第2章

Attheendofthehalfhourwediscussedtheadvisabilityof"chancingit，"butdecidednotto。"Weshouldnever，"Georgesaid，"confoundfoolhardinesswithcourage。"

"Courage，"hecontinued——Georgehadquiteagiftformaxims——"courageisthewisdomofmanhood;foolhardiness，thefollyofyouth。"

Hesaidthattogetdownfromthetablewhilethatdogremainedintheroom，wouldclearlyproveustobepossessedofthelatterquality;sowerestrainedourselves，andsaton。

Wesatonforoveranhour，bywhichtime，havingbothgrowncarelessoflifeandindifferenttothevoiceofWisdom，wedid"chanceit;"

andthrowingthetable—clothoverourwould—bemurderer，chargedforthedoorandgotout。

Thenextmorningwecomplainedtoourlandladyofhercarelessnessinleavingwildbeastsabouttheplace，andwegaveherabriefifnotexactlytruthful，historyofthebusiness。

Insteadofthetenderwomanlysympathywehadexpected，theoldladysatdownintheeasychairandburstoutlaughing。

"What！oldBoozer，"sheexclaimed，"youwasafraidofoldBoozer！

Why，blessyou，hewouldn’thurtaworm！Heain’tgotatoothinhishead，heain’t;wehastofeedhimwithaspoon;andI’msurethewaythecatchivieshimaboutmustbeenoughtomakehislifeaburdentohim。Iexpecthewantedyoutonursehim;he’susedtobeingnursed。"

Andthatwasthebrutethathadkeptussittingonatable，withourbootsoff，foroveranhouronachillynight！

Anotherbull—dogexhibitionthatoccurstomewasonegivenbymyuncle。Hehadhadabulldog——ayoungone——giventohimbyafriend。

Itwasagranddog，sohisfriendhadtoldhim;allitwantedwastraining——ithadnotbeenproperlytrained。Myuncledidnotprofesstoknowmuchaboutthetrainingofbull—dogs;butitseemedasimpleenoughmatter，sohethankedtheman，andtookhisprizehomeattheendofarope。

"Havewegottoliveinthehousewith_this？_"askedmyaunt，indignantly，comingintotheroomaboutanhourafterthedog’sadvent，followedbythequadrupedhimself，wearinganidioticallyself—satisfiedair。

"That！"exclaimedmyuncle，inastonishment;"why，it’sasplendiddog。HisfatherwashonorablymentionedonlylastyearattheAquarium。"

"Ah，well，allIcansayis，thathissonisn’tgoingthewaytogethonorablymentionedinthisneighborhood，"repliedmyaunt，withbitterness;"he’sjustfinishedkillingpoorMrs。McSlanger’scat，ifyouwanttoknowwhathehasbeendoing。Andaprettyrowthere’llbeaboutit，too！"

"Can’twehushitup？"saidmyuncle。

"Hushitup？"retortedmyaunt。"Ifyou’dheardtherow，youwouldn’tsitthereandtalklikeafool。Andifyou’lltakemyadvice，"addedmyaunt，"you’llsettoworkonthis’training，’orwhateveritis，thathasgottobedonetothedog，beforeanyhumanlifeislost。"

Myunclewastoobusytodevoteanytimetothedogforthenextdayorso，andallthatcouldbedonewastokeeptheanimalcarefullyconfinedtothehouse。

Andanicetimewehadwithhim！Itwasnotthattheanimalwasbad—hearted。Hemeantwell——hetriedtodohisduty。Whatwaswrongwithhimwasthathewastoohard—working。Hewantedtodotoomuch。

Hestartedwithanexaggeratedandtotallyerroneousnotionofhisdutiesandresponsibilities。Hisideawasthathehadbeenbroughtintothehouseforthepurposeofpreventinganylivinghumansoulfromcomingnearitandofpreventinganypersonwhomightbychancehavemanagedtoslipinfromeveragainleavingit。

Weendeavoredtoinducehimtotakealessexaltedviewofhisposition，butinvain。Thatwastheconceptionhehadformedinhisownmindconcerninghisearthlytask，andthatconceptionheinsistedonlivinguptowith，whatappearedtoustobe，unnecessaryconscientiousness。

Hesoeffectuallyfrightenedawayallthetradespeople，thattheyatlastrefusedtoenterthegate。Allthattheywoulddowastobringtheirgoodsanddropthemoverthefenceintothefrontgarden，fromwherewehadtogoandfetchthemaswewantedthem。

"Iwishyou’drunintothegarden，"myauntwouldsaytome——Iwasstoppingwiththematthetime——"andseeifyoucanfindanysugar;I

thinkthere’ssomeunderthebigrose—bush。Ifnot，you’dbettergotoJones’andordersome。"

Andonthecook’sinquiringwhatsheshouldgetreadyforlunch，myauntwouldsay:

"Well，I’msure，Jane，Ihardlyknow。Whathavewe？Arethereanychopsinthegarden，orwasitabitofsteakthatInoticedonthelawn？"

Onthesecondafternoontheplumberscametodoalittlejobtothekitchenboiler。Thedog，beingengagedatthetimeinthefrontofthehouse，drivingawaythepostman，didnotnoticetheirarrival。Hewasbroken—heartedatfindingthemtherewhenhegotdownstairs，andevidentlyblamedhimselfmostbitterly。Still，theretheywere，allowingtohiscarelessness，andtheonlythingtobedonenowwastoseethattheydidnotescape。

Therewerethreeplumbers（italwaystakesthreeplumberstodoajob;

thefirstmancomesonaheadtotellyouthatthesecondmanwillbetheresoon，thesecondmancomestosaythathecan’tstop，andthethirdmanfollowstoaskifthefirstmanhasbeenthere）;andthatfaithful，dumbanimalkeptthempinnedupinthekitchen——fancywantingtokeepplumbersinahouselongerthanisabsolutelynecessary！——forfivehours，untilmyunclecamehome;andthebillran:"Selfandtwomenengagedsixhours，repairingboiler—tap，18s。;

material，2d。;total18s。2d。"

Hetookadisliketothecookfromtheveryfirst。Wedidnotblamehimforthis。Shewasadisagreeableoldwoman，andwedidnotthinkmuchofherourselves。Butwhenitcametokeepingheroutofthekitchen，sothatshecouldnotdoherwork，andmyauntandunclehadtocookthedinnerthemselves，assistedbythehousemaid——awilling—enoughgirl，butnecessarilyinexperienced——wefeltthatthewomanwasbeingsubjecttopersecution。

Myuncle，afterthis，decidedthatthedog’strainingmustbenolongerneglected。Themannextdoorbutonealwaystalkedasifheknewalotaboutsportingmatters，andtohimmyunclewentforadviceastohowtosetaboutit。

"Oh，yes，"saidtheman，cheerfully，"verysimplething，trainingabull—dog。Wantspatience，that’sall。"

"Oh，thatwillbeallright，"saidmyuncle;"itcan’twantmuchmorethanlivinginthesamehousewithhimbeforehe’straineddoes。Howdoyoustart？"

"Well，I’lltellyou，"saidnext—door—but—one。"Youtakehimupintoaroomwherethere’snotmuchfurniture，andyoushutthedoorandboltit。"

"Isee，"saidmyuncle。

"Thenyouplacehimonthefloorinthemiddleoftheroom，andyougodownonyourkneesinfrontofhim，andbegintoirritatehim。"

"Oh！"

"Yes——andyougoonirritatinghimuntilyouhavemadehimquitesavage。"

"Which，fromwhatIknowofthedog，won’ttakelong，"observedmyunclethoughtfully。

"Somuchthebetter。Themomenthegetssavagehewillflyatyou。"

Myuncleagreedthattheideaseemedplausible。

"Hewillflyatyourthroat，"continuedthenext—door—but—oneman，"andthisiswhereyouwillhavetobecareful。_As_hespringstowardyou，and_before_hegetsholdofyou，youmusthithimafairstraightblowonhisnose，andknockhimdown。"

"Yes，Iseewhatyoumean。"

"Quiteso——well，themomentyouhaveknockedhimdown，hewilljumpupandgoforyouagain。Youmustknockhimdownagain;andyoumustkeepondoingthis，untilthedogisthoroughlycowedandexhausted。

Onceheisthoroughlycowed，thething’sdone——dog’sasgentleasalambafterthat。"

"Oh！"saysmyuncle，risingfromhischair，"youthinkthatagoodway，doyou？"

"Certainly，"repliedthenext—door—but—oneman;"itneverfails。"

"Oh！Iwasn’tdoubtingit，"saidmyuncle;"onlyit’sjustoccurredtomethatasyouunderstandtheknackofthesethings，perhaps_you’d_liketocomeinandtry_your_handonthedog？Wecangiveyouaroomquitetoyourselves;andI’llundertakethatnobodycomesneartointerferewithyou。Andif——if，"continuedmyuncle，withthatkindlythoughtfulnesswhicheverdistinguishedhistreatmentofothers，"_if_，byanychance，youshouldmisshittingthedogatthepropercriticalmoment，or，if_you_shouldgetcowedandexhaustedfirst，insteadofthedog——why，Ishallonlybetoopleasedtotakethewholeburdenofthefuneralexpensesonmyownshoulders;andI

hopeyouknowmewellenoughtofeelsurethatthearrangementswillbetasteful，and，atthesametime，unostentatious！"

Andoutmyunclewalked。

Wenextconsultedthebutcher，whoagreedthattheprize—ringmethodwasabsurd，especiallywhenrecommendedtoashort—winded，elderlyfamilyman，andwhorecommended，instead，plentyofout—doorexerciseforthedog，undermyuncle’sstrictsupervisionandcontrol。

"Getafairlylongchainforhim，"saidthebutcher，"andtakehimoutforagoodstiffruneveryevening。Neverlethimgetawayfromyou;

makehimmindyou，andbringhimhomealwaysthoroughlyexhausted。

Yousticktothatforamonthortwo，regular，andyou’llhavehimlikealittlechild。"

"Um！——seemstomethatI’mgoingtogetmoretrainingoverhisjobthananybodyelse，"mutteredmyuncle，ashethankedthemanandlefttheshop;"butIsupposeit’sgottobedone。WishI’dneverhadthed———dognow！"

So，religiously，everyevening，myunclewouldfastenalongchaintothatpoordog，anddraghimawayfromhishappyhomewiththeideaofexhaustinghim;andthedogwouldcomebackasfreshaspaint，myunclebehindhim，pantingandclamoringforbrandy。

Myunclesaidheshouldneverhavedreamedtherecouldhavebeensuchstirringtimesinthisprosaicnineteenthcenturyashehad，trainingthatdog。

Oh，thewild，wildscamperingsoverthebreezycommon——thedogtryingtocatchaswallow，andmyuncle，unabletoholdhimback，followingattheotherendofthechain！

Oh，themerryfrolicsinthefields，whenthedogwantedtokillacow，andthecowwantedtokillthedog，andtheyeachdodgedroundmyuncle，tryingtodoit！

And，oh，thepleasantchatswiththeoldladieswhenthedogwoundthechainintoaknotaroundtheirlegs，andupsetthem，andmyunclehadtositdownintheroadbesidethem，anduntiethembeforetheycouldgetupagain！

Butacrisiscameatlast。ItwasaSaturdayafternoon——unclebeingexercisedbydoginusualway——nervouschildrenplayinginroad，seedog，scream，andrun——playfulyoungdogthinksitagame，jerkschainoutofuncle’sgrasp，andfliesafterthem——unclefliesafterdog，callingitnames——fondparentinfrontgarden，seeingbelovedchildrenchasedbysavagedog，followedbycarelessowner，fliesafteruncle，calling_him_names——householderscometodoorsandcry，"Shame！"——alsothrowthingsatdog——thingsdon’thitdog，hituncle——thingsthatdon’thituncle，hitfondparent——throughthevillageandupthehill，overthebridgeandroundbythegreen——grandrun，mileandahalfwithoutabreak！Childrensinkexhausted——doggambolsupamongthem——childrengointofits——fondparentandunclecomeuptogether，bothbreathless。

"Whydon’tyoucallyourdogoff，youwickedoldman？"

"BecauseIcan’trecollecthisname，youoldfool，you！"

Fondparentaccusesuncleofhavingsetdogon——uncle，indignant，revilesfondparent——exasperatedfondparentattacksuncle——uncleretaliateswithumbrella——faithfuldogcomestoassistanceofuncle，andinflictsgreatinjuryonfondparent——arrivalofpolice——dogattackspolice——uncleandfondparentbothtakenintocustody——unclefinedfivepoundsandcostsforkeepingaferociousdogatlarge——unclefinedfivepoundsandcostsforassaultonfondparent——unclefinedfivepoundsandcostforassaultonpolice！

Myunclegavethedogawaysoonafterthat。Hedidnotwastehim。Hegavehimasawedding—presenttoanearrelation。

ButthesaddeststoryIeverheardinconnectionwithabull—dog，wasonetoldbymyauntherself。

Nowyoucanrelyuponthisstory，becauseitisnotoneofmine，itisoneofmyaunt’s，andshewouldscorntotellalie。Thisisastoryyoucouldtelltotheheathen，andfeelthatyouwereteachingthemthetruthanddoingthemgood。TheygivethisstoryoutatalltheSunday—schoolsinourpartofthecountry，anddrawmorallessonsfromit。Itisastorythatalittlechildcanbelieve。

Ithappenedintheoldcrinolinedays。Myaunt，whowasthenlivinginacountry—town，hadgoneoutshoppingonemorning，andwasstandingintheHighStreet，talkingtoaladyfriend，aMrs。Gumworthy，thedoctor’swife。She（myaunt）hadonanewcrinolinethatmorning，inwhich，touseherownexpression，sheratherfanciedherself。Itwasatremendouslybigone，asstiffasawire—fence;andit"set"

beautifully。

TheywerestandinginfrontofJenkins’，thedraper’s;andmyauntthinksthatit——thecrinoline——musthavegotcaughtupinsomething，andanopeningthusleftbetweenitandtheground。Howeverthismaybe，certainitisthatanabsurdlylargeandpowerfulbull—dog，whowasfoolingroundaboutthereatthetime，managed，somehoworother，tosquirminundermyaunt’scrinoline，andeffectuallyimprisonhimselfbeneathit。

Findinghimselfsuddenlyinadarkandgloomychamber，thedog，naturallyenough，gotfrightened，andmadefranticrushestogetout。

Butwhicheverwayhecharged;therewasthecrinolineinfrontofhim。

Asheflew，he，ofcourse，carrieditbeforehim，andwiththecrinoline，ofcourse，wentmyaunt。

Butnobodyknewtheexplanation。Myauntherselfdidnotknowwhathadhappened。Nobodyhadseenthedogcreepinsidethecrinoline。

Allthatthepeopledidseewasastaidandeminentlyrespectablemiddle—agedladysuddenly，andwithoutanyapparentreason，throwherumbrelladownintheroad，flyuptheHighStreetattherateoftenmilesanhour，rushacrossitattheimminentriskofherlife，dartdownitagainontheotherside，rushsideways，likeanexcitedcrab，intoagrocer’sshop，runthreetimesroundtheshop，upsettingthewholestock—in—trade，comeoutoftheshopbackwardandknockdownapostman，dashintotheroadwayandspinroundtwice，hoverforamoment，undecided，onthecurb，andthenawayupthehillagain，asifshehadonlyjuststarted，allthewhilescreamingoutatthetopofhervoiceforsomebodytostopher！

Ofcourse，everybodythoughtshewasmad。Thepeopleflewbeforeherlikechaffbeforethewind。InlessthanfivesecondstheHighStreetwasadesert。Thetownsfolkscamperedintotheirshopsandhousesandbarricadedthedoors。Bravemendashedoutandcaughtuplittlechildrenandborethemtoplacesofsafetyamidcheers。Cartsandcarriageswereabandoned，whilethedriversclimbeduplamp—posts！

Whatwouldhavehappenedhadtheaffairgoneonmuchlonger——whethermyauntwouldhavebeenshot，orthefire—enginebroughtintorequisitionagainsther——itisimpossible，havingregardtotheterrifiedstateofthecrowd，tosay。Fortunatelyforher，shebecameexhausted。Withonedespairingshriekshegaveway，andsatdownonthedog;andpeacereignedonceagaininthatsweetruraltown。