouliveinsomelowpart，William。"
"OffDruryLane，"heanswered，flushing;"but——butitisn’tlow。Yousee，wewereneverusedtoanythingbetter，andImindwhenIletherseethehousebeforeweweremarried，she——sheasortofcriedbecauseshewassoproudofit。Thatwaseightyearsago，andnow——she’safeardshe’lldiewhenI’mawayatmywork。"
"Didshetellyouthat？"
"Never;shealwayssayssheisfeelingalittlestronger。"
"Thenhowcanyouknowsheisafraidofthat？"
"Idon’tknowhowIknow，sir;butwhenIamleavingthehouseinthemorningIlookatherfromthedoor，andshelooksatme，andthenI——
Iknow。"
"Agreenchartreuse，William！"
ItriedtoforgetWilliam’svulgarstoryinbilliards，buthehadspoiledmygame。Myopponent，towhomIcangivetwenty，ranoutwhenIwassixty-seven，andIputasidemycuepettishly。Thatinitselfwasbadform，butwhatwouldtheyhavethoughthadtheyknownthatawaiter’simpertinencecausedit！IgrewangrierwithWilliamasthenightworeon，andnextdayIpunishedhimbygivingmyordersthroughanotherwaiter。
AsIhadmywindow-seat，Icouldnotbutseethatthegirlwaslateagain。SomehowIdawdledovermycoffee。Ihadaneveningpaperbeforeme，buttherewassolittleinitthatmyeyesfoundmoreofinterestinthestreet。ItdidnotmattertomewhetherWilliam’swifedied，butwhenthatgirlhadpromisedtocome，whydidshenotcome？Theselowerclassesonlygivetheirwordtobreakit。Thecoffeewasundrinkable。
AtlastIsawher。Williamwasatanotherwindow，pretendingtodosomethingwiththecurtains。Istoodup，pressingclosertothewindow。ThecoffeehadbeensobadthatIfeltshaky。Shenoddedthreetimes，andsmiled。
"Sheisalittlebetter，"Williamwhisperedtome，almostgaily。
"Whomareyouspeakingof？"Iasked，coldly，andimmediatelyretiredtothebilliard-room，whereIplayedacapitalgame。Thecoffeewasmuchbettertherethaninthedining-room。
Severaldayspassed，andItookcaretoshowWilliamthatIhadforgottenhismaunderings。Ichancedtoseethelittlegirl（thoughI
neverlookedforher）everyevening，andshealwaysnoddedthreetimes，saveonce，whensheshookherhead，andthenWilliam’sfacegrewwhiteasanapkin。IrememberthisincidentbecausethatnightI
couldnotgetintoapocket。SobadlydidIplaythatthethoughtofitkeptmeawakeinbed，andthat，again，mademewonderhowWilliam’swifewas。NextdayIwenttotheclubearly（whichwasnotmycustom）
toseethenewbooks。Beingintheclubatanyrate，Ilookedintothedining-roomtoaskWilliamifIhadleftmyglovesthere，andthesightofhimremindedmeofhiswife;soIaskedforher。Heshookhisheadmournfully，andIwentoffinarage。
SoaccustomedamItotheclubthatwhenIdineelsewhereIfeeluncomfortablenextmorning，asifIhadmissedadinner。Williamknewthis;yetherehewas，houndingmeoutoftheclub！ThateveningI
dined（asthesayingis）atarestaurant，wherenosaucewasservedwiththeasparagus。Furthermore，asifthatwerenottriumphenoughforWilliam，hisdolefulfacecamebetweenmeandeverydish，andI
seemedtoseehiswifedyingtoannoyme。
Idinednextdayattheclubforself-preservation，taking，however，atableinthemiddleoftheroom，andengagingawaiterwhohadoncenearlypoisonedmebynotinterferingwhenIputtwolumpsofsugarintomycoffeeinsteadofone，whichismyallowance。ButnoWilliamcametometoacknowledgehishumiliation，andby-and-byIbecameawarethathewasnotintheroom。Suddenlythethoughtstruckmethathiswifemustbedead，andI——ItwastheworstcookedandtheworstserveddinnerIeverhadintheclub。
Itriedthesmoking-room。Usuallythetalkthereisentertaining，butonthatoccasionitwassofrivolousthatIdidnotremainfiveminutes。Inthecard-roomamembertoldmeexcitedlythatapolicemanhadspokenrudelytohim;andmystrangecommentwas：
"Afterall，itisasmallmatter。"
Inthelibrary，whereIhadnotbeenforyears，Ifoundtwomembersasleep，and，tomysurprise，Williamonaladderdustingbooks。
"Youhavenotheard，sir？"hesaid，inanswertomyraisedeyebrows。
Descendingtheladder，hewhisperedtragically："Itwaslastevening，sir。I——Ilostmyhead，andI——sworeatamember。"
IsteppedbackfromWilliam，andglancedapprehensivelyatthetwomembers。Theystillslept。
"Ihardlyknew，"Williamwenton，"whatIwasdoingalldayyesterday，forIhadleftmywifesoweaklythat——"
Istampedmyfoot。
"Ibegyourpardonforspeakingofher，"hehadthegracetosay，"butIcouldn’thelpslippinguptothewindowoftenyesterdaytolookforJenny，andwhenshedidcome，andIsawshewascrying，it——itsortofconfusedme，andIdidn’tknowright，sir，whatIwasdoing。Ihitagainstamember，Mr。MyddletonFinch，andhe——hejumpedandsworeatme。Well，sir，Ihadjusttouchedhimafterall，andIwassomiserable，itakindofstungmetobetreatedlike——likethat，andmeamanaswellashim;andIlostmysenses，and——andIsworeback。"
William’sshamedheadsankonhischest，butIevenletpasshisinsolenceinlikeninghimselftoamemberoftheclub，soafraidwasI
ofthesleeperswakinganddetectingmeintalkwithawaiter。
"FortheloveofGod，"Williamcried，withcoarseemotion，"don’tletthemdismissme！"
"Speaklower！"Isaid。"Whosentyouhere？"
"Iwasturnedoutofthedining-roomatonce，andtoldtoattendtothelibraryuntiltheyhaddecidedwhattodowithme。Oh，sir，I’lllosemyplace！"
Hewasblubbering，asifachangeofwaiters，wasamatterofimportance。
"Thisisverybad，William，"Isaid。"IfearIcandonothingforyou。"
"Havemercyonadistractedman！"heentreated。"I’llgoonmykneestoMr。MyddletonFinch。"
HowcouldIbutdespiseafellowwhowouldbethusabjectforapoundaweek？
"Idarenottellher，"hecontinued，"thatIhavelostmyplace。Shewouldjustfallbackanddie。"
"Iforbadeyourspeakingofyourwife，"Isaid，sharply，"unlessyoucanspeakpleasantlyofher。"
"Butshemaybeworsenow，sir，andIcannotevenseeJennyfromhere。
Thelibrarywindowslooktotheback。"
"Ifshedies，"Isaid，"itwillbeawarningtoyoutomarryastrongerwomannexttime。"
Noweveryoneknowsthatthereislittlerealaffectionamongthelowerorders。Assoonastheyhavelostonematetheytakeanother。
YetWilliam，forgettingourrelativepositions，drewhimselfupandraisedhisfist，andifIhadnotsteppedbackIswearhewouldhavestruckme。
ThehighlyimproperwordsWilliamusedIwillomit，outofconsiderationforhim。EvenwhilehewasapologisingforthemI
retiredtothesmoking-room，whereIfoundthecigarettessobadlyrolledthattheywouldnotkeepalight。AfteralittleIrememberedthatIwantedtoseeMyddletonFinchaboutanimprovedsaddleofwhichafriendofhishasthepatent。Hewasinthenewsroom，and，havingquestionedhimaboutthesaddle，Isaid：
"Bytheway，whatisthisstoryaboutyourswearingatoneofthewaiters？"
"Youmeanabouthisswearingatme，"MyddletonFinchreplied，reddening。
"Iamgladthatwasit，"Isaid;"forIcouldnotbelieveyouguiltyofsuchbadform。"
"IfIdidswear——"hewasbeginning，butIwenton：
"Theversionwhichhasreachedmewasthatyousworeathim，andherepeatedtheword。Iheardhewastobedismissedandyoureprimanded。"
"Whotoldyouthat？"askedMyddletonFinch，whoisatimidman。
"Iforget;itisclubtalk，"Ireplied，lightly。"Butofcoursethecommitteewilltakeyourword。Thewaiter，whicheveroneheis，richlydeserveshisdismissalforinsultingyouwithoutprovocation。"
Thenourtalkreturnedtothesaddle，butMyddletonFinchwasabstracted，andpresentlyhesaid：
"Doyouknow，IfancyIwaswronginthinkingthatthewaitersworeatme，andI’llwithdrawmychargeto-morrow。"
MyddletonFinchthenleftme，and，sittingalone，IrealisedthatI
hadbeendoingWilliamaservice。TosomeslightextentImayhaveintentionallyhelpedhimtoretainhisplaceintheclub，andInowseethereason，whichwasthathealoneknowspreciselytowhatextentIlikemyclaretheated。
ForameresecondIrememberedWilliam’sremarkthatheshouldnotbeabletoseethegirlJennyfromthelibrarywindows。ThenthisrecollectiondrovefrommyheadthatIhadonlydinedinthesensethatmydinner-billwaspaid。Returningtothedining-room，Ihappenedtotakemychairatthewindow，andwhileIwaseatingadeviledkidneyIsawinthestreetthegirlwhosenodshadsuchanabsurdeffectonWilliam。
Thechildrenofthepoorareasthoughtlessastheirparents，andthisJennydidnotsigntothewindowsinthehopethatWilliammightseeher，thoughshecouldnotseehim。Herface，whichwasdisgracefullydirty，boredoubtanddismayonit，butwhethershebroughtgoodnewsitwouldnottell。SomehowIhadexpectedhertosignalwhenshesawme，and，thoughhermessagecouldnotinterestme，Iwasinthemoodinwhichoneisirritatedatthatnottakingplacewhichheisawaiting。Ultimatelysheseemedtobemakinguphermindtogoaway。
Aboywaspassingwiththeeveningpapers，andIhurriedouttogetone，ratherthoughtlessly，forwehaveallthepapersintheclub。
Unfortunately，Imisunderstoodthedirectiontheboyhadtaken;butroundthefirstcorner（outofsightoftheclubwindows）IsawthegirlJenny，andsoaskedherhowWilliam’swifewas。
"Didhesendyoutome？"shereplied，impertinentlytakingmeforawaiter。"My！"sheadded，afterasecondscrutiny，"Ib’lieveyou’reoneofthem。Hismissisisabitbetter，andIwastotellhimasshetookallthetapiocar。"
"Howcouldyoutellhim？"Iasked。
"Iwastodolikethis，"shereplied，andwentthroughthesuppingofsomethingoutofaplateindumb-show。
"Thatwouldnotshowsheateallthetapioca，"Isaid。
"ButIwastoendlikethis，"sheanswered，lickinganimaginaryplatewithhertongue。
Igaveherashilling（togetridofher），andreturnedtotheclubdisgusted。
LaterintheeveningIhadtogototheclublibraryforabook，andwhileWilliamwaslookinginvainforit（Ihadforgottenthetitle）I
saidtohim：
"Bytheway，William，Mr。MyddletonFinchistotellthecommitteethathewasmistakeninthechargehebroughtagainstyou，soyouwilldoubtlessberestoredtothedining-roomto-morrow。"
Thetwomemberswerestillintheirchairs，probablysleepinglightly;
yethehadtheeffronterytothankme。
"Don’tthankme，"Isaid，blushingattheimputation。"Rememberyourplace，William！"
"ButMr。MyddletonFinchknewIswore，"heinsisted。
"Agentleman，"Ireplied，stiffly，"cannotrememberfortwenty-fourhourswhatawaiterhassaidtohim。"
"No，sir;but——"
TostophimIhadtosay："And，ah，William，yourwifeisalittlebetter。Shehaseatenthetapioca——allofit。"
"Howcanyourknow，sir？"
"Byanaccident。"
"Jennysignedtothewindow？"
"No。"
"Thenyousawher，andwentout，and——"
"Nonsense！"
"Oh，sir，todothatforme！MayGodbl——"
"William！"
"Forgiveme，sir;but——whenItellmymissis，shewillsayitwasthoughtofyourownwifeasmadeyoudoit。"
Hewrungmyhand。Idarednotwithdrawit，lestweshouldwakenthesleepers。
Williamreturnedtothedining-room，andIhadtoshowhimthatifhedidnotceaselookinggratefullyatmeImustchangemywaiter。Ialsoorderedhimtostoptellingmenightlyhowhiswifewas，butI
continuedtoknow，asIcouldnothelpseeingthegirlJennyfromthewindow。TwiceinaweekIlearnedfromthisobjectionablechildthattheailingwomanhadagaineatenallthetapioca。ThenIbecamesuspiciousofWilliam。Iwilltellwhy。
ItbeganwitharemarkofCaptainUpjohn’s。Wehadbeenspeakingoftheinconvenienceofnotbeingabletogetahotdishservedafter1
A。M。，andhesaid：
"Itisbecausetheselazywaiterswouldstrike。Ifthebeggarshadaloveoftheirworktheywouldnotrushawayfromtheclubthemomentoneo’clockstrikes。Thatglumfellowwhooftenwaitsonyoutakestohisheelsthemomentheisclearoftheclubsteps。Heranintometheothernightatthetopofthestreet，andwasoffwithoutapologising。"
"Youmeanthefootofthestreet，Upjohn，"Isaid;forsuchisthewaytoDruryLane。
"No;Imeanthetop。Themanwasrunningwest。"
"East。"
"West。"
Ismiled，whichsoannoyedhimthathebetmetwotooneinsovereigns。ThebetcouldhavebeendecidedmostquicklybyaskingWilliamaquestion，butIthought，foolishlydoubtless，thatitmighthurthisfeelings，soIwatchedhimleavetheclub。ThepossibilityofUpjohn’swinningthebethadseemedremotetome。Conceivemysurprise，thereforewhenWilliamwentwestward。
Amazed，IpursuedhimalongtwostreetswithoutrealisingthatIwasdoingso。Thencuriosityputmeintoahansom。WefollowedWilliam，anditprovedtobeathree-shillingfare，for，runningwhenhewasinbreathandwalkingwhenhewasoutofit，hetookmetoWestKensington。
Idischargedmycab，andfromacrossthestreetwatchedWilliam’sincomprehensiblebehaviour。Hehadstoppedatadingyrowofworkmen’shouses，andknockedatthedarkenedwindowofoneofthem。Presentlyalightshowed。SofarasIcouldsee，someonepulleduptheblindandfortenminutestalkedtoWilliam。Iwasuncertainwhethertheytalked，forthewindowwasnotopened，andIfeltthat，hadWilliamspokenthroughtheglassloudenoughtobeheardinside，Imusthaveheardhimtoo。Yethenoddedandbeckoned。Iwasstillbewilderedwhen，bysettingoffthewayhehadcome，hegavemetheopportunityofgoinghome。
Knowingfromthetalkoftheclubwhatthelowerordersare，couldI
doubtthatthiswassomediscreditablelove-affairofWilliam’s？Hissolicitudeforhiswifehadbeenmerepretence;sofarasitwasgenuine，itmeantthathefearedshemightrecover。Heprobablytoldherthathewasdetainednightlyintheclubtillthree。
Iwasmiserablenextday，andblamedthedeviledkidneysforit。
WhetherWilliamwasunfaithfultohiswifewasnothingtome，butI
hadtwoplainreasonsforinsistingonhisgoingstraighthomefromhisclub：theonethat，ashehadmademeloseabet，Imustpunishhim;theotherthathecouldwaituponmebetterifhewenttobedbetimes。
YetIdidnotquestionhim。Therewassomethinginhisfacethat——
Well，Iseemedtoseehisdyingwifeinit。
IwassooutofsortsthatIcouldeatnodinner。Ilefttheclub。
Happeningtostandforsometimeatthefootofthestreet，IchancedtoseethegirlJennycoming，and——No;letmetellthetruth，thoughthewholeclubreads：Iwaswaitingforher。
"HowisWilliam’swifeto-day？"Iasked。
"Shetoldmetonodthreetimes，"thelittleslatternreplied;"butshelookedlikenothinkbutadeadonetillshegotthebrandy。
"Hush，child！"Isaid，shocked。"Youdon’tknowhowthedeadlook。"
"Blessyer，"sheanswered，"don’tIjust！Why，I’vehelpedtolay’emout。I’mgoingonseven。"
"IsWilliamgoodtohiswife？"
"Courseheis。Ain’tshehismissis？"
"Whyshouldthatmakehimgoodtoher？"Iasked，cynically，outofmyknowledgeofthepoor。Butthegirl，precociousinmanyways，hadneverhadanyopportunitiesofstudyingthelowerclassesinthenewspapers，fiction，andclubtalk。Sheshutoneeye，and，lookingupwonderingly，said：
"Ain’tyougreen——just！"
"WhendoesWilliamreachhomeatnight？"
"’Tain’tnight;it’smorning。WhenIwakesupathalfdarkandhalflight，andhearsadoorshutting，Iknowasit’seitherfathergoingofftohisworkorMr。Hickingcomehomefromhis。"
"WhoisMr。Hicking？"
"Himaswe’vebeenspeakingon——William。Wecallshimmister，’causehe’satoff。Father’sjustdoingjobsinCoventGardens，butMr。
Hicking，he’sawaiter，andacleanshirteveryday。Theoldwomanwouldlikefathertobeawaiter，buthehain’tgotthe’ristocraticlook。"
"Whatoldwoman？"
"Go’long！that’smymother。Isittruethere’sawaiterintheclubjustfortoopenthedoor？"
"Yes;but——"
"Andanotherjustfortolickthestamps？My！"
"Williamleavestheclubatoneo’clock？"Isaid，interrogatively。
Shenodded。"Mymother，"shesaid，"isonetotalk，andshesaysMr。
Hickingasheshouldgetawayattwelve，’causehismissisneedshimmore’nthegentlemenneedhim。Theoldwomandotalk。"
"AndwhatdoesWilliamanswertothat？"
"Hesaysasthegentlemancan’tbekeptwaitingfortheircheese。"
"ButWilliamdoesnotgostraighthomewhenheleavestheclub？"
"That’sthekid。"
"Kid！"Iechoed，scarcelyunderstanding，for，knowinghowlittlethepoorlovetheirchildren，IhadaskedWilliamnoquestionsaboutthebaby。
"Didn’tyouknowhismissishadakid？"
"Yes;butthatisnoexcuseforWilliam’sstayingawayfromhissickwife，"Ianswered，sharply。AbabyinsuchahomeasWilliam’s，I
reflected，mustbetrying;butstill——Besides，hisclasscansleepthroughanydin。
"Thekidain’tinourcourt，"thegirlexplained。"He’sinW。，heis，andI’veneverbeenoutofW。C。;leastwise，notasIknowson。"
"ThisisW。IsupposeyoumeanthatthechildisatWestKensington？
Well，nodoubtitwasbetterforWilliam’swifetogetridofthechild——"
"Better！"interposedthegirl。"’Tain’tbetterforhernottohavethekid。Ain’thernothavinghimwhatshe’salwaysthinkingonwhenshelookslikeadeadone？"
"Howcouldyouknowthat？"
"Cause，"answeredthegirl，illustratingherwordswithagesture，"I
watchesher，andIseesherarmsgoingthisway，justlikeasshewantedtohugherkid。"
"Possiblyyouareright，"Isaid，frowning;"butWilliamhadputthechildouttonursebecauseitdisturbedhisnight’srest。Amanwhohashisworktodo——"
"Youaregreen！"
"Thenwhyhavethemotherandchildbeenseparated？"
"Alongofthattheremeasles。Nearalltheyoung’unsinourcourthas’embad。"
"Haveyouhadthem？"
"Isaidtheyoung’uns。"
"AndWilliamsentthebabytoWestKensingtontoescapeinfection？"
"Tookhim，hedid。"
"Againsthiswife’swishes？"
"Na-o！"
"Yousaidshewasdyingforwantofthechild？"
"Wouldn’tsheraytherdiethanhavethekiddie？"
"Don’tspeaksoheartlessly，child。WhydoesWilliamnotgostraighthomefromtheclub？DoeshegotoWestKensingtontoseeit？"
"’Tain’tahit，it’san’e。Coursehedo。"
"Thenheshouldnot。Hiswifehasthefirstclaimonhim。"
"Ain’tyougreen！It’shismissisaswantshimtogo。Doyouthinkshecouldsleeptillsheknowedhowthekidwas？"
"ButhedoesnotgointothehouseatWestKensington？"
"Ishesoft？Coursehedon’tgoin，fearoftakingtheinfectiontothekid。Theyjustholdsthekidupatthewindowtohim，soashecanhaveagoodlook。Thenhecomeshomeandtellshismissis。Hesitsfootofthebedandtells。"
"Andthattakesplaceeverynight？Hecan’thavemuchtotell。"
"Hehasjust。"
"Hecanonlysaywhetherthechildiswellorill。"
"My！Hetellswhatadifferencethereisinthekidsinceheseedhimlast。"
"Therecanbenodifference！"
"Go’long！Ain’takidalwaysgrowing？Haven’tMr。Hickingtotellhowthehairisgettingdarker，andheapsofthingsbeside？"
"Suchaswhat？"
"Likewhetherhelarfed，andifhehashernose，andhowasheknowedhim。Hetellsherthemthingsmore’nonce。"
"Andallthistimeheissittingatthefootofthebed？"
"’Ceptwhenheholdsherhand。"
"Butwhendoeshegettobedhimself？"
"Hedon’tgetmuch。Hetellsherashehasasleepattheclub。"
"Hecannotsaythat。"
"Hain’tIheardhim？Buthedogotohisbedabit，andthentheybothliesquiet，herpretendingsheissleepingsoashecansleep，andhim’feardtosleepcaseheshouldn’twakeuptogiveherthebottlestuff。"
"Whatdoesthedoctorsayabouther？"
"He’sagoodone，thedoctor。Sometimeshesaysshewouldgetbetterifshecouldseethekidthroughthewindow。"
"Nonsense！"
"Andifshewastooktothecountry。"
"ThenwhydoesnotWilliamtakeher？"
"My！youaregreen！Andifshedrankportwines。"
"Doesn’tshe？"
"No;butWilliam，hetellsheraboutthegentlemendrinkingthem。"
OnthetenthdayaftermyconversationwiththisunattractivechildI
wasinmybrougham，withthewindowsup，andIsatback，apaperbeforemyfacelestanyoneshouldlookin。Naturally，IwasafraidofbeingseenincompanyofWilliam’swifeandJenny，formenabouttownareuncharitable，and，despitetheexplanationIhadready，mighthavechargedmewithpityingWilliam。Asamatteroffact，WilliamwassendinghiswifeintoSurreytostaywithanoldnurseofmine，andI
wasdrivingherdownbecausemyhorsesneededanouting。Besides，I
wasgoingthatwayatanyrate。
IhadarrangedthatthegirlJenny，whowaswearinganoutrageousbonnet，shouldaccompanyus，because，knowingthegreedofherclass，Ifearedshemightblackmailmeattheclub。
Williamjoinedusinthesuburbs，bringingthebabywithhim，asIhadforeseentheywouldallbeoccupiedwithit，andtosavemethetroubleofconversingwiththem。Mrs。HickingIfoundtoopaleandfragileforaworkingman’swife，andIformedameanopinionofherintelligencefromherprideinthebaby，whichwasaveryordinaryone。Shecreatedquiteavulgarscenewhenitwasbroughttoher，thoughshehadgivenmeherwordnottodoso，whatirritatedmeevenmorethanhertearsbeingherill-bredapologythatshe"hadbeen’fearedbabywouldn’tknowheragain。"Iwouldhavetoldhertheydidn’tknowanyoneforyearshadInotbeenafraidofthegirlJenny，whodandledtheinfantonherkneesandtalkedtoitasifitunderstood。Shekeptmeontenter-hooksbyaskingitoffensivequestions，suchas，"’Ooknowwhogivemethatbonnet？"andansweringthemherself，"Itwastheprettygentlemanthere;"andseveraltimesI
hadtoaffectsleepbecausesheannounced，"Kiddywantstokisstheprettygentleman。"
Irksomeasallthisnecessarilywastoamanoftaste，Isufferedevenmorewhenwereachedourdestination。AswedrovethroughthevillagethegirlJennyutteredshrieksofdelightatthesightofflowersgrowingupthecottagewalls，anddeclaredtheywere"justlikeamusic-’allwithoutthedrinklicense。"Asmyhorsesrequiredarest，I
wasforcedtoabandonmyintentionofdroppingthesepersonsattheirlodgingsandreturningtotownatonce，andIcouldnotgototheinnlestIshouldmeetinquisitiveacquaintances。Disagreeablecircumstances，therefore，compelledmetotaketeawithawaiter’sfamily——closetoawindowtoo，throughwhichIcouldseethegirlJennytalkingexcitedlytothevillagers，andtellingthem，Ifeltcertain，thatIhadbeengoodtoWilliam。Ihadadesiretogooutandputmyselfrightwiththosepeople。
William’slongconnectionwiththeclubshouldhavegivenhimsomemanners，butapparentlyhisclasscannottakethemon，for，thoughheknewIregardedhisthanksasaninsult，helookedthemwhenhewasnotspeakingthem，andhardlyhadhesatdown，bymyorders，thanherememberedthatIwasamemberoftheclub，andjumpedup。Nothingisinworseformthanwhispering，yetagainandagain，whenhethoughtI
wasnotlistening，hewhisperedtoMrs。Hicking，"Youdon’tfeelfaint？"or"Howareyounow？"Hewasalsoinextravagantgleebecausesheatetwocakes（ittakessolittletoputthesepeopleingoodspirits），andwhenshesaidshefeltlikeanotherbeingalreadythefellow’sfacechargedmewiththechange。Icouldnotbutconclude，fromthewayMrs。Hickingletthebabypoundher，thatshewasstrongerthanshehadpretended。
Iremainedlongerthanwasnecessary，becauseIhadsomethingtosaytoWilliamwhichIknewhewouldmisunderstand，andsoIputoffsayingit。ButwhenheannouncedthatitwastimeforhimtoreturntoLondon，——atwhichhiswifesuddenlypaled，sothathehadtosigntohernottobreakdown，——Ideliveredthemessage。
"William，"Isaid，"theheadwaiteraskedmetosaythatyoucouldtakeafortnight’sholidayjustnow。Yourwageswillbepaidasusual。"
Confoundthem！Williamhadmebythehand，andhiswifewasintearsbeforeIcouldreachthedoor。
"Isityourdoingagain，sir？"Williamcried。
"William！"Isaid，fiercely。
"Weoweeverythingtoyou，"heinsisted。"Theportwine——"
"BecauseIhadnoroomforitinmycellar。"
"ThemoneyforthenurseinLondon——"
"BecauseIobjectedtobeingwaitedonbyamanwhogotnosleep。"
"Theselodgings——"
"BecauseIwantedtodosomethingformyoldnurse。"
"Andnow，sir，afortnight’sholiday！"
"Good-bye，William！"Isaid，inafury。
ButbeforeIcouldgetawayMrs。HickingsignedtoWilliamtoleavetheroom，andthenshekissedmyhand。Shesaidsomethingtome。Itwasaboutmywife。SomehowI——WhatbusinesshadWilliamtotellheraboutmywife？
TheyareallbackinDruryLanenow，andWilliamtellsmethathiswifesingsatherworkjustasshedideightyearsago。Ihavenointerestinthis，andtrytocheckhistalkofit;butsuchpeoplehavenosenseofpropriety，andheevenspeaksofthegirlJenny，whosentmelatelyagaudypairofworstedglovesworkedbyherownhand。
Themeanestadvantagetheytookofmyweakness，however，wasincallingtheirbabyafterme。Ihaveanuncomfortablesuspicion，too，thatWilliamhasgiventheotherwaitershisversionoftheaffair;
butIfeelsafesolongasitdoesnotreachthecommittee。
THEBLACKPOODLE
BY
F。ANSTEY
Ihavesetmyselfthetaskofrelatinginthecourseofthisstory，withoutsuppressingoralteringasingledetail，themostpainfulandhumiliatingepisodeofmylife。
Idothis，notbecauseitwillgivemetheleastpleasure，butsimplybecauseitaffordsmeanopportunityofextenuatingmyself，whichhashithertobeenwhollydeniedtome。
Asageneralrule，Iamquiteawarethattopublishalengthyexplanationofone’sconductinanyquestionabletransactionisnotthebestmeansofrecoveringalostreputation;butinmyowncasethereisonetowhomIshallnevermorebepermittedtojustifybywordofmouth——evenifIfoundmyselfabletoattemptit。Andasshecouldnotpossiblythinkworseofmethanshedoesatpresent，Iwritethis，knowingitcandomenoharm，andfaintlyhopingthatitmaycometohernoticeandsuggestadoubtwhetherIamquitesounscrupulousavillain，soconsummateahypocrite，asIhavebeenforcedtoappearinhereyes。
Thebarechanceofsucharesultmakesmeperfectlyindifferenttoallelse;Icheerfullyexposetothederisionofthewholereadingworldthestoryofmyweaknessandmyshame，sincebydoingsoImaypossiblyrehabilitatemyselfsomewhatinthegoodopinionofoneperson。
Havingsaidsomuch，Iwillbeginmyconfessionwithoutfurtherdelay。
MynameisAlgernonWeatherhead，andImayaddthatIaminoneofthegovernmentdepartments，thatIamanonlyson，andliveathomewithmymother。
WehadhadahouseatHammersmithuntiljustbeforetheperiodcoveredbythishistory，when，ourleaseexpiring，mymotherdecidedthatmyhealthrequiredcountryairatthecloseoftheday，andsowetooka"desirablevillaresidence"ononeofthemanynewbuildingestateswhichhavelatelysprungupinsuchprofusioninthehomecounties。
Wehavecalledit"WistariaVilla。"Itisaprettylittleplace，thelastofarowofdetachedvillas，eachwithitstinyrusticcarriage-
gateandgravelsweepinfront，andlawnenoughforatennis-courtbehind，whichlinestheroadleadingoverthehilltotherailway-
station。
Icouldcertainlyhavewishedthatourlandlord，shortlyaftergivingustheagreement，couldhavefoundsomeotherplacetohanghimselfinthanoneofourattics，fortheconsequencewasthatahousemaidleftusinviolenthystericsabouteverytwomonths，havinglearnedthetragedyfromthetradespeople，andnaturally"seenasomethink"
immediatelyafterward。
Stillitisapleasanthouse，andIcannowalmostforgivethelandlordforwhatIshallalwaysconsideranactofgrossselfishnessonhispart。
Inthecountry，evensoneartown，anext-doorneighborissomethingmorethanamerenumeral;heisapossibleacquaintance，whowillatleastconsideranew-comerasworththeexperimentofacall。Isoonknewthat"Shuturgarden，"thenexthousetoourown，wasoccupiedbyaColonelCurrie，aretiredIndianofficer;andoften，asacrossthelowboundarywallIcaughtaglimpseofagracefulgirlishfigureflittingaboutamongtherose-bushesintheneighbouringgarden，Iwouldlosemyselfinpleasantanticipationsofatimenottoofardistantwhenthewallwhichseparateduswouldbe（metaphorically）levelled。
Iremember——ah，howvividly！——thethrillofexcitementwithwhichI
heardfrommymother，onreturningfromtownoneevening，thattheCurrieshadcalled，andseemeddisposedtobeallthatwasneighbourlyandkind。
Iremember，too，theSundayafternoononwhichIreturnedtheircall——
alone，asmymotherhadalreadydonesoduringtheweek。Iwasstandingonthestepsofthecolonel’svilla，waitingforthedoortoopen，whenIwasstartledbyafurioussnarlingandyappingbehind，and，lookinground，discoveredalargepoodleintheactofmakingformylegs。
Hewasacoal-blackpoodle，withhalfofhisrighteargone，andabsurdlittlethickmoustachesattheendofhisnose;hewasshavedintheshamlionfashion，whichisconsidered，forsomemysteriousreason，toimproveapoodle，butthebarberhadleftsundrylittletuftsofhair，whichstuddedhishaunchescapriciously。
Icouldnothelpbeingreminded，asIlookedathim，ofanotherblackpoodle，whichFaustentertainedforashorttimewithunhappyresults，andIthoughtthataverymoderatedegreeofincantationwouldbeenoughtobringthefiendoutofthisbrute。
Hemademeintenselyuncomfortable，forIamofaslightlynervoustemperament，withaconstitutionalhorrorofdogs，andaliabilitytoattacksofdiffidenceonperformingtheordinarysocialritesunderthemostfavourableconditions，andcertainlytheconsciousnessthatastrangeandapparentlysavagedogwasengagedinworryingtheheelsofmybootswasthereverseofreassuring。
TheCurriefamilyreceivedmewithallpossiblekindness。"Socharmedtomakeyouracquaintance，Mr。Weatherhead，"saidMrs。Currie，asI
shookhands。"Isee，"sheadded，pleasantly，"you’vebroughtthedoggieinwithyou。"Asamatteroffact，Ihadbroughtthedoggieinattheendsofmycoat-tails;butitwasevidentlynounusualoccurrenceforvisitorstoappearinthisundignifiedmanner，forshedetachedhimquiteasamatterofcourse，andassoonasIwassufficientlycollectedwefellintoconversation。
Idiscoveredthatthecolonelandhiswifewerechildless，andtheslenderwillowyfigureIhadseenacrossthegardenwallwasthatofLilianRoseblade，theirnieceandadopteddaughter。Shecameintotheroomshortlyafterward，andIfelt，asIwentthroughtheformofanintroduction，thathersweet，freshface，shadedbysoftmassesofdusky-brownhair，morethanjustifiedallthedreamyhopesandfancieswithwhichIhadlookedforwardtothatmoment。
Shetalkedtomeinapretty，confidential，appealingway，whichI
haveheardherdearestfriendscensureaschildishandaffected;butI
thoughtthenthathermannerhadanindescribablecharmandfascinationaboutit，andthememoryofitmakesmyheartachenowwithapangthatisnotallpain。
EvenbeforethecolonelmadehisappearanceIhadbeguntoseethatmyenemy，thepoodle，occupiedanexceptionalpositioninthathousehold。
ItwasabundantlyclearbythetimeItookmyleave。
Heseemedtobethecentreoftheirdomesticsystem，andevenlovelyLilianrevolvedcontentedlyaroundhimasakindofsatellite;hecoulddonowronginhisowner’seyes，hisprejudices（andhewasanarrow-mindedanimal）wererigorouslyrespected，andalldomesticarrangementsweremadewithaprimaryviewtohisconvenience。
Imaybewrong，butIcannotthinkthatitiswisetoputanypoodleuponsuchapedestalasthat。Howthisoneinparticular，asordinaryaquadrupedaseverbreathed，hadcontrivedtoimposethusuponhisinfatuatedproprietors，Inevercouldunderstand，butsoitwas;heevenengrossedthechiefpartoftheconversation，whichafteranylullseemedtoveerroundtohimbyasortofnaturallaw。
Ihadtoendurealongbiographicalsketchofhim，——whatasocietypaperwouldcallan"anecdotalphoto，"——andeachfreshanecdoteseemedtometoexhibitthedepravedmalignityofthebeastinamoreglaringlight，andrenderthedotingadmirationofthefamilymoreastoundingthanever。
"DidyoutellMr。Weatherhead，Lily，aboutBingo"（Bingowasthepoodle’spreposterousname）"andTacks？No？Oh，I/must/tellhimthat;it’llmakehimlaugh。Tacksisourgardenerdowninthevillage（d’yeknowTacks？）。Well，Tackswasupheretheotherday，nailingupsometrellis-workatthetopofaladder，andallthetimetherewasMasterBingosittingquietlyatthefootofitlookingon;wouldn’tleaveitonanyaccount。Tackssaidhewasquitecompanyforhim。
Well，atlast，whenTackshadfinishedandwascomingdown，whatdoyouthingthatrascaltheredid？Justsneakedquietlyupbehindandnippedhiminbothcalvesandranoff。Beenlookingoutforthatthewholetime！Ha，ha！——deepthat，eh？"
Iagreed，withaninwardshudder，thatitwasverydeep，thinkingprivatelythat，ifthiswasaspecimenofBingo’susualtreatmentofthenatives，itwouldbeoddifhedidnotfindhimselfdeeperstillbefore——probably/just/before——hedied。
"Poor，faithfulolddoggie！"murmuredMrs。Currie;"hethoughtTackswasanastyburglar，didn’the？Hewasn’tgoingtoseemasterrobbedwashe？"
"Capitalhouse-dog，sir，"struckinthecolonel。"Gad，IshallneverforgethowhemadepoorHeavisidesrunforittheotherday！EvermetHeavisidesoftheBombayFusileers？Well，Heavisideswasstayinghere，andthedogmethimonemorningashewascomingdownfromthebath-
room。Didn’trecognisehimin’pajamas’andadressing-gown，ofcourse，andmadeathim。HekeptpooroldHeavisidesoutsidethelandingwindowontopofthecisternforaquarterofanhour，tillI
hadtocomeandraisethesiege！"
Suchwerethestoriesofthatabandoneddog’sblunderheadedferocitytowhichIwasforcedtolisten，whileallthetimethebrutesatoppositemeonthehearth-rug，blinkingatmefromunderhisshaggymanewithhisevil，blearedeyes，anddeliberatingwherehewouldhavemewhenIrosetogo。
